Authors: Jim Dodge
‘No. No official diagnosis, either. The doctors were proceeding on the assumption it was a rare allergic reaction to an undetermined agent. His immune system just seemed to collapse.’
‘Thank you for calling,’ Charmaine said, and replaced the receiver.
She returned to the paper on ricin, a poison for which she’d been working on an antidote for almost two weeks. She concentrated on the molecular diagram, trying to imagine how it interacted with various coenzymes, but after a few minutes she put the paper aside and thought about Gurry Debritto. She was surprised he’d given up so quickly. She must have released a terrible force inside him, some mirror image of his own murderous power. She knew it wasn’t the drugs. The two darts had carried nonfatal doses of neuroblockers. The two injections she’d given him were harmless. In fact, since both had contained a balanced combination of vitamins and minerals, they should have given him strength against himself.
Daniel was exhausted and sickened by the televised news. If Elwood and Emmett were international drug dealers, he was the ghost of Elvis Presley. Their murders had been professional all right, and so was the ‘official speculation.’ But it didn’t make sense that the CIA would put his description on an APB. Volta had predicted with virtual certainty and Daniel had seen the logic in his reasoning, that the CIA would fear the exposure of its incompetence and its secrets more than the loss of the Diamond.
He tried to remember the scene around the Cutlass. Four cars. Two city police with their flashers, one sheriff, and one more – an unmarked gray Ford, a little off to the side, whose radio described his bowling shirt. Two guys inside, coats and slacks. The spooks. He made a surmise he liked – the cops merely had the Cutlass on the hot-sheet from the Tindells’ original theft, but the CIA, having somehow snagged the Tindell brothers, knew the car had been boosted again, and by whom. So they knew he had been crying over his mother’s dream, that the Diamond was likely in the bowling bag, and that he could disappear – if they believed the Tindell brothers, which might have been difficult.
Daniel was disgusted with himself. He’d gotten cute and vanished when he could have as easily handled the Tindells with Tao Do Chaung. He’d had to show them what
real
power was all about. If he’d just kicked them senseless, they’d probably still be alive. The ‘unnamed sources’ wanted to remain that way, and weren’t likely to tolerate people like Elwood and Emmett swearing up and down in national media that they’d seen this disappearing bowler who claimed he had the Grail, and that even the CIA had questioned them. But who would have believed their proofless account of a hitchhiking bowler who vanished? Their deaths had been unnecessary.
He was so tired he almost missed the message:
We know who you
are and we’re not fucking around
. That’s why the bodies had been dumped where they’d be discovered immediately. Pressure.
Every time
you reveal yourself, someone will pay the consequences
.
He couldn’t allow himself any more foolishness. No more fun. Frivolity was fatal. He winced recalling his righteousness with Volta:
The Diamond is my responsibility now
. Dumb. The only thing he could honestly claim responsibility for was the dangerous indulgence of mindless whims. He’d been acting as if all this was make-believe in Meta Land. This was the real world, even if he wasn’t in it. Real terror the Tindells had felt. He wondered if they called out to each other as they knelt beside the road. He started to cry. He closed his eyes tightly against the tears, but his hands suddenly felt wet with blood and he had to open his eyes to check. His hands were dry. He pressed them hard to his face, pushing his head down into the pillow.
‘That’s right,’ he said aloud, ‘if you can’t indulge your funny little whimsies, indulge the guilt.’
And what about Bunny Boy Carl and Max Robbins, his boss? Daniel tried to concentrate. He assumed Carl had washed the pitcher and glass, but decided to check. Carl had left before he’d vanished with the money and contract – good, no prints there – but Carl would probably get questioned. Not as hard as Max, though, especially if he started babbling about a case full of money and a guy who just seemed to vanish. Daniel realized it had been stupid not to hang around invisible and listen to Max’s conversation with the cops. Yet the worst Max could tell them was the crazy truth, and Max hadn’t struck him as the sort to make himself look dumb. Whatever Max’s story, it was out of Daniel’s control.
That left the prints in the car. And maybe the pitcher and glass at the pizzeria. Daniel sagged, but he had to do it. He exchanged his bowling shirt for the first one that fit from one of the aisles of hangered costumes. It was white with muted ruffles down the front, a riverboat gambler’s shirt. A cutaway black coat went with it. No hat. Oh well. He started to take the Diamond and decided that a riverboat gambler going bowling at 2 a.m. was too whimsical. He hid it in a costume box labeled SWISS MAID SIZE 12.
He walked back to the pizzeria, staying visible until he approached the empty parking lot. He walked through the Jackrabbit Pizza wall. The pitcher and glass had either been washed or taken by the cops. He called a cab to meet him on the corner. He told the cabbie his girlfriend had gotten busted for drunk driving and they’d impounded his car. The cabbie knew where to go.
Daniel loitered in front of the Stolen Car Impound till the cabbie was out of sight, then he vanished. He walked into the car, hunched down, and reappeared, quickly wiping it down. He’d just vanished when the fingerprint team arrived to start dusting.
Daniel reappeared in a phone booth down the block, called a cab to let him off a half mile from Hothman’s Theatrical Supply, vanished, and walked the rest of the way. He reappeared in front of the box holding the Diamond, took it into the tiny bedroom with him, lay down, thought
responsibility is hard, serious work
, and fell asleep without a thought of vanishing.
He awoke late in the afternoon. After first checking the warehouse to be sure no one was working weekends, he showered in the small bathroom. Refreshed, he returned to the bedroom, shed his towel, and stretched out naked on the bed to think about what to do next. The possibilities overwhelmed him. As he took a deep breath, he saw the faint image of a young blond girl offering him a sphere with a gold center, saying something. He was not sure if this was memory or a desperate hallucinatory invention, but her face floated out of formlessness like an image rising in a darkroom tray. He strained to hear what she was saying, but she was too distant, the words wouldn’t carry. He concentrated on her lips as she began to fade, tried to hear the shape of her sounds as she dissolved. He thought he heard, ‘It’s a bead.’
The mind is the shadow of the light it seeks.
The mind is a mess.
Daniel felt he understood. A bead. Yes, yes, yes. The Diamond was a bead on the Solar Necklace, strung on the golden spiral of flame through its center. The notion of a Necklace of Light, a circle of spherical diamonds, each reflecting all, containing all, emptying all the golden light back into the Infinite Dazzle, excited Daniel’s imagination. He reached down and patted the bowling bag. ‘Now we’re getting somewhere.’
Where exactly, he wasn’t sure, but he intended to make the journey one careful step at a time. First, he needed to understand if the Diamond was a bead out of its proper order, whether it needed to be returned to its place.
Daniel decided to head for the Rockies. He’d outfit himself for long hauls and hike the wild high country considering the Diamond until he was sure of his next move.
He had a sudden insight, as if in reward for his wisdom: he’d been heading west because that was the direction to Nameless Lake. Daniel cringed. Wild Bill, he felt certain, would know that, and would be waiting there, maybe with Volta. He felt a deep surge of admiration for the clarity and strength Volta brought to responsibility, and a new appreciation for the cost of that commitment. Daniel decided that if his time in the mountains proved futile, he would take the Diamond to Volta, combine forces with him and whoever else they agreed should join. He figured he’d be humbled enough by then to bless any help he could beg.
He needed a new identity for the trip.
He needed to head east. They wouldn’t expect him to reverse directions.
He needed to decide how to travel. This time he wouldn’t compromise anyone’s safety by letting them see him vanish, or by revealing anything about the Diamond. He decided to keep hitching. Hitching provided him with instructive company. He’d felt lonely driving the Cutlass, self-enclosed.
He was impressed by the simplicity of his plan, and grateful for it. He swung off the bed and padded naked into the warehouse’s high-shelved aisles of costume-box identities and five long racks of hangered shelves.
His identity should provide comfort, warmth, and a natural way to carry the Diamond. An Italian Duke with a bowling-bag? Too much. He needed something with a certain symbolic congruence with his journey. He liked the idea of the Spanish Explorer – Cabeza de Vaca in the Rocky Mountain high – but he’d have to cut off the damn collar. The Riverboat Gambler, which he’d already mostly assembled, was as good a choice as any if he could find the beaver top hat to crown it and a way to pack the Diamond. He spent twenty minutes pawing through hatboxes but didn’t find anything fitting.
The mind is the sum of the identities it assumes.
Frustrated, Daniel thought of randomly plucking from the racks and boxes. He ambled down the aisle marked Miscellaneous. Staggering under the armload he’d collected, he set it down on the floor to see what he’d snagged and how the pieces fit each other.
There were some arresting possibilities: a Coptic tunic of undyed linen inlaid with roundels of multihued wool; an Aegean helmet with boar tusks jutting from each side (it would be daring with the Riverboat Gambler outfit); two tasseled cloaks, one a brilliant cardinal, the other lapis-lazuli blue; another tunic, this one fur-lined, with a sleek taper to the sleeves; a Babylonian
kaunake
; a white turban.
Daniel was squatting there wondering if he could hide the Diamond under the turban when he saw, directly across the aisle, at eye level, exactly what he was looking for. The listed contents indicated a complete costume:
MOUNTAIN MAN / TRAPPER
AMERICAN CIRCA 1840–60
SIZE 46 (APPROX.)
BUCKSKIN SHIRT/PANTS
ELKSKIN MOCCASINS & LEGGINGS
FOXHEAD CAP (7¼–½)
CHEYENNE DYED-QUILL BELT W/ ANTELOPE SKIN POUCHES
LARGE POSSIBLES SACK: BUFFALO HIDE,
BRAIDED OTTER-SKIN STRAP
POWDER HORN, BUCKSKIN THONG
The first two words – MOUNTAIN MAN – convinced him; the contents delightfully confirmed it. Perfect. Especially the possibles sack, which if he remembered correctly from his boyhood reading was a large pouch for the miscellany of the trapper’s work as well as personal treasures, totems, and medicines. Johnny Seven Moons had told him the mountain men were about as close as whites ever came to being Indians.
Daniel, for a long moment, remembered walking naked in the spring rain between Seven Moons and his mother, each holding a hand, how safe he’d felt, how complete, as the warm rain streamed down his body. Seven Moons and his mother were both dead now, but he knew the memory would remain when there was no one left to remember, curving through space like light from a dead star, curving back to its origin in the Infinite Dazzle.
Daniel dressed slowly, savoring the assumption of another self. As he slipped on the buckskins, he imagined the odors of pinesap and smoke and grease dripping from buffalo steaks. The moccasins and foxhead cap fit like they’d been custom made, and the pouched belt decorated with dyed porcupine quills was a work of art. The rough-tanned possibles sack, however, looked worrisomely small.
He picked up the powder horn and returned to the bedroom. He lifted the Diamond from the bowling-bag. To his great satisfaction, the Diamond slipped right in the possibles sack. He cinched the thong around the elkhorn catch, knotting it securely. He put his few toilet items in the belt pouches, then carefully stuffed the powder horn with some of the money from the attaché case – around eight thousand dollars.
He hid his old clothes in various costume boxes, stashed the day pack and its four thousand dollars in the SWISS MILKMAID box. He slipped the case – with about five thousand left in it – onto a shelf with other luggage and hand grips. He returned all the costumes he’d strewn around to their proper boxes.
He smoothed out the bed and hung the damp towel behind the dresser after using it to wipe off prints.
He stood a few minutes, pondering what he might have missed. Granted, the mountain-man garb would attract attention, but, as Jean Bluer had taught him, the outlandishly improbable is often the best disguise. Besides, seriousness needn’t necessarily compromise style.
Daniel loved the hang of his buckskins, the way the moccasins connected him to the floor, the slung weight of the Diamond under his left arm, the idea of a fox curled on top of his skull. Without the case and bowling bag, he felt lighter. Lighthearted, too, but not giddy.
He vanished and exited through a wall, heading north. A half mile later he reappeared, turning west toward town. He ignored the curious stares, waved back when someone yelled from a passing car. He tried to recall what he’d read on the mountain men, their stories, their names. He wanted a name that fit his journey. He chose Hugh Glass. He remembered the story of Hugh Glass, who had crawled two hundred and fifty miles to the nearest fort after a grizzly had mauled him. Strength. Determination. Tenacity. He would be Hugh Glass.
A dusty old pickup waited in the gas bay of a Shell Station on the corner while a stooped gray-haired man watched it fill. On impulse, Daniel asked if he happened to be heading east. He was. But his wife and granddaughter were with him, just freshening up in the bathroom, and they were taking Highway 50, which he called the ‘loneliest road in the world,’ and their turnoff was only thirty miles out, and that would leave Daniel in the middle of goddamn nowhere in the dark. But hell, if it didn’t make him no mind, hop on in the back.