Authors: Bec Botefuhr
“Love, don’t leave.” Nessie pleads.
“I need to be alone, please Nessie.”
She nods and I don’t bother to look at Blade. I can see, even though I am not looking, that he is stunned. I rush over to my car and jump in, then speed off. Not looking back
once. It starts raining
mid-way
back to town; cold, hard drops hit my windscreen like tiny rocks, making things even more difficult. My phone buzzes continually in my bag, I don’t know what to do, heck, I don’t even know where I am going.
I end up at the beach near my house. I can see the lights coming from my old home; I wonder what they are doing, do they miss me? I get out of the car and walk along the sand; it is dark and I can’t see a thing. The moonlight is the only thing that leads the way. I am soaked to the bone. I sit down on the ground under a big tree; it shelters me a little. I try hard to think about what it is I want to do. I yank out my phone and listen to the voice message.
“Em it’s me. I didn’t mean those things I said; I am sorry. We have to talk, please call me.
Angel
, please.”
I flip my phone closed and glare out at the foggy ocean. I am freezing and fully aware that I have nowhere to go. No home. No family. I hear footsteps an hour on, and see Blade stop in front of me. His thick hair is stuck to his face and his chest is heaving. How the hell did he find me?
“There you are.” He yells over the pouring rain.
“Blade, just leave me alone.”
“You can’t stand out here in the rain. Come on, I know where we can go.”
“Why should I go with you?”
“Because we need to talk. It has to be done.” He says and my heart stops. I have dreaded this moment.
I let out a deep sigh “Okay.”
He helps me up, and we walk along the beach. All of a sudden we are at a little log cabin. He stops at it, and we walk up the steps.
“Who
s
e
cabin is this?” I gape.
“It’s yours.”
“What?”
“It’s yours; I knew a mate who needed to get rid of it, so we took it. Jock is going overseas because he got a job and because mamma’s treatment didn’t cost so much we
brought this for you, so you could be back in town. After everything you did for us, we had to do something for you. I am going to live in my shack again, and I didn’t want to leave you with nothing.”
“This is what you have been doing?” I whisper.
“This amongst other things, yes.”
“Why?”
“I will tell you everything, just come in.”
He unlocks the door and turns on the light. It is amazing. It has been fully decorated, and it has a deep, warm feel about it. It instantly makes me feel better. It is very similar to Nessie and Bill
’
s shack, but it is more modern. It has a small kitchen, lounge and fire place in the main area. A toilet and shower are off to the left and a single bedroom to the right.
“I don’t know what to say. It’s beautiful.” I breathe.
“Well I thought it would be good because it’s not far from your home.”
“Why near my home?”
“Well that is another thing. I have been fixing it up, and your brother
recognized
me and came down. We started talking; after he gave me a blasting. He is a good young boy, and I know he misses you, so it is the perfect spot. Your parents don’t know about it; that is your choice if you wish to tell them.”
“Why would you do this?”
“Well you need to be in here. You’re not the sort of person to live
out there all the time. I want
to give something to you, you saved me and my family.”
“Thank you, it is beautiful, and I am so grateful.”
“I know.”
He turns to stare at me, and his gaze is hard. His eyes are hurt. I have a feeling this is the good part, and the bad part is about to come.
“There is something else isn’t there?”
“Yeah, sit down.” He says, and I sit on the couch.
“Well, hit me.”
“Well. I don’t know where to start, two years ago I was in a pretty serious relationship. It ended in a bad way, but nothing ever got sorted, and now it has reappeared.”
“Cassie.” I mutter.
“Yeah. She is my wife Em…”
I snap my head up and stare at him. “No!”
“Yes. We split up because it wasn’t working, but we never got divorced. Lately, she has been back and wanting to give it another go, I have to try. I don’t marry for no reason, nor do I take it for granted. When I commit to something like that
,
I really try and do my best to make it work. I didn’t try hard enough last time, but I need to try now.”
“But you said you were never in love.”
He just stares at me.
“So you lied?” I gasp.
“No I didn’t. It’s complicated.”
“So if you don’t love her, why are you trying?”
“I did love her, maybe not as much as I should have. I need to give her the best I can, maybe something will grow. It’s not fair on me to marry someone, and just let it go to the dirt. We should have tried harder the first time, and I didn’t. I need to try and fix that.”
“What about me?”
“Well that is why I have been avoiding you. I can’t see you anymore…”
“But you slept with me. I thought…”
“Yeah I know I did. I shouldn’t have done that, but at that point I wasn’t seeing Cassie again.”
“So you’re saying you have put me in here so I will be out of your way so you can move on with your wife. Into the shack that I fixed for you?” My voice is raising with each word.
“It’s not that easy.”
“Does she know what you did to me?”
“No and please, I don’t want her to know.”
“Right and she didn’t question you yelling at me tonight?”
“No. She knows I slept with you; we aren’t entirely committed and have been seeing other people and will continue to do so, but we are going to focus more on being together.”
I shake my head; tears fall from my face.
“So me, I mean nothing to you?”
“No
angel
, of course you do. The problem is, you mean too much to me, and you are the one girl I could see, that would make me leave her.”
“But you don’t love me?”
He looks at me; I can see he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead, he just shakes his head.
“No.”
“Well I am not going to say I believe you because I don’t. But if this is what you want then fine, I refuse to be hurt anymore.”
“I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t know she would come back.”
“And if she didn’t?”
“That doesn’t matter now…”
“I don’t know what to think Blade. I am so hurt.”
“Well I didn’t mean for that, it’s not so easy for me you know.”
“How exactly is this not easy for you, I am the one who has been through hell and you have just dropped me on my ass. You promised I would always be welcome with you, that you would never hurt me. I trusted you. I fell in love with you…” I croak.
“Please don’t say that. Don’t be like this.”
“Well what do you want me to do Blade? Give you a hug and wish you well? It’s not going to happen; I hope you come crashing down. Maybe then you will know how it feels but I won’t be bloody waiting for you.”
“Please don’t hate me.”
“News flash for you, I do.”
“No you don’t, I know you don’t so don’t push me away.”
“It’s all or nothing Blade. You have picked nothing, now it is time for me to get over it.”
“What are you going to do?”
“That’s easy, find someone else.”
“Don’t be stupid, you and I both know your scars run too deep.”
“My scars are none of your
God
damned business anymore. Go to hell. I never want to see you again.”
“Well that can’t happen, my mum loves you.”
“Well she has a daughter in law doesn’t
she?
I am sure they get along great.”
“No they don’t.”
“Well that is not my problem. I would never give up on your mum, but when I am there, I don’t want you to speak to me.”
“Em…”
“No, you can’t come in here, tear my heart out and then expect me to be okay with it, you have your wonderful life, so go live it and let me live mine okay?”
“Do you want to know something?”
“NO!” I scream.
“Well I am going to tell you anyway. I don’t want to see you with someone else; it’s going to kill me, but I have to do this.”
“WHY? Why would it bloody kill you?”
“Because I fucking care about you.” He finally cracks, and his voice comes out loud and hurt.
“Not enough.”
“I do; a lot and I know I have to get over it, but I don’t want to see you with another man.”
“Well you will have to see me with someone else. Just like I have to see you with someone else.”
“I never led you on Em. I tried…to keep away.”
“So sleeping with me, that wasn’t leading me on? You took the pain away; you made me fall in love with you. For the first time in my life, I trusted someone, and I let you in!”
“
Angel
...”
“GET OUT!” I scream so loudly; he stands and leaves.
I fall onto the couch and bury my head in the pillow. I really don’t know how to get through all this.
CHAPTER 9
I go back to Nessie and Bill’s place when I know Blade isn’t there. I collect my belongings and explain to a very distraught Nessie what I am doing. I have settled into the beautiful little cabin they built for me. I can see my house just down the beach; it hurts a lot to know I am so close. Mark has come and visited me a few times; it has been good seeing him without my parents around.
I spend most of my days fixing things around the Cabin. I managed to get myself a job down the road at a little restaurant and work most nights. It pays for my bills and my food. I haven’t seen Blade much; I saw him once after he broke the news to me. He was alone, and he tried to talk to me, but I brushed him off. He tries to ring a lot, but I never answer his calls. I hate him right now.
I head to work late one
afternoon, the sun is just setting, and my shift is about to start. I rush in, and see my boss giving out duties for the night. He gives me a look but says nothing.
“Em you have tables one to ten tonight.” He says and I nod, hurrying off.
I am
mid-way
through my shift when a couple walk in. I freeze. Standing in front of me, is Blade and Cassie. Could my night get any worse?
What’s
up lord, want to punish me some more? Blade’s eyes fall on me, and he visibly stiffens.
“Em, I didn’t
realize
you worked here.”
“Do you have a reservation?” I say very professionally, acting as though I don’t know him.
“Yes for six
pm
.” He mutters, offended.
“Great, come with me and I will show you where you are sitting.” I smile, then walk them towards their table and sit them down.
Once they rattle off their drink orders, I hurry off. I notice Cassie saying something to Blade, she is leaning close and whispering in his ear. I duck back out into the kitchen and take a deep breath; my hands are shaking wildly. I promptly get their drinks and walk back out. When I stop at their table, my hands are still rattling so badly, that I spill the drink all over Cassie.
“You fool. This is a new dress.” She cries, standing up and throwing her hands in the air.
“I am sorry
,
I didn’t mean to.” I apologize.
“You’re pathetic.”
“Cassie!” Blade snarls.
My manager comes rushing over. “Is everything okay here?”
“No that stupid girl spilt a drink all over me.” Cassie snaps.
“Em what happened?” My manager asks, turning to me.
“I have been sick lately that’s all. I have the shakes.” I lie.
“Oh! Well you should have told me, go home and get some rest
,
and you two the dinner is on the house, sorry for the disruption.”
“I should think so.” Cassie mutters and I glare at her.
“Go home Em.” My boss says again before turning and leaving.
“Thanks a lot!” I mutter and storm out; Blade follows me.
“Sorry about that Em. I didn’t know you worked here.”
I ignore him and keep walking.
“Em!”
“Just leave me alone Blade.”
“Please talk to me..” He says, grabbing my arm and swinging me around.
“Why should I?”
“I have been trying to ring you. Why won’t you answer?”