Still Mine (4 page)

“The facts have changed. It is time to reevaluate. Unless you want to stand behind the fact that a marshal office deputy is a weak link.”

General Valda considered that argument. The doctor was correct. It was quite frankly amazing how much the facts had changed. It was also difficult to understand exactly why the doctor was so set upon this course of action. The psychiatrist who had agreed with the decision six years ago had been convinced this much time would mean an end of the issue. But what did a psychiatrist really know about a man’s heart? In this case, the book-educated man was wrong, very wrong. Paul Benate didn’t look like a man who had let his wife go.

“It can be dealt with without your involvement.”

Doctor Paul Benate’s eyes flickered briefly. A strong hand reached out and retrieved a surveillance photo sitting on the general’s desk. The man’s face didn’t betray a single emotion as he slowly contemplated the woman in the photograph.

“No. I will deal with her. I began this.”

His answer was whisper soft. His voice didn’t betray him but a good look into the doctor’s eyes revealed the rage that burned just below the surface. No, the issue was not dead. It was perhaps more alive today than six years ago.

“Then I suggest you get a good night’s sleep. It will probably be your last.”

A slight smile appeared on the doctor’s face before he turned and left the office. Valda reached out and retrieved his phone. The orders he issued into the receiver were short and very clear. The receiver was dropped back onto its cradle with a precise smack that very much resembled the pounding of a gavel.

Paul paused outside the plain door that led to one of the few four-star generals in the United States Army. The entire post was nondescript by design. A merging of white and ecru paint colors that blended together to resemble an office cubicle. Something completely devoid of character or personality. The first rule of any cutting-edge project was to keep it under wraps. At least, as far as military technology went.

It was the polar opposite to Jolene.

He winced as her face rose in full color in his mind. Along with the vision came the memory of her voice and the way her skin smelled. Each little detail tormented him, but he wouldn’t banish the sight of her from his thoughts. She was the fountain of life he’d touched once. A siren he’d held in his arms. Even now, he couldn’t help but enjoy the image of her.

His blood heated up a notch as his cock stirred. He frowned as he felt the rise of need nipping along the organ. A craving that he’d carried for six years. He’d known that she wasn’t for him, but when you were young, you believed in making a dream come true.

Reality had a way of crushing those whimsical ideas into dust. Sweet, young Jonnie wasn’t meant for his world. In his life, there were guns and secrets people would kill for. He’d let her go because he just couldn’t be selfish enough to let his love turn her into bait. Today, the bitter taste of defeat filled his mouth as he considered the danger he’d placed her in. Knowing him, loving him had stained her bright red, making a target out of her. Since he’d let her go, he’d headed up two projects that were worth a lot of money on the black market. Breaking his loyalty was in high demand among the groups that made their living selling weapons to the highest bidder.

One sunset-washed-beach meeting had somehow led him to this moment. A night that he’d never recovered from. Working on a top-secret project came with security that didn’t allow him to escape the confines of base very often. The more critical the project, the less chance he had of getting past the front gate. It was something he’d been willing to sacrifice before meeting Jolene. Shackling himself to a project granted him the ability to play with all the compounds that civilians didn’t have the legal right to handle. His overactive brain had always been intoxicated by the idea of testing combinations. It held a mesmerizing effect over him for as long as he could recall. His brain would dream it and he became determined to forge that vision into life. Working with the military gave him everything he needed to build his dream machines, but they kept control of his projects in return for supplying him with all the cutting-edge technology and controlled substances. It was a tradeoff he’d enjoyed completely until that meeting on the beach.

The genius-level IQ inside his head didn’t know how to deal with Jonnie. She wasn’t anything remotely like the women he’d met on post. Maybe she had all the same parts, but one glance from her eyes and he’d been enchanted far beyond just the idea of having sex with her. Her sweet smile, the simple way she teased him when she didn’t even know his name. He’d transformed into her slave, fascinated with every tentative smile. Each little flutter of her eyelashes, or the way her breasts moved beneath her shirt. He had her sultry walk memorized because he’d watched her so intently, every second that he could.

Giving her up had been worse than death.

Across the tarmac, a soldier moved confidently towards a helicopter. Major Nolan Durant paused for a moment, his attention settling on him. Squaring his shoulders, Paul moved forward. He’d done it to protect her. Not something based in logic, it had been borne from fear. The only thing that he’d ever been more scared of than his own death was Jonnie being used against him. A tool to force him to turn traitor.

He couldn’t take it. Flat out, it scared him shitless. It sent a chill down his spine as he considered how close she’d already come to assuming that role. Love wasn’t supposed to do that to a person. He’d had no right to inflict such a burden onto anyone, at least not without asking. He’d lied to her the first time he’d met her. Leading her into a life that was a smokescreen. Too damn fascinated with her rosy view of the world, he’d installed her on base before really thinking about what sort of stain it might leave on her.

And then she’d told him she wanted to begin a family.

It was the only reason he’d allowed her to be told he was dead. She was so full of life. It just sickened him to think what living with him might cost her. So, he’d let her go, but the world was an unforgiving place. His one lapse of attention to logic wasn’t going to remain buried.

Nolan Durant closed the remaining distance between them. “I can move a little slower, if you’re planning to come to your senses and get my orders rescinded.”

Paul didn’t answer the man immediately. He rarely thought clearly when it came to Jonnie. In a way, he didn’t want to change that. Even believing him dead, she was his escape. Surveillance photos made their way onto his desk every two weeks. He’d watched her silently, cheering her on while dreading the arrival of photographic evidence that she’d let another man into her heart.

It still hadn’t come. That one detail stuck in his mind, refusing to allow him to turn her over to anyone else. She was still his. She didn’t know how to take shallow pleasure in sex without love. That was the thing haunting him. That link, binding him to her heart.

“Maybe I’ve finally come to my senses after six years.”

“I wonder what she’ll think about it.”

Something shot down his spine. It surged through every layer of skin and nerve tissue that made up his body before slamming into his head. But it didn’t wash up into the thinking portions of his head. Instead it triggered all the trip lines connected to his feelings. The idea of Jonnie was too strong, the single idea that she was going to be within arm’s reach…intoxicating. She hadn’t moved on either. They were still linked to each other. Nothing seemed to matter beyond that fact.

“I can’t wait to find out, my friend.” Paul sent the major a solid stare. “This time, no one is going to tell me that she can’t handle my life. She proved her ability rather well, didn’t she?”

“She did that well enough.”

Nolan stared at him for a long moment before the head of base security turned on a heel and headed towards his helicopter. There was clear purpose in the way the man moved. That suited Paul’s mood. Whatever happened, he was egger for it. Fate had brought them together once. Who the hell was he to argue with it this time around? Spitting in the eye of love hadn’t freed him to live a life filled with hot sex and glorious freedom. Instead, he’d become a hermit who peered at pictures of his one and only love while she slept in an empty bed longing for him as well.

Paul watched the helicopter lift off.

He’d learned his lesson. Now it was time to see what Jonnie did when faced with his living, breathing person.

***

“Out.” Jolene made certain that her voice indicated the issue was not open to discussion. Deputy Kent hesitated before he turned and stomped out of the bathroom.

“Leave it unlocked, Deputy Benate.”

Kent
’s tone left no doubt he wasn’t happy with her arranging any part of his operation. Oh yes, the deputy considered her part of his command, so her making her own choices was a violation of his command chain. She listened to his footfalls but they stopped three feet from the closed bathroom door. She heard a muffled phrase and raised a slim hand to rub at the pain centered behind her eyes. She felt like a wrung-out dishrag.

With a muffled curse, she began to work at getting her boots off. She might be tired but she wasn’t so far gone that any man was going to sit in the bathroom with her while she showered. There wasn’t even a tiny window in the small room. Jo doubted anyone was hiding in the plumbing. Kent was just going to have to give her fifteen minutes of privacy.

It took quite an effort to unwind the yards and yards of gauze that secured her shoulder wound. Once it had all been removed, Jo stood in front of the vanity mirror and inspected the damage. Nothing more than a row of stitches on the front and back of her body along with some bruising. She’d looked more abused during her days in the police academy.

But it still hurt like hell, all the way through her shoulder. Like there was a hot rod of steel stuck through her chest. Getting shot sucked. She was going to perfect her duck-and-cover method. Quick.

Turning her attention to the shower, Jo decided she had better get to it before Kent got the notion to check on her. After a mere twelve hours in his charming company, Jo resented that promise she had made to Locke. The close quarters were wearing on her nerves a lot faster than she’d anticipated. Maybe she’d been a little judgmental on witnesses who’d ended up in the sack with their protection team. The stress drove you insane. Jumping into the sack for some quick, impulsive sex was a better option than murder. At least it would have a less permanent effect on getting on with your life once the danger had passed, but that didn’t make her any more at ease with the concept of Kent peeking through the open door at her. He was hunky, hot and big trouble.

She was missing Tait, after all. At least she knew him. Jumping Kent would be nothing more than spitting in the face of death because she dreaded the unknown force gunning for her. Tait wanted her before she was a marked woman. Tonight, that was a definite point in the deputy’s favor.

She was still bored by the overall idea of sex with anyone besides her late spouse. Which landed her about one step from depression as she flipped the shower off. Grabbing a towel, she considered her reflection again. Her nipples weren’t even hard. Not one damn pucker for all her mental deliberations on intercourse. She snorted and gripped the towel tight across her nude frame as Kent shoved the door in. His gaze swept her and the entire bathroom before he withdrew.

Crap. One little sound.

After dragging the terrycloth over her head, she reached for her underwear and pants. She pulled them up over her half-dried skin.

Jo retied her boots then stood in front of the mirror again and fussed with her hair. It had grown out a bit over the last six months. Her hair had a natural curl to it that made her keep it chopped short. When her hair reached to her shoulders, like now, it took time and patience to keep it under control. Those were two items she did not have in abundance while working with Locke. When it came down to beauty versus achievement, her career had won. She’d marched into a salon and had her waist-length hair cut.

Reaching into her duffle bag, she found her brush. She had nothing but time tonight. Her hair was in that very light brown category that didn’t quite qualify as dirty blonde. Paul had always called it honey. When she took the time to brush it out, it would turn into soft bounces and waves.

He’d loved her hair…

She could almost feel the brush of his hand on her neck. He lifted her hair and nuzzled her throat. A tiny ripple of sensation went down her body as her memory ignited the passion that plagued her like a curse. She fluffed a hand through her drying hair, and her nipples tingled. Sometimes she could almost touch his image as it held her in her slumber. She’d never been a true believer of hauntings or the supernatural, but now she faced the fact that some things or people did hang on to the living. Paul was so real in her life. It had to be more than just the love of an eighteen-year-old girl. That, or she was emotionally scarred and hiding from the big bad real world.

At least being stalked by a ghost sounded better. But it made sense too. Paul had never been patient. It didn’t matter what age was on his driver’s license, he’d been a fully grown man. One hard kiss had knocked her flat. Their wedding night had obliterated her rosy vision of soft romance completely as she clung to the hard body of her husband. A tiny stain of red crept across her cheeks as she recalled the way her skin had leapt under his touch.