Stepbrother Bastard (19 page)

And
if this well-worn heart of mine breaks one more time, I
’
m
not sure there will be any putting it back together again.

“
Fuck
her,
”
Sophie spits suddenly,
“
If
she cares that little about us, why don
’
t
we just follow her lead? What if we just took a stand and cut her out of our
lives, right now? If the three of us broke off from her, think of how much
happier
—”

“
If
any of us could stand to abandon her completely, we would have already,
”
I cut Sophie off,
“
No
matter how badly she hurts us, she
’
s
still family. That
’
s not something you can
ever forget.
”

A
long silence engulfs us. I can see in my sisters
’
pained eyes that they
know this truth as well as I do
—
family isn
’
t
something you get to choose for yourself. Even if you
estrange yourself, disown your roots, run as far away
as you can, you can never entirely sever that bond. Didn
’
t
the three of us come running to this lake house the minute our mother called?
Didn
’
t
the Hawthorne boys flock back here too, despite their toxic relationships with
John? Like it or not, we are all our parents children.

The
question now is, how do we learn to live with that?

The
growl of the Hawthornes
’
pickup truck sounds out in the night,
rumbling up the driveway toward us. Through the mud-specked windshield, I can
see that Cash is riding shotgun while John drives. Luke and Finn are riding in
the truck bed with some leftover construction materials. One look at John
’
s
solemn, weathered face is all it takes to send Anna dashing off into the house.
She can
’
t
even bear the sight of the man who
’
s
helping our mother disassemble our past. Sophie goes stock still as the pickup
pulls to a stop in the driveway. But the second the Hawthorne men start walking
our way, she bolts as well.

I
’
m
the sole sentry guarding John
’
s path as he approaches,
flanked by his sons. My arms are crossed tightly across my chest, barely reigning
in my clamoring heart. I take in the sight of this upstanding, bearded
woodsman, conflicting emotions churning through my blood. On the one hand, I
’
m
grateful that my mother
’
s found someone she cares
about, assuming that she does. I never expected or wanted her to be alone for
the rest of her life. Truly, I
’
d be thrilled if she
found a good man to love.

But
at the same time, I
’
m having trouble
believing that John is that man. After everything Cash has told me about his
father
—
the
abuse, the distrust, the coldness
—
I
can
’
t
imagine how he could be good for my sensitive, flighty mother. I mean, John
must
know that selling the Vermont house would crush me and my sisters. The only
thing he
’
s
truly ignorant to is what
else
a union between him and my mother would
ruin. Namely, any chance of Cash being part of my life, in the way I want him
to be.

“
Hey
there, Maddie,
”
John
says from the bottom step, turning his handsome, rugged face toward me,
“
You
holding down the fort for us?
”

“
Something
like that,
”
I
reply, hugging my arms even tighter to my chest. I watch Cash
’
s
brow furrow as he picks up on my distress. I can
’
t
hide a damn thing from him. Not ever.

“
Where
’
s
Robin and the girls?
”
John goes on, noticing the array of
untouched food and wine on the porch,
“
I
thought you were going to have yourselves a girls night or something?
”

“
Girls
night was kind of a bust,
”
I tell them.

“
Oh.
What happened?
”
Luke
asks, tucking his hands into his pockets. He tries to sound unattached, but I
’
m
sure his mind is on Sophie. He
’
s protective of her, for
whatever reason. And while I may not know the specifics of their relationship,
I can
’
t
say I
’
m
not glad that there
’
s
someone
looking
out for her.

“
Well,
”
I say shortly,
“
Mom
broke the news about moving in here with your dad. Permanently.
And
selling
our childhood home. So that kind of put a damper on things.
”

All
three boys
’
whip
around to face their father, whose face hardens into stone.

“
Dad
…
What?
”
Luke asks his father.

“
Ah,
shit
…”
John sighs, rubbing his
jaw,
“
I
meant to tell you boys myself, but
—”

Without
saying a word, Finn walks off around the house, his face unreadable. Luke
stares at his father, rightfully indignant. But Cash
’
s
eyes swing back to my face instead. He knows as well as I do that our parents
getting more serious means an end to us. For good. And the angry sorrow roiling
in his eyes is enough to do me in. I try and blink back the tears that gather
in my eyes, but I know the levees won
’
t
hold for long.

“
Dad,
I really don
’
t know about this,
”
Luke says, trying to remain
diplomatic.

“
There
’
s
nothing for you to know about,
”
John shoots back gruffly,
“
Robin
and I decided, and now it
’
s done.
”

“
OK,
but
…
It
’
s
our home too,
”
Luke
says slowly, his hands clenching.

“
Is
it?
”
John laughs in his middle
son
’
s
face,
“
I
didn
’
t
realize. Do you build this damn place up out of nothing? Have you ever paid a
cent to live here?
”

“
All
I mean is, this place is important to all of us,
”
Luke goes on heatedly.
“
You
could have done us the courtesy of asking
—”

“
Asking
?
”
John growls, rounding on
Luke.
“
You
want me to ask you for your
blessing
to do as I please in my own goddamn
house?
”

A
jolt of real fear pierces me as John loses control of his temper. Cash has told
me stories about his dad
’
s anger issues, the way
he can be totally calm one minute and throwing punches the next. So far, I
’
ve
never seen it happen
…
but I get the feeling
that
’
s
about to change.

“
Of
course not, Dad,
”
Luke tells his father,
“
But
—”

“
But
nothing,
”
John shouts, taking a
looming step toward his son. Though the Hawthorne boys each clear six feet
easily, John is still the tallest by a couple of inches. His shoulders are
squared as he all but snarls down at his middle son,
“
You
may pull your weight around here, Luke, but don
’
t
get to thinking that I need your say-so to do anything I goddamn please.
”

“
Don
’
t
get in my face, Dad,
”
Luke warns his father, holding his ground.

“
What
’
s
that?
”
John snarls, giving Luke
a hard shove in the chest.

“
Hey!
”
Cash snaps, taking a
quick step toward them.

“
Stay
out of this,
”
John
tells his oldest son.

Luke
lifts his chin defiantly, unwilling to back down. I grab hold of the porch
railing, adrenaline coursing through my body. I
’
ve
never been around this sort of raw, physical aggression before. And I certainly
don
’
t
want to be now.

“
You
think I owe you some kind of explanation?
”
John goes on, backing
Luke across the lawn,
“
I
’
ve
put a roof over your heads and food on your plates for twenty-six goddamn
years. I
’
m
handing over my business
—
the business I built from
scratch
—
right
on over to you without you having to lift a finger. Don
’
t
tell me I owe you
anything
.
”

“
Without
having to lift a
finger
?
”
Luke snaps, stopping dead in his tracks,
“
I
’
ve
been busting my ass for that business since I was a kid. I
’
ve
devoted my whole life to this family. Do you have any idea
—”

“
Don
’
t
you raise your goddamn voice to me,
”
John snarls, jabbing a
finger into Luke
’
s hard chest.

“
Don
’
t
you
lay a fucking finger on me,
”
Luke shoots back,
knocking his father
’
s arm away.
“
Haven
’
t
you had your fill of beating up on
—”

I
leap back as John throws himself at Luke, tackling him to the ground. They roll
across the grass, a tangle of limbs and flying fists. Cash lunges toward them
at top speed, throwing himself into the fray.

“
Get
the fuck off him, Dad!
”
he roars, dragging his father away from
Luke.

John
loses his footing as Cash gets hold of him. Luke scrambles to his feet as his
dad rounds on Cash, swinging wildly. Cash dodges every blow
—
and
I can see now that he
’
s used to countering his
father
’
s
attacks. John moves through these motions without remorse, without surprise. It
’
s
something the Hawthorne boys have been trained to expect all their lives. But
as many times as John swings at Cash, Cash refuses to stoop to his level. He
finally manages to pin his father
’
s
arms behind his back, though the restraining hold only seems to make John
angrier.

“
Let
me go
,
”
he roars, writhing furiously.

“
Not
until you stand down,
”
Cash answers, his voice surprisingly calm.
I realize that it wasn
’
t just his childhood that
prepared him to take on his dad, it was his Army training too. Cash could
probably level John with what he learned in the military, but he refuses to
pick on a weaker man
…
whether weaker of body or
weaker of character. 

“
Now
you want to be fucking noble,
”
John growls, pulling free of Cash at last
and pacing away from his sons,
“
After throwing away
everything I gave you, wasting every opportunity, and fucking up the one thing
you ever did commit to, you want to come back here and save the day? Not gonna
happen, kid.
”