Stepping Up To Love (Lakeside Porches 1) (11 page)

“I’m on board with that. And I don’t pretend it’s easy holding back, but I have every intention of waiting at least a year and letting her get a strong foundation in the twelve steps before we take it any further.”

Phil looked at him sideways, and Joel saw the skepticism on his face. “How long do you suppose you’ll hold out?”

Joel let out a laugh, then apologized. “Sorry, I do take this seriously. Do you mean my resolve to keep my hands off her, or are you thinking my interest in her will fade away?”

“Thank you for the apology. Both good questions.”

“Assuming she stays sober and works a good recovery program, I don’t plan to lose interest in her ever.”

Phil’s head swiveled in surprise. “Back up. When did you meet this object of desire, and exactly why do you think she’s worthy of a lifelong commitment?”

“You went away for a month in the sun.” Joel lifted his hands from the wheel in mock dismissal, his mouth curving with a smile. “And life happened.”

“Details,” Phil ordered with a laugh. “I need details. We have an hour’s ride to this meeting. I’ll navigate while you spill the whole story. Do I need to remind you that AA is a program of rigorous honesty? And I am your sponsor, so don’t give me any guff. I will know it if you try it.”

“Yes, you will, and that’s why you’re my sponsor. I have seriously missed these long talks.”

Phil’s chest puffed up. “That has the ring of truth. I’ve missed you too, boy.”

Joel smiled affectionately at the old man. It was hard for him not having a brother or father. His only relative—his Uncle Justin—was always on the move and frequently out of range of internet or cell phone coverage; it was always a struggle to track him down and carry on a conversation. Phil had taken on a lot when he agreed to sponsor Joel in recovery.

Joel told Phil about his encounter with Manda Doughty in the shower at the spa.

“Manda the Brave,” Phil commented.

“What?”

“Her name. Doughty is Irish. I believe it means plucky and courageous. And anyone contemplating involvement with you needs courage. Manda the Brave,” he repeated.

“Her name made me think of ‘Dowdy,’ because she was a frump. Who knew what she was hiding?”

“And what exactly was she hiding?”

“A spectacular body and a lot of bruises.” Joel filled him in on the abusive situation with Kristof and the fiasco at the college with the Presidential Scholars.

“Leave the college side of the story for later. I can tell there is a lot to say about that. What’s her status with Kristof, and have you told Manda your history with the Kristofs of Cady’s Point?”

Joel drove silently for a minute.

“I’ll take that as a No, you haven’t made her aware of your history there.”

“Do I need to?”

Phil let out his breath in frustration. “Only if you want to have an honest relationship with this woman.”

“I’m afraid she’ll freak.”

“Imagine how she’ll freak when she finds out from the rumor mill, and realizes you’ve been keeping it from her.”

Joel swore under his breath.

“No kidding. Put that on your list of discuss-with-Manda topics. Probably at the top of the list, but let’s hear the rest.”

Joel ran through the follow-on attacks by Kristof, along with Manda’s move to the dorm and subsequent move to Lakeside Terrace. Finally he explained the situation with the storm and the clean-up at Manda’s place.

Phil twisted in his seat. “And you expect me to believe this object of your desire slept undisturbed on your sofa all night while you rescued all of your tenants?”

Joel took his eyes off the road long enough to make eye contact with Phil.

“Yeah, okay, it does sound like something the new, improved Joel Cushman would do. How long have you been in this self-imposed moratorium on dating every beauty that comes along?”

“Coming up on two years, and I think you imposed it first.”

“Two years? Hard to believe.”

“Tell me about it.”

He was glad to get a laugh out of Phil. They were finally back in synch after a month apart.

“I need to tell you what happened between Manda and me that got me to hand over my phone and hit the sack for a few hours.”

“I’ve been waiting for this. Let’s hear it.”

When Joel finished telling him the story and added Manda’s perception of the fire as a trigger for Joel’s anger and irritability, Phil pressed Joel’s arm. “Let me give this some thought.”

A few miles passed before he said, “I don’t think either of us realized your post-traumatic stress about your sister Christie dying in the fire could impact a relationship that way.”

Joel nodded his agreement and swallowed with discomfort, remembering the fear on Manda’s face.

“It speaks well of her and of you that she could push past being afraid and call you on your behavior. Sounds like she’s got some good sobriety and good counseling already.”

Joel nodded his agreement.

“Has anybody ever confronted you that way? Besides me, I mean.”

“Certainly no woman has. Tony’s been in my face a few times. Uncle Justin, of course.”

“Well, I’m impressed that you let the criticism penetrate and are using it as a stepping stone for more growth. Do you feel you need more therapy?”

“I don’t think so, but I am open to it.”

Phil sat back. “I’ll say this: your moratorium has paid off, but I have to say I’m still very uneasy about the fact this woman is so young and so new to sobriety.” He raised his voice, “I mean it when I say you need to let her work intensely with a sponsor for as long as it takes her to move through the steps. That’s the way she’ll develop healthy relationship skills and maturity.”

“I get it, and I agree.”

“So you haven’t told her your history with Lorraine Kristof. I take issue with that. What other secrets are you keeping from her?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve talked about the way you keep secrets. I understand you come from a family that hid its dirty laundry, and I commend you for working hard to be up front and honest in your professional role. But I’m concerned you’re back to keeping secrets, and that’s no way to have an honest relationship with a woman.”

Joel felt puzzled. “For example?”

“Does she know you lost your family?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“We talked about her losing her parents. I wasn’t going to lay my stuff on her.”

“You don’t think she’ll understand?”

Joel waved it aside. “I think she’s got enough to think about.”

“Then, does she know you have a fortune and a charitable foundation?”

“Probably.”

“Probably?” Phil pressed. “She who has been struggling to put food in her mouth might or might not happen to know you’re filthy rich? And you’re certain she’s not playing you for Prince Charming?”

Joel yelled back at him, “I don’t know. I never know what to do with that. You know there’s only ever been one woman who didn’t have money as her motive with me. I want this to be an honest relationship, and I guess I’m too conflicted about the money to test her knowledge or her understanding.”

“Good that you can admit that to yourself and to me,” Phil prefaced and thought about what he wanted to say. He checked the passing signs and waved at the traffic signal up ahead. “Don’t miss our turn up here. We’ve talked about that conflict, and I understand your hesitation, but it has to be put on the table. The real test comes when you have a conversation with her about it.”

“So, okay, that’s on my discussion list,” Joel snapped. “Above or below the Kristofs?”

“I don’t know, but you’d better make it soon. If you put off discussing those hard truths, they’re likely to come out unedited under stress, and that could destroy any trust you’ve built to that point. Get your ID out for the guard before he turns that machine gun on us.”

Joel nodded, half his attention focused on the security check-in at the tollgate.

Phil assured him, “I will always pick up the pieces—you know that. And you don’t have to drink.”

Joel kept his hand at Phil’s elbow as they walked from the parking lot. He went ahead of Phil through the familiar, but never comfortable protocol, of signing into the prison, relinquishing their possessions, walking through the screening devices, navigating a series of electronically controlled portals, and finally arriving at the room where they would put on an AA meeting for half a dozen inmates at various stages of sobriety.

Joel would never have volunteered for this form of AA service, but he was grateful to Phil for involving him in the Corrections meetings two years ago. He was at a point in sobriety where he needed to make fundamental changes—even more than he had when he first got sober. 

Learning the inmates’ stories, while having the freedom to leave the prison at the end of the meeting, had convinced him he had nothing to feel sorry about in his own life. The saying, “There, but for the grace of God, go I,” played in his head all through the prison meetings and every time he thought of them during the month between.

“All right,” Phil commanded, settling in his seat as they made their way on dry roads back to Tompkins Falls. “Let’s hear about the college situation—the lothario professor as you call him, the scholarship program, and whatever else is related.” He shook a finger at Joel. “And I’ll tell you right now, I don’t want to hear that you’re being overly responsible. I realize the college carries your mother’s name, but you’re not solely responsible for making it successful or for cleaning up the mess caused by criminals.”

“I get that,” Joel said with more confidence that he felt. “However, the students need to be protected, and, to the extent the criminal activity affects admissions and development dollars, we’ve got to clean it up.”

“I like the sound of ‘
we
have to clean it up’. Proceed.” Phil shifted in his seat so he could see the expression on Joel’s face.

“For one thing, the whole mess with Kristof goes way beyond the demise of his marriage and the abuse toward Manda. I’ll give you details in a minute—but first I want to say it’s been tricky having contact with Manda while we investigate.” Joel lifted first one hand from the wheel, then the other, as he told Phil, “I’m in a delicate situation as her boss, landlord, and friend on the one hand, and trustee of the college on the other.”

Phil’s eyes narrowed in concentration. “So, how have you been handling this particular trickiness?”

“Probably not the best way. After the attack on her in the library, I took her shopping for a cell phone.”

“Took her shopping because she has no money?”

“I had to be sure she would actually get one and use it.”

Phil motioned with his hand for Joel to answer his question. “Did you pay for it?”

Joel chuckled. “No. Turns out she has a credit card and enforces very strict rules for her spending. She used the card to buy the phone.” Joel swallowed his pride and added, “Then she picked up the tab for breakfast.”

Phil hooted with laughter. “Good for her.”

Joel rushed on, “The point is, I picked her up at her campus apartment for this excursion.”

“Risky,” Phil agreed, “in the middle of an investigation, for the chair of the board of trustees to be seen at a  complainant’s dorm.” He shook his head.

“I know, even though I parked in one of the visitor lots, and I was lucky no one was stirring at eight in the morning. I buzzed her apartment from the main door and asked her to come down. Afterwards she dropped me at the visitor lot to get my car. The campus was still basically deserted. It is simpler to have her off campus now.”

“Except,” Phil shook a finger, “she’s living two floors away from you now. Have you thought about how that looks?”

“She’s legitimately doing a job for me and paying a nominal rent for her apartment.”

“Was that your good thinking?”

“The job definitely was. I was going crazy trying to handle the rent checks, the contractors, and the lunatic spreadsheet Denise set up.”

“And Manda’s rent?”

“Her idea. She was very sensitized by the financial threat Kristof made. He threatened to have her scholarship revoked if she didn’t put out for him. And as it turns out, her spring tuition had still not been paid at the point we started investigating. Someone had blocked the system from automatically applying her scholarship benefit to the tuition bill, so as far as Manda knew, she was still on the hook for a little more than fifteen thousand.”

“Piece of—” Phil muttered and moved his right foot on the floor mat as if moving aside a smelly pile.

“So she’s paying in rent what she saves each week by not drinking after work at the Vintner’s Lounge.”

“How does that compare with what you would normally get for that apartment?”

“A small fraction, but I’m not concerned about the money.”

“Of course not. And I’d say that was a smart move on her part, insisting on some kind of rent. It protects you as much as it protects her.”

Joel turned his head and made eye contact with Phil for a second. “Good point. I missed that completely.”

“Your ego got in the way. I’m hearing your obsessive need to rescue all through this story,” Phil pointed out with a shake of his head. “I hope she’s graduating soon?”

“In May. I’ll be glad to have that complication behind us.”

“Well, be careful in the meantime. You don’t want to compromise your position or your investigation.” Phil powered down his window and took a few deep breaths of fresh air before powering it up again. “There, I think I’m ready to hear what’s happening with the Kristof side of the investigation.”

“It’s ugly. What we know so far is that this guy has been preying on students for a while, possibly years. We have no shortage of academically weak students, and many of them think it’s okay to sleep with the professor to get decent grades. There's nothing new about that. We have a strong sexual harassment policy and workshops for faculty, staff, and students. To find out we have violations going on of this magnitude and this duration, without anyone’s awareness, is alarming.”