Still Waving (6 page)

‘What?'

They looked at each other.

‘Do you mind if I ring my aunt?' I asked Phoebe.

‘Bloody hell! Why don't you ring America while you're at it? Go on.'

The phone rang and rang. It was finally answered by the machine. Aunt Jean wasn't there. I left a convoluted message.

‘I better head home.' I finished the last of my milkshake with a noisy slurp.

‘Me too. I can't afford to hang around here.'
Phoebe stood up.

‘Stay if you want. I don't care.'

‘Hear that, Jasmine? She doesn't care about her friends.'

‘I didn't mean that,' I spluttered.

‘Are we your best friends?' Phoebe put her arm around Jasmine.

‘Of course you are.'

‘Well what are friends for?'

‘To lend money,' Jasmine said.

Phoebe hit her on the arm.

‘Ouch. You're so violent. I'm serious, I can't pay for this.'

‘Jasmine!' Phoebe sounded irate.

‘I'll pay you back.'

‘I can't believe you come out, order milkshake and cake and you haven't got any money, but don't say a thing.'

‘I said I'll pay you back.'

‘When?' Phoebe glared.

‘Next week or something.'

‘It's the something that bothers me.'

‘Next week.'

‘Forget it. I'll buy you the bloody things.'

Jasmine gave Phoebe a big hug. ‘You're just a beautiful person underneath that mean crust, aren't you sweetie.'

I thought Phoebe was going to hit Jasmine.

‘Phoebe, cool it. People are watching and there's a cop over there. Don't hit her.' I meant it. I didn't want to see Phoebe punch Jasmine out of frustration.

‘I wouldn't want to smack someone who obviously already has serious brain damage.'

Jasmine looked perplexed. I don't think she was quite sure if Phoebe really was going to hit her.

‘Chill out everyone. It's got a bit too heavy.' I shook my hands.

‘Let's go.' Phoebe put her hand out for my money. I gave her the right amount for my share. Jasmine grabbed the serviette and the uneaten cake from our plates.

‘Do you think I went too far?' Jasmine whispered to me.

‘A little bit.'

‘I guess so. I would've paid her back you know.'

‘I know, but I don't think that was the point.'

‘What? Ssshh,' Jasmine uttered as Phoebe rejoined us.

We dawdled our way through Chinatown to Belmore Park. The major part of the rush was over. The smoky haze suspended the light in a sullen sky. There were no shadows cast from buildings, just an unnatural glare. Once all the workers shut up their offices and
went home, the buildings quietly had a rest from the hub of the day.

Walking through the park towards the bus stop, I tried not to look anyone in the eye. It was dangerous. An old bloke who needed a bath last year, staggered up to me.

‘Give us a cigarette, love?'

‘Don't smoke,' I replied and walked faster.

‘Good on you love. Don't take it up, it's a filthy habit.'

The man staggered off towards a group of men and women sitting around a bench. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a group passing around bottles in paper bags. I wondered if this is where Dad would have been if we'd lived in the city?

A man stood up, shouting at the others. I closed my eyes. Why can't I see beauty instead of ugliness? I opened my eyes and saw that this part of the world appeared devoid of beauty and was truly ugly. I looked up at the sky and imagined seagulls hovering above. The beach, I thought. I wish I was at the beach. A splat landed in front of me. The seagulls were real. How stupid was that? Jasmine and Phoebe seemed oblivious to their surroundings. They talked on and on about the rave on Saturday night.

There was a throng of people waiting at the bus stop. I bought a ticket from the ticket seller who was
grumpy and flustered.

The bus was crowded. I couldn't help overhearing the conversations around me. Every person and their dog talked about the heat and the bushfires. I heard seven hundred different opinions on whether it was going to rain or not. I turned away from this guy with really bad breath in my face. A woman was knitting. Can you believe that? A hundred and fifty degrees on this bus and this woman is knitting what looks like a baby jumper. The bus is bouncing around, people fall all over the place and this woman knits calmly. I try to attract Phoebe and Jasmine's attention, further up the bus. It's impossible. They're both squashed, facing the other way.

As we got nearer to our destination, the bus slowly emptied. We grabbed the back seat.

‘We've got to get a licence and a car,' Phoebe said.

‘You'd be best,' Jasmine said prodding me.

‘Why me?'

‘You've lived on a farm with machinery and things.'

Phoebe and I looked at each other.

‘What's that got to do with it?' I asked.

‘Everyone knows kids on farms learn to drive cars early. Everyone gets a paddock bomb.'

I was amazed that everyone knew this, because I sure didn't.

‘Can you drive?' Phoebe asked me.

‘W … well sort of,' I answered.

‘You either do or you don't,' Jasmine said.

‘Well yes, but I've never driven anywhere near a city, and I don't think you'd want to be my passengers in this traffic.'

‘It's gotta be done,' Phoebe said. ‘We have to travel in style without having the smell of humanity making you want to vomit. I'm sick of practically choking to death on disease-ridden public transport.'

Jasmine did an imitation of Phoebe choking.

‘I can't afford driving lessons, and anyway, all I want to do is surf.'

‘Look, we've told you before, this surfing thing's all right, but you can't let it rule your life.' Phoebe gave me her most serious look.

‘It does.' I laughed back.

‘Jules, you've got to do other things, have other interests.'

‘You sound like my aunt.'

‘Shut up. You know what I'm saying; anyway you'll have to ask your aunt to take you for driving lessons, till you're good enough to get your licence.'

‘What about you?' I asked Phoebe.

‘I'm too busy and besides I want to be the navigator.'

‘I want to be the interior decorator,' Jasmine said.

We laughed.

‘No dice,' Phoebe and I said together. Once again we did our linking finger ritual.

‘How come I never get to make one of those dumb wishes?'

‘Because everything you say is original, darling.' Phoebe patted Jasmine's head. ‘No one else on this whole planet, or from any other galaxy, would say the same thing as you.'

‘I'll take that as a compliment.'

‘I think that would be for the best,' I said, smiling over Jasmine's head at Phoebe.

I pulled the stop cord. Peering out at the water, I noticed there was a slight swell. A few surfers were visible, more in hope than anything, I thought. I'd give it another hour or so to see if it picked up.

We walked up the street to my place. At the top of the stairs, I listened. I couldn't hear anything. I opened the front door. It was still quiet. I wondered if Aunt Jean was home. She was sitting at the little table on the balcony.

‘Hello Phoebe and Jasmine. Nice to see you again,' Aunt Jean said. ‘Would you like a drink or something to eat?'

‘Yes thanks,' Jasmine answered. Phoebe nudged her.

‘I'll make a pot of tea.' I put the kettle on and got out some cups.

‘No it's all right, we don't want anything.'

‘I want a cup of tea. It will relax me after the arduous journey on the bus.' Jasmine was being stubborn.

Phoebe and I looked at each other. It was obvious Aunt Jean had been crying. I shrugged my shoulders.

‘Are you all right?' I asked quietly.

‘I'm okay. I've just had a bit of a scare. I'll tell you about it later. Don't worry.'

‘What's happened? Dad hasn't escaped, has he?' I became alarmed.

‘No, Julie, nothing like that. Calm down. We'll talk when your friends have gone.'

‘Is Toby all right?' I felt desperate. If anything had happened to him … I'd … I'd just …

‘He's fine. Look, make it short with your friends. I'll be up on the roof.'

I watched Aunt Jean leave the flat.

Phoebe and Jasmine looked at me expectantly.

‘Who knows? Aunt Jean seems to be acting a bit dramatically. She wouldn't tell me anything, just hinting something was up. I hate that. How everything is made into a big mystery.'

‘You want us to go?'

‘No it's cool. Have a drink.'

We talked about the movie again. Phoebe picked up our empty cups and took them to the sink.

‘Don't worry about that. I'll do it later.'

‘Now you're coming Saturday night even if you've got rabies.' Phoebe twisted my arm up my back. It didn't hurt much, it was just pretend.

‘I'll see.'

‘Not good enough, my friend,' Jasmine butted in. ‘You must come. That's an order.'

‘All right, all right, I surrender.' I put my hands on top of my head like a prisoner of war.

I walked them downstairs to the front door.

‘I'll ring you tomorrow,' I said as I waved them goodbye. I was still waving when one of my neighbours walked by.

‘You waving at me?' he said, smiling.

‘No.' How embarrassing.

I raced up the stairs two at a time, feeling a bit apprehensive about Aunt Jean. I made another pot of tea, got the tray and cups. I carried the tray, concentrating so I didn't spill any. I put the tray down to open the roof door. I held it open with my leg which was quite tricky. I rattled my way through, watching the vibration of the cups with trepidation.

‘I've brought up a pot of tea.'

‘You're a good girl, Julie.' Aunt Jean often said that, so it must be true I thought, as I put the tray down.

‘Are you going to tell me what's going on? I tried ringing you a couple of times.'

I poured the tea.

Aunt Jean was crying. ‘There's nothing to worry about.'

‘If there's nothing to worry about, why are you crying? Just tell me.'

I stared at Aunt Jean, whose bottom lip quivered. I could tell she was trying to speak but words weren't coming out.

‘What is it? Tell me.'

‘I don't want you to worry, but I've got a lump in my breast that has to be checked out.' Aunt Jean stared ahead. ‘I'm having a biopsy tomorrow. I have to go to the hospital.'

I hugged Aunt Jean. This sounded horrible. Did it mean she had cancer?

‘Now Julie, at this stage there's nothing to worry about. It more than likely is a benign lump.'

‘You haven't got cancer have you? I couldn't bear it Aunt Jean. I couldn't take it. It's too much.' I cried into her shoulder.

‘Julie, listen. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'll find out after a few tests.'

‘But what if …'

‘Think positive, remember.' Aunt Jean cupped my chin in her hand and looked into my eyes.

‘I didn't even know you had a lump,' I mumbled.

‘Neither did I till my check-up this morning. It gave me a shock, but I feel certain that everything will be fine.'

I wished I could share Aunt Jean's optimism. I had to pull myself together for her sake.

‘I'll think positive thoughts, too.'

We hugged and I suppressed a tear. The sound of the sea hummed in the background. All I could think was that Aunt Jean had to be all right. She just had to be. I concentrated hard on wishing that it was all going to be fine. I took a deep breath and listened to the birds squawking in the distance. That's what I felt like doing. Squawking.

Aunt Jean was in the bath. We'd had a light meal of salad and cold chicken and Aunt Jean had opened a bottle of wine. I could tell she was worried, even though she did her best to act cheerful. I played along. I didn't want to see Aunt Jean crying, because I felt uncomfortable when adults cried, and I didn't know what to do.

When I told Aunt Jean about getting a driver's licence, she said it made sense and promised we'd do some driving lessons soon.

I liked the idea more and more and saw a world of possibilities opening up. I'd travel all over the coast, surfing. I'd visit Kate up north. I was determined to save up for a station wagon with board racks. I felt a new kind of excitement at surfing all around Australia.

Aunt Jean said her friend Jo was taking her to hospital for the tests. When they were finished, she'd either go back to work or come home. I offered to go with her.

‘No thanks Jules. I really don't think you would want to waste your time hanging around a hospital.'

‘It wouldn't be wasting time. I'd be with you.'

‘It's not necessary, really. Thanks for offering.'

I knew there was nothing more to say.

‘I'm going to ring Ruby.'

‘Give her my love.'

Whenever I rang Ruby's aunt's house, I left a message for Ruby to ring me when she was there, and then I'd call her straight back again. Ruby didn't have a phone at her place, so this was how I kept in touch with her. When we both were at school, I could chat with Ruby online. Her aunt answered on the fourth ring and said Ruby would be there later and she'd tell her I'd rung.

I wandered around, not really having anything to do. I tried reading a book but couldn't concentrate. Even though Aunt Jean said not to worry, I still did. We'd learnt in Health Studies about lumps in the breast and how they could be cancerous, and that the earlier they were detected the better. We were meant to give ourselves breast examinations regularly, but I mostly forgot. I thought I'd worry about it when I got old, like about twenty-five. I was too young to take on the responsibility now. I didn't even vote.

I'd felt sorry for Ms Jackson, our teacher of Health Studies, when she'd tried to keep the subject of breast
cancer all clinical. The boys became totally out of control. They couldn't handle the subject at all. A couple of them walked out saying it was none of their business. When Ms Jackson had tried to make them come back saying it was a human health issue, they just ran away. Some of us girls were embarrassed and wished the boys weren't there. They hadn't been when we discussed ovulation, periods, and all that stuff.

I remembered Ms Jackson explaining that breast cancer could affect anyone. The boys started hooting, and generally were out of control. Some started feeling their breasts, and asking if they could feel ours. Tom Green said to me in a stupid voice, he needed to feel my breasts, for medical reasons. After all, he was going to be a doctor. I hit him with my health folder. Ryan Gee laid down on the floor, screaming he had a lump. Ms Jackson ignored him saying a small percentage of males got breast cancer, but it was more likely to affect females.

Ms Jackson was so brave like that. Some teachers would have left the room, or just given us notes and said read about it. Ms Jackson got the last laugh. At the end of the lesson she said that our next topic would be testicular cancer. The boys all cringed and moaned, saying no way. Us girls laughed and cheered.

The phone rang. I jumped up to answer it.

‘Hi, is Jules there?'

‘It's me. Oh Ruby I'm so glad you rang.'

‘How's it going?'

‘Oh all right, I guess.' I paused. ‘Aunt Jean might have breast cancer. I'll ring you back.' I hung up and dialled the number.

‘Jules, that sucks,' Ruby responded as if there were no gap in our conversation.

‘It might be okay. I'm more worried than Aunt Jean. She's acting pretty casual about it.'

‘When will she know?'

‘Tomorrow, she's going to have a biopsy or something.'

‘An aunt of mine had to have both hers chopped off.'

‘Oh Ruby.'

‘You wouldn't know though.'

‘I hope that doesn't happen to Aunt Jean.'

‘No reason it should anymore than anyone else.'

‘I don't know if that's comforting or not. What's been happening?'

‘The usual. What changes around here except underpants, you tell me?'

I laughed. ‘Why don't you come here for a break? Please come. Say you will.'

‘I'll say I will, but I won't.'

‘Why not? Your mum will let you.'

‘No she won't.'

‘Course she would.'

‘Not now. Mum's sister, Auntie Dolly is real sick. It's not good.'

‘I'm sorry about your aunt, Ruby.'

‘Well she's old so what can you expect. I'm looking after the young'uns while Mum stays with Auntie. It won't be long now.'

‘I'm sorry. Maybe next holidays?'

‘Mark it in your diary, girl. I'll be there.'

There was a crackle on the line. ‘You haven't got a storm up your way, have you?' I asked.

‘I was going to ask you the same thing.'

‘Maybe somewhere between here and Goodooga there's lightning.'

‘That's a lot of country to cover. It certainly isn't out this way. There hasn't been a cloud in the sky for months. It's dry as a bone out here, but Uncle Ted reckons a big rain's coming. Uncle's got everyone working to flood-proof the community. Some town people laugh at old Uncle, especially when he tells them that it's going to flood bigger than Noah's. I told him I believe him. Uncle's one of the old people and he's still got the knowledge, and there aren't many left. If Uncle says it's going to rain big time, it's going to rain big time.'

‘How old's your uncle?'

‘No one knows. But he has thousands and
thousands of years' knowledge about his country in his head.'

‘Amazing. He'd know every little sign.'

‘Uncle reckons most people are fools because they have very short memories. He reckons some of them have forgotten what rain is, and that they've forgot about these rivers when they're angry. He's making these canoes with the young'uns.'

‘Is he rounding up all the animals like Noah?'

‘Don't be stupid.'

‘Down here, we've got smoke blocking out the sun a lot of the time. I can smell the bushfires up in the National Park from here.'

‘There's some burning up Queensland, but there aren't enough trees for a bushfire around here. It's just the sheep in the paddocks at the mercy of grass fires, poor buggers.'

I took a deep breath. I was so sensitive to the subject of fire.

‘Well I hope your uncle's bloody rain makes it down here.'

‘It will girl, and then you'll all be moaning.'

‘Anything else happening?'

‘A few people got the run for causing all this trouble.'

‘What kind of trouble?'

‘You know drinking and fighting. I'm sick of it. It's
always the same people. Like clockwork, pension day and it's on.'

‘It sort of happens here too, when it's hot and people have had too much to drink. Sometimes there's full-on brawls in the street between all these yobbos.'

‘Mum does this night patrol stuff with some other aunties. They pick up young kids and get 'em off the street. I see Mum's heartbroken night after night with some of these kids' home lives.'

‘It's all so sad, Ruby. Do you think it's hopeless?'

‘Some days I think it's worse than hopeless. I want to do something to change it. That's why Mum's so strict on me about sex and stuff. She says whenever I'm going out, even to school, be good and if you can't, be careful. Mum says it like I'm out bloody doing it every day. What does she think?'

I laughed. ‘Maybe she thinks you do it at school.'

‘In the toilet.'

‘On the sports field.'

‘Errgh, can you believe it? Some kids do it in broad bloody daylight.'

‘Revolting. Especially the toilet. Those toilets are so bad, and that's after they've been cleaned,' I laughed.

‘Don't go there, sister girl. What's been happening down your way?'

‘Movies and stuff, but mostly surfing.'

‘Yeah.' Ruby paused. I heard her say something to someone else. ‘I forgot to tell you about the drama a few weeks back. It was real bad. Do you wanna hear?'

‘Tell me.'

‘This cuz came up from the city.'

‘Which one?'

‘Dougie the druggie. You met him when we went over to Redfern.'

‘Oh yeah, I remember.'

‘Bloody loser! He came here with all this white powder and pills. He sold the shit to kids and everybody. He had heaps.'

‘Did the cops get him?'

‘No way, girl. They're blind when it comes to drug dealers. They pick on the users.'

‘What happened to your cousin?'

‘Well after a couple of young kids got really sick, I mean really, like being flown to hospital near dead, he copped it big time.'

‘Hell.'

‘None of the kids died, but they're dopey now, if you know what I mean. They say there's permanent brain damage.'

‘That's so bad.'

‘The ones who went to hospital were under twelve.'

‘Oh Ruby.' I was shocked.

‘Some of the elders got my cousin and beat him
with nullas. This greaseball of a gubba with Dougie, took off, wasn't seen for dust when they grabbed cuz.'

‘Coward.'

‘They absolutely thrashed Dougie to within an inch of his life. He's not allowed back here for forty years. In other words, never. Nobody reckons he'll live long using that white man's poison. His whole family's shamed. They walk around with their heads down and won't look anyone in the eye.'

‘Wow. I bet Doug's bloody sorry.'

‘He's in hospital in Dubbo. No one visits. That's part of the punishment. It's funny you know.'

‘What do you mean funny?'

‘He thought he was going to come home, be the big city man and make a lot of money off us dumb bush blacks. He wanted to buy a flash car with the loudest speakers in the whole of Australia.' Ruby laughed.

‘It wasn't exactly a dream-come-true kind of thing, was it?'

‘He deserved what he got. He was acting like some cool American dude. Total idiot.'

‘It seems heavy, you know, the beating bit.'

‘It's our law.'

‘It all sounds pretty tragic.'

‘I suppose in some ways I'm glad he showed us what happens when you break our law.'

‘Do you reckon it's better than going to jail?'

‘The elders do.'

The noises of traffic hummed in the distance. The night sky had the orange glow from street lights. It looked like semi-dark not black-dar k, like the moonless sky of the bush. Stars didn't twinkle here. I walked with the phone to the balcony.

‘How's the weather?'

‘So friggin' hot my skin is melting,' Ruby said seriously. ‘The birds aren't bothered singing, it's too bloody hot. I hang at the waterhole all day. What else can I do? How about down there?'

‘Stinking. All this smoke from the bushfires has made me forget what air tastes like, and the heat is thick. I can't moan. I've got my board and I've got the ocean just out my window.'

‘I can picture it. I can't wait to dive in again. You'll be deadly surfing now. I'll be too shamed to go out with you.'

‘Don't be ridiculous. You're a natural.'

When are you coming to visit me?' Ruby asked.

‘If I could just come to your place.' I paused trying to find the words. ‘You know, I don't think I'm ready yet to see the old farm or anything.'

‘No I don't suppose so. It's your country too, you know. No one can ever take that away from you.'

‘Toby's up there.'

‘You're gammin. I haven't seen him.'

‘He's hiding out at the farm with Uncle Wayne.'

‘I've seen your uncle a couple of times, but not Toby.'

‘Have you spoken to my uncle?'

‘Not much. He's visited my auntie and Mum a couple of times. He brought them a side of lamb each and some cut-up roo.'

‘What do you think of him?'

‘He's all right. He's got nice eyes and seems pretty cool. He's respectful with my family, so he can't be too bad. Sometimes he takes Aloma's kids to the farm. They don't like going much because it's too hot, and there's nowhere to swim.'

I felt a pang of resentment. Toby hadn't told me about meeting Aloma's kids.

‘Maybe you could go and get Toby for a swim.'

‘I'll ask one of my brothers to drive me over. How long's he been up here?'

‘Nearly a month.'

‘What? I'm not happy about that. Why didn't he come over with your uncle last week? Too good for us or something?'

‘It worries me. He's sort of gone all quiet these last months. Toby doesn't talk to me much anymore about anything. He didn't even bother to tell me about Aloma's kids.'

‘I'll track him down and give him a hard time for being such a snob. Sorry Jules, I have to go. A cuz wants to use the phone.'

I heard a muffled ‘wait a minute.'

‘Jules I saw old Mrs Thompson at the library the other day. She said to say hello.'

‘Say hello for me, if you see her again.'

‘Sorry Jules, I'm getting hassled here for the phone. Will you be home Sunday? Ring me about eight.'

I could hear someone in the background getting louder, demanding the phone in a slurred voice.

‘Bye Ruby. It's great talking to you, I'll call you Sunday. Give my love to your mum.' I hung up.

I could feel myself smiling. I looked at my reflection in the glass door of the balcony. I had this stupid-looking grin. I didn't care, I felt good. I pulled a few different faces and couldn't help laughing at myself.