I climb out of the car and watch through a haze of tears as the cop marches him to the squad car. McIntyre pushes Rafe's head down as he opens the rear passenger door, guiding him into the back.
I feel numb, like this isn't really happening. Just half an hour ago I was laying beside Rafe in bed, our bodies glistening with sweat, panting with blissful exhaustion after the second time he made me squeal with joy. I can't believe that it's over. I can't believe he's in cuffs, bundled into the back of a squad car on the way to jail. This just can't be happening.
Through blurred, tearful eyes I was as the squad car pulls away. Through the window Rafe looks back and smiles at me, his eyes locked on me as if I'm the only thing that matters to him in the world.
The car pulls slowly around the corner, and right on the edge of my perception I can hear mom yelling at me, and dad trying to calm her down. I feel someone grab my by the wrist and pull me back towards the house, and I move without resisting, pulled like a rag doll. I don't care.
I just feel numb.
The weeks following Rafe's arrest were a living hell.
Lawrence Anderson, the guy Rafe had beaten to a pulp, had woken that Sunday morning with a raging hangover, a broken cheekbone and a wicked grudge. The night before he'd been too drunk to speak to the cops, but when he woke up in the hospital – around the time Rafe and I arrived at the diner – he was more than ready to confirm the ID of his attacker.
The terms of Rafe's probation were clear. If he re-offended he'd face not only the new charges but also the original charge of grand theft auto. No second chances. No exceptions. He spent three days in the local jail before he was extradited back to Colorado, where he was quickly tried by the judge who had originally allowed him to go live with Karl. This time it was made clear there would be no soft option.
Rafe's lawyer sent a request for me to appear as a witness at the trial. There was no hope that he'd escape jail time, but the lawyer was convinced he could have the sentence reduced if I testified that Rafe was fighting to defend me. Mom wouldn't allow it. From the moment the cuffs were snapped on his wrists in our driveway I was forbidden from having any contact with him. I argued until I was blue in the face, but there was no talking her down.
Rafe was dealt the maximum sentence the judge could issue: three years in jail. I only learned that from online court records.
While Rafe was sitting in a Colorado jail cell I faced weeks of uncertainty about whether I'd be charged with giving a false alibi to a police officer. Mike Bowen's parents made a big noise about it, arguing that I should spend a little time in jail for trying to absolve their son's attacker, but eventually they gave up the fight when public opinion turned against them. Nobody could bring themselves to argue that I should do time for sticking up for my stepbrother.
The fear of going to jail was nothing, though, compared to the horror of my parents learning the truth about me and Rafe. As soon as he was arrested the whole sorry story began to come out. The gossip network was alive with rumors about what had happened, and by the time the waitress at Frank's started blabbing about the morning she saw the two of us rush to the motel you'd think we were Bonnie and Clyde. In the eyes of the community I became some sort of gangster's moll, egging Rafe on to commit his crimes before dragging him to bed.
It was mortifying. Everyone loves a good piece of gossip, and we gave it to them in spades. Before long most people believed that Rafe was my real, biological brother, which only made the story all the more juicy. By the time the summer ended and I escaped to UCLA mom and dad had broken under the pressure of the whispered words and sidelong glances. They sold up and moved to a place by the ocean about an hour north of the city, leaving all the rumors behind.
As for me... well, mom and dad didn't want to talk about it. Dad never spoke about it, but mom convinced herself that what happened between me and Rafe was just a stupid mistake. I tried to explain to her that it was more than that, that the feelings I had for Rafe weren't just a schoolgirl crush. I told her I loved him, but she only heard what she wanted to hear.
But it's true. I loved Rafe Stone.
I'll always love him.
S EVEN YEARS LATER
"Madison Edith Moriarty, will you just relax for a minute? Take a breath, girl. You've done this a dozen times before."
I give Penny a sharp look. "That's not my middle name, dude. Don't be telling people that's my middle name. That's the kind of thing that sticks."
Penny laughs and picks up a hardback from the stack on the table in front of me. "Oh yeah, my mistake. It says here you're Madison Moriarty, the Gobi Rider."
I cringe a little at the cheesy black and white portrait on the dust cover. My publisher asked me to wear a fedora. I couldn't tell you why I agreed. I may have had a few drinks in me.
Penny sets the book down. "Anyway, chill out, Mad. You're getting all squinky again."
I know she's right. Penny has been with me for all my book signings, and she knows they freak me out more than being caught in a dust storm on the Mongolian steppe.
I should probably catch you up, shouldn't I? It's been seven years, after all. I hope life has been treating you well.
So... ummmmm. UCLA? Yeah, that didn't exactly work out. It turns out college really wasn't my thing. I only lasted two semesters before I got frustrated by the endless assignments and general bullshit of college. Mom and dad were paying around $33,000 a year for fees, housing, books and every other little thing that adds up to so much, and the idea of asking them to spend that kind of money on a degree I wasn't sure I even wanted just seemed a little silly.
I was so bored with school that I started taking long walks instead of going to class, and that's how I ended up on the doorstep of the enormous Mormon temple off Santa Monica Boulevard. Don't worry, I didn't find god and become a nun (or whatever the Mormons have instead of nuns. They don't have nuns, right?). No, I was just interested in the building. The temple is... well, you have to see it. It's a pretty damned crazy looking concrete castle, and I couldn't resist walking into the visitor center to take a look inside.
It was there that I met a group of young guys who'd just returned to the States after a year of mission work overseas. It turns out these LDS guys get everywhere. They walk the world in their smart white shirts and black ties, knocking on the doors of everyone from African tribesmen to Siberian reindeer herders, trying to spread the good word.
Now of course a lot of you will be thinking that sounds like a pretty douchey thing to do, sort of like an extremely polite version of the Crusades. You may be right, but whether or not you like the idea of missionaries trying to impose their values on folk in the developing world there's no denying that it's a pretty cool way for a young person to spend their year off between high school and college.
I started getting coffee with these guys once a week down by the temple. I just couldn't get enough of their stories, and my favorites by far were the tales told by Dwight, an awkward little jug-eared kid who always looked like a ten year old wearing his dad's suit. If you passed him in the street you'd swear he was just starting high school, but this guy had spent a year living in a ger – a big felt tent used by Mongolian herders – with a family who didn't speak a word of English.
Dwight described Mongolia as the last great frontier, and the closest thing to the wild west that still exists. He told me it was the most sparsely populated country on the planet, with around three million people living in an area the size of western Europe. He told me there were just a few paved roads in the whole country, and that you could walk for weeks without coming across another soul. From the capital city of Ulaanbaatar the nearest McDonalds was 1,000 miles to the south in Beijing, on the other side of the unimaginably vast Gobi Desert.
Sold.
As soon as I returned home for the summer I explained my problems with school to mom and dad. I told them I didn't want to spend another three years staring blankly at a whiteboard, and I didn't want them to have to spend another $100,000 for a piece of paper. It took a lot of talking and a hell of a lot of buttering up, but eventually I got dad to agree to let me take a year out and give me $15,000 to visit Mongolia and 'get it out of my system'. He was certain I'd be on the next flight home after my first day without a power outlet for my curling iron.
That flight left without me, as did every flight home for the next 692 days.
I spent almost two years out on the steppe, living in my own ger. I taught myself Mongolian, learned how to ride a horse and forced myself to learn how to slaughter and dress a goat. I even learned how to tan hides and make my own leather boots and a jacket. No more prissy pink sweaters for me.
In my first winter I learned what it really is to be cold. In October the temperature dropped below freezing, and it stayed there until one glorious, sunny morning in March. I had only my coal fired stove to stave off the bitter cold, and when the coal ran out I could only wrap up in layers and wait out the weather. For weeks I shivered constantly, always on the verge of tears but never succumbing to weakness. The winter toughened me. It made me strong, and once I survived it I knew I could survive anything the world could throw at me.