Sterling (12 page)

I
slept
in my quarters in the basement. In the morning I put on my grey maid’s dress and hurried through my usual chores, the least I could do for Scelpts, since Erich had not yet found her a new chambermaid.

I scurried into the kitchen to get the cleaning salt. The bathtub needed a good scrub.

“What are you doing, Sera?” Scelpts started in surprise. She appeared to be making Erich a breakfast tray.

“I’ll scrub the bathtub,” I said. “That way you won’t have to.”

Scelpts stared at me. “Dear girl. He’ll be furious if he discovers you working like that.”

I waved dismissively. “No, he won’t.”

Scelpts plopped a pitcher of cream on the tray, shaking her head as she departed.

I found the cleaning salt and returned to the bath chamber. I enjoyed the slow revelation of gleaming copper from the patina as I scrubbed the tub.

“What in the name of Amassis are you doing, Sera?” That annoyed voice could only be Erich’s. Reluctantly I looked up from my task.

“I’m cleaning the tub,” I said. “Obviously,” I couldn’t help adding beneath my breath.

“Get up at once!”

“It’s not done yet.”

“The housekeeper will do it,” he bit out. He wore only his dressing gown. He must have come down for a bath.

“She’s busy,” I informed him. “You haven’t hired her any maids.”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s only been a day.”

“She’s old. You cannot work her so hard.”

“Gods in Amaranth. You’re impossible.”

I took his departure as leave to finish the job.

Erich sent for me later. He sat in his study behind his desk, more official than I’d ever seen him.

“New candidates for the chambermaid position will be coming this afternoon,” he said by way of greeting. “And your new dresses arrived this morning. They are upstairs in your chamber. Go get dressed, and we’ll take a turn in the park.”

I went upstairs to change and refresh my face, wishing I could have a day to let my skin breathe. The cosmetic made it itch terribly.

I needed to make a plan to escape Avani. I thought again about Shankar, what chaos might be waiting for me there. Who could help me? What had happened to my father’s men: Kyro, Galen, Taz Ballestos? What had happened to my aunt, Siomar, and my handmaiden, Serafina?

I remained preoccupied as Erich and I walked through the park. People noticed us again, but we incited fewer whispers. We were old news. Gossip traveled fast in Avani.

“What are you thinking?” Erich broke the silence.

I’d been debating the merits of searching for Aunt Siomar in Fosillen City before returning to Shankar. “Nothing.”

“You’re so quiet. You must be thinking.”

“I was thinking about my home.” As close to the truth as I could get.

“Shankar?”

“Yes. I wonder what it is like now, after the war.”

“None of the fighting took place in the city,” Erich said. “The battles were all on Galatien turf.”

“But Xander Ricknagel is dead.” I forced my words into steadiness.
Oh, Papa
.

“Indeed,” Erich said. His voice had gone distant. I risked a quick glance at his face, but it was as unreadable as ever.

“So who rules now in Shankar?” I ventured.

He made a sharp sidewise glance. “Lady Sterling Ricknagel has disappeared. Costas Galatien has a cohort of Dragonnaires searching for her. I’m sure he will reinstate her as Head of House after they get a chance to reconcile—he did as much for my family.”

My heart skipped a beat. The Talatas were back in Costas’s good graces, then. “How did Costas Galatien return to the throne?” I asked. “I have heard nothing about it. It seemed Xander Ricknagel had won, and then, suddenly—”

“Costas escaped and killed Xander Ricknagel—though no one knows how, exactly. He landed in Amphicylix, where hosts of Galatien Guards had retreated. There he organized and marched directly to Galantia. Only the High City offered any resistance. Costas defeated Ricknagel’s remaining men in the High City in a short, brutal battle. Then he stripped the magitrix, Ghilene Entila, who’d let the Ricknagel army into the city in the first place, of her magestone, tried her for treason, and executed her by drainage. House Galatien accepted surrender from any of the Ten Houses that had allied with the Ricknagels—my own included. We had to pay a fine, and we have been denied the right to lienbound mages for ten years.” Erich smiled wryly. “My mother was livid, but she had no choice but to accept the terms.”

I covered my mouth to hide my shock. The magitrix’s death disturbed me most of all. I had never liked Ghilene Entila, but death by drainage was an awful fate.
Papa, Papa, how did it come to this? You were never meant to condone betrayals and murders. You were an honorable man.

Erich watched the horses. “And Sterling Ricknagel?” I risked. “Did he accept her surrender, too?”

“As I said, she disappeared directly after her father’s death. No one has heard any word of her.” He frowned.

When we returned to the house, Erich sent me to interview the chambermaid prospects. I selected the two girls I thought most suitable and saw them settled with Scelpts and the others. Scelpts grabbed my hand. “Thank you, Sera,” she whispered. “You’re a good girl. Be careful with the master. I worry for you.”

Erich wanted to dine formally that night. I dressed in one of the creations from his tailor, a pale blue dress cut in the new narrow fashion. Again, I tucked the Emerald Ophira and Papa’s ring into its hidden pocket. They were risky things to carry, but they were my talismans, and they steadied me in difficult circumstances.

Erich waited for me outside the dining room, pacing until he heard my footsteps. “You look very elegant.”

“Thank you,” I replied, flustered as always by a compliment.

He gestured me into the dining room. Cortis and one of the new maids served us, but anxiety curbed my appetite. No reason existed for Erich and me to dine together in private. Our ruse was for the outside world.

“Will we go out after supper?” I asked.

“Would you like to?”

“That is the point, isn’t it?”

Erich echoed my inner sentiments, “I don’t feel like going out tonight.”

Cortis came in and refilled my glass of wine. Erich watched as I drank; I hated the scrutiny. I finished the glass too rapidly. I expected Erich to comment on my overindulgence, but he said nothing, which only increased my discomfort. “Please stop staring,” I begged him.

“I like staring at you.”

“You make me nervous.” Would I never gain rule over this tongue of mine?

“Do I?”

My head spun. It would be unwise to have any more wine. Erich’s handsome face wobbled before me. “I am out of sorts.”

“Come here.” Erich beckoned with his finger. I shook my head, which did not help my disorientation. “You’re stubborn, aren’t you?”

I giggled. “That’s what my mother used to tell me.” A moment of rationality flashed through my head. Mama would be appalled at my behavior. I stood up. “I had better go to bed,” I murmured, thinking about my mother’s approval. I tried to take a step, but my legs were not coordinated. I caught myself on the table.

Erich darted from his seat as if his wine had no effect on his body. “Allow me.” He offered his hand. I stared, doubting the wisdom in taking it.

“I’m fine,” I managed. “I don’t break the rules.”

Erich chuckled. I tried another step but tangled my foot in the dress hem. Erich caught me beneath the armpits.

“Oh, no.”

“Does it hurt you? My touch? Truly?” he demanded.

“No.” I couldn’t lie, not when the answer was so important to him.

He swung me up in a smooth movement, sliding his arm beneath my knees. “I’m damned if I understand it,” Erich muttered. “But I’m not going to lose you, too. Hold around my neck.” He carried me up the stairs.

“I want to go to my room.”

“You agreed to sleep in my chamber,” Erich said. “Besides, alone, you’ll have bad dreams.”

What did he know about my bad dreams? Every night I dreamt of that horrible room with Papa dead in a pool of his own blood—but chambermaids weren’t supposed to have bad dreams.

Erich laid me gently on his soft bed. I faced him. “What did you mean, just now? About losing me, too?”

He lit a candle on the bedside table. “I’ve only met one other … woman … who could bear to have my hands touch her. I lost her, through no action of my own. I don’t want to lose you, Sera.”

Did he mean Sterling Ricknagel?
I rolled away from him, suddenly fearing his close scrutiny. “I’m tired,” I mumbled.

“Rest then, Beauty.” He settled on the bed and draped an arm over the pillows, too close to ignore. I turned to Erich. his sculpted face was shadowed in the candlelight.

He lifted one finger and ran it down my cheek, casting a trail of sparks through my flesh. His hand traveled lower, hooking the neck of my dress to pull it from my shoulders.

I wanted to touch his bare skin, too. One hesitant finger moved beyond my control, hovering above his chest before I caught myself.

I met his bright gaze. He pushed me backwards and moved over me. Then he kissed me, his mouth needy and determined and hot as pure flame. I turned my head away, fearing I tasted of wine.

“Don’t pull away, Sera, please.” He brought my face back towards his as the glassy shards of his contact cascaded up my cheeks. “Don’t pull away from me. Never pull away. Hold still and let me kiss you.”

“But—” He silenced me with his mouth. Oh gods, I wanted to surrender to him. Images of him in the Duke of Engashta’s library flitted through my mind. I was not jealous, only curious.

He rolled off me. I sucked in a breath. Had I done something wrong? He returned in a moment, looping rope around my wrists.

Oh, no
.
This again.

In no time, he had my wrists bound and his rope tied to the bed. Anger cleared my head quickly.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. “You promised—”

“I never agreed. I would never have agreed to that.” He ran his hand down my bare torso, sending bursts of pleasure-pain through my chest.

“This is how it will be.” He finished peeling off my clothes as easily as a Dragonnaire unsheathing his butterfly blades. “I do all the touching.”

“You said we rescinded the rules.” I kicked my heels into the mattress in frustration.

Erich’s hand on my chest distracted me with unsettling sensations. I wanted him; I wanted his attention. But his way of wanting was all wrong.

Erich withdrew his fingers. “Come now, Sera. I just want to touch you.” His face wore a light expression I’d never seen. He almost looked happy. “You cannot imagine.” He leaned forward, placing his palm on my chest again. “You cannot imagine. I’ve never—I haven’t touched a woman like this in years. Do you—can you imagine that? I haven’t touched any person with my own bare hands since—only with props or gloves.”

I sucked a breath of air, finally understanding why the rod, why the riding crop, why the ropes, why the rapier, even. He never touched
anyone
. “You feared to hurt them?”

“Yes. Hurt them—or worse.”

“Worse?”

Erich ignored me, instead smoothing my hair back, then caressing my cheek. How could he possibly have known the exact way I soothed myself out of my panic fits, stroking my face with the Ophira until I could breathe again? I leaned into his touch.

“That’s better,” Erich said. “That’s better.” I felt like a spooked horse under a careful trainer’s hand. I forgot about the ropes. He took my fear away, as though he performed magic with that soft, soothing tone and that hot, fiery touch.

He replaced his hand with his mouth, using his lips to learn my face, my neck, my collarbones.

“Oh gods,” he murmured. “To feel your skin. Your actual skin.”

T
ension unwound
from my body as I let the mattress hold me. Once I relaxed, my vulnerable position seemed tolerable. I kept my eyes closed.
Let him do this
, I told myself.
It might be your only chance to be desired this way. Enjoy his attention. You’d never have it if he knew who you were.

“Better,” Erich said again, between kisses. “I’m sorry. The truth is, I’m not sure how I would react to having you untied. I need to take this in measured steps. Small doses of touch. I need to have control. It’s for your protection. I never want to hurt you, Sera. You must tell me if anything hurts beyond bearing, immediately. In the past there have been—problems.”

Something dark lurked behind those words, but I chose to ignore it. “I like it when you touch me. It doesn’t hurt. It’s like—” I almost said hot wax, but hadn’t that been what I’d used to explain it back at the Duke of Engashta’s mansion?

“Like what?” His hands tightened on my shoulders.

“It’s an edgy pleasure.”

“Truly, Sera?”

“Yes, truly. But I want to touch you, too.” I wanted to drown in his skin.

“Tonight, I need you like this. I must take it slowly, Sera, so slowly. The last time I tried to—think of the binds as a protection. They keep us both safe.”

I finally opened my eyes. “Safe from what?”

“Sera, I’ve hurt people in the past, with this touching. Especially ... intimate touching. That’s why I wear gloves or use rods. I don’t want to hurt you, and I fear if I let you touch me, I’ll—it will be too much. I must be in control. I must be able to step back. If you touch me, I fear I’ll lose control.”

“I see,” I said, and I thought I did. I remembered his words in Engashta:
you may be ugly on the outside, but I’m ugly on the inside.
He didn’t abhor his physical body as I did mine, but beneath his pretty façade lurked a deep self-loathing. He hated what his body could do.

“I trust you, Erich.” I must have still been drunk to make such a statement.

But it excited him. His hands grew forward, tracing my chest, my navel. The air between our bodies thickened.

“Sera,” Erich whispered, “I want you so much. I’ve never—I’ve only tried this once before—”

His hand settled across my stomach, and a surge of sparkling heat unfurled through my torso. I gasped, utterly swept away by sensation.

“Are you all right?” He trailed that hand lower.

“Yes. Gods, Erich, it’s like bathing in aetherlight.” I didn’t know much about aetherlight, the fuel that powered magic, but I’d felt its touch many times, when Papa had hired mages to fix my face.

Erich pressed his bare hand that spread so much fire to the place between my legs where he’d used his device on Alira.
That must be the place where we go together
. Heat uncoiled in my hips. I pushed against his hand, unable to control myself.

A groan escaped his mouth, and he slid his naked flesh over me to stack our bodies chest to chest. I nearly died from the pleasure. Something long and hard moved below, startling me. It felt like an animal—a rooting, living creature.

“Open for me,” Erich said. “Sera, please. Please, you have no idea—gods, yes.”

I opened my legs. “Is that part of
you
?” I couldn’t believe it. How did men’s clothing conceal such a thing?

“Oh, Sera,” Erich said against my throat, almost laughing. “How can you know so little?” His part still prodded me below. I shifted my hips. There. “And yet you move like that,” he said.

“It feels good.”

“I’m going inside you.”

“Yes, like a dog,” I said, retrieving my only knowledge of mating. “But they always do it from behind.”

Erich froze, staring down at me. Then he laughed outright. His head fell over my chest, and his glimmering hair, so pretty by candlelight, obscured everything.

“Sweet, sweet Sera,” Erich said. “I adore you. Please don’t hold this against me. I’ve heard the first time isn’t—I promise you, after tonight this will be better. You’ll learn how to enjoy it. We’ll find a way.”

“But I am enjoying it—”

“You don’t even know how.” He closed our conversation with a kiss.

I was having, frankly, the time of my life. I’d never in my wildest dreams hoped to be adored in this way, not for an instant, not by Erich Talata.

Down below, he pushed. My insides tightened, startled by his insistence. But of course, he had to enter me. Like a dog. I softened. He pushed and I opened.

Erich made a primal sound of satisfaction. I replied in the same language. For a brief, bright instant, I felt the world shift on its axis, as if I were thrown sideways into a separate slice of reality, a place where only Erich and I existed, joining in magic and light, limned in colors—yellow and peacock blue—that spiraled between us. His heart beat through my chest, keeping time with mine. The room glowed—candlelight and aetherlight and moonlight all twining together.

A vine of the yellow aetherlight—mine?—emerged from the pattern and twisted around a strand of the peacock blue—Erich’s? The two threads twisted sensuously around one another like living serpents. Their motion echoed inside my body, as though Erich himself coiled around my inner structures: my spine, my stomach, my heart. The lights seduced me into a state of perfect ease. Erich surged into me; I lost track of any boundary between us.

We rested together, his body draped over mine, heavy, replete. I glowed with the afterburn of his touch, as though he’d left trails of his own aetherlight seared into my flesh. When I opened my eyes, the room was dark. All the wild lights must have been fancies of my too-vivid imagination, under the spell of Erich’s hot touch.

But before utter exhaustion took me, I looked down and saw a braid of yellow, peacock blue, and green light, trapped inside the Emerald Ophira, which had rolled from the pocket of my dress and spun on the floor like a living thing.

* * *

I
woke
with an aching head and sore limbs, though sometime in the night Erich had unbound me. To my disappointment, Erich was gone. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, to hold him and show him he could trust me as I trusted him.

The Emerald Ophira rolled across the floorboards as I caught up my dress. It still glowed a vivid, rich green, throwing sparks as I’d never seen it do before. I held it in the shaft of sunlight streaming through the window. It sent warm sparks up my arm like an echo of Erich’s touch.

“Get hold of yourself, Starry,” I muttered. Did I see a helix of light in the stone’s center, yellow twisting around peacock blue, as I had imagined the night before? I was understandably overwrought.

I shoved the Ophira into my pocket and hurried down the hall to Alira’s chamber.

I was now Erich’s mistress in fact. I chewed my fingernails in a manner Mama would have hated. Someday I might have to marry, and my husband would certainly expect Sterling Ricknagel to be virginal. Could a man truly tell such a thing? Any man I married would be disgusted by me, cosmetics or not. All other flaws would pale compared to my face. At least I had this memory of untarnished desire. I would not regret it.

I dressed in fresh clothes, retouched my face—which had broken out in a slight rash from all the cosmetic—and went down to see how Scelpts and the new chambermaids were getting on.

In the late afternoon one of the new maids brought me a message from Erich. He wished me to accompany him to his club in the evening, and he would meet me downstairs in an hour.

We remained silent during the ride. Erich only touched me to help me in and out of the carriage. I worried that last night had not pleased him. Flustered and shy, I withdrew.

I’d heard of clubs, but had never been to one, of course. Women sat perched in men’s laps inside the dark, wood-paneled place. Erich did not invite me to do the same, did not even take my arm as we entered the large card room.

Confronted with Erich’s coolness, I firmed my resolve to run away as soon as possible. I had five green saved, which could buy me passage to at least Galantia on the public stagecoach. I’d allowed myself to get distracted last night, but it wouldn’t happen again. Poor Erich—it would wound him to have yet another mistress abandon him. Beneath his arrogant veneer, he had his own fears.

I could not let such sympathies sway me. I had to leave, and soon. Tomorrow. I resisted the temptation to start gnawing on my fingernail again.

“Erich!” A man called from a seat at a card table. “I heard you had a new ladylove, but I’d not heard what a gem she was!”

Erich pulled out a chair for me at the man’s table and then sat down himself. I perched on the edge of the chair, anxious. I did not recognize Erich’s friend as any scion of the Ten Houses, thank Amassis, though I pegged him as a member of the upper echelons of society; he wore expensive clothing and a devil-may-care bearing.

“Verbian,” Erich said. “I had no idea you were in town.”

My stomach tightened. I knew the name Verbian, but I couldn’t place it. My mind raced through lists of names I’d learned as I prepared to take on duties as heir to House Ricknagel.

“Only passing through,” Verbian said. “I needed a rejuice, and I like Avani’s Temple more than those in Lyssus or Engashta.” Verbian studied me closer than I liked. I cast my gaze down as my shoulders shrugged into the hunch my mother so hated. “Your mother would like you to return to Talat City,” Verbian said to Erich.

Verbian must be a close friend, indeed, to deliver such a message. Why did I know the name? Why was the man staring at me?

“I’m sure she would,” Erich said. “But I prefer living here. She knows it.”

Verbian shrugged. “I merely report.” He tilted his head to try to meet my eyes. I stared at my skirt. His scrutiny made my mark itch. “A shy little lady,” he murmured. “Not your usual taste, Erich.”

“Leave her alone, Verbian.”

“What happened to what’s-her-name?” Verbian asked.

“Who?”

“You know, your blonde, luscious little tart? I liked the looks of her. But they’re all blonde, aren’t they? The one you sent here, I mean.”

“Alira?” Erich said. “I’ve no idea what she’s up to. I grew tired of her.”

Again, Verbian’s gaze drifted over me. “You found something far better.” Verbian brazenly tucked a hand under my chin. I bit my lip.
Amatos.
That mannerism belonged too much to Sterling Ricknagel.

I met Verbian’s green-eyed gaze squarely, though my stomach clenched.

“Where are you from, lovely?” Verbian asked.

I had a feeling he could read far more from me than I wanted. “Shankar,” I whispered.

“I said, leave her alone,” Erich snapped.

“He hates it when another man touches his paramour, since he can’t,” Verbian murmured to me. “Although...” he raked me with that too-knowing gaze again “...if I’m not much mistaken, he’s done a bit more than
touch
you—”

“Verbian!” Erich gripped the hilt of his rapier and sprang from his seat.

Verbian subsided. “Your mother will be delighted to know you’ve let Alira go. She thought her low. And this one—” Verbian indicated me “—I think she’s a far better choice. Your bound aetherlights tell an interesting tale. I do believe, Erich, that I just witnessed a very rare phenomenon in the Aethers.”

I couldn’t repress a gasp. House Verbian! It was a prominent noble family of Talata, well-known for producing mages. Verbian was a mage. He’d seen my Aethers when he touched my face.

I nearly toppled into a full blown panic attack. All my instincts told me to get up and run. Only years of training at resisting my natural impulses held me calmly in the chair.

“What are you blathering about, Verbian?” Erich grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him. I moved onto his lap under Verbian’s surprised stare. He seemed to know about Erich and the touching problem. Erich wrapped an arm around my waist to get me to lean against him.

“The
aetherlumo di fieri
,” the mage said.

“What?” Erich looked extremely discomfited. “That’s nothing but an old fairytale, Verbian. Do shut up.”

Verbian steepled his fingers. “Rumors say it’s possible. Mage Laith Amar even says it struck Costas Galatien at his marriage brokering, with the woman he ended up marrying after Stesichore Ricknagel. And,” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “I’ve never seen a bind like yours before.” He gestured between Erich and me. “That’s no regular bind, that’s for certain. Erich, what have you done?”

I thought of the aetherlight I’d seen the night before, and the braid trapped inside the Ophira that grew warmer in my pocket as we spoke.

Erich snatched the tumbler in front of Verbian. “Do you mind? All this talk of magic bores me terribly.” He downed most of the contents in one gulp and then held the remaining sip to my lips. I swallowed, letting the drink roil down my throat in a burning plume not unlike his touch. “What news of Talata?” Erich forcibly changed the subject. “Has my mother settled our indemnity with Costas Galatien?”

Verbian stared hard, first at Erich, then at me. “You aren’t in pain, sitting on him like that?” he asked me.

In reply, I lifted Erich’s—bare—hand and kissed it.