Stone Cold (26 page)

“I know. I thought about that and I’m sorry that I didn’t include you but if I had, I probably wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. I love you that much.”

“Are you coming home anytime soon? Will I at least be able to see you again before you go to basic?”

“Yes. That’s why I’m not going for another month. I have to come home and tie up any loose ends.”

“Am I a loose end?”

Hannah was kind of hoping he would say yes.

“Of course you’re not. How could you even think that you are?”

“I don’t know.  Guess it was the way you said it that’s all.”

“
I could never think about you like that. Darn my battery’s about to die. I have to get back to work but I wanted to let you know what’s been going on and that I’ll be back in a few days. I can’t wait to see you. Thinking about you is all that’s kept me going. I love you and I’ll see you soon.”

The phone went dead before she could respond.

At least she didn’t have to end the call with another “I love you too.”

This new development changed things even more for Hannah. T
here’s no way on earth she’d be able to break up with Josh now that he was going into the Army. It was only a matter of time before President Bush made the decision to retaliate against those responsible for the attacks. Josh was certain to be deployed into combat and she wasn’t about to send him a Dear John letter.

She never imagined she’
d ever be in this situation. She’d seen it portrayed in the movies. A soldier who’s madly in love with his girlfriend or wife goes into battle worshipping the ground she walks on. After months or even years of being apart, separated by war, the girl sends a letter to her man telling him she’s found another love who’s there with her and not in some far off place.

Hannah wasn’
t prepared to have this play out in real life. Not in her and Josh’s real life. She decided at that moment that she wouldn’t do this to him as long as he was a soldier, not even if she met Conall during that time.

The next few days went by fast. Josh came home as expected and they spent the next month together as much as possible.

Life was one big party. All of his friends learned of his enlistment and came home every weekend to celebrate until it was time for him to leave.

In spite of her feelings for Conall, Hannah did put
on a good show and actually enjoyed Josh’s company more than she thought she would. Maybe it was because she knew he was leaving or maybe it was because she wasn’t sure she would ever see him again, she didn’t know. It was just nice to be able to see him everyday without wondering how and when she was going to break up with him.

They spent time
alone the weekend before he was to leave. They’d always been affectionate with each other but had never let things go past second base. She knew Josh would if she’d let him but Hannah had always envisioned her first time and every time after that to be with Conall.

Josh had never
pushed the issue and they’d never really discussed it. Maybe it was because he was leaving for a long time that he suddenly decided he wanted to round third and go for home.

They were the only ones home at her house. Her parents trusted the two of them probably more than they should’ve but that’s how much they adored Josh. He was even allowed to be in her bedroom to watch T.
V. or study - yeah right.

It ha
d started out like their typical evenings together which consisted of cuddling on the bed while watching movies and sharing a kiss now and then.

Hannah noticed that Josh was somewhat more aggressive than usual. About halfway into the movie, he started to climb on top of her
, which he’d never done before, all the while planting kisses all over her neck, face, and lips.

“Hannah, I love you
,” he whispered as his breathing grew faster.

His ha
nds were caressing her legs, thighs, and abdomen. His kisses were getting deeper and more sensual.

“Josh, wait. What’s gotten into you?
What are you thinking?”

Hannah was squirming around and trying to grab his hands to slow him down. She could tell he was trying to go beyond their usual make out sessions.

His full weight was on her now and he was holding her wrists down firmly to the mattress near her head.

The more he persisted the harder it was for her to resist.
She could feel his arousal and was surprised that she was getting aroused herself.

At some point during her attempt to wriggle free Josh h
ad managed to take off his shirt. Hannah knew he had muscles but she didn’t notice how well defined they were until now. The more he kissed her and touched her, the harder she found it was to keep her thoughts in focus. She was running her hands over his warm skin, feeling his tense muscles pulling her to him.

They were both breathing heavily, their bodies pressed together, her legs wrapped around his
. She was confused as to how this could feel so good when she wasn’t in love with him but for now she was going with it.

Just as things were starting to heat up to an even higher level, h
e stopped for a moment to look at her. 

“Open
your eyes,” he whispered as he brushed his lips across her ear.

Hannah felt a chill throughout her body as he did so and opened her eyes to look into his.
His eyes were completely fixed on hers. She could see that his pupils were fully dilated, allowing him to take in as much of her as he could.

He
continued to gently yet firmly kiss her lips.

In between the kisses he said,
“I’ve always wanted you. I want you right now.”

As he spoke with his lips on hers, Hannah could feel the vibrations that sent a tickling sensation from her lips throughout her body.

This slight break in the frenzy allowed her to regain some of her senses to the point where she knew letting this go any further would be a mistake.

“Josh I…”

As she was about to let him down, they both heard her parents voices.

“
Oh my gosh they’re walking up the stairs! They must’ve come in when you were whispering in my ear! That’s why I didn’t hear them. Hurry, put your shirt on and fix your hair!”

Hannah and Josh jumped up from the bed and quickly smoothed out the duvet cover. Josh had just enough time to put on his shirt as he dove onto the bed front side down, facing the T.V.

“Hannah, hope everyone is fully clothed,” joked her mother as she knocked twice then opened the door.

“Mom that’s not funny. We’re just watching a movie. How was your night?”

Josh couldn’t help smiling at Hannah who’d managed to smooth her hair and had found a seat in the chair next to the bed. He was amused by the irony of what her mom had said. If she only knew what was about to have happened before she came up the stairs she would’ve died.

“Our night was good. We had dinner but decided to scrap the movie because nothing was playing that we wanted to see.”

“That’s kind of why we decided to stay in tonight and watch a movie here. That and because Josh is leaving tomorrow for basic. Remember?”

S
ara hadn’t completely forgotten he was leaving tomorrow but it had temporarily slipped her mind.

“Oh that’
s right you’re leaving tomorrow! Well let me get a good hug from you before you leave. I don’t want to interrupt you now but make sure you find me before you go.”

“I’ll make sure I do and I may stop by tomorrow when I’m on my way if time allows
so if you’re lucky you can get another one from me then.”

Josh was glad she didn’t insist on hugging him right at that moment. He was still trying to
settle down from his aroused state.

“Oh, I’m
really going to miss you around here Josh. Are you sure about this? There’s still plenty of time for you to change your mind.”

Sara
turned away from them to hide the tears that had welled in her eyes.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you but
yeah, this is something I have to do. Believe me, I’d like nothing more than to stay here and be with Hannah forever but…” He got choked up and couldn’t finish.

He swallowed and
took a minute before he finished his thought.

“
I’m going to miss all of you too.”

Sara
kept her back to them.

“Okay.
I didn’t expect you to change your mind but it was worth a shot. I’ll leave you two alone so you can watch your movie. Don’t forget. Come and get a hug before you leave.”

After Sara
left the room, Hannah sat in the chair looking at Josh. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of what had just about happened and that her mom had nearly caught them.

“How stupid were we? I don’t know how we could’ve been so careless. Imagine if we hadn’t heard her and she
’d walked in on us.”

Josh laughed at first but then his face turned solemn.

“I was serious when I said I wanted you Hannah. That hasn’t changed.”

Hannah looked away from him. She didn’t want to see his face after what she was about to say.

“I know you did, do. Believe me I was just as into it as you were but I’m not ready for that yet and I shouldn’t have let it go as far as I did. I’m sorry.”

“So if your parents hadn’t come home when they did, what were you going to do? Were you going to go through with it or what?”

“Yes, no, I don’t know!” she lied again.

“I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. You kind of caught me off guard tonight and to my surprise what we were doing felt amazing. I wasn’
t expecting it to and it started to scare me.”

Josh moved from the bed to the floor in front of her.

“I wasn’t trying to scare you or force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I was just thinking about how long I’m going to be away from you and if I get deployed I…”

Hannah interrupted him.

“Don’t say that. Don’t finish that sentence.”

“It’s a reality Hannah. I know what I’ve signed up for and I could be killed. There, I said it. I don’t want to think about it but.”

“Then don’t. Don’t say it.”

“What, you think if we don’t talk about it that it can’t happen? Or that if we talk about it we’ll make it happen?”

“No, I know it can happen whether we talk about it or not but if I don’t talk about it then I don’t think about it. It’s the only way I can deal with you being away for so long and in a war zone of all places.”

He was holding her hands
in his and looking into her eyes.

“I’m coming back to you. There’s nothing I want more. So can we do it now?”

Hannah looked at him with wide eyes.

“I’m kidding! I’m ju
st kidding! I mean I want to do it but I’ll wait as long as you want to. Whatever you want is what we’ll do.”

She didn’t deserve him. He was the b
est boyfriend on earth and she should be in love with him. Anyone else would be.

She playfully smacked him on the arm in admonishment for his comment. She knew he was kidding but was disappointed at the same time.

“Thanks Josh. I don’t deserve you but thanks for understanding.”

“You do deserve me. I don’t like to hear you say that. Let’s just enjoy the rest of our time together and forget about this until I get back from basic.”

Hannah was all for that. She knew she’d miss him but she was also looking forward to some alone time and just being a teen in her last year of high school.

When they’d finished watching the movie it was time for Josh to go h
ome. As promised, he found Sara who proceeded to give him the biggest bear hug of his life.

“I’m definitely going to miss these when you’re gone.”

“Me too Mrs. Perry but I’m sure Mr. Perry is more than willing to give you as many hugs as you can stand.”

Josh had always been good at
schmoosing Hannah’s mom.

“Oh please call me Sara
. You’re an adult now and we consider you part of the family.”

“Okay, Sara
. Thank you for making me feel welcome all these years. I’m looking forward to being part of your family for a long time.”

Josh shot Hannah a wide grin as he shook her father
’s hand.

“
Mr. Perry, I’ll be seeing you around.”

“Like her mother said, enough of the formality. Please call me Jon. Mr. Perry was my father and he’s been dead for some time now.”

There was a moment of awkward silence before Jon continued.

“Do your best Josh and be careful. We want to see you around here for many more years to come.”

“Don’t worry about me. I plan on being here too.”

Again, he gave Hannah a knowing grin.

“Well, I’ve got to get home - big day tomorrow. I’ll see you all in a few weeks.”