Stepping Up To Love (Lakeside Porches 1) (23 page)

“I need you to tell Lorraine you are done with any kind of relationship—business, personal, advisor, anything. I’m not sharing you with her, not even a phone call or an email. Are you done or not?”

“Done,” he vowed.

Manda studied his face, searched every corner of his eyes, and was satisfied with what she saw there. Her mouth curved in a smile, and her eyes were soft with happiness.

Joel looked into her heart and saw the love burning there for him. “Manda, let’s make this work. A day at a time.”

Manda’s face clouded suddenly with doubt. “Can we?”

“Tell me what you’re worried about.”

“That I love you and you’re my best friend and I want you in my life as more than a friend. Much more than a friend. I know I’m past being a basket case, but, Joel, I know so little about loving partnerships or negotiating serious disagreements. I have so much to learn.”

Joel grinned. “Me too. That’s why we have Gwen and Phil and a host of professionals. And we love each other.”

“We do. That part I’m sure about.” Her laugh was pure joy.

Joel ruffled her hair and kissed her mouth, warmly at first. When his passion grew, Manda matched it.

Without warning the wind slammed them, and they saw that the path was growing dark. Arms tight around each other’s waists, they headed back the way they came.

Chapter 8

Manda slipped and slid toward her gently used, five-year-old Volvo. “See you in January,” her classmate Lynda called across the parking lot.

Manda gave a happy wave and called back, “Drive safe.”

With the new car, Manda had not minded driving back and forth to St. Basil’s in Rochester two weekends a month. Joel liked the Volvo safety record; Manda liked the killer sound system.

Tonight Joel would have a pot of chili waiting for her to celebrate the end of the first semester. She hoped they could catch up a little before she crashed. Sunday was their day together, without fail. Manda hadn’t felt the sun on her face for a month. Maybe they’d get out for a walk if the weather improved.

She switched on her cell phone and saw four messages, all from Tony in the last two hours. What was that about? She fumbled with the car key, deposited her books and laptop on the passenger seat, and speed-dialed Tony.

“Where have you been?” he yelled.

“Class just ended. What’s wrong?” She could hear him breathing hard. “Tony, for heaven sake what’s wrong? Is something wrong with Joel?”

“I need you to come right now.”

“Where are you?”

“Strong,” he choked out. “Emergency Room. Get here, honey.” He disconnected.

She looked around for help, someone who could give her directions. “Mitch!” she yelled across two rows of cars, “Mitch, help me! How do I find Strong Emergency Room?”

“Hold on.” Mitch slid his way to her, pushing buttons on his phone. “One map, coming up,” he said lightly. He held out the phone for her to write down the information. “Told you, you need a smartphone, Manda.”

“Don’t rub it in!” she snapped back.

Mitch said calmly, “It’s going to be all right. I’m making bad jokes to pretend I’m cool. I’m pretty freaked myself.”

“Sorry. Something’s happened to Joel and I need to get there. I can’t even think.”

“I see that. Let me lead. You follow right on my tail.”

Manda caught a sob before it could get started.

“Let’s go,” he commanded. “Just stay on my tail. We’ll be there in fifteen minutes, I promise.”

They made it in twelve.

Mitch walked with her into the hospital, his hand on her back as they made their way through Saturday night chaos to the information desk.

“Joel Cushman?” Manda said to the attendant.

“Are you the fiancée?” Manda looked at her dumbly.

“Yes, she is,” Mitch said behind her. Manda knew he knew she and Joel were not engaged.

The attendant looked to Manda for confirmation.

“Nod,” Mitch prompted, and she nodded.

“Through those doors,” the attendant told her. “Ask for Rachel. You can’t go,” she pointed at Mitch.

Manda turned to Mitch, trembling, and accepted his reassuring hug.

“You’ll be all right. Breathe and pray. I know Rachel from Bill and Bob’s.” He waved to the woman with the long black hair peering at them through the double doors.

Manda laughed a little hysterically. “All this AA code. You’d think we were spies.”

“We’re family. Call me if you need anything; a place to stay, anything. Now get in there.” He walked her to the double doors and gave her a little push when they swooshed open.

Rachel came toward her. “Manda? I’m in the program, too. That’s why I stayed after my shift to help you.”

“Thank you—" she couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Come with me. It’s very bad. We’re going upstairs to surgery. I need you to know that Joel may not make it.”

Manda refused to take it in. She stammered, “Please tell me what happened.”

“I was going off duty when the call came in from LifeFlight. I didn’t want you to be here alone. A lot of us in Rochester AA know Joel. We’re organizing for others to come and be with you as long as you need us. Can you tell me your sponsor’s name and phone number, too?”

Manda said Gwen’s name and rattled off the phone number. She let out a breath of relief at completing one sentence.

“Whatever happens, you’re going to be all right, Manda,” Rachel told her. Manda wasn’t so sure. She wanted to be home with Joel, eating chili and laughing and making plans. She couldn’t lose him now. They had their whole lives in front of them.  They hadn’t even made love yet. The elevator doors closed on them. Manda grabbed for Rachel’s hand in panic.

“Take a deep breath,” Rachel ordered. “Good girl. And another.”

Finally out of the elevator, they passed a waiting room teeming with people—some talking on their cell phones, some pacing, some weeping, some numb—and continued to a smaller conference room, which was mercifully quiet.

“Thank you for doing this.” Manda took another deep breath and let it out calmly before asking, “What happened to Joel? What’s wrong?”

“Joel and his friend Tony P. were driving back from someplace on the lake.”

“Cady’s Point. He’s thinking of buying the land.”

“Whatever, on the way back they hit black ice and went off the road into a stand of trees. Tony was hurt, and he’s being treated downstairs right now. He’ll be okay. Joel was severely injured. No side air bags. Head trauma and fractures down the right side of his body. Undetermined internal injuries. Tony called right away for LifeFlight and got him here, which gave him a chance. He’s in surgery now.”

“What are they doing?”

“The main thing is to treat the skull fracture, and—"

Manda collapsed in on herself.
God, no.

“I know it’s a terrible thing to hear. Joel’s a young man, in good physical condition, and he may do all right. It’s too early to tell. They’re also going to set the fractures to his arm and leg if they can.”

“You mean, if his body can stand up to it?”

“Yes, that’s what I mean.” Rachel put a warm hand over Manda’s. “I need you to drink some hot tea and eat a little something. You have a long night ahead, and you need some nutrition. What can you keep down? Yogurt and toast, maybe?”

Manda had no interest in food, but she was dizzy and she knew she needed to take Rachel’s advice. “Sure.” She spotted bottles of water on a low table and asked, “May I?”

“Absolutely. The doctors won’t be in to tell us anything for hours.”

Manda finished the sentence, “unless it’s bad news.” She stood frozen in the middle of the room, clutching the bottle of water.

Rachel took the bottle from her hands, opened it for her. “Stretch out on the sofa while I make a cafeteria run for us.”

As she left, Rachel turned off the glaring overhead lights. A small lamp on the low table kept Manda company. She took a few swallows of water and lay back against the pillows.
God, what’s up with this? I don’t want to lose him. But I don’t want him to lose himself either.

The small lamp seemed to flicker; Manda thought it was because her eyes were tearing up.
I don’t know why I said that. I just know this could change him—his body, his mind. I need you to help Joel. To help his body.
She choked on a sob and let the tears flow.

She must have dozed. She floated awake when Rachel set dishes on the table.

“Tea is nice and hot. Yogurt with fresh fruit, and there’s a buttered English muffin. See if you can get some of this down.”

Manda came to the table, and Rachel squeezed her hand. Manda felt warmth and strength flow in past her defenses. “You’re an angel,” Manda told her.

They ate together and talked a while.

Rachel watched Manda’s face carefully as she dropped the second bomb. “We need to reach Joel’s next of kin, Justin Cushman. His office phone says the office is closed indefinitely.”

Manda had no explanation for that. 

“Do you know how to contact him?”

“I found his professional Facebook page last summer, and he gave me a couple ways to get through to him directly. One was the office. What do you want me to tell him?”

“That it’s urgent. He needs to come right now.”

Manda searched Rachel’s face for more answers.

Her only answer was, “It will help Joel to have him here.”

It was still dark when Manda woke to an insistent tapping. An older blond woman stood up from the chair Rachel had occupied. She flipped on the lights and gave Manda a reassuring smile as she opened the door to admit a scruffy physician in bloodstained scrubs.

Manda scrambled to her feet, swayed once, and leaned on the table for balance.

“Doctor, this is Joel’s fiancée Manda. I’m Lucy one of the aides. How is Joel?”

“Alive. Holding his own. He did well enough that we were able to stabilize the fractures, though he’ll need more surgery soon. His internal injuries do not appear to be life threatening.”

He turned his attention to Manda and gave her a weary smile. “Joel may or may not be able to hear us, but it’s important that you to talk to him. Briefly. Tell him what happened. Tell him any good news you can think of. I will see you again later this morning.” He gave a curt nod and left as abruptly as he’d arrived.

“That’s good news,” Lucy told Manda’s stricken face, “the best we can hope for right now. Finish your bottle of water and I’ll take you to ICU.”

“Where?”

“Intensive Care Unit, dear. They’re monitoring Joel’s condition constantly.”

Manda couldn’t take it in, but she could follow orders.

As they walked down an endless hallway, Lucy told her, “The arrangements are all made for you to shower and sleep and get a change of clothes and some decent nutrition today and tomorrow. Your sponsor Gwen will be here later this morning with some of your things.”

“What time is it?”

“Three a.m.”

Manda said over a sob, “God, I could never do this alone.”

She felt Lucy’s arm come around her. “Get that crying under control now,” Lucy ordered and handed her a box of tissues from a nearby cart. “You need to be strong for Joel. Remember what the doctor told you to do?”

Manda nodded, took a steadying breath, and walked into a room filled with monitors, tubes, and IVs, all attached to the body of the man she loved.

“You can do this,” someone whispered.

Joel lay broken on the bed, half of his face wrapped in bandages, the rest discolored and distorted with swelling.

“You know what to say,” the whisper repeated.

Manda went to Joel’s left side, perched on a chair, and touched the part of his hand that was not bruised or invaded by an IV line. “Hey, Joel, so much for our Sunday date. They said you and Tony had an accident, and you were on the side that hit the tree. Tony’s doing okay. They’re only letting me see you for a minute right now, and I want you to know I love you, and I’m in this with you. It’s going to take hard work, and we’ll do it together.” Manda took a worried breath and let it out.

“I’m in touch with your Uncle Justin, and waiting to hear which flight he’s on.” She tried to calm her voice. She hated lying to Joel, but it was what he needed to hear.

Someone touched her shoulder.

“That’s my cue.” She leaned closer and said softly, “They think I’m your fiancée. Don’t blow my cover, okay?”

Lucy swept her out of the room and down the hall. “You did great. You said exactly the right things.” She held Manda close and let her sob her heart out.

“What are all those tubes?” Manda choked.

“They’re making sure he’s hydrated and nourished. The line into his arm has the drugs he needs. And did you see? Joel’s breathing on his own, which is a really great sign that his body is handling the stress.”

“And the wires?” Manda’s voice was much calmer this time. “I want to know so I won’t freak the next time.”

Lucy rubbed her back and told her, “They’re monitoring the activity in every part of his heart, and they’re watching some brain waves.”

“And that little clip on his finger?”

“That measures his pulse and the level of oxygen in his blood.”

“What I said to Joel in there. I was really stretching the truth, but I believe it, too.”

“You need to believe everything you told him and work to make it come true. Don’t waste any energy worrying or doubting. Just believe in Joel’s recovery and do your part.”

That became Manda’s mantra for the next week, “Just believe. Just do it.”

Joel’s condition was more or less stable from one day to the next, but not stable enough to do the follow-up surgeries for his lower leg. Manda gave up trying to understand the drugs they were infusing into his blood stream. She knew it was critical that he not get an infection, so she imagined an army of miniature bug fighters pouring into his veins along with potent pain killers.

She moved to the rhythm created by her visits with Joel, seeing Joel for a few minutes, spending a couple of hours with Gwen or another woman from AA, walking and showering and getting a meal, seeing Joel again, and resting or exercising until the next visit. Without help from Gwen and the other women she was sure she wouldn’t be eating or exercising or taking care of her appearance.

“Gwen,” she told her sponsor at the end of the first week, “Joel’s still completely unresponsive when I see him, and Justin has not been in contact at all. I keep saying the same things over and over to Joel. I keep trying to contact Justin. Am I crazy?”

“That’s all you can do right now, chickie, so just keep doing it. If Joel’s able to hear you at all or even sense your presence, he’s getting hope and love from you. Try wearing that perfume I brought, the one he always comments on. And right now, eat,” Gwen ordered.

Manda went back to her salad.

“I’m plugging in your cell phone and your laptop while we talk; looks like they’re running low.”

Manda laughed. “I know the feeling. Thanks.”

“Did you just laugh?” Gwen teased. “See how much it helps to get a good meal and talk to a friend?”