Steel Me Away (4 page)

Emmy

We made love under the moonlit sky.  As I looked up into the indigo curtain, I felt like I was floating among the silver tipped clouds, weightless and finally free.  The urgency of this morning had passed, and with it our need to hurry to the climax.  It was like we finally understood that this wasn't going to be over any time soon.  This was real and we were both staying right here for the duration.

I buried my face in his shoulder as I came, his name on my lips as I shuddered.  When he held me tighter, tears pricked my eyes.  I didn't know why I was crying other than that they were good tears.  Healing tears.  Happy, exhausted and desperately in love tears.

"I love you," I gasped as he ground to a halt inside me.  When he flopped forward, I embraced him as hard as I could, holding him there inside of me where I wanted him to stay.

When he pulled free, I moaned.  He ran a searching finger over my face.  "You always do that."

"Do what?"

"Whine a little when I pull out."

I flushed deep red.  "You noticed?"

"I'd have to be deaf."  He traced my face again.  "It's pretty much the sexiest thing ever, " he continued.

I laughed and nuzzled up to him.  He spread his jacket over the two of us.  The ground was lumpy under the blanket and the mosquitos were definitely starting to find us, but I didn't care.  I drifted off to sleep listening to his heartbeat.

*****

There was a crunching noise.  Then another one.  A huff of breath. 

My eyes flew open to see the beast above us.  I nearly screamed before I realized.

"J.?"

"Mmm,"

"J., honey, wake up."

He was awake instantly, his head darting around.  "Jesus fucking Christ!" he shouted in terror.

"Oh no no no, stop, it's okay.  See?  It's just a cow."

The giant Holstein regarded us placidly, her jaw working.

"Fuuuck," he breathed.

"I think we slept in a farmer's cowfield," I helpfully pointed out.

J. hadn't turned from staring at the cow.  "Fuck me," he breathed again.

I realized something. "Haven't you ever seen a cow before?"

He shook his head, mesmerized.  "Never up close.  I've seen 'em from the road and I just, I never knew they were so fucking
big.
"

"She's a pretty big girl," I agreed.  "We should probably get the fuck out of here.  Slowly," I cautioned as he grabbed hastily for his jacket.

I pushed myself unsteadily to my feet.  It was still early morning.  Farmer's hours.  I pressed in my side where I had slept on a rock, rubbing it gingerly.  I was going to pay for this.

J. was already moving normally, rolling up the blanket while casting apprehensive looks at the cow.  "Don't turn your back on her," I warned him. 

"Fuck," he said again. 

"I can't believe my big biker is scared of an animal."

"That's not a fucking animal," he protested.  "That's a house with legs."

I had to stifle my laugh as we backed away from the placid beast.  She watched us go, her liquid brown eyes blinking slowly and unconcerned.  Until J. kicked the engine to life.  She turned tail and ran over the rise.  As we moved forward, I saw that the field below was a sea of cows.  "Oh my god," I shouted over the engine. "We definitely slept in a cow field."

J. only shook his head and grabbed my hand.  I heeded the warning and held on tight. 

The closer we got to Philadelphia, the lower my spirits sank.  After a night of freedom, I wasn't ready to go back to the uncertainty and tension of the clubhouse.  I didn't want to spend another day hovering at the edges, unnoticed and unneeded.  By the time we rolled into the parking lot, my happiness had all but drained away.

It left completely when Case came rushing up to us, his face a mask of fury.

"You
fucker!
" he shouted as he barreled across the parking lot with his fists clenched.  "You motherfucking asshole, I ought to kill you!"

J. stepped of the bike, moving quickly between me and the furious mountain charging towards us.  "Case man, what the hell?"

Case screeched to a stop, inches from J.'s nose.  His ham-sized fists were clenched at his sides, every muscle tensed and ready to swing.  "We," he snarled, "are on
lockdown!
That means you stay at the fucking clubhouse with the rest of the fucking club so we know where the
fuck
you are!"

I stepped back from the bike, backing up until I felt the chain link fence behind me and could go no further.  This was my fault.  We had left because of me.  And now J. was in trouble.

But he wasn't acting like it.  He raised his hand soothingly, his face as calm and placid as the cow's.  "We're here and we're fine.  Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it?"  Spittle flew into Case's beard.  "May I remind you that this all started when your hotheaded ass went and got into a fight with a guest?  A guest from a bigger and way the fuck more powerful MC?"

"Hey now," J.'s voice was sharp.  "You were there.  You saw what that piece of shit was trying to pull."

"Yeah," Case snarled savagely.  "I was there."  He poked his ribs, yanking his black T-shirt up to expose the tape that held him together.  "And where were you?  Well you ran off with your girl. " He buried his fist in his palm. "Just like you did yesterday."

J. stepped forward so that their noses were touching.  His voice was low and dangerous.  'Watch it, Ericsson."

"Watch what?" Case scoffed. "Watch you get so wrapped up in pussy you forget basic security?"  HIs words twisted like a knife in my gut.  "Teach is up to something.  Terms are being agreed to and I don't fucking like where they are headed.  I wanted to talk to you about them, but you were nowhere to be found. "  He paced in a tight circle, his words spit out in staccato bursts.  "Come to find that you had fucking pulled a disappearing act.  Didn't bring your phone.  Didn't leave a contact.  You just left.  In the middle of a fucking war."  He stopped and stabbed an accusing finger in my direction.  "To go off and bang you new chick in different scenery."

J. raised his fist, halting just before it crashed into Case's cheek.  But the big man didn't even flinch. "Back off, Ericsson," J. warned.  "I ain't talkin' to you when you're like this.  Show some fucking respect."

"Respect!  Ha!"  Case laughed derisively.  "That's fucking rich."

"I got enough shit on my plate.  I don't need more shit from you."  And with that J. stepped around his best friend.  "Let's go, Em."

I felt my mouth working in silent protest.  Case shot me a look of pure loathing, then turned back to the garage.  "Are you coming, Em?"  J. barked. 

With nothing else to do but follow, I scurried behind him, the dread sitting in my stomach like a lead ball.

"Are you going to talk to him?" I whispered when we were far enough away.

"I'm going to take a fucking shower."  His tone was flippant, but the set of his jaw betrayed his fury. 

"Then what?"

"Then I don't fucking know, Emmy.  Stop trying to crawl up my ass."

I stopped in my tracks.  The small flare of terror in my belly was too familiar to bear. 

J.

Case was avoiding him.  Funny thing was, though his best friend thought he was punishing him, it was actually a fucking relief.  He was a grown ass man.  It was ludicrous to think that he should have to account for his every action. 

For the first time in a long, lonely time, he had someone other than his biker brothers to focus on.  It was a heady feeling, and one he was sure Case, with his fear of letting anyone into his life, would never understand.

So he avoided Case right back.  There was more than enough to keep him occupied.  Most of which resided between Emmy's creamy thighs, of course.  But there was also the small matter of his sister leaving profanity-laced messages on the office answering machine.

Teach was perched on the office stool.  He tapped a pencil on a pad of yellowed paper, his gaze a million miles away.  J. recognized the look, and scuffed his foot against the floor.  He knew that if he just appeared at Teach's side, the older man would jump nearly out of his skin.

The small noise worked.  Teach turned in his direction, but the set of his mouth was not welcoming.

"That was a fairly stupid move, J.," he said evenly.

J. decided to play dumb.  "What move was that?"

"Don't pull that shit.  You could have been ambushed."

"Nah, they're not gonna take it that far."

"Oh really?  And you know that how?"

J. paused.  The deep guilt he felt over leaving the fight flared to life again and with it his anger.  "Because they're a bunch of pussies who hide behind their numbers instead of being real men.

Teach blinked.  "Are you speaking truth or just mouthing off."

The air left J.'s lungs in a sorrowful whoosh.  Teach always knew exactly how to corner him.  "Mouthing off, fuck.  Case got me all riled. I'm sorry I left, okay?"  He didn't mean it, but he knew it needed to be said.

Teach sighed heavily, looking suddenly old.  "I'll let it slide.  Your head's all muddled up with your new girl."  His tired eyes twinkled in amusement.  "She's got you hoppin'."

J. rubbed the back of his neck.  "I don't mind."

"Yeah, so we heard."

"Shut up."

"Speaking of what I've heard...." Teach turned on his stool and pressed 'play' on the answering machine.  J. felt the blood rush to his ears when he heard Janelle's tinny voice come shrieking out of the ancient speaker.  Teach let the diatribe play for only a couple seconds before he hit the pause button.  "Can you please do something about this?  She's runnin' out my tape and I've missed two big orders cause there was no more room for actual customers."

"I'll take care of it," J. sighed.

Teach slid from the stool, and made a "go ahea
d”
gesture, then left through the back door, heading into the clubhouse. As J. dialed the ancient, corded phone, his heart hammered in his throat.  It pounded even harder when his sister's voice came on the line.

"Hello?" 

J. nearly hung up the phone at the first syllable.  The way his sister made even a greeting sound like an emergency made his blood boil.

"Hello?" Janelle's voice was already huffy and full of self-importance.  J. felt his fists balling at his sides and he hadn't even said a word.

"Janelle," he finally managed.  His voice sounded odd to him.

But she recognized it immediately. "Jeremiah!" she squealed, half in a laugh, half in a scold.  "You finally...you're actually...you...." Janelle stammered through a litany of accusations and recriminations before she got herself under control.  "Hello," she finally said softly, having decided not to rip him a new one.

Not yet anyway.

"I heard you were looking for me," J. muttered. 

She made an aggrieved noise.  "Of course I was!  I had no idea you were out!  Thought you were in until next year at least!"

"Time off for good behavior."  He slumped against the counter.  It hurt to tell her this.  It hurt even hearing that she still cared.  It would be easier if she didn't, then he could hold on to his anger without change.  But hearing the love and shock in her voice made him feel guilty for some reason.  And being made to feel guilty always made him angry.

She sputtered again.  He could tell she was shocked.  When they had last spoken, three years ago, it was when she had told him that she and Randall had started dating.  Randall, the reason he was in prison in the first place.  His former best friend who decided it was a good idea to hold up a convenience store without telling J. that was his plan.  Who got off because he was still seventeen, while J. was tried as an adult.  Six years wasted in prison because of his best friend's brainless desire to be the neighborhood bad ass.

And then his sister began dating him. 

The rage he had felt had exploded in the visitation room, then continued back in the common area.  By the time the COs had subdued him, there were three new residents of the hospital ward and J. had landed in solitary for a month.

That was before he had met Teach and started working in his vo-tech shop.  One more way motorcycles had saved his life.

J. could tell she had a million questions.  His sister had always been a motormouth.  Half politician, half preacher, she could drown you in a torrent of words before you even had a chance to form your argument.  If she had ever left their neighborhood, she could have succeeded in business like few others.

But instead she had stayed with her mama, living in that tiny house on Dauphin Street and letting her world shrink around her.  J. knew that coming to visit him in prison was the furthest she had ever been from home.  Once he had told her never to contact him again, she had rarely strayed further than a few blocks from that stifling house.

"Well, that's...great!" Her voice took on a maternal warmth that made J. squirm uncomfortably.  "I'm really proud of you."  The softened edge to her voice was unexpected and unwelcome.

"Yeah," was all J. could muster.  He wanted anger, any excuse to lash out and hang up the phone..

"Tomorrow's Wednesday, J.," Janelle continued in the new, soft voice.

"It is," J. waited.  Wednesday dinners after Bible study were part of growing up.

"So would you come to dinner?"

There it was.  The invitation he knew was coming and had been avoiding since Teach had first told him Janelle had called.  "We want to see you," she continued, voice full of hope.  "Things have changed.  They're," she paused and J. imagined her looking around the tiny little house, always having to worry about who was in earshot.  "They're pretty good," she finished.

"Good," J. said shortly, biting back the rest of the words that wanted to come flooding out. 
How's Randall?  How is it fucking the man who ruined my life?  Is that good? Why don't you ask mom if she thinks it's good?  She must since he's living in MY room in MY house and eating with MY family.  You two just went ahead and replaced me with my best friend, didn't you Janelle?  Things went shitty for me and you just moved on.  And now things are good?

Instead he gripped the phone as tight as he could.  "I'll come.  But I'm not coming alone."

"Really?"  Janelle's voice was guarded.

"I'm bringing my girl.  Emmy." J. heard the sudden softness in his own voice when he spoke her name.

Janelle must have heard it too.  She made a sound like a suppressed squeal.  "I'll set an extra place then," she choked. 

"Good," J. repeated.  "I'll be there at three."

"Okay," Janelle's voice was still thick with emotion and it was more than J. could handle.  He had to hang up before it overwhelmed him.   He replaced the receiver slowly without saying goodbye.