Stealing Grace (11 page)

“I know. You’re right.”

Her cheek burned just thinking about seeing Roger again. He smiled at her and opened the door.

“Be right back.”

She nodded and watched him make his way to the front door. Roger came to the door and looked relieved to see Alex. He pulled him inside and slammed the door.

Elena waited patiently. Played with the radio, thinking. Alex came back after about ten minutes and sprinted quickly to the truck.

“Sorry. That was weird.”

“What happened?”

“He was, uh...I don’t know. He didn’t really talk about anything just didn’t seem to want me to leave.”

Alex backed the truck out of the driveway slowly.

“Hmm.”

“Amy seemed ok, though. She brought me some tea. She doesn’t have any bruises or anything that I could see.”

“Good, that’s good,” Elena mused.

“Yeah. I wonder what was going on with him. It was almost like...he didn’t want to be alone with her.”

“Well, they are being watched and checked on like us aren’t they?”

“Yeah, should be.”
“Maybe he’s just irritated, like you. Ready for some company that isn’t someone trying to decide if he’s handling his wife right or not.”

“Well, I’ll call him. We’ll get together with them soon.”

“I’d like that, thanks,” she said and bit her lip.

She wanted to sit beside him but was still cautious. She didn’t really know why. She just didn’t want him to think she was being clingy or too forward. Her never being in a relationship before this was not helping matters now.
If you can sleep in his bed with him then you can scoot your butt over and sit by him.

She unbuckled her seatbelt and scooted over.

He put his arm around her and pulled her close.

“It’s about time.”

“What?”

“I’ve been wondering when you were going to stop sitting way over there.”
“You have? Why didn’t you just tell me to sit by you then?”

“You don’t get to make a lot of your own choices anymore.” He looked at the road sadly. “I’m not going to tell you what to do unless I have to. I wanted you to want to sit by me.”

She smiled and decided to stop being so paranoid. She laid her head on his shoulder and felt his hand tighten on her arm.

“Ugh,” Elena muttered, “why do you all have to live so close? We never stay in the truck for more than five minutes at a time.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty comfortable myself.”

He passed the house and kept going.

“Where are you going?” she asked, puzzled.

“Why don’t we circle the community, one more time.”

She grinned at him in the dim pink and purple light from sun setting behind them.

“You read my mind,” she said softly and laid her head back down on his shoulder.

He rubbed her arm with his long fingers and kissed her hair.

“Are you a little happy here with me then?”

“Yes.” She looked up at him and felt the full force of his gaze. This was a serious question for him. He was worried about her happiness. “I won’t lie. I don’t like living here, in the community. I don’t like what they do here but I like being with you. I’m happy with you.”

“You’re sure? Don’t tell me you are just to please me.”

“I’m not. I’m very happy with you, Alex. And you’re really good to me.”

He smiled and smirked playfully.

“So, it’s not so bad being a Smithe?”

“Not at all.”

“Good,” he said and blew out a long breath.

Even thought he was joking around, she wasn’t entirely sure he believed what she said.

* * *

That night after supper, Elena contemplated something. It was something she’d been thinking and fretting about for a couple weeks now. She could tell...if she was really, really honest with herself, that she was in love with him. She was.

Fact was also that they were married. And though Alex was the dictionary description of a gentleman and would never try anything, she knew he had to be wondering when they’d make their marriage official. Elena sure had.

She didn’t want to wait any longer. She decided that even if she was told she could leave tomorrow, she couldn’t and wouldn’t go. Alex meant too much to her now to do that. She hoped he felt the same about her. She’d find out tonight, if she could muster up the gumption.

She decided to go straight to the bathroom and shower without talking about watching movies or reading books tonight. She showered and then lit two candles by the bed he’d gotten her on one of their shopping trips. ‘Trip’ was exaggerating a little. Maybe skip and a hop was more accurate.

She put on a pink camisole and her matching boy short underwear. She looked at herself in the mirror and had to take a breath. She never thought she’d get the chance to be a seductress. She didn’t know if she’d be any good at it, if he’d respond to it. Then she panicked.
On no. What if he doesn’t want this? What if he turns me down? What if he thinks I’m silly? He knows I’m a virgin, it’s a guideline for the community. Why hasn’t he made a move at all? Maybe he’s not interested in doing that. That would make it really official, wouldn’t it? Ugh.

She was just about to chicken out and change into her pajama pants when he entered the room and saw her, standing there in front of the mirror, pink cami and undies and nothing else.

“Oh.” His mouth gaped open and he let his eyes travel her body, head to toe. He looked like he liked what he saw, then quickly turned. “I’m sorry. I should have knocked.”

That gave her the courage she needed and she approached him. She wrapped her arms around his chest from behind and whispered in his ear.

“Come to bed.”

He turned his head to look at her over his shoulder. He looked at her intensely. He frowned slightly and then just looked puzzled.

“Elena. Um...” he mumbled.

“Please, come to bed with me. I’m not really in the mood for a movie tonight.”

“Ok,” he said reluctantly. “Let me change,” he said huskily.

He grabbed some clothes from the drawers and walked briskly to the bathroom. Elena climbed under the covers. She didn’t sprawl herself out trying to be sexy. She didn’t position herself so his eyes would bulge when he saw her. She had no idea what was sexy and what was just silly.

She laid half way on his pillow and waited for him to come back. She could hear the cicadas out the window. She wished there was a radio in the room but once again, she didn’t want to put on a show of romance or sexiness. She just wanted him to know she was ready. If he wasn’t, well...they’d cross that bridge when they got there. Hopefully it would be in five minutes, Elena thought.

She saw the bathroom light spill into the room from the hallway and then disappear. Then he was standing in the doorway wearing nothing but pajama pants, looking bashful and uncertain. He cleared his throat and braced his hands in the doorframe. He just stood there and watched her.

“What?” she asked. “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong.” He seemed defensively. “I’m just, uh, trying to figure something out.”

“What’s that?”

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. His gaze flickered to the candles beside the bed and then back to her. She immediately bristled with chagrin. He thought she was overdoing it. He knew what she was doing and he didn’t want to. It was obvious she was trying to seduce him and he was thinking of a way to let her down easy. She had the sudden urge to burst into tears but held back.

“I lit the candles. They smell really good, I love cranberry. Thanks for buying them for me,” she tried to cover.

“You lit the candles because you wanted to smell them?” he asked and quirked a brow.

“Yeah. I’ve had them a week already. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t like them,” she tried to explain away.

“And the, um...uh..” he stammered. Elena thought that if she wasn’t so upset and rejected feeling she would think it was incredibly cute. “You’re not cold? With no pajamas on?” he finally asked.

Oh my... He doesn’t want me. That’s abundantly clear. I’m so stupid.

“Nah, I’m not cold.” She rolled over all the way to her side to face the wall and tried to sound casual. “You can blow the candles out if you can’t sleep with them lit.”

She heard him shuffle and stop. And then shuffle and stop. She assumed he was debating coming to bed or not. She wished she’d never thought to do this whole thing. It had only been a little over two months. Maybe he thought she was rushing things.

She felt him in climb in finally. He was silent for a few minutes. And then he spoke softly and sweetly.

“Elena.”

Just the way he said her name made the tears come that had been begging to already.
Sweet Alex. He wants to explain himself, to make sure he hasn’t hurt my feelings. He knows what I was doing. Could I be more embarrassed?

“Yeah?” she answered back and even she could hear the tears in her voice.

“Gah, Elena.” His voice was strained with sympathy and care for her. “No, don’t do that.”

He reached out and she felt his hand on her back.

“What? I’m fine.”

“Elena, look at me.”

“Why? I’m tired, Alex.”

“Look at me.” She didn’t so he reached over and pulled her to roll towards him gently. “What’s up with you tonight?”

She huffed and bristled some more. What was he doing? Did he want to make her say it? She wasn’t embarrassed enough? She stared at him incredulously.

“Nothing I said,” she said quickly. “Please, let’s go to sleep.”

“No. I want to know.”

“You want to hear me say it?” she snapped.

“Yes.”

“What? What do you want me to say? That I was going to try to- to...” she started but couldn’t even make herself say the words.

“Elena, look.” He scooted as close to her as he could get and then spoke softly. “It’s only been a couple months-”

“Ah!” she gasped. He was about to say she was moving too fast. “Please don’t say it. Ok. I get it, I’m sorry.”

“What do you get?”

“That you’re not interested. That I’m an idiot who thought that you’d want to... I can’t believe I did this. I have no idea what I’m doing. I just thought...I mean, you’ve been kissing me and we’re married and-”

He cut her off with a kiss. A hot kiss that made her gasp, her skin flush. She felt him grab the back of her neck and pull her tightly to him. His lips were warm and damp and eager. He pulled back just enough to let him speak.

“Did you really think I didn’t want you? It’s not that at all. I’ve been trying to tone down the way I feel. I didn’t want to scare you or make you think you needed to do something you weren’t ready for. That’s why I wanted to hear you say it. I didn’t want to misunderstand. I wanted to be absolutely sure.”

“So, you do want me?” she asked and felt utterly stupid for it but it was already out, too late.

“Of course I want you, you silly girl.” He nuzzled her nose with his and chuckled. “How could I not want you? You’re my wife. I picked you and you’re perfect. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. So, she kissed him instead.

She pulled him closer. His fingers wound themselves in her hair and she pressed her lips harder to his. He grabbed her side and ribs but then quickly let go and pulled her away. Both were breathing heavy, her eyes confused.

“Wait, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t
want
to do, Elena. Don’t feel like you owe me anything. I want you to be happy here, as happy as you can be in the situation, but don’t feel obligated to me. Just don’t...” he could think of nothing else to say.

* * *

He felt like he was taking advantage of her. She didn’t belong here. She didn’t deserve this life. She was just making the best of a bad situation and he didn’t want her to do this for him because she felt she owed him for saving her. He was on the verge of getting up and resuming his couch arrangement for fear of upsetting her further when she placed her hand on his cheek.

* * *

“Alex, you saved me, more than once if you remember. I do owe you, but I’m not trying to repay you right now.” She chuckled a little under her breath and bit her lip, which he heard and chuckled too as she continued. “I’m not doing anything I don’t want to. You have been nothing but sweet to me since I got here. You’ve been nicer to me than
anyone
my whole life. I just...I really appreciate it and I want...to try to be your wife. We’re in this together and I want to be good to you as you’ve been to me. But that’s not why I’m doing this. I want to do this because I want to, no other reason.”

“I understand all that but I don’t really know how to proceed here. I mean, I’m feeling things for you I’ve never felt before and I know that’s real but I don’t want this to just be a product of the situation. Just because we’re married doesn’t mean you have to play house with me and do things you wouldn’t have done otherwise.”

“I’m not playing house. I’m going on what I feel for you.”

“Elena...” he breathed out her name almost in protest, shaking his head in her hands.

“I know it’s only been a few weeks but I-” Elena tried but neither of them could finish a sentence now.

Both still breathing heavy, still looking at each other.
Elena, this is crazy! You barely know him. You don’t love him, you just think you do. He does care though. He is a good man despite all this.

She moved forward and started kissing him again, he was giving in. No more protesting. After a minute he rolled on top of her not letting his weight crush her. She pulled away for just a second and closed her eyes as she spoke.