Still the One (18 page)

He was slipping further and further away, more and more into the past. Holding his jacket, she sank to the closet floor.

“Don’t go,” she whispered. “Please don’t go.”

But in her heart, she knew that even the last, lingering ghost scent of him was already gone. Like it or not, Paul had left
the building.

Annette was up and taking steps with a walker, Dave at her side, when Katie pushed open the door to her room at Sunnyside
a little after one.

Katie stopped in the doorway. “Oh—hi.”

“Well, hello there, sweetie,” Dave said, his voice a shade too hearty.

Annette’s cheeks pinkened. “Katie! I didn’t expect you until later.”

Katie held out a white bag holding a shrimp po’boy from the Chartreuse Café. “I thought you might be hungry.”

“Oh!” Annette leaned heavily on the walker. “Oh, thank you, dear—but Dave already brought me something from the China Station.”
Katie looked at four little Chinese take-out boxes on her bed tray. “He had to go to Hammond for something, so he brought
it back.”

“Oh. How nice.” She drew back her arm. “I’ll take this home, then, and Gracie and I will have it later.”

“That was very thoughtful of you, dear.”

“It was thoughtful of Dave, as well.” And quite the surprise. Katie hadn’t known that Annette and Dave were on an eating-lunch-together
basis.

“Yes, well…” Annette cleared her throat, looking thoroughly flustered. “He brought it, so I figured I might as well eat it.”

“Of course.”

“Are you ready to get back in bed?” Dave asked.

“Yes, please,” Annette said.

He helped her maneuver the walker to the bedside, then took her arm and helped her onto the bed. Annette winced as she tried
to swing her leg onto the mattress. Dave bent and lifted her leg for her.

“Thank you.” She slid back against the pillow.

“My pleasure.” Dave straightened. “Well, I ought to be going.” He picked up the containers of Chinese food and carried them
to the trash. “See you tomorrow.”

Without giving her time to respond, he slipped out the door.

Katie looked at Annette. “What’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

The vibe didn’t feel like nothing. But then, who was she to say? Nothing was going on between her and Zack, either, yet yesterday
evening she’d found herself smashed against his refrigerator, her legs wrapped around his thighs, squeezing his buns and playing
tonsil hockey for all she was worth.

A week later, Gracie lay across the bed in her room at Zack’s house and texted Megan.

Gracie:
Got a job at the old folks home.

Megan:
OMG! Is it gross?

Gracie:
Nah. I’m the recreation assistant. I help them play bingo and shuffleboard and shit.

Megan:
Sounds cool.

Gracie:
At least it’s something 2 do. This town totally sucks.

Megan:
Nothing 2 do here either. Got grounded for getting an F on summer school quiz. How’s the BB?

Gracie:
Going to OB today. Guess I’ll find out.

Gracie put a hand on her belly. She didn’t feel anything emotional or motherly toward the baby growing inside her. It didn’t
really seem to be a person; it was more like an alien that had taken over her body without her permission. Most of the time
she just tried not to think about it, but it was getting harder and harder, considering she was starting to look like she’d
swallowed a beach ball.

The whole thing kind of freaked her out. She sorta liked the idea of having something cute and cuddly to love, something that
would love her back, no matter what, but she was scared to death that she wouldn’t know how to take care of it. What if she
couldn’t be a good mother? After all, she wasn’t a very good person. She couldn’t be, because she’d been a terrible daughter.

Oh, God—how she wished she could do things over! Now it was too late. She’d never get a chance to make things up to her parents
or even tell them she was sorry. They were dead, and it was all her fault.

A soft knock sounded at the door. “Gracie?”

It was Katie. Part of her wanted to talk to her. Another part hated that she wanted to. She put a note of annoyance in her
voice. “What?”

“It’s almost time to go to the doctor.”

“I don’t want to go.”

There was a moment of silence. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just peachy.”

Another bout of silence, then Katie’s voice sounded, soft and concerned. “Can I come in?”

“I can’t keep you out.”

“I won’t come in if you don’t want me to. Is it all right?”

“I guess.”

The door squeaked open. Katie stepped through it, bringing the scent of herbs and flowers with her. She looked around at the
room, which was all done in shades of taupe, tan, and brown. “This is really pretty.”

Gracie lifted her shoulders. “Kinda bland, but beats the hell out of the room the designer did for me. That one looks like
she thought I was seven, not seventeen.”

“I’m sure Zack will let you redecorate.”

“Nah. I don’t plan to be here long enough to bother with that.” She didn’t know exactly where she was going to be, but once
she had some money, it sure wouldn’t be here.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I never cry.” For some stupid reason, just saying that made the waterworks start up again.

She hated herself for being weak, but she couldn’t stop the sob from spilling out, a sob that felt like it came from the depths
of her soul.

“Oh, sweetie.” The bed sagged as Katie sat down beside her. Katie’s hand rested on her back, soft and warm and tentative.
Gracie wanted to shrug it off, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She kept her face down and cried, her shoulders heaving.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Gracie couldn’t have gotten any words out around the lump in her throat even if she’d had anything to say. She shook her head.

Katie’s hand moved up and down her back. “That’s okay.” Her hand felt warm and… good. Reassuring, somehow. “It’s good to cry.
Sometimes you just need to let the pain out.”

Wow, this was a switch. Her aunt had made her ashamed to cry. “You need to get ahold of yourself,” Aunt Jean had told her
when she’d caught her sobbing into her teddy bear, Beary. “Wallowing in self-pity won’t bring your parents back.”

Even her friends told her not to cry, but Gracie figured that was because it made them uncomfortable. It was funny—being told
it was okay to cry made her feel like she didn’t need to so much. Her sobs slowed to hiccups.

“If you’re not up to going to the doctor this afternoon, I can reschedule the appointment.”

Gracie hesitated. “This doctor—is she going to do a, you know, exam?”

“A pelvic? I’m not sure.”

Gracie’s shoulders tightened. “The last doctor did, and it really hurt.” Even worse than the pain was the sheer embarrassment.
She’d nearly died a thousand deaths. No one had ever seen her private parts before. Even Kurt—or was it Kirk? It might even
have been Dirk—she hadn’t been sure—hadn’t looked at her down there. He’d just groped her in the dark and then stuck it in.

“Dr. Greene’s really gentle,” Katie told her. “It’ll be okay.”

The fact that the doctor was a woman made her feel better. “All right. I’ll go.”

Thirty minutes later, Gracie found herself in the bright, fluorescent-lit waiting room, her palms sweating, sitting next to
a pregnant woman who looked pretty old—probably in her thirties. The door to the inner office opened and a grandmotherly
woman in blue-flowered scrubs called her name. Gracie’s fingers squeezed together so tightly that they hurt. Her butt felt
glued to the chair.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Katie asked.

“Suit yourself.” Gracie gave an I-don’t-care shrug, but she was relieved when Katie stood and followed her down the hall into
the examination room. Katie turned to the wall and pretended to stare at a poster of the female reproductive tract while Gracie
changed into a paper gown.

Dr. Greene was surprisingly young and pretty, with shoulder-length dark hair pulled into a ponytail, and she talked to Gracie
like an adult. She asked questions about the date of her last period and her medical care, but she didn’t push for info about
the baby’s dad. When the doctor asked her to lie on the table and put her legs in the stirrups, Katie stood by her head and
reached for her hand. Gracie let her take it, then wound her fingers tightly around Katie’s, squeezing hard while the doctor
prodded and poked.

“You can scoot back,” Dr. Greene said, rising from the stool and pulling off her latex gloves. “Everything looks fine.”

Blowing out a sigh of relief, Gracie released her grip on Katie’s fingers—jeez, she’d been gripping them so hard her own fingers
were sore—and moved up the table.

“Are you ready to look at the baby on the ultrasound?” the doctor asked.

Gracie’s heart pounded. “Sure.”

Dr. Greene switched on a machine that looked like a computer, then adjusted the paper blanket to expose Gracie’s belly. “This
is ultrasound gel. I’m going to put some on your stomach to help the transducer slide over your skin. The image will appear
on the screen.” She indicated a screen that looked like a computer. Katie kept her eyes locked on it as Dr. Greene squirted
on something cold and wet, then ran a thing that looked like a computer mouse over her belly. A bunch of blobs and squiggles
appeared on the screen, shifting from dark to light as Dr. Greene moved the mouselike thing around.

“There’s the baby—right there,” the doctor said.

Gracie lifted her head and craned her neck. “Where?”

Dr. Greene pointed to a light blob on the screen. “That’s the head.”

Gracie peered at the blob, trying to make it out. And then, all of a sudden, she saw it.
A baby, all curled up like a cat.
Gracie’s mouth fell open. “It—it’s sucking its thumb!”

Dr. Greene smiled. “That’s right.”

“Oh my God.” Gracie’s gaze was glued to the screen. A baby. Her baby. Right there, on the ultrasound. A sense of awe swelled
around her, large and engulfing and speech-stealing. “It can suck its thumb?”

“Sure can.”

“Can you tell if it’s a boy or a girl?” Katie’s voice sounded as breathless as Gracie felt.

The doctor moved around the ultrasound mouse or whatever it was. “Not today. The baby’s torso is turned away.”

“But—wow. That’s my baby!”

“Yeah. Wow,” Katie echoed.

“This is really happening!” Gracie exclaimed. “There’s really a baby in there.” The moment she said it, she felt ridiculous.
“I mean, I knew there was, of course… but seeing it—it makes it so real.”

“Having a baby, Gracie, is as real as it gets.” Dr. Greene smiled. Katie beamed, her eyes so warm and caring that Gracie almost
liked her in spite of herself.

“The baby’s okay?” Gracie asked.

“The baby looks wonderful, and the heartbeat is perfect. Have you felt it move yet?”

“No. Not really.” Not that she’d noticed, anyway.

Dr. Greene nodded. “With a first pregnancy, it can be hard to tell. You’ve probably felt something and thought it was just
gas.”

Now that she thought about it, her stomach had felt awfully grumbly lately.

“Look—the baby’s kicking.” The doctor pointed at the screen. “Do you feel that?”

Oh, God—something was happening in her belly. It was very faint, like an air bubble popping. She felt it again as the baby’s
foot kicked on the screen. “Yeah!” Her insides suddenly felt all lit up, as if a bulb of joy had flashed on. “I feel it!”
She put her hands on her stomach, right over the slimy gel, hoping to feel the baby kick again, wanting to feel it from the
outside as well as the inside. To her disappointment, the baby’s legs stilled.

Dr. Greene pressed some buttons. Little green markers showed up on the screen. She pressed another button. The image froze
for a moment, as if she were taking a picture.

“What are you doing?” Gracie asked.

“Taking measurements.” She took a few more pictures. “Looking at the size of the baby, I’d say our due date is right on the
money. You’re about twenty-four weeks along. You’ll have this baby in about sixteen weeks—right around Thanksgiving.”

That seemed like forever.

Dr. Greene moved the mouse thing some more. “There’s one thing I’m not liking.”

Gracie’s heart nearly stopped. “What?”

“The placenta is attached awfully low.” Dr. Greene pointed to a large mass of squiggles. “It’s partially covering your cervix,
which could be a problem. Hopefully, the placenta will move upward as the baby grows. Ninety percent of the time, it grows
toward the top of your uterus, and all will be well.”

“And if it doesn’t grow upward?” Katie asked.

“Yeah. What if it doesn’t?” Gracie echoed.

“Well, as you get closer to delivery, your cervix will start to dilate and thin, and if the placenta is covering it, you could
start bleeding. If you have any bleeding at all, Gracie, I want you to lie down and call me immediately. Better yet, just
go to the hospital.”