Sully looked hesitant, her mouth open to say something, but she decided against it at the last minute. Her eyes were downcast, her teeth raking over her bottom lip in concentration.
“What’s wrong, honey? You can tell me anything,” I comforted.
“It’s just . . . I don’t know.” Leaning back to rest her head on the sofa, she blew out a soft breath before continuing. “I want so much to be able to tell Marek everything about my life and what I’ve been through, but it’s so hard. He asks me all the time about what happened before he met me, and I share. Some things. But other things are too painful to dredge back up. I know he gets upset because he knows I’m holding things back, but I’m not ready to go there just yet. I already have nightmares about what happened right before he found me. I don’t need any more.”
She said ‘right before he
found
me
.
’
Funny how one’s perception was altered when their life was changed for the better. I liked her version, though. Yes, Marek had certainly ‘found’ her all right.
Something she just said niggled at me. “Why are you having nightmares? What happened?”
She’d dislodged her hand from mine a few minutes prior, resting them in her lap while she played with the hem of her shirt. Her long, black hair was pulled back in a messy bun, her face makeup-less. She was stunning, but her dark eyes were haunted. A whole different world resided behind her beautiful browns.
Because she looked like she needed to get something off her chest, I patted her leg and gave her a sympathetic smile.
A single tear escaped and slid down her cheek. After a minute of silence, she told me all about Yanez, what he’d done to her. What her own father had allowed to happen, as well as running into her rapist again in the common room of the clubhouse recently.
My own tears danced down my face listening to her tale. I wished I’d known her before. I wished I could have saved her from that life. So many things I wanted to say, but something told me no matter what I said, I would never even begin to touch the surface of understanding what it was like to live through something like that. So I simply listened, offering my support and friendship the best I could.
I’d delved into the story about me and Stone and how we were no more. I wanted to take her mind off her tragedy so I threw my own at her feet. Plus, it was nice to talk about it with someone. Roxanne, one of my oldest and dearest friends, had up and moved to Maine a few years back, and although we had the occasional phone call to catch up, it wasn’t enough to dive right into the drama that was my life recently.
I had acquaintances at work, but no one I felt close enough to talk to about such things. Plus, they wouldn’t understand, instantly judging Stone simply because he was part of the Knights Corruption. The club didn’t have the best reputation around these parts. That was a lie—they had a horrible reputation. I saw the looks people threw my way when he visited me at the hospital, and that was enough for me to keep my mouth shut about anything pertaining to us.
An hour later, we decided to watch a movie. A comedy of course, seeing as how we both needed a pick-me-up. I moved to rise from the couch but was forced back down immediately, an immense pain shooting through my lower abdomen. My hand flew to my stomach, clutching at the area and trying to breathe through the discomfort. My face was telling, I was sure, because suddenly Sully was right next to me, leaning down to see what was wrong.
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t tell her this wasn’t uncommon for me. The only thing I could do was concentrate on how many heartbeats it would take until the pain faded.
“Cole!” Sully shouted at the top of her lungs, never once moving from my side in case I needed her. Her husband flanked me on my left side before I could utter a word of protest. The last thing I needed was for these two to be worrying about me. They had enough on their plates.
Not wanting to alarm either one of them, I tried my best to smile, but I failed.
Big time.
My voice squeaked when I finally spoke. “I’m fine. Really,” I assured, straightening myself very slowly before making eye contact with either one of them. No one but my immediate relatives knew cancer ran in my family, that my mother had died from the disease, or that I was at a high risk of getting it as well. Stone didn’t even know.
And I wanted to keep it that way. I was still waiting to hear back about my recent exam results. Actually, Dr. Weber had left me several messages asking me to call him back, but I’d procrastinated.
I didn’t know what I would do if he told me something I didn’t want to hear. Taking the stance of ‘no news is good news’ really didn’t work in my situation, because he had news. I just didn’t want to hear what it was.
Once I was resting comfortably back on the couch, and the pain had subsided, I drew in a deep breath in preparation for the questions which were going to come flying my way.
“What happened?” Sully asked, concern etched deep on her face while she gazed at me, her hand gripping mine in support.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Marek questioned next. “Do you want me to call Trigger?” He made a move to reach for his phone, but I stopped him.
“No, I’m fine now. I get spasms from time to time. It’s nothing,” I lied.
“That didn’t look like nothin’,” Marek argued. “That looked fuckin’ painful.” He reached for his cell once more.
“I’m good. I promise. Besides, I’ve already seen a doctor about it and he said I’m fine,” I lied again. I couldn’t help it; I didn’t need him alerting my uncle to anything just yet, if at all. I could handle whatever was thrown my way—after I decided to call Dr. Weber, of course.
“Well, I don’t like it,” Marek said, running his hands over his beard in worry.
“You don’t have to,” I grated. Immediately calming my tone, I finished with, “Seriously, I appreciate your concern, but I’m okay.” Turning my attention back toward the TV, I said, “Now, how about that movie?” I knew if I looked back at either one of them right then, I would crack and tell them everything.
Spew all my worries at their feet and try to find comfort in their concern.
Forty-five minutes into the flick, I heard the roar of a motorcycle pull up. The engine kicked off, heavy footsteps pounding up the steps then onto the porch, and the front door opened before I could even think to ask if they were expecting company.
Stone walked into the house, said something quick to his friend then spun his focus onto me. His posture was stoic, but the look of fear on his face told me everything he was feeling without him uttering a single word.
“Marek, I’m gonna kill you,” I grumbled, knowing full well he’d called him right after my little ‘episode.’
Marek looked unapologetic. “Sorry, but you wouldn’t let me call Trigger, so you left me no choice.”
I didn’t even have to ask him why he chose to call Stone, because I knew deep down he knew there was something going on between the two of us, even if he wouldn’t admit it. I was actually surprised more people hadn’t said something to either one of us, but then again they were all probably scared to death of my uncle. Fearing if they voiced their suspicion, Trigger’s retaliation would somehow reach them as well.
As Stone approached the sofa, Sully stood and walked toward her husband. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she said, looking back at me with a mix of concern and hopefulness.
“You don’t have to go,” I pleaded, praying Sully would stay and that Stone would realize he wasn’t wanted. Or needed, for that matter. But she never said another word as she followed her husband from the room. Less than a minute later, I heard their bedroom door close.
Traitors
.
Stone settled in next to me but didn’t say a word. His presence was uncomfortable enough; I didn’t need to hear his voice as well. The movie continued to play in the background, and I did my best to give it my full attention, but I couldn’t. I knew he was watching me, waiting for me to address him, but I remained silent, having no idea where to even begin. Should I tell him I might have made a mistake by ending things with him? Would I admit to such a thing, even when every other thought told me I’d made the right decision? Would confessing that I missed him terribly end the way I wanted it to? Funny thing was I had no idea how I truly felt about my decision to cut him loose. My brain told me one thing but my heart felt something completely different. Was I strong enough to go with the logical part of myself?
Countless moments passed before I bit the bullet and addressed the confrontation brewing between us. There was no other way around this. If I wanted him to leave, I had to engage him first.
So I did.
Finally.
“Why are you here?” I asked, never looking away from the TV.
Instead of answering my question, he threw one of his own at me. “What happened before? Are you having problems . . . down there?” he questioned, uncertainty and a bit of embarrassment laced in his words.
I couldn’t help but smirk.
Men
. Anything to do with our lady parts and they all became queasy. Unless they had their mouths, hands, or cocks in that region, they didn’t want to hear anything more about it.
I glanced over at him, the worry on his face disarming me. Even though I’d ended things, he still cared about me, as I did him.
Putting him out of his misery, I finally said, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Seriously, Stone.” He didn’t look convinced, however. He reached for my hand, but before his fingers touched mine I pulled away, scooting toward the far corner of the couch.
“Why?” he asked, his shoulders slumping forward in defeat. And heartbreak. He tried to put up a good front for those around him—hell, he even had me fooled sometimes—but I knew I hurt him. What I wasn’t going to reveal was that I was just as upset, even more so because I thought I was falling in love with the temperamental ass.
It was one of the rare occasions I even allowed myself to think such a thing.
Not having to ask him what his question meant, I responded with, “You know why. I’ve already told you.”
Sliding closer, he managed to capture my hand, threading his fingers with mine and squeezing. The pressure was light but enough to draw me out of my own head. I didn’t know how else to explain my feelings, other than what I’d already revealed. The part about me falling in love with him was going to remain locked up tight. If he ever got wind of that, he would be relentless in his pursuit to start things up again.
“I call bullshit,” he tempted. “Yeah, I have a temper and while I try to control it sometimes, it’s like something inside me snaps and I’m powerless to stop it.” Trying to wrench my hand free was futile. “But I would never hurt you, Addy,” he promised, moving daringly close to me. “You believe me, don’t you?”
His intoxicating scent floated around me and, for a brief moment, I envisioned myself wrapped up in his strong, secure hold. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to feel the pull. To experience this weird connection between the two of us. But I couldn’t remain in that world for too long. My heart could only take so much.
“I believe you would never hurt me physically, yes,” I assured him. “But I’m not so sure about emotionally.” I’d told him the truth. Now it was up to him to let it register in that thick head of his.
“What’s the worst thing that’s gonna happen? Huh? You tell me. That someone might get beat up because I don’t like the way they’re lookin’ or talkin to you? That’s not so bad,” he retorted, trying his best to convince me.
My heart broke a little more because he just didn’t get it. Foolishly, I was hoping for him to acknowledge he had a problem and at least offer to get help for his issue. Maybe go to anger management classes, a thought that made me laugh internally. I couldn’t even imagine a big, tough, bearded, tattooed biker walking into such a meeting. Before I externalized my humor, I withdrew my hand from his.
“You need to leave,” I urged, praying he would get up and walk out the front door. I feared weakening and giving in to him if he stayed too long, realizing I would be putty in his hands if he managed to touch me again.
“Not until we talk this through.” He sat back and braced himself for a fight. I saw it in his body language, but I was tired of arguing. I didn’t have the strength for it anymore, having had something else on my mind. And depending on the results, I would need to save all my energy for that fight instead.
“There’s nothing more to say,” I declared, rising to my feet and trying to walk from the room, but he halted me with a quick grab of my arm. Standing himself, he pressed his chest to my back. He quickly released me only to wrap his arm around my waist and tuck me further in to him, his power and essence wrapping around me like a security blanket.
My dream suddenly rushed over me, as well as his declaration.
I can’t protect you anymore, Addy.
It was true I felt like I was flailing out there in the world without the reassurance of Stone having my back if I needed him at the drop of a hat. But it had been my decision to set him free, so I needed to deal with it.
“I can’t let you walk away from me, baby,” he promised, kissing the back of my neck. “I need you.” His warm breath slid over my skin like velvet. “Don’t you need
me
?” His whispers were driving me to the brink of sanity. He knew exactly what he was doing, using all the tricks in his arsenal to get me to cave.