Steel Rush (In the Shadows#5) (33 page)

I won’t allow it.

Celeste must remain mine forever.

D
arkness descends on the empty graveyard. Dead leaves rustle with the cooler air swirling among the graves. A chill rushes across the back of my neck, evoking a sense that I’m not alone. The lamppost suddenly pops on, its warm glow creating long shadows off the headstones. The feeling shifts to one of being watched. I quickly glance around, looking for the source. Sighing, I touch Celeste’s gravestone and say a final goodbye.

My emotions ping all over the place as I drive away from the cemetery. Celeste’s death and then seeing the finality of her gravestone hit me hard. Why didn’t she tell
someone
?

Life is too fucking short.

I’m suddenly angry with myself for not calling Calder out on his bullshit earlier and demanding that he tell me what was going on. Whatever it is…it’s way beyond his claim he was protecting me. My gut told me that something was eating at him, but I let him distract me. And then he just walked away.

Screw it.

No better time than the present.

I turn my car around and head in the direction of his apartment.

By the time I get close to his apartment, common sense and reasoning starts to set in. Calder’s worried for my safety. That’s why he has stayed away. Driving right up to his place is probably not the smartest move. I pull over to the curb and park a hundred feet away, chewing my lip as I stare up at the light on in his place.

Pressing my forehead to the steering wheel, I realize this is foolish. We’ll have time to talk later.

I sit up and reach over to turn on the engine when Calder’s apartment door opens. A woman steps out and turns back to say something as she tugs on a sweater over a sports bra.

My heart tightens and I immediately reach for my camera, zooming in on her face. Fucking Alana! Calder joins her at the door, shirtless, and she laughs at something he says, then leans in and kisses his jaw.

He’s protecting me?
But what about her? He doesn’t
look
like he doesn’t give a shit about the tattoo artist.

I snap the shot to remind myself why I’m never speaking to Calder again.

I glare at her as she lugs her big-ass purse and other bag onto her shoulder. I refuse to stare at how well her leather pants show off her tight ass, but I exhale a breath of relief once she drives away.

My hand shakes as I try to put the key back in the ignition. Two tries later and I still haven’t managed to get the damn key in. “Fuck!” I scream and throw the keys onto the floorboard.

Leaning over, I grab my keys and get out of my car, slamming the door shut behind me.

I don’t knock lightly. I take out my anger and hammer several times on his door.

He swings it open, a scowl on his face, fist raised…until he sees me and his anger shifts from shock to fury…all in an instant.

Grabbing my arm, he yanks me into his apartment and quickly shuts the door. “What the hell are you doing here?”

I yank my arm free and slap him hard. “Fuck you!”

Calder grips the back of my hair and pushes me against the wall, his hard chest trapping my arm between us. My handprint vivid against his flexing jaw, he bites out, “That’d better be a precursor for one
seriously
hot fuck, because I sure as shit didn’t deserve that.”

“You lying bastard!” I grit my teeth at his sheer arrogance and try to slap him again with my free hand, but he grabs my wrist and traps it against the wall.

Folding his fingers tighter in my hair, he tilts my head back, his tone hardening. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You pretending that keeping your distance was for
my
safety, when it was all about you screwing your ex-girlfriend.”

Surprise lights in his eyes before he steps between my legs and aggressively presses his erection against my body. His soft black lounge pants accentuating his steel hardness, he tugs my hair to turn my head to the side and rasp in my ear, “Does this
feel
like I’ve been fucking someone else, Cass?”

I close my eyes and refuse to let the feel of him, hard and ready against me, turn me on. I try to keep it together, but my voice shakes with anger. “I know you can go all night, so that only pisses me off more.”

Calder traces his thumb along the base of my hairline just behind my ear, his breath hot against my temple. “I have never wanted to fuck that sweet pussy of yours more than I do right at this moment, Cass Rockwell.”

“I saw her leaving, Calder,” I snap, my chest heaving with fury. “Let me
go
.”

“No,” he rasps, nipping at my neck.

I gasp, tears welling. Not from the pain, but because I still can’t help but want him despite his betrayal. He has seriously embedded himself in my heart and screwed with my head.

He slowly plants hot kisses along my jaw, killing me with wicked intent, his mastery over my body so strong, my muscles tighten in response. Loosening his fingers on my wrist, he slides them down my arm to trace the side of my breast with his thumb. “How does it feel to see me with another person?”

His incendiary words flint over my raw nerves, sparking my fury once more.

I shove at his chest, and when he stumbles back a few steps, completely taken by surprise, I run at him like a linebacker, blind rage fueling my strength.

We land on the thick rug in his living room, but I don’t stop to take pleasure in the
oomph
that rushes past his lips. When I crawl over him to hammer his chest with my fist, Calder grabs my arm and quickly flips me onto my back.

Before I can recover, he straddles my hips and grabs my arms, slamming them down to the thick pile of rug underneath me. “Look at me,” he growls.

I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, my chest heaving.

Pulling my arms together, Calder grips both wrists with one hand, then clasps my jaw and forces my face forward, commanding, “Fucking look at me, Cass!”

When I drill my furious gaze into his intense green one, his anger evaporates. “What do you see, Raven mine?”

His dog tags sway slowly back and forth between us, reminding me of our most intimate times together. It hurts too much to be this close, to inhale his arousing scent, and yet feel so very far apart. I whimper and close my eyes.

The necklace chinks as he drops it on the carpet next to me, then slides his thumb down my chin, his fingers feathering along the front of my throat. “I will hold you like this all night if I have to.” The arousing promise in his voice is like heavy silk sliding along my skin.

When his hand moves to my shirt and he tugs several buttons free, my eyes fly open in renewed anger. “You don’t get to do that—” I stop speaking when my gaze locks on the black-feathered tattoo fanning over his left forearm and up his shoulder. I’d been too freaking angry to see it before. I meet his gaze. “Alana’s the one who paints your Steel tattoo?” When he nods, I press my lips together. “I saw her
getting dressed
, Calder.”

“It takes her hours to paint the tattoo while also covering up my real one, Cass. She gets hot, so yeah, she wears a sports bra so she can remove her shirt if she needs to while she works.”

I frown, unhappy with that answer. “So you’d be okay if I spent hours with some other guy half-naked? Maybe I should ask Noah how well nude modeling pays.”

Calder quickly clasps the back of my neck, tugging me partially off the floor as he bends close. “I don’t give a fuck what Alana does, but unless you want a shit ton of poor saps failing art class due to swollen black eyes, don’t even think about it.”

“That’s the biggest double-standard—” Calder kisses me with dominant aggression, thrusting his tongue past my lips in a kiss meant to completely obliterate all other thoughts.

I don’t kiss him back. Instead I bite his lip hard.

He draws back, scowling. “What the hell, Cass? Steel dies when the fight is over.”

“I don’t do bullshit, Calder.” I narrow my gaze. “Whatever set you off at my apartment earlier had nothing to do with protecting me. That’s why I came—to get you to talk. The last thing I expected to see was proof that I was right walking out your damn door!”

“You
aren’t
right,” he snarls. “The way I acted had every
fucking
thing to do with protecting you. From
me
.” Clasping my chin, he tilts it up and clamps down on the side of my throat, hard.

He may have been trying to prove a point, but I gasp and arch into him, unable to curb my response. Calder groans and releases his hold on my throat. As he places a hot kiss on the same spot, the guttural rumble of need vibrating from his chest melts my bones. “I don’t have a name worthy of you, angel. And I know it’s best for you if I stay away, but I can’t fucking stop wanting you.”

Releasing my arms, he lowers his body to mine, the ravenous heat in his gaze combined with his hardness pressing against me sending shivers all the way to my toes. “I crave every part of you, Cass…deeply and in every dirty, filthy, decadent way possible.”

I slide my fingers in his hair, then touch his jaw. “If you want all of me, then tell me the truth. Why do you think you’re not worthy?”

Calder rolls off me and sits up. Facing away, he rests his elbows on his bent knees.

When he doesn’t speak, but instead tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling, my heart twists and my gaze slides to the skull covering his entire back. At this moment its soulless eye sockets seem eerily appropriate for his brooding mood. Whatever is bothering him…he’s tortured by it.

I rise up on my knees and slide my hands along his muscular upper back, touching the intricate wing tattoo that partially covers the skull. Its black feathers spread at an angle from the top of his right shoulder to his left side, curving around his ribs. “This wing is awesome. I’d love to photograph you like this before it’s gone for good.” Leaning close, I whisper in his ear, “Talk, Calder.”

He exhales a harsh breath and tilts his head forward, staring straight ahead. “You can’t change who you are, no matter how much you wish you can, Cass.”

He sounds so disgusted, worry grips my chest. “Tell me,” I say, needing to know what he’s thinking.

“My mom didn’t have an affair. I recently found out the truth. The ‘incident’ she referred to in her letter was far worse.”

I squeeze his shoulders, but stay silent, letting him tell me at his own pace.

Calder silently rolls his head from one shoulder to the other. The tension in his muscles makes me want to shake the rest out of him, but I force myself to wait for him to continue.

“My mother was drugged and violated.” He lifts his shoulders, then lets them fall. “She might’ve kept it from my father because she thought it would destroy him, but in the end it destroyed her instead.”

My heart wrenches for Calder. He had to go through so much with his parents’ separate deaths, then learning he wasn’t a Blake…and now this? I flex my fingers against his skin, letting him know I’m here for him. “I’m sorry, Calder. To learn something like that must’ve devastated you.”

He drops his head between his arms and stares at the carpet. “I looked up sexual assault in the hopes I could bring charges against the sick bastard, but to my disgust even if I could prove it happened, the maximum statute of limitations here in New York is five years.”