Stay With Me (21 page)

“She’d want you to.”

My eyes snapped open and I jumped up to see Savannah’s brother Sam standing there carrying a bouquet of flowers. My heart stopped for a moment. I hadn’t seen him in a few years. I had grown close to Savannah’s family when we dated, but after her death we grew apart. He set them down next to the flowers I had brought.

“Don’t you think four and half years is enough time, Thano?”

With a sigh, I looked down and kicked at a piece of grass. “Everyone keeps telling me to move on, I don’t know if I can.”

“Why do you think that is?”

I looked into his eyes. It was the first time anyone had actually asked me that. “Hell, I don’t know, Sam. Maybe because she died walking down the aisle and there was nothing I could do. We didn’t even get a chance to start a life together.”

He never once broke my stare. “Or is it because in a small way, you felt relieved she died and that has filled you with guilt.”

My hands balled into fists as anger surged through my body. “Fuck you, Thompson. I loved your sister and wanted to marry her. Why in the hell would I have wanted her to die?”

He let out a soft laugh. “Oh, I know you loved her, and she loved you. But I don’t think either one of you wanted to admit you loved each other for the wrong reasons.”

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. His words rattled my entire body.

“What in the hell are you talking about?” I asked.

Sam turned and faced Savannah’s grave.

“Thano, I want you to really dig down deep and think about this. The two of you were together since high school and all through college. When you asked Savannah to marry you, was it truly because you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her, or was it because you felt it was your sense of duty? Kind of like right now how you feel like it is your sense of duty to mourn her and not move on. You let the guilt of feeling happy keep you from actually feeling happy.”

His words felt like they were a slap to my face. I opened my mouth to argue, but I couldn’t. For the first time in over four years, I let reality in.

Sam gave me a weak smile. “It’s okay, Thano. You can’t beat yourself up over it anymore.”

“I loved her, Sam. I really did.”

“And she loved you, but even Savannah wasn’t sure. The day before the wedding she confided in me. She said she was having second thoughts but didn’t know how to talk to you about it. I told her she needed to talk to you before the wedding, but I’m going to guess she never did.”

My eyes widened in shock. “She was having second thoughts about getting married?” I shook my head as if it would help the jumbled mess inside of it. Knowing Savannah had the same doubts almost had me feeling relieved as the guilt lessened some. “Wait—my mother said Savannah told her mother she wanted to talk to me.”

Sam’s expression turned sad. “My mother wouldn’t let Savannah share her fears with you. She told her she was being silly and that she needed to push past the fears.”

Oh, God.
I took a few steps back. My heart sank as I looked at Sam. “Do you think that’s why she had the heart attack?”

He jerked his face back in shock. “No! Thano, you already know the doctors said she had a heart defect.”

I forced the air into my lungs. “But . . . what if the added stress caused something to happen?”

Walking up to me, Sam grabbed onto my arms. “Stop. Thano, think back to the numerous times you saw Savannah complaining her chest was aching. Each time she would give some excuse, almost as if she somehow knew something was wrong. Even I remember her saying something when we were in Cancun on a family vacation, after we went for a walk along the beach. The wedding—you—none of that had anything to do with her dying. Her heart gave out. There is nothing more to it. Stop beating yourself up every chance you get. Thano, don’t let your fear keep you from opening your heart again. It’s time to move on.”

Closing my eyes, I numbly shook my head. “You’re right,” I barely said as he dropped his hands.

“About?”

I opened my eyes and pulled in a deep breath before slowly pushing it out. I looked into Savannah’s brother’s eyes and decided I couldn’t ignore it any longer. “I was relieved. A small part of me was relieved the wedding never happened. The guilt I’ve felt over the last four years knowing that has been something I’ve carried deep inside of me, refusing to ever let that thought back into my head again. The moment I first thought it, I hated myself for thinking it. I loved Savannah and I only wanted to make her happy and give her the life she deserved. I thought by marrying her, I was doing what we both wanted. Now I don’t even know if either one of us wanted it at all.”

Both of us remained silent for a few moments before Sam finally spoke. “I think you both wanted it in some small way, but if you had gotten married, I honestly don’t think you would have stayed married for long before you grew apart. That’s the thing about love, Thano. There is love . . . and then there is the love that you can’t live without.”

Kilyn.

I wasn’t sure how long we stood there in silence before Sam finally shook my hand and took off. It was another few minutes before I decided it was time to leave.

“I’ll always love you, Savannah. But it’s time I forgive myself and open up my heart to someone else. I think you would love Kilyn. She’s full of life and so strong.” Closing my eyes, I softly said, “I pray to God I didn’t mess things up with her.”

Feeling a tear slip from my eye, I quickly wiped it away.

With a smile, I whispered, “Goodbye, Savannah.”

TWO WEEKS LATER

W
ALKING INTO ONION
Creek, I took a deep inhale through my nose. God, something smelled wonderful. I wasn’t even sure how I could even think of eating after the Thanksgiving dinner two days ago at Kim and Scott’s house. I was still full.

My phone buzzed in my purse, alerting me of a text. Pulling my phone out, my breath caught as I saw his name.

Thano.

Thano: Got the final drawings. Everything looks great.

Pressing my lips together, I stopped walking so I could text him back. Surely he had to have some changes.

Me: No changes? You agree with everything?

I chewed on my thumbnail as I waited for his response. I made the master bedroom a little more girly than I should have seeing this was a guy’s cabin. The shabby chic décor was a bitch move but in the end it actually turned out kind of cute. Cute being the key word.

Thano: Yes.

My mouth fell open. That’s it? That’s all I get is a simple one-word response. Yes.

Feeling the anger build up, I started running my fingers quickly over my phone.

Me: Really? Did you look at them, Athanasios? REALLY look at them.

Standing in a small corner off to the side, I waited as I tapped my foot impatiently.

People started coming in for Claire’s class and passing me. Each one giving me a warm greeting. It was almost as if they knew I was on the edge of losing my shit.

Five minutes went by before he finally responded.

Thano: Yes, Ms. O’Kelly. I REALLY looked at them.

Me: And that’s what you want to go with?

Thano: Yes.

Ugh!

I hit his number and tried to calm my erratic heart down. I knew this was a risk . . . hearing his voice. When I gave him the option of using another designer he said no. All of our communication had been through email or text.

“Hello.”

Oh, dear God in heaven. His voice sent my libido into high alert.

“Th—” My voice cracked and I had to clear it . . . twice.

For Christ’s sake! Get it together!

“Mr. Drivas, I need to be sure you looked at the drawings for every room and sign off on all of them before I okay the work to begin.”

“I did.”

Closing my eyes, I brought up my hand and pinched the bridge of my nose.
Stay calm, Kilyn. Calm.

“Your bedroom, Thano. Did you look at your bedroom?”

I heard rustling of papers and then a chuckle. “Yes. I saw the master.”

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I replied, “And?”

“Well, my mother liked it, so I like it.”

My mouth dropped to the ground. “It’s nothing like what you asked for.”

“Then why did you draw it up that way if you thought I wasn’t going to like it?”

Slapping my hand to my forehead, I shouted, “Because I wanted you to say you didn’t like it!”

“Why?”

I went to talk and nothing came out.

Why did I do that? Oh. My. Goodness. What am I, in high school playing games?

“Well . . . I um . . . I wanted to make sure you were really paying attention to the designs and not agreeing for the sake of agreeing.”

Thano cleared his throat. “I would never do that. This is where I hope to live permanently someday, I want it to be the way I want it.”

My heart jumped to my throat. Someday he’d be making love to another woman in the bedroom I designed. Some Greek bitch would be cooking up a storm in my dream kitchen.

Yes. I had to admit it to myself, I designed Thano’s kitchen with my dream kitchen in mind. I got personal with a job. Very personal.

“Well, I hope when it’s done you’ll be happy.”

“I’m sure I will be.”

The silence was almost too much to take.

“Was there anything else you wanted to talk to me about, Ms. O’Kelly?”

My heart felt as if it were physically breaking all over again. “No. Oh, um, yes. Since you approved the plans Claire will be contacting you about when the workers will be there to start work.”

“Claire? Why not you?”

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and faced the corner. The last thing I wanted was for people to see me crying. Trying to sound as normal as possible, I choked out my words.

“Claire usually handles this stage of things since her husband is the contractor we use. I’ll be sure to have her send you her cell phone number should any . . . should, um . . . should any problems, um.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I cleared my throat. “Should problems arise.”

“Kilyn, are you okay?”

I shook my head and pressed my lips tightly together as I covered my mouth with my hand. If only he knew how badly he broke my heart.

Dropping my hand, I whispered, “I’m fine. I have to go.”

Hitting End, I pushed my phone into my back pocket and counted to twenty.

Now that that was over, I needed to concentrate on moving on. I’d already quit the gym where Thano worked out and I gave my notice to move from my apartment. I was going to stay with Claire and Blake until I found another place.

I did everything differently from what I normally did, and that included not going to my favorite coffee shop in Manitou Springs. The fear of running into Thano was almost becoming obsessive.

Claire’s voice from behind me caused me to jump. “Hey, are you okay?”

Opening my eyes, I spun around and forced the fake smile I had mastered at sixteen years old.

“Yep! I think I’m coming down with something and I needed a few minutes. Are we ready?”

She nodded her head and gave me an inquisitive look. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Wrapping my arm around hers, I laughed. “Yes. I promise I’m fine.”