Stealing Ryder (17 page)

She came over to me with tears falling
down her face. Ryder attempted to come with her, but she pushed him back to where he was standing, looking stupid in the corner by the kitchen.

Skye approached me with ease
, but when she got next to me, she pulled me to the couch to sit down. When we were sitting together, tears rolling down her face, she took her hand and tucked a small strand of hair behind my ears.

“Harper, I told you that I loved you and wouldn’t do anything to ever hurt you. You are my very best friend
, and I meant that. You are like a sister to me, and everything I did with Ryder, I swear, I had you in mind. I wanted him to come here so you guys could hash it out. All I have seen you do is be miserable without him. There was no way I could have just sat back and allowed you to continue stumbling down this road of misery.”

She continued after pausing to wipe a tear from her cheek, “I saw you hurting yourself
, and when I went to meet with him, I had all intentions of yelling at him too. But then I saw that same hurt in him, and I knew you guys were just too stubborn to admit that both of you were wrong. He was wrong for doing that with Kylee, and you were wrong in terms of telling him and yourself that you aren’t in love with him. I saw you today at the bridal salon, fuming over those wedding gowns. I have seen your Pintrest wedding board. There is no denying that you want a wonderful wedding, and a man like I have. And there is no denying that you want it all with Ryder. So stop being so fucking stubborn, and just hear him out.”

She looked at Ryder
, who was staring hopefully at me.

“Both of you need to hear each other out. When and if this is all over
, and if there is no coming to a compromise, then you both can at least say you tried. There is no harm in trying. At least then, you can move on with your lives, because you guys are stuck at this impasse with no direction of knowing where to go.”

She was right. I either needed this closure
, or I needed to realize that Ryder was doing it all for me. She also was correct in assuming that everything I did these past couple of weeks was because I missed Ryder. The reason I stayed at home alone was because I missed Ryder. The reason I met with Kylee was because of him. Everything I did, he still consumed my thoughts. So I owed it to myself to hear what he had to say at the very least.

And I knew it wasn’t her fault. I was just being dramatic. Skye was looking out for me
, and I was punishing her for that. Never once had Skye done something with malicious intentions. She was right. And she technically prepped me in the car, I was just too naïve to realize what was actually happening.

“I know. You’re right.” I could see Ryder
out the corner of my eye sigh a deep breath of relief, so I made it a point to correct what I was saying.

“Skye, you are right. Not you.” I directed at Ryder, whose shoulders immediately tensed up again.

“I know you would never do anything to hurt me, so there has to be a reason that you’re doing this now. I will sit and listen to what he has to say, but that doesn’t mean we will get back together. You’re right, though; we do need to talk. The way Ryder and I ended things wasn’t the right way. Thank you for doing this.”

Skye had finally stopped crying
, and we both hugged each other again. I was truly thankful for her in ways she will never know. We could be oceans apart, but she was always going to be my best friend. When I was with Tye, there were days when I wished I had a friend like her, and I am so grateful for everything she has done for me now. I wished we had met earlier in life, but there was always a rhyme and reason for why some people come into your life when they do.

I needed Skye to help guide me in the right direction and excuse my stubbornness, which is what she was doing now. I loved her like I would have loved a sister. She was a sister for me
, and I knew I was going to be the best bridesmaid for her that I could be.

“I love you
, girl,” I whispered in her ear when we embraced.

“Love you too, you stubborn mule
,” she joked.

When we finally parted, she spoke up, “Okay, I am going to go now
, but you guys sit down and talk.”

She patted the seat next to her indicating for the very quiet Ryder to go sit down. When she got up
, she gave me two thumbs up and walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind me.

I guess it was time to finally face whatever
came next.

***

“So, go on and speak.” I said angrily. My mood instantly changing from something positive to something more along the lines of annoyance.

“Harper, I just need you to listen. Can you do that for me? Can I please say what I have to say without you interrupting
?” He was so nervous, that it was kind of cute.

He was clearly shaking in his shoes
, and man, he looked so incredibly handsome. He was wearing a pair of leather shoes, with a dark pair of designer jeans, and a grey and white flannel shirt. The shirt he wore showed off in the bulge of his chest because it was tight around his abs. His pecs were staunch. You could see the definition of his abs and it had me practically drooling. Then, of course, there was his gorgeously square jawline that was cut perfectly so that his cheeks almost looked contoured to his face.

He was grinding his teeth, but tried to smile at me when I looked up at him. It was almost like he was walking on a tightrope
, and with each step he moved closer to me. His black hair was slicked back, but a few strands fell onto his forehead. I stared down and noticed his large arms were shaking underneath him, but it was from the fists he was making so hard it’s like he had a death grip on something, maybe his nerves.

He was sporting his light stubble on his face, which looked so incredibly sexy on him. It didn’t look disheveled
on him, but more like a, “oh yes, fuck me, please” sort of face. And that’s what got me to his baby blues.

His eyes were glistening pools of shimmering blue. It was almost as if I felt like I was
in a boat on the ocean, just staring out at the horizon with nothing else in sight. It was a very calming thought. It was as if I was drifting on the ocean alone, just floating and dreaming. When I stared at his eyes, there was nothing and no one else in the world. That’s the part that scared me about Ryder too.

When I looked at him, I felt momentar
ily at peace, like everything in the world was slowing down around us and he was there to protect me. He was going to save me from the crazies in the world that seemed to flock to me. He was there to protect me, hold me, and cherish me. That was what I felt by just staring at him. That’s why I demanded that when we broke up, we didn’t see each other. I knew this would happen the moment I just looked at him in his eyes. He had this effect on me.

Sure, I saw women
surround him at bars and clubs, but none of them felt the connection, the spark, that we felt for each other. He never looked at them the way he looked at me. He was never like that with them, just with me.

So, did I owe it to him to sit here and listen to him? I mean, I don’t think I did
, but the sole fact he was staring at me with his sad little puppy dog eyes forced me to nod at him while he sat down next to me.

He turned his body so he was facing me
, and very slowly and carefully, he put his hands on my knees. He looked as if he was going to cry any second. It was heartbreaking to watch. I felt like I was disappointing him, almost, by not being with him. He loved me, and I think I was starting to realize I messed up by rushing to conclusions and leaving.

Therefore, I sat. I sat there and waited to he
ar what he had to say. And that’s when he began.

Chapter
15

Ryder

“Baby, I am so sorry for everything you saw. I acted like an ass the entire trip and did everything possible wrong. It started when I was bookin’ the trip. I wanted to see Knox get married and all, but I was bein’ a dick. Babe, I should have invited you from the start. I didn’t think…”

“I
guessed you weren’t interested, and I didn’t wanna take you back there because I don’t have a lot of fond memories of Texas. Going to see my parents was the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t want anyone to think I was a fuckin’ pussy, but I was a mess when I went to their house. This sounds stupid as hell, but I wanted their approval. I wanted my dad to say that everythin’ was gonna be fine, that the past was forgiven and that he could move on with our lives. Part of me knew that would never happen.”

“It’s fuckin
’ embarrassingto come from a family that doesn’t want a damn thing to do with you. I’m ashamed that you would think I’m a useless piece of shit, and that’s what I feel like when I’m there. That’s the reason I don’t ever go back. They make me feel like utter shit. I work for my money and I worked damn hard at my football career, all I’ve ever wanted was for them to be proud of me. I ache for it. Secretly, I hoped that when I showed up at their house that they’d welcome me with open arms. They’d be over the fact that I ain’t in law school and be okay with my choices. But, in the end they weren’t and I think I’m finally okay with that, because in the end game I’m okay in life. I’ve got that surf competition comin’ up and I’m pretty damn excited about it.”

I heard her pretty little angelic voice start to interrupt
, so I looked back up at her from where I was staring at my fingers. She looked so beautiful. Her face was contorted in some sort of anger, but it was soft, like she was listenin’ and payin’ attention to my story.

“When is the competition?”
she squeaked.

“October. In a few weeks
, actually.”

“Oh. I’m excited to come watch
,” she said.

Those words made my heart skip a beat
, and I wanted to tell her more and more of my story. I wanted to share, and bare my entire soul to her, so I continued with what I was sayin’ previously.

“Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t want you comin’ in the first place to Texas.
I’m embarrassed with everything that involves my parents. Of course, like they always fuckin’ do, they tore me down and make things involving them a livin’ hell. They don’t ever plan on comin’ to visit me or ever seein’ their own goddamn granddaughter. I started thinkin’ what kind of grandparent I would be with Evelyn’s kids and what kind of dad I am to her. First, I thought maybe I was like them, but I’m nothin’ like that sperm and egg donor I got stuck with. Evelyn is always first in my life. I think I just needed to realize that so I could move on with my life.”

“At first, I thought I
needed their approval to be a good parent and later on down the road, a good husband to you but I finally realize I don’t. I don’t need a damn thing from them. They’re fuckin’ dead to me and I don’t need their goddamn approval. In life, there are just people that will never approve. It fuckin’ sucks that it’s my parents, but I don’t give a shit at this point. I needed to go there and say what I had to say. But once I was done, I was done with them. All I need now is to move on with my life. I have a beautiful daughter that I need to prove to that I am nothing like her worthless grandparents.”

“And I needed to know what kind of a man I was goin
’ to be to you. Was I going to end up like my father, who used my mother as arm candy? Was I just using you as a social excuse to move forward? No. But, that’s what I had used Kylee for. I used Kylee to make my family and the rest of society happy. It was so fuckin’ hard to come from a wealthy neighborhood where everyone cared about keepin’ up apperances. It wasn’t just for the girls either, the guys had to be groomed to become their fathers. It was all who you knew and how much money y’alls family had. Of course that’s how I felt our relationship was. I never wanted to grow up in a neighborhood like that and I damn didn’t want my wife and kids to be surrounded in that shit.”

“
Did I freak out? Fuck yeah. I was scared, but I grew from my closure I had from them. I shut that door tight, and I don’t wanna open it again. I’m over it. Done. Been there. Don’t care to go back. Kylee feels the same way as me, so it was nice that she decided that she didn’t wanna move out there. I was freakin’ the fuck out when I thought she was actually considerin’ draggin’ our daughter out to Texas to live forever. That’s part of the reason I’m okay with her and Finn datin’…”

I paused for effect to see whether or not I knew she knew about this tidbit, but she didn’t move or blink
, so I continued.

“Finn’s keepin’ her here
, and I am just glad that she found someone, and feels the way I feel when I speak to you or think about you. Anyway, I’m getting off subject. I want you know exactly what happened. When we went out as a pre-wedding celebration thing to one of Knox’s clubs, I got shit faced. Just bein’ in Texas was sendin’ me back into a depression and I needed an out. I stupidly used alcohol. I had a moment there where I thought I could live this life, but I would be a fuckin’ miserable alcoholic who would be doin’ a borin’ ass nine-to-five job.

“So, I continued drinkin
’ till I got blackout-drunk. I didn’t know Kylee had slipped in my bed until it was too late. I had felt so fuckin’ guilty about it all; I was trippin’. I called you right away; I swear to God, Harper. I didn’t let one second pass without givin’ ya a call. I felt so fuckin’ guilty baby. I promise you it had nothing to do with me. I will never get blackout-drunk again…”

I started to continue with what I was sayin
’, but she stopped me.

“It’s okay
, Ry. I believe you,” she whispered out, like my little angel she was, in such a sweet tone that broke my fuckin’ heart in two.

“Please forgive me
,” I begged.

“I do. I promise.”

“But I’m not done. I need to apologize for bein’ a stupid, fuck–face, douchebag prick at the wedding. I wasn’t thinking then either. I was all caught up in the moment. I know Kylee told me she was going to go see you and talk about all of what happened. I didn’t agree, but she pushed it, so I know you heard Kylee’s reasoning. And I have to admit, if I agree with her on anything, it would be that.”

“I never meant to hurt you like I did
, Harper. I really just wanted a family photo. Something to put up on the wall before stepparents, stepsiblings, and all that jazz came into the picture. Honestly, I was thinking about marrying you right then and there when I got back to California. I just wanted that moment with Evelyn and Kylee before shit started bouncing off the walls. I wanted to share it with them…”

She interrupted, “I know. I am so stupid. Goddamn
it, Ryder. I feel so silly, like a little girl who got stuck in a lie or something. I don’t know how else to explain it. I just…I don’t know. I totally see it that way now. I was acting completely irrational. I don’t know why I didn’t think of asking you first.”

“But
, Harper, you broke my heart when you fucked me in the hotel. I came back there, begging to tell my story, but you broke my heart. I knew it was over. I have never cried in front of a girl until I met you. Well, besides when Evelyn was born. I knew it was over with you though, and my heart felt like it was bein’ torn in two. When we fucked that night, it was different. Man, I am going to sound like such a little bitch for sayin’ this, but it’s like we were makin’ love or some corny shit like that.”

Harper laughed hysterically
, then wrinkled her little nose up and snorted, which made me laugh. She was the cutest thing around.

“Anyway, I didn’t know what to do without you. I just sat there in my house as if I was expecting you to come back and sit with me. I wanted to see your naked little ass running back and forth from the bathroom to the bed because you just got out of the freezing cold shower. I missed naked cooking
, and cuddling together. I missed you, damnit.”

“What I am tryin’ to say
with all this is that I don’t want to live another moment, another second, without you in my life. I need you. I breathe you. You own my every thought, my soul, my heart, and my body. You are a part of who I am.”

“Oh
, Ryder.” Harper had tears in her eyes, which broke my heart even more. All I wanted to do was protect her from all the pain in the world.

I walked over t
o her and did something that even surprised me.