Stink and the Midnight Zombie Walk (4 page)

“I saw your lips move,” Webster said, pointing at Stink.

“Hey, let’s zombify Charlie!” said Stink. Stink dropped his baloney sandwich. Plop! Out fell the baloney. Toady hopped out of his lap.

Stink took out scissors and cut Charlie’s tux to shreds. Sophie painted Charlie’s face green, with black circles under his eyes and drips of red blood. Webster stuck a big gob of chewed-up ABC gum on Charlie’s head for brains.

Stink held up Charlie. “Me. Zombie.”

“He’s a little scary,” said Sophie. “Toady’s scared, too. Look at him go!” Toady hopped across the rug, heading straight for the baloney.

“Spooky!” said Webster, shaking off a chill. “Charlie’s like the dummy in that freaky old movie. The one where he hides in the kid’s closet?”

“Yipes. I think I have auto-ma-ton-o-phobia,” said Stink.

“What’s that?” asked Sophie and Webster.

“Fear of dummies. No lie.”

All of a sudden, Stink heard a creepy sound. The heater hissed. A clock ticked. The pipes moaned. The light buzzed.
Pop!
Stink saw a flash, and the light on his desk lamp burned out. The room went dark.

“Aagh!” Stink tossed Charlie up in the air and jumped up to flick on the overhead light.

“Look! Charlie! Zombie!” said Webster in a shaky voice, huddling in the corner. Sophie gasped.

Charlie was sitting on Stink’s race-car bed, head backward, one black and bloody eye open.

Webster leaned in closer. “Did he just say something?”

“Did who just say something?” Stink asked.

“Charlie.”

“You mean did I just say something to make Charlie say something?”

“Huh? Yes. I mean, no. I don’t know.”

“What did you hear him say?”

“I heard him say
baloney
.”

“I didn’t make him say
baloney
.”

“Who said
baloney
?” Sophie asked.

“What did you make him say?” Webster asked Stink.

“I didn’t make him say anything,” said Stink.

“Ha, ha. Very funny, Stink,” said Webster.

“Seriously,” said Stink. “I thought one of
you
guys said
baloney
.”

“I didn’t say
baloney,
” said Sophie.

“I didn’t say
baloney,
” said Webster.

“Judy,” said Stink. He looked out in the hall. No sign of his sister.

“Well, if
I
didn’t say
baloney
and
you
didn’t say
baloney,
and
Sophie
didn’t say
baloney,
and
Judy
didn’t . . . then . . .” Stink felt zombie goose bumps up and down his back. “AaaHHH!” he screamed, and pointed to something pink hopping across the floor.

“Did you see what I saw?” Stink asked.

“The baloney! It . . . moved!” said Sophie.

“It’s undead!” said Webster.

“Curse of the zombie baloney!” Stink yelled, flailing his arms.

The three friends got up, zoomed out of the room, and slammed the door behind them.

“Phew. That was a close one,” said Webster. “Let’s never go back in there.”

“But we left Toady in there . . . with Evil-Eye Charlie!” said Sophie.

“I have to save him,” said Stink. “I’m going in.” He cracked the door open. He looked around. No sign of Toady.

“The zombie ate him!” said Webster. “Toad soup!”

“Toad
brains,
” said Sophie.

Stink stared at the undead baloney. It was no longer moving. It was still as a stone. But it had a big lump under it.

Stink crawled over to the baloney. He reached out a hand. Quick as a wink, he lifted up the baloney. “Toady!”

“Toady was attacked by the zombie baloney!” Webster shouted.

“That does it,” said Stink. He put Toady back into his tank. “This room is now a zombie-free zone.” He grabbed one-eyed Charlie and tore out of his room.

He dashed across the hall into Judy’s room. He yanked open her closet and hid Charlie at the way-bottom of the clothes hamper, under heaps of dirty laundry.

Phew!
Safe from talking dummies and walking baloney with a curse on it.

For now.

O
n Wednesday and Thursday, Virginia Dare School read books. Funny books. Mystery books. Adventure books.

Kids read at lunch. They read at recess. They read at after-school care. Even between soccer games and piano lessons.

Stink read to Toady. Stink read to Astro. Stink read for one hundred eighty-seven minutes in just two days!

At last it was Friday: Read to a Zombie Day! Stink ran downstairs. He popped a waffle into the toaster. “Where’s my lunch?” he asked Mom, looking for his lunch box. “I’ll have anything but baloney, please.”

“I, uh, thought you and Judy could get hot lunch today,” said Mom. “I left some money on the table.”

“Aw, Mom. You know I hate hot lunch. The lunch lady always makes me take mountains of spinach and piles of wrinkly old carrots.”

“It won’t hurt you to eat school lunch just this once. Who knows? Maybe today will be your lucky day and they’ll serve something really interesting.”

“You mean like mini cupcakes with no sneaky carrots in them? And no raisins?”

“Remember how we talked about eating more fruit, Stink?”

“Bus. Bye!” said Stink. He grabbed the money, gave Mom a kiss, and ran out the door.

*  *  *

Stink read
Dr. Decay and the Zombies of Doom
all the way to the bus stop. He read it on the bus. He read it in the hall on the way to Room 2D.

“Hey, Zink!” somebody called.

“Talk. Bad. Read. Good!” said Stink.

Morning announcements. “Attention zecond- and zird-graders,” said the principal. “Are you ready to read to a zombie? Only six thousand four hundred ninety-three minutes to go! Please make your way down to the K-1 classrooms. Let’s get reading!”

“I read two hundred forty-seven minutes so far this week,” Sophie told Stink.

“Way to go!” said Stink. “Now there’s only six thousand four hundred ninety-nine minus two hundred and forty-seven minutes to go!”

When Class 2D got to the kindergarten classroom, twenty-two little green-faced zombies sat cross-legged on carpet squares. There were zombie princesses and ballerinas, pirates and astronauts.

Stink sat down next to a boy named Zack in a train outfit. “I’m Thomas the Tank Zombie,” said the boy.

“I like your costume,” said Stink. “I never saw a zombie train before.”

Zack nodded. Stink started to read. He read
The Very Hungry Zombie Caterpillar.
It was just like
The Very Hungry Caterpillar,
only he threw in the word
zombie
a lot. And at the end, the caterpillar ate a brain instead of a green leaf.