Stepping Over the Line: A Stepbrother Novel (Shamed) (21 page)

My heart twisted when Cook ran across the wood gym floor in our direction, ambushing us with hugs. When he wrapped his chubby arms around his father’s legs, I didn’t even try holding back happy tears.

“Uncle Garrett! Hi! I’m excited you came to my school!”

“Hey, buddy.” He knelt to Cook’s eye level to give him one more hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“You’re funny.” Cook giggled. “I saw you this morning when you stealed bites of my cereal.”

Garrett cracked a smile and conked his forehead. “You’re right. How come it seems like a million years ago?”

“Like when there was dinosaurs?”

“Exactly. Do I look like a T. rex?” He released Cook to make silly growling noises and pretend to claw.

Cook was all in and growled back. Garrett fell backward onto the floor, laughing, but with tears shining in his gorgeous brown eyes.

I loved him. I’d always loved him.

Not as my brother, but as the most desirable man I’d ever known.

I couldn’t imagine how that revelation would play out with our parents—after the atrocities Suzette and Canton had committed, I no longer cared about Chad’s family’s reaction. Garrett and I had come so far. Sure, we’d had phenomenal sex, but it had also been angry, spontaneous, and maybe even a little cruel. It had been sick and twisted and all at once strangely beautiful as if both of us had been rebelling against the sibling labels we’d been given, but never deliberately chosen. Now, with all of that behind us, everything felt terribly fragile—fierce in an entirely new way. This time, the tightness in my chest stemmed from a desperate longing for the three of our lives to forever be happily entwined.

“Savvy!” Garrett playfully shouted. “Help save me from this raptor.”

“Sorry, mister!” I laughed. “You’re on your own.”

Cook’s perky, twentysomething after-care teacher wound her way over with the sign-out clipboard. “Who’s the hottie playing with Cook? Is he seeing anyone? Nothing’s more adorable than a man who loves children.”

“Actually,” I said, trying not to be defensive while I signed for our son, “I think he’s not only engaged, but planning a Christmas wedding. I met the lucky lady, and she’s a great catch.”

“Bummer. Let me know if they don’t work out.”

“Yeah, sorry. He’s for sure off the market.”

The raptor fell into a fit of sneezing, ending the impromptu party. But after he’d wiped his nose on his sweatshirt sleeve, he asked, “Mom?”

“Yes?”

Cook held Garrett’s hand. “Can we
please
all get pizza? I’m starving!”

“Absolutely—but only if we get extra cheese.”

“Yaaaay!”
In the car, I was happy for Cook’s chatter, as it seemed to ease Garrett’s nerves.

This early in the afternoon, Louie’s Pizza was dead. As usual, the second we were seated, Cook asked permission to play beside the wall-sized fish tank. There was a children’s area and fish-and-pizza themed activity sheets to thankfully keep him and a few other rowdy kids busy.

Classic Frank Sinatra blasted from hidden speakers.

“Well?” I said to Garrett after placing our order. “When are you going to tell him?”

“Soon.” He winced. “I’m looking for the right angle.”

“Let me give you a tip.” I leaned across the table to steal a kiss. “He adores you. No angle needed.”

“Think so?”

“I think you’re being a major doofus. Come on.” I took his hand, then led him to our son. I asked Cook, “What are you drawing, sweetie?”

“A turtle! Look! There he is!” A huge snapper lurked at the bottom of the freshwater tank that held a sampling of almost every fish found in local ponds and rivers. “He’s gigantanormous!”

“He sure is,” I said. “Even bigger than the last time we were here.”

“I know!”

“Sweetie?” I swept Cook’s bangs back from his forehead. It was about time for another trip to the barber. Dad usually took him, and they made a man-day out of it. Would Garrett now be included? It made me inordinately happy to think he would—if Dad accepted Garrett and me as a couple instead of siblings. It killed me to think that after all we’d been through with Canton and Suzette, we faced yet another hurdle.

“Yeah?” Cook held his breath while focused on his coloring—just like his father had while working the table saw and nail gun.

“What would you think…” I felt Garrett’s stare, then looked up to give him a reassuring smile. “If instead of Uncle Garrett being your uncle, he started being your dad?”

“I thought I already have a dad, but he’s with the angels?”

“You do. But this would be different. What if Garrett was your real dad, and you got to see him all the time, and he lived with us, came to your school for plays, and took you fishing and to do lots of other fun stuff?”

He stopped coloring to look at Garrett. “Can we play pirate and dinosaurs?”

“All the time.” Garrett’s eyes were once again shining. Was he happy? Sad? Feeling bittersweet? I couldn’t tell. I used to pride myself on being able to decipher his every mood, but not anymore.

“Okay. You can be my dad and my uncle.” Cook left his stool to give Garrett a hug, then went right back to coloring his turtle.

“Just like that?” Garrett asked. “I don’t have to fill out an application?”

“What’s an applelacation?”

Garrett laughed. “A long piece of paper grown-ups use to get a job.”

“Oh.” He shook his head. “No paper. I just want you to be my dad.”

“Me, too, buddy.” Garrett put his arms around our son, resting his chin atop Cook’s head. Tears shone in his eyes. Cook’s smile was heartbreakingly serene. “Me, too.”

“Let’s tell Mom and Dad tonight,” I said softly to Garrett.

“Sure?” When his dark stare met mine, all the air left my lungs.

Of course, I wasn’t sure. But I nodded.

I was done living a lie.

An hour later, Garrett drove me to the clinic for my car.

I then drove Cook and me to our parents’ estate. The plan was for me to lay the groundwork, ask Violet to watch Cook, then Garrett and I would proceed from there.

We’d tell the truth—at least most of it.

Where Cook’s paternity was involved, we’d had a brief fling. An experimentation. As for the more recent stuff? By mutual agreement, it was off the table. For Cook’s sake, we’d decided to forge a family. Of course, there was so much more to our story, but for now, for Mom and Dad, that was all they needed to know.

I parked in the circle drive.

Cook was a master escape artist and had already freed himself from his safety seat.

“Wait up!” I hollered when he jumped from the car. He did not.

Garrett pulled up in his red Caddy and met me midway to the front door.

Since the fire, since realizing I could have lost him, my heart was done playing games. Telling our parents was the right decision—the only decision. I’d always loved him, but in what way? As a sister? Or as the part-time lovers we’d only recently become? And was it the physical intimacy making me feel closer to him than ever before? Or the blend of laughter and tears and shared time with our son.
Our son.

“How are you?” I asked.
I’m a wreck. I don’t know what to do with my hands.

“How do you think I am? The new father in me is elated. But when I think about what this bomb could do to my dad…” He bowed his head.

“He’ll get through this. So will Mom.” I wrapped my arms around him, hoping to convey that not only were we in this together, but that I loved him in every possible way. Before reuniting with him, my life force had grown mildewed and murky like stale water left too long in a vase, but needing desperately to be washed clean. Garrett’s love had done that for me. And now, I’d never felt more happy and filled with hope for our amazing future together.

“Garrett. Savannah. What a nice surprise.” Mom stepped outside to give both of us hugs. Cook was already in the house. “You know I’m always happy to see you, but after what those horrible Ridgemonts put you through, you should both be resting. They’re snakes.”

“Mom…” I put my arm around her and tried leading her away.

“No—no, I’ve needed to get this out for a while. Garrett, what happened to you is just wrong. It broke my heart. You know you’re as dear to me as if you were my flesh and blood son, and because of that, I can’t bear to see your name dragged through the tabloids like you’re some kind of monster. As for the not-so-subtle insinuations that the two of you are anything other than brother and sister? Well, it’s disgusting, and trust me, I’ve already contacted friends in high places to launch a counterattack.”

“Mom,” I teased, trying to sidestep the last portion of her speech, “have you already had your nightly gin and tonic?”

“Maybe two or three. But I can’t help it. Suzette has always brought out the worst in me. I’m genuinely sorry she’s now essentially lost both of her sons, but instead of dwelling on her loss, why doesn’t she focus all that energy on good? You know, start a charity promoting abstinence—which both her sons clearly needed a lesson in. Or, she could do something for Cook’s little school friends. I know Theo has an active Jackson law practice, but honestly, if I were her, I would move down here to be with my grandson every chance I could.”

“Okay, Mom…” I wrangled her toward the house. “Let’s get you inside.”

Garrett and I shared a glance. His arctic chill didn’t exactly fill me with warm and fuzzies.

Cook popped through the front door, followed by Dad. “There he is, Grandpa! I know you said I have a dad, but Uncle Garrett’s my
new
dad. I’m happy, aren’t you?”

Jesus Christ…

I wanted my stepmom and Dad to know I’m Cook’s biological father, but not like this. I’d wanted to sit down for a rational, adult conversation with Cook safely locked away from the inevitable histrionics.

My stepmom kicked off the show by kneeling beside her grandson. “Sweetheart, I think you’re confused. Garrett is your uncle—your mommy’s brother.”

Here we go…

Cook peered up at me. “But I thought you said
you
were my dad, and we’re gonna be a family?” Bile rose in my throat. At that moment, I almost wished the paternity test had turned out the other way, just to save my little guy from this shit show. In a freeze-framed snapshot, I realized Savannah had been right. No one was ready for this new reality—least of all, me. “But if you’re Mom’s brother, you can’t be her husband or my dad, right?”

My throat squeezed to the point I wasn’t sure I could breathe.

“No harm, no foul.” Dad sipped from a dirty martini. “Cook, all these grown-up labels can be awfully confusing. All you really need to know is that your mom and Garrett and your grandma and I all love you very much.”

“Dad,” I stepped between him and my son. Suddenly, I was no longer a grown man, but a teen caught borrowing his Jag without my license. “I appreciate you trying to decipher these semantics for Cook, but the reality is that he is my son. The night of Savannah’s med school graduation party, I had too much to drink, and the two of us acted on a physical curiosity that landed her in…trouble.”

While digesting the meaning behind my words, my stepmother paled. “Savannah? Is that true?”

With silent tears streaming down her cheeks and her fist balled to her mouth, she nodded.

“Mom, Dad, I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did, and the fact of the matter is that for Cook’s sake, we’re going to make our own family, and—”

Now my stepmom was crying, and Dad’s pinched expression looked caught between a heart attack and stroke.

“You had
relations
with your sister?” Dad asked.

“Dad,” Savannah found her voice, and I loved her all the more for it. “If you want to be mad at someone, I’m your girl. I suspected all along that Cook could be Garrett’s, but to save you two from the shame, I hid that truth. But I’m not hiding anymore. Garrett is Cook’s father. I’m sorry if you disapprove, but that’s the truth, and there’s really nothing else to say.”

“How could you?” My stepmom glared at me and then her daughter. “In all my life I’ve never been more ashamed. We trusted you two. You slept across the hall from each other and shared a bathroom. You weren’t…having
relations
…
all this time, were you?”

“No.” I took Savannah’s hand, wanting her to know I was here for her however she needed me to be. I couldn’t bear seeing her subjected to more sleazy accusations—even if they were true. We might not have had sex back in our school days, but it had damn sure been on both of our minds.

“This is sick.” Dad tossed back his drink.

“Daddy, please, try to calm down.” Savannah left me to place her hand on our father’s arm. “Think about it. Garrett and I aren’t actually related. We’ve done nothing wrong.”

“You’ve done everything wrong,” her mother said before releasing a gush of tears. “How dare you subject our innocent grandson to this sordid state of affairs? I thought the Ridgemonts had ghosts in their closets, but I’ve never heard anything like this. Poor Cook.” She knelt to lift him into her arms.

“I’m so sorry.” I knew confessing our secret wouldn’t be easy, but I hadn’t expected it to be quite this hard.

Taking his cue from his grandmother, Cook had started crying, and she started to carry the boy inside.

At the pizza place, I’d felt high on life and love and the sheer power stemming from knowing I’d shared in creating another human being. But now? Cook and the woman who’d been more of a mother to me than my own mom had left me, and my own father wouldn’t even look me in the eyes.

“Mister Dickey? Missus Delilah?” Violet stepped out onto the porch and cleared her throat, blocking my stepmom’s way. “Now might not be the appropriate time, but after all we’ve with been through with Mister Garrett and Miss Savannah, I can’t keep this to myself. Miss Delilah, you go ahead and fire me if you have to, but when I had Kenya, I loved Grady with my whole heart and soul. My momma made me ashamed to love him or my baby. She told me I was a family disgrace and that no good man would ever love me. I believed that for all these years, but then my Grady came back and I told him about our daughter, and come Christmas, I’ll be a married woman with my very own house. Mister Dickey, I’ve worked in your home darn near my whole life, and you’ve been real good to me, and I’ve always held you in high regard, but what you and Miss Delilah said to Miss Savannah and Mister Garrett isn’t right. If these two found each other, then let them be. They’re not breakin’ any laws. They’re just being young people in love. If my momma had let me keep my baby and be with Grady, there’s no telling how different our lives might be. He might not have gotten himself mixed up with that bad crowd, and—”

“Violet,” my dad said, “thank you for sharing your point of view. You’ve made a valid argument.”

She raised her chin. A hard look of defiance replaced her usual softness. “Don’t you let this break up your beautiful family. You folks are blessed. You’ve got fine children you ought to be proud of. A doctor and a lawyer…mmm-hmm. Even if Mister Garrett’s not lawyering, he’s a good man. And Miss Savannah, you and Cook need a good man in your lives.”

“Yes, we do.” Savannah left me to hug her. “Thank you.”

My mom was next in line to give Violet a hug. “Yes, thank you.”

“Garrett…” Dad cleared his throat, then said, “I think you’ve caused enough damage for one night. While I appreciate what Violet had to say, since this is all still so new, why don’t you do me a favor and give me some space.”

“Sure, Dad.” I bowed my head. “If that’s what you want.”

“Garrett…” Savannah came to me, and pressed her hands to my chest. For a moment, I thought she might kiss me, but then she bowed her head and backed away.

More than anything I’d ever wanted, I wished for Savannah to fight for me. To tell our parents she’d loved me just as clearly as she’d confessed that love to me. Of course, she didn’t, so I abided by my father’s wishes and left the premises, unsure of when—if ever—I’d be welcome in my parents’ home again.

I went to the B & B.

The last time I’d been here had been with Savannah’s bridesmaid, Constance. The next day she’d been with Prince Chad. In death, he’d achieved royal status—all sins against God, man, and fiancé forgiven. Would I have to die before anyone forgave me?

My only baggage was my dark mood.

The fact that I had a son, but now shame kept me away was damn near too much to bear. Was it wrong that I wanted to be happy? For years, I’d watched from dark corners as Liam and Ella, Owen and Natalie, and Carol and Nathan had gone through tough times, but eventually received fate’s blessing in the form of happy endings.

Yes, for the vast majority of my life, I’d been a bastard.

See? I’m the first to admit it. But I’d changed.

I got more joy out of playing dinosaur with my son than drinking or going to strip clubs. I’d taken flowers and cash to the sweet, little old lady who’d called 9-1-1 for me when my house was on fire. I’d even once again saved Savannah’s honor. Unfortunately, I’d also had a few not-so-brotherly indiscretions with her, and apparently, that was where I’d karmically veered off course.

In my suite, I took three scotches, two vodkas, one rum, one gin, four Coronas, and a magnum of champagne from the minibar, set them all in the bottom of the oversized soaking tub, then ran hot water. With each inch the water rose, my prizes floated higher. “Look at your dad now,” I said to my boy, even though he was with his mom, “aren’t I a helluva good pirate? Look at all my treasure.”

I stripped before stepping into the tub.

Over the running water, I thought I heard someone knocking, but once the tub was full and I’d sunk all the way under with just my nose and mouth above water, all was blissfully quiet—until it wasn’t.

“Garrett, no!” My peace was interrupted by Savannah, jerking my shoulders. “You have too much to live for. Cook needs you.
I need you
…
” She was once again crying, and though for a split second, the old me, who was cruel and cynical and believed the worst of everyone, was tempted to keep my eyes closed and allow her to blather on about how much she loved and adored me. But I’d established long ago that the girl—the woman—was my Achilles’ heel. What can I say? I loved her. And so I opened my eyes to her, to us, and pulled her atop me in the tub.

After she’d gotten over her initial shock, she demanded to know, “Were you faking?”

“Being dead? Or taking a nap?”

“You know what I mean. You weren’t trying to drown yourself?”

“And allow our parents to ultimately win both you and my son by default?” I laughed, unbuttoning her blouse. “You know me better than that. Where’s Cook?”

“With Mom and Dad.” She put her hand over mine, effectively stopping me. My little soldier already stood at attention, bobbing between the bottles. It really irked me—how could I be mad as hell at her for staying behind with our folks, but still want her with every ounce of my being? “When I told them I needed to make sure you were all right, and that no matter what they thought, I love you and have every intention of marrying you, they were all too glad to see me go. They made zero attempt to hide their disgust at us both, and were thrilled for the chance to babysit our innocent son.”

“Swell.” The rum bobbed closest to my hand, so I grabbed it, opened it, and downed it in one gulp. “But maybe I don’t want to marry you?”

She stared at me with an expression I couldn’t begin to decipher, then reached for a mini bottle of gin. “Like mother, like daughter…bottoms-up.”

“Are we doing this?” I asked with my roving hands back on her buttons.

“If, by
this,
you mean getting seriously fucked up, then screwing each other in this great big, lovely tub—yes. I believe we are. And after we sleep it off, we can figure out how to proceed.”

“With or without each other?”

“Since you’re back to being stubborn, apparently, the answer to that question is gonna take more booze and sex.”

For the first time in five years, I exhaled. “I’m down with that…”

I swept my hand under the wet fall of her hair, and the ugliness of our latest messy scene vanished. Once again, my sole existence filtered down to her, only her.

We struggled with removing her wet blouse and slacks while maneuvering around the bottles. We laughed and cried and bowed our foreheads together while simply taking in the view of each other. The lights were on. I saw all of her, and she saw all of me. There was no frantic coupling, but tender exploration. I grazed my fingertips along the swell of her breasts, down to her belly, and then to the V of her legs. She spread them for me, and I kissed her deeply while fingering her clit. Over and over, came lush sweeps of our tongues. At least in this precious moment, she was mine and I was hers and everything else could be sorted in the morning.

She cried out, and when she found release, her blissful expression called to mind the way I used to feel when watching her run in twilight. Her long hair streaming behind her. Fireflies dancing just beyond her reach. Those lost times had been good. Now? Far better.

I’d been all around the world, but her beauty was incomparable. She was everything to me, and I could deny it all I wanted, but the truth was that I’d go through this chaos over and over again if it meant spending this very moment with her. I loved her. I’d always loved her. And I no longer cared who knew.

She whispered, “I want you inside me.”

I nodded. But she deserved more than a quick fuck in a tub littered with booze bottles.

With a swoosh, I pushed my way out of the tub.

“Where are you going?”

“To a proper bed.” I knelt, scooping her into my arms, then kissed her all the way to the next room. I stumbled over my shoes and jeans, but eventually made it to the bed and set her on top of the downy white comforter.

The room was warm, but her nipples were hard, begging for attention. I leaned in to her, lavishing them with kisses, sucking and nipping, enjoying their heavy weight in my hands. I’d seen her nude the last time we’d made love, but this felt different. Special, with all of her spread before me like a buffet. We’d been naked, but not fully exposed. Our acts had still been dirty, but now, we were clean. No secrets standing between us or anyone else.

I kissed my way down her abdomen, and then lower until I was once again between her legs, only this time, with my tongue. She bucked and moaned and pulled at what little there was of my buzz-cut hair. She shuddered when she came, and before she had time to fully recover, I plunged inside her. She wrapped her legs around me, arching up to meet my downward thrusts.

Even though darkness had long since fallen outside our room, with her, I soared high above the clouds, carrying her with me into a horizon blazing with sunlight and surreal happiness that no longer felt impossible to achieve, but fully, finally, within reach.

All we had to do was take it, and a happy ending was ours.

“I love you…” Needing to see the entirety of her precious face, I swept her hair back from her clear blue eyes that had pooled with tears. With me still thrusting deep inside her, I kissed the tip of her nose, and her cheeks, and then her closed eyes. “I love you. Marry me. No matter what our parents think, let’s get started on being a family and raising Cook together…”

She nodded. “Yes.
Together…
I love you, Garrett Marsden. I’ve always loved only you.”

Hearing the words that up to now I’d only imagined filled me with an inner peace I thought only existed in fairy tales. All the rage I’d carried for all the years she’d been denied to me was gone. She’d made me brand new, and I couldn’t wait to watch our shared lives unfold.