Steeling My Haart (21 page)

        
The
flight was pretty uneventful. The children slept for most of the way home.
Saying goodbye to Bruce hadn’t been as bad as Emma had anticipated, but as they
were going to be working together so much, it didn’t feel as final. He was
letting Emma have a couple of weeks to settle before he came out to help her
look for office space in the area. She would have to be up and running fairly
quickly because they’d had a huge interest in their fledgling business with new
clients already flooding in. It helped that for now Bruce acted as the front
man, and Emma was able to get a lot of the background work done without the
need to see clients. An odd phone call and a few emails was all she needed to
get the information for her side of the business. Most of her work was actually
done in the evening, too, so she still had plenty of time for Adie and Leo.
They agreed, though, once she had settled the kids into daycare and
pre-kindergarten, she would be able to work some of the daytime hours, too.

        
As
Emma and Nicky exited through security at the airport in Oklahoma, Mike waited
to meet them. Once their small bags had been collected and the kids secured it
their seats in the car, the family headed home. Nostalgia hit her hard again as
she drove through the familiar area to her parents’ house. It had actually been
a few years since she had been back for any length of time. The fleeting
Thanksgiving and Christmas visits weren’t long enough for her to really
appreciate just how lovely this area was.
 
Well into fall, the magnificent rainbow of colors painted the landscapes
around the roadsides. She had truly missed the beauty of the countryside and
couldn’t help feeling this would be a far better place to raise the children.

        
She
was mesmerized watching the fall colors changing through the evening sunset. By
the time they reached the outskirts of Edmond, it was almost dark. She felt
like she was home when she took in the multitude of metal windmills and water
towers that littered the countryside.

        
They
pulled into her parent’s driveway, which looked so welcoming, even in the
fading light. The red brick exterior was warm and the two-story home was set in
fairly large plot that her father had landscaped so beautifully. She jumped from
the vehicle and lifted a sleepy Adie out and carried her to the door. Before
she reached the house she took in a deep breath of the fresh air outside. As
the familiar smell of the countryside hit her lungs she was flooded with a
swarm of happy memories. A sense of calm washed over her when Mike opened the
door. Even though she had never lived here, it felt more like home than her
apartment in New York ever had.

        
The
open-plan living area spread out before them leaving a wide-open space that was
perfect for entertaining. Her parents had a wide circle of friends and it
wasn’t unusual for them to be inundated with their closest ones for dinner
during weekends. The bulk of the living space was on the first floor with the
master bedroom tucked away towards the back of the spacious home. There were a
couple of bedrooms off the main living area. Each had its own private bathroom
and as she headed to the room she usually took when she stayed, her mom pointed
to the stairs.

        
“Honey,
your dad has been busy upstairs for you. We’ve cleared the two rooms up there,
and he’s had the bathroom finished.
 
There is a lot more privacy for you three. It’s all yours for as long as
you need it. He’s added a gate to the top of the stairway and Lindy from down
the street has given us the old furniture she had for her grandkids,” Nicky
said and she carried a sleeping Leo up the stairs ahead of Emma.
 

        
Following
her mom up the stairs, Emma held Adie tight as she once again fought back the
happy tears threatening her. Her emotions felt out of control, but her mom and
dad knew just what she had needed. What she found as she went upstairs took her
breath away. Her dad had obviously worked hard in the weeks he had been back
here without her mom and the rooms had been completely overhauled. The bathroom
was perfect, decorated in soothing tones, complete with a heated tiled
floor.
 
They reached the children’s
room, which was equally perfect. It was a large room and her dad had painted
opposite walls with color, one wall pale pink and the other wall pale blue. The
pink side held a small princess adorned toddler bed and the other side had a
pirate themed crib. The far wall under the window had a huge toy chest,
brimming with a grand selection of toys. It was perfect.

        
Emma
gently lay a sleeping Adie down in her new bed and switched on the princess
nightlight next to her. Her mom then lay the baby in his new crib and eased off
his outdoor clothing before heading over to her own daughter and taking her in
her arms.

        
“It’s
perfect. What would I have done without you and Dad?” she pondered as she scanned
the room over her mom’s shoulder. “I’d have never been able to do something
like this for them.”

        
“Oh,
hush, honey, of course you would. Now, you have to remember this is only
temporary and when you finally get your own place, you will be able to make it
as special as this. You’ve made me so proud with everything you’ve done, but
doing what you are doing for those two beautiful children over there has proved
to me just how amazing you are.” She looked at Emma with such pride on her face
then smiled, “And I’m keeping this room as it is because I’m hoping they will
be frequent visitors here, too.”

        
“Oh,
Mom, I love you so much.”

        
“I
love you, too, honey, now come look at your room.” She hugged her and led her
into the neighboring bedroom. As she opened the door she was astounded at how
her parents had turned what used to be their storage cupboard into such a
calming sanctuary. The walls were painted pale green hue and the delicate
flowery patterned material her mom had used for her drapes and bedspread
complimented the white old-fashioned furniture. As she took it all in, her dad
appeared at the doorway.

        
“Do
you like it, love?”

        
“Dad,
like it? I absolutely love it! All of it!” she exclaimed as she walked into his
waiting arms. “Thank you, but when did you have time to do all this?” She
beamed.

        
“I’ve
had a little help here and there, but it’s worth it. It feels so good to
finally have you home,” he said as he kissed her on the cheek.

        
“It’s
good to be home, too. I’ve missed this town and I’ve missed you guys so much.”

        
“Us,
too, love. Now, it’s been a long day for you all. Why don’t you unpack a few
things and I’ll get Mom to put the kettle on and I’ll whip you up a dad’s
special hot chocolate?” He winked and broke out into a huge grin.

        
“That’ll
be great, Dad, see you downstairs in a few.”

        
Her
parents strode out, her dad putting his arm gently round her mom’s shoulders
and kissing her on her head as they left. They were so sweet together, even
after thirty years of marriage. She hoped one day she would find happiness like
that, but for the moment she was putting her own life on hold. And besides, she
reasoned with herself, it would take someone pretty special coming into her
life right now to want to settle down with a woman who was carrying the
baggage, physically and emotionally, that she was. Her priorities had changed
and she needed a good night’s sleep to clear her head for the things she had to
arrange this week.

        
After
emptying the carry-on bags she had brought with her, she checked on the
sleeping children then headed down the stairs to find a seaming mug of her dad’s
hot chocolate waiting. It was just as delicious as she had remembered and she
finally started to relax. After a few moments, though, she said, “Oh crap! I’ve
run out of diapers for Leo. I used the last one in the diaper bag as we left
the airport. Do we know where in the U-Haul the others are? I meant to ask you
to stop at the market on the way from the airport, Dad.”

        
“Oh,
love, I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking. Shall I go start unloading
the trailer and see?” He immediately stood and walked over to the closet to
grab his jacket.

        
“No!
Dad, sit down. I don’t mind running out to the store. It won’t take me long to
go there and back. It’s too late to start unpacking things. I have enough things
to keep us going for a few days other than the diapers and maybe his formula.
It makes sense not to unpack everything until I can see if I can sort us some
place to live. I love that I can stay here with you guys, but I think we all
need to get settled as soon as possible,” she reasoned with him. “I’d actually
appreciate a bit of time out anyway. Now the kids are asleep it would be nice
to have a drive around and take a trip down memory lane.” She contemplated
taking the opportunity to drive out to Glen Springs. It was only about a
fifteen-minute drive away and she knew of at least one twenty-four hour store
on the way there. Now she was back permanently, she felt a pull to go back and
whether it was for her to seek some closure on that part of her life or just
genuine curiosity, she didn’t know.

        
“I
don’t mind running out either love.” He replied still standing by the closet
and reaching for his jacket.

        
“Sit
down dad and relax. You’ve done so much for me these last few weeks as it is.
Besides, I need to get myself re-acquainted with places around here and it will
give me a chance to take a car out before I have to drive with the kids in it.
It has been a long while since I’ve been behind the wheel,” she practically
begged.

        
“Okay,
love, take my car and be careful then and we will gladly watch the sleeping
beauties. I’ll go grab the baby monitor from over there in case we miss them.”
She smiled at how serious her dad was when it came to his babysitting duties.
He walked over and took the monitor from the sideboard and headed to the main
room where he joined her mom on the couch and flicked on the television.

        
She
grabbed her dad’s car keys and her jacket, and walked out of the door and to
the vehicle sitting on the middle of the driveway. Another item on her
ever-growing list was to buy her own car. Her dad had the van he used for work
and he rarely used his SUV unless he needed to travel longer distances or the
weather was bad.
 
Her mom had her own
compact car so her dad declared that she could keep the SUV until she could
find the time to go shopping for her own.

       
She
took the time to familiarize herself with the vehicle before she backed out of
the drive into the quiet street. She headed out on the main route to town that
intersected a few miles up the road with Route 66. She knew that there was a
twenty-four hour convenience store just of that road a little way the other
side of town so she headed along there. Curiously, the same route 66 was also
the road that led to Glen Springs and she had already decided that it was going
to be her destination for the evening drive. The weather wasn’t bad for the
time of year and it was a pretty clear night. The days had still been
reasonably warm but the evening and particularly late at night this time of
year the weather could be a little chilly.

        
The
traffic was light, which wasn’t surprising with it being late evening on a
weekday shortly after the mad rush hour of the day had ended. It was a good
time to be out and as the night had fallen, she took a minor detour and drove
down the main street in downtown Edmond. She had loved the town as a child and
the older part still remained really quaint. The main street was lined with
older red brick buildings, all kept in really good condition. The avenues were
wide and the town had more recently had a full reconstruction of its road
networks. The parades down this part of town were amazing and during the Fourth
of July and thanksgiving the town really came alive.

        
Since
she had lived here, several large malls had been built, increasing its
attraction. The town was constantly winning spurious contests, but had been voted
one of the leading places in America to raise a family in several polls over
the years. The sign that the city council had installed on the route into town
even declared ‘Welcome to Edmond. A Great Place to Grow’. After driving around
for a few minutes to familiarize herself with where she needed to be coming in
the next few days she then found the all night store. Pulling into the parking
lot she was surprised to see it was still reasonably busy even at this time.
She found the diapers and formula easily and was out and on her way within a
few minutes.

        
She
began to feel nervous as she headed down the road to Glen Springs. She hadn’t
been back since the fateful night of the big tornado. The same night that she
and Charlie had spent together in the shelter. She often wondered what he was
doing and as she entered the town limits, she could see the landmark water
tower illuminated in the distance. It appeared to have had a fairly fresh coat
of paint and as with most of the other towers in the area it was a defining
part of each town.

        
The
tower had been visible from her old bedroom window.
 
As she drove past it she saw her old
road. Curiosity took over, and she turned left, heading towards her old
childhood home. Within a few hundred yards she arrived at the spot where her
old home used to be. There was very little sign of it now as after the tornado
the land was bought for development that never went ahead. The water tower
glowed from its position on the highway as it had years ago. She drove a little
further down the road and saw the old Fitzgerald place on her right. As she continued
to the gate, a fresh wave of sadness hit her. The grief she had felt at waking
up alone and being found by the police officer all of those years ago hit her
hard. Life after that point had been hard and even deciding to stay away and live
in New York still hadn’t filled the void that Charlie left her with that day.

        
She
pulled the vehicle over to the gate entrance and jumped out. Peering curiously
through the gap in the padlocked fence, she saw that in place of the old
Fitzgerald monstrosity, someone had recently started to build a beautiful huge
log home. It had been floodlit to showcase its clean lines and beautiful
workmanship. The place was far from finished, but she could see that a lot of
care and attention had obviously gone into its creation. The outline of what someone
had created was breathtaking. It was over two floors and in the style of a
modern Swiss ski chalet. The shingle roof was pitched off center to allow for
one long sloping side and a shorter but more pitched side on its opposite. The
second floor boasted huge picture windows that complemented the view.
 
Although the first floor was unfinished,
it appeared to incorporate a complete wrap around porch that looked to ending a
huge wooden decked area overlooking the fields to the rear. A few of the older
twisted trees had either been taken away or blown away in the tornado, and a
large open lawn area had been added complete with the shape of what she assumed
would be an exquisite pool area. It had gone from being the most outrageous
home she had seen to what she could only describe as the most beautiful.
Whoever lived here was extremely lucky to have the talent and ambition to
create a home like this. She was glad she had visited; and although her painful
memories had been resurrected, she had also found some peace in seeing the
future home someone was carving from the mess she left behind.

        
Jumping
back into the vehicle, she headed back towards the center of Glen Springs and
was beginning to really feel nervous as to what she might find. She had never
wanted to ask her parents anything about the area because, as far as they were
concerned she had left it all behind.
 
She had kept her feelings to herself and after vowing to move on from
the Charlie mess after losing the baby, she tried her hardest to forget
everything. As she drove toward Hanks Autoshop on the Route 66, she noticed
that a lot in the small town had changed. Main Street had been demolished by
the storm, and in its place a wide avenue lined with low rise modern buildings
had been created. They had also made the old recreation area at the center into
a small garden, complete with a fountain that tapped into the fresh water
‘spring’ that had inspired the town’s name. She had to admit it was a lot nicer
than the old nineteen sixties style buildings that had been destroyed and it
felt like a whole new town to her. Nothing was particularly familiar anymore
and she was okay with that.

        
Turning
at the traffic lights the other side of town from her old home, she was stunned
to see that Hanks Autoshop was gone and in its place she saw a vaguely familiar
vision she was not expecting at all. There in all its illuminated glory was an
M’s Place. She drove to the diner and saw that it was almost a carbon copy
inside of the one she had left behind in New York. It appeared to be a diner by
day and a popular eating-house by night and as with the diner in New York it
was pretty busy now with an evening service. Taking stock of the place in front
of her, she drove carefully into the busy lot and pulled into a space. She took
a moment to compose herself and just as she was about to get out of the car to
go inside and grab a few treats, she felt a sudden change in the air.

        
She
slowly looked up and saw the rear door of the diner open and a broad muscular
figure dressed in chef’s whites exited the door carrying two overfilled trash
bags. As the man approached the trashcans a little way in front of the car, he
stopped and turned to face her. Dropping the trash bags he was holding the
figure took off his hat and ran his hand through his long wild, hair and down
the straggly beard that now adorned his handsome face. Emma froze as the
piercing blue eyes of Charlie Haart met her own across the dark lot. Minutes
passed and both of them were frozen like statues just staring at each other in
disbelief and bewilderment. Neither made a move but just focused on one
another, Emma drank in the sight before her. She started to shake and the
emotions of the last few months and the heartbreak of what Charlie had done all
of those years ago crashed over her like a waterfall.

        
She
could barely think, and even though everything was screaming inside her to go
running to him and take hold of him and never let go, her body wouldn’t comply.
She instead found herself robotically reaching for the key and starting the
engine of the car, throwing it into gear and driving away. She needed to get
away and process what had just happened. As she reached the car park exit she
stopped and in the rear view mirror she could see Charlie was still frozen to
the spot and just staring right at her in the car. His breathing was coming in
erratic bursts and the warring look that crossed over his face left her feeling
confused. She took one last look in the mirror as she pulled out of the lot and
drove home.
        
Her
mind was awash with a million things floating in and out of her subconscious as
she drove the route back to Edmond. He was in Glen Springs, still working at
the same spot he was years ago when she had left. His overalls appeared to have
been swapped for kitchen attire. Although she had hoped he would finish his
high school diploma and work hard, she couldn’t help feeling a pang of
disappointment that he was still working a menial job and that he hadn’t come
good on his promise in his letter to make something of himself. It was yet another
thing she would now shoulder on her conscience, failing Charlie, too. She hoped
he was happy, but judging by his bedraggled appearance, she doubted he was
taking a great deal of care of himself.

        
She
was still reeling at the fact she had seen him when she arrived back at her
parents’ house. Her anger had turned to frustration, though as she was
regretting the fact she hadn’t gotten out and approached him. It was a missed
opportunity for her to talk to him and find out what had happened to him over
the last few years. He would be haunting her dreams tonight. After she entered
the house, she made her excuses to her parents and went straight to bed.

        
As
she had predicted, neither of the children slept particularly well that night. Adie
kept waking during the night and being frightened of her new surroundings and Leo
needing his usual feeds. She barely slept a wink after being woken a few times
coupled with the fact she was plagued with the sight of Charlie at the diner. By
the time morning came around she was exhausted.

        
She
was up fairly early with the kids, but to her surprise when she came down the
stairs her mom already had breakfast ready to go. After feeding them all her
special chocolate chip pancakes and fruit, her mom then took Adie to give her
the guided tour of her new ‘awesome’ home as she had excitedly announced. Mike
made a second batch of hot coffee and took a now wide-awake Leo out to inspect
the latest planting he had done in the garden. Emma relaxed on the couch with
her laptop, enjoying the peace that her parents had afforded her that morning.
She busied herself sorting through the copious ‘to do’ lists she had written and
within an hour had arranged to visit the local pre-kindergarten class with Adie
and found a handful of potential offices to visit. Clearing her email inbox and
firing a few brief responses back to Bruce she was ready to start on the days
tasks.

        
Her
mom walked back into the main living area minus the excited Adie as she was
packing her laptop away.

        
“Hey
Mom, where’s Adie? It seems awful quiet in here without her.” She chuckled.

        
“She
decided your dad needed help with Leo in the garden, that or the new kids play frame
and sandbox he’s had installed by the summerhouse might have helped swing it,”
Nicky said cheerfully. “Your father has been so excited about these little guys
coming home with you and because of … well, you know… their dad not being here
anymore, I think he feels he has some pretty big shoes to fill in their little
lives, too,” she stated with pride.

        
“He’s
been amazing, well, you both have, Mom, and I’m so grateful.” She managed a
weak smile.

        
“Honey,
is everything all right? You seem a little subdued this morning?”

        
“I
saw Charlie last night. I drove out to Glen Springs and he was there, standing
right there in front of my car in the doorway of the diner over there,” she
said quickly as if getting it off her chest would stop the constant churning in
her stomach.

        
“Oh
my. And how did that go?” her mom answered. She hadn’t been a huge Charlie fan
after the fallout she had dealt with after he left her daughter that morning in
the shelter.

        
“Well,
it didn’t. I froze when I saw him and literally just drove away and left him. But
mom it has really unsettled me. I’ve never got over him you know? I have
thought about him so much this last few years and he’s the reason I’ve never
settled down. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get me over him,” she
confessed sheepishly as her mom listened intently.

        
“I
know, honey, and although I wasn’t his biggest fan a few years ago after he did
what he did, I can also see why he felt he had to do it. And don’t forget he never
knew about the baby. So it’s unfair to tar him with that heartbreak, too. Besides,
you never came back, and I guess he probably just thought you had moved on.”

        
“You
really think so? I hated him for years after I left, but you’re right. I did
stay away. I’m not sure whether I was too scared to come home in case I saw him
or whether I wanted to somehow prove to him that I could make something of
myself, I also stupidly thought he might see through on his promise and come
for me, but he never has as far as I’m aware, anyway.” She was amazed at how
she was finally opening up to her mom. It felt good to find a way to off-load
some of the burden she had been carrying all these years. Nicky was listening
patiently and Emma knew that this conversation was long overdue. She had kept
so much bottled up over the years it was a big relief to finally be able to talk
to her mom and let some of the heartache go.