Starting Now (20 page)

Her mother used to say that everything happened for a reason. Maybe she was meant to be late for that interview. As soon as she was home, she’d contact Robin and bounce the idea off her.

Libby’s shoulders slumped forward. She debated whether to contact her friend or wait. She decided to wait. If she didn’t hear from Robin by Monday morning, then Libby would have her answer as to how pissed off her friend actually was.

“Stop eating so much. You’re getting fat.”

“Yes, Grandma.” Ava hung her head, not wanting to look her grandmother in the face.

“Did you do the list of chores I left you?”

Keeping her eyes downcast, Ava nodded. Her grandmother had been in a bad mood all day. She left the table and took the dirty dishes with her. Jackson carried his own plate to the sink and sent her a sympathetic look. Their grandmother wasn’t normally home on Sunday afternoons. She was usually with her friends at the VFW club or the local tavern. Most of the time she left mid-afternoon and didn’t return until just before dinnertime. Ava wished her grandmother was still with her friends instead of being out of sorts and snapping at her and Jackson.

That morning Jackson had gone to church with Peter from next door. Jackson said it would be all right if she wanted to go, too, but Ava didn’t feel well. She didn’t most days. She’d known something
was wrong nearly all summer, but until her lunch with Libby she hadn’t known what it was.

There was a baby inside of her.

A baby. Ava didn’t know what she was going to do. If her grandmother found out, she’d be a whole lot more than cranky. According to their grandmother, Ava’s mother had been a problem child. She wanted to be sure that Jackson and Ava were good students and grew up to be decent individuals. Ava didn’t know what was required to be a decent individual, but she had a fairly good idea that it didn’t mean having a baby when she was only thirteen.

While Ava washed the dishes, her grandmother lit a cigarette and sat in front of the television set and watched a Mariners baseball game. Ava wiped down the countertop and put the leftover food away.

Jackson was outside playing basketball with Peter, who had a hoop in his driveway. She watched them through the kitchen window for a while and when she finished cleaning up she went into her bedroom. It was quiet there. She didn’t really care about watching the Mariners.

Ava needed to think. She didn’t know what she was going to do about the baby. Her grandma thought she was eating too much. Ava had seen pregnant women, and some of them got really big up front. She didn’t know what would happen if the baby grew that big inside of her.

Lifting the edge of her mattress, Ava reached for the piece of paper Libby Morgan had given her with her phone number written on it. She pulled out the folded slip and stared at it for several minutes. Libby had told Ava she could phone her anytime. Maybe Libby would know what to do. Maybe she could help her.

Her grandmother’s voice echoed down the hallway. “Stupid Mariners.”

The local team was losing and her grandmother’s mood would turn even worse if they did. Ava decided it would be best to stay in her bedroom. Sitting on top of her bed, she raised her knees and buried her face there. The baby in her stomach was probably the reason her ankles had been swollen most of the summer.

“I’m going out for a while,” her grandmother called.

Ava relaxed. If her grandmother went to the VFW, then she wouldn’t be upset about the Mariners. She’d probably be gone until it was dark or even later.

About ten seconds later the front door closed.

Ava waited a few minutes more and then crept into the kitchen where the phone was. It was an old-fashioned one that was attached to the wall. After looking at Libby’s phone number for so long she’d memorized it, she returned the sheet to its original hiding place.

It took her several minutes to gather up the courage to phone Libby. Finally she punched in the phone number, closed her eyes, and waited.

“Hello.”

Just the sound of Libby’s voice panicked her and Ava slammed down the receiver. Her grandmother had something on her phone that canceled their phone number on caller ID, so Ava didn’t need to worry that Libby would try calling her back.

Her heart raced and she broke out in a cold sweat. Ava really did feel sick to her stomach. Her grandma said she was getting lazy and Jackson said she wasn’t any fun because all she did was stay in her room. He would, too, if he felt the way she did.

She knew pregnant women went to see a doctor, but Ava didn’t have the money for a doctor’s visit. Even if she did, there was always the chance her grandmother would find out. She couldn’t risk her grandmother learning about the baby inside of her.

Having a baby was dangerous. She might even die. She pressed her hand over her stomach and bit into her lip. Another thirty minutes passed before she found the courage to dial Libby’s phone number a second time.

“Hello.”

Ava didn’t speak. She couldn’t. Her throat had closed up on her and when she tried to talk nothing came out but a squeaking noise that sounded like a baby bird or something else small and helpless.

After a moment Ava replaced the receiver. She liked Libby. Libby had taken her to a sit-down restaurant. It had been Ava’s first time
ever in a restaurant where you didn’t order off a menu on the wall and the waitress came right to the table. Only she hadn’t told Libby that.

Returning to her bedroom, Ava laid down on the top of her bed, with her arms wrapped around her stomach. She wanted to close her eyes, but if she went to sleep now she’d wake up in the middle of the night and she hated that. It was at nighttime that she missed her mother the most.

Ava’s mother had been a lot like her grandmother, only younger. What Ava really missed was the apartment where they’d lived before the car accident. She’d had friends and neighbors she knew and trusted. Since moving in with her grandmother, Ava had begun attending a new school. The only friend she had was Casey.

After a while Ava got up and went outside. She sat on the porch and watched her brother and Peter shoot baskets. Both boys ignored her. Peter’s mother came out with a plate of cookies. Peter was an only child and Jackson said he was spoiled. Her brother was jealous. Ava didn’t blame him. For once in their lives they would like for someone to spoil them. No one had ever baked cookies for her and Jackson.

“You okay?” Jackson asked, wandering over to her.

She shrugged. “Yeah.”

Peter’s mother walked across the yard to Ava. “Would you like a cookie, Ava?” she asked.

“She can’t,” Jackson answered for her. “Grandma says she’s getting fat.”

“You’re not fat,” Mrs. Armstrong insisted. “One cookie isn’t going to hurt you.”

“Okay.” Ava reached for the cookie and held it. She didn’t eat it right away, but she would later. She would take tiny bites and savor each one.

Mrs. Armstrong returned to the house and the boys went back to playing basketball. Peter was on the junior high team and Jackson wanted to be, too. Tryouts weren’t for a long time yet, so he had plenty of time to practice.

After a few minutes Ava went inside the house again. She stared at the phone on the wall and couldn’t decide if she should talk to Libby or not. Instead she got out her knitting and sat down with it in front of the television.

Grandma couldn’t afford cable so all they could get were the local channels. The reception wasn’t good, but they watched it because it was all they had. Nothing good was on anyway so Ava concentrated on her knitting.

She wondered if Casey would still be her friend if she found out about the baby. When school started everyone would think she’d gotten really fat over the summer. She hoped no one would guess she was pregnant.

On second thought, maybe she wouldn’t go to school. Maybe she’d wait until her grandmother left for work and then come back to the house. She’d rather do that than have the kids tease her about being fat.

After knitting several rows, Ava set the knitting aside. Before her courage left her, she reached for the phone again and dialed the number Libby had given her.

Instead of saying hello this time, Libby said, “Ava, is that you?”

Her eyes widened. Libby knew it was her phoning.

“Please don’t hang up,” Libby pleaded.

“Okay,” she managed to whisper.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes.” She felt crummy, but she always did, so it wasn’t different from any other day.

“Good.” Libby sounded relieved.

“I’ll be at the yarn store on Tuesday,” Ava told her.

“So will I,” Libby promised.

That was all the reassurance Ava needed. Libby would help her. She could trust Libby, Ava was sure of that. Libby would know what she should do.

Libby was already on the treadmill when she saw Robin enter the gym. Her friend was fifteen minutes later than usual. Libby suspected she’d purposely arrived late to avoid chatting with Libby in the locker room. Still, Libby was encouraged. At least Robin had shown up. That was a good sign. The treadmill next to her was empty and she hoped Robin would claim it.

Ten minutes after she arrived, Robin stepped out of the locker room in her workout gear. She glanced briefly in Libby’s direction and when she caught Libby eyeing her, she quickly looked away.

So that was the way it was to be.

Robin stepped onto the treadmill next to Libby and started her regular routine. She pretended not to notice Libby, but that was to be expected.

Libby glanced at Robin and after carefully weighing how best to handle this, she decided to test the waters. “Morning.”

Robin muttered some unintelligible reply. Then, as if she’d forgotten
them, she inserted her earbuds into her ears and turned on her iPod, tuning Libby out completely.

Libby had an iPod, too. She hadn’t brought it to the gym because she generally chatted with Robin while working out. If Robin had decided to ignore her completely, then perhaps Libby would bring her iPod in the future. Recognizing that there wasn’t anything more she could do, she returned her concentration to her workout, increasing the treadmill speed in order to work out her frustration.

Libby tried not to think about Phillip, but despite all her efforts he continued to pop into her mind at the most inconvenient times. She missed his small encouragements, the chats they’d shared while on his sailboat. And she missed having his arms around her and their kisses. Every time she thought about Phillip, and that was nearly constantly, her heart ached. He’d inspired her, and had been her devoted cheerleader before the interview. He’d been good to her and for her. In her frustration and anger she’d done the one thing that she knew would hurt her most, and broken off their relationship.

And yet Phillip had been the one to give her the idea of her own office. When she opened her door for business, Libby decided, she would hold a small open house and invite him.

No, that probably wouldn’t work. If she knew anything about Phillip, it was the fact that he had his pride. Even if she did invite him he wouldn’t come.

Besides, she needed to concentrate, needed to work out a business plan. The one person she wanted to talk to more than ever was Robin.

They’d never had a falling out before. Sure, over the years they’d drifted apart, but Libby remembered how they had helped each other as study partners while they were in law school. They’d gotten close again and she’d hate to lose that. She just didn’t know how many times she could say she was sorry.

High on newfound energy, Libby almost wasn’t ready for the treadmill to slow to a more sedate pace. She was raring to continue, to conquer new goals, to venture into territory she’d never thought to explore.

To Libby’s surprise, Robin removed her earbuds.

“I’m still upset with you,” she said, looking straight ahead.

“Are you speaking to me?” Libby asked.

“I shouldn’t.”

“But I hope you do. I miss you.”

Robin muttered again so low Libby couldn’t make out what she was saying.

“I
am
sorry,” Libby said. If nothing else, she wanted her friend to understand how deeply she regretted disappointing her.