Starting Fires (30 page)

“Oh hey, Helen.” Naturally, I was confused that she would be calling me.

“I hope you don’t mind that Lucas gave me your number.”

“Not at all. What can I help you with?”

“Well, we’re having a big barbeque tomorrow for William’s birthday. It’s a surprise,” she whispered. “I was wondering if maybe you’d like to come. William would just love to see you again.”

Why wasn’t Lucas asking me? “Does Lucas know you’re inviting me?”

“Of course. He suggested it.” Her voice went even quieter as she said, “Don’t tell him I told you this, but you’ve been all he’s talked about since he got here. You sure are special to him.” Her words were sweet and kind, filled with motherly love. “Please come. It would make us all so happy to see you.”

Unable to say no to her, I agreed. “I’d love to,” I smiled. “Can you give me directions? I don’t remember how to get there.”

The trip would take me about forty-five minutes. Once I wrote everything down, Helen surprised me with another request. “Why don’t you just come on tonight? It’s still early. We wouldn’t mind if you stayed.”

“Wouldn’t that ruin the surprise?” Honestly, this was unexpected, but it also made me feel more secure about my position with Lucas.

“I’ll just tell him that the two of you are staying for the weekend.”

“Do you mind if I talk to Lucas first?” I asked, wanting to make sure that he was okay with it.

“Give me just a second.” I heard her moving around, doors opening and closing, and then the distinct sound of male voices. “Marlowe wants to talk to you, honey,” Helen told him.

A few seconds later, Lucas came on the line with an enthusiastic, “Hey! My mom told you about tomorrow?”

“Yeah. But she also asked me if I wanted to come over tonight instead of driving there tomorrow. Is that okay?”

“Come on, babe. I’ve missed you.” He’d said it so effortlessly, making all my insecurities dissipate.

“Okay,” I smiled. “I’ll see you in a little while.”

About an hour and a half later, I was pulling into his parents’ driveway. Helen, William, and Lucas were out on the porch. His parents in a swing and him propping against the side of the house. Lucas was the last to receive a hello. His parents’ hugs were long and tight, full of affection. They’d already eaten dinner, but Helen saved me a plate and heated it up for me. I ate with Lucas sitting next to me at their table. Bill and Helen were still outside on the swing, so I took our isolation as an opportunity. “Have you talked with your dad?” I asked.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Is it sad that I completely forgot that his birthday is tomorrow? I only came tonight by chance. I can’t do it. It’ll have to be another time.”

“Okay,” I nodded, understanding. If it
was
going to hurt his dad, this wasn’t the most opportune moment. It would suck if he was in a horrible mood his entire birthday. But there was something else bothering me. I didn’t want to bring it up. Part of me wanted to sweep it under a rug and pretend as if it didn’t happen. Maybe I’d only imagined those words. Maybe they meant nothing. But I knew that if I never asked, it would eat at me until I couldn’t take it anymore. “I saw something the other night,” I said. He looked at me thoughtfully, trying to decide where I was going with this. “On your phone. I wasn’t trying to. But you left it on my nightstand and it was just there.”

His brow went in with worry or confusion. Affectionately, his hand came to my thigh and he gave it a rub. “What was it?” he asked.

“A message from Candace.” I couldn’t look at him and studied my half-empty plate of food. He had to know what message I was referring to, so I didn’t elaborate on its contents. “Are you still seeing her, Lucas?”

“No,” he said earnestly. “I’m not. I promise. There’s only you.”

To see if I could sense a lie on his face, I turned towards him. His head was propped on his hand, and he was staring straight at me, hiding nothing.

“Then why did she say that you would talk with her about the two of you?”

He cleared his throat, and rubbed his hand along his chin, thinking of how to respond. “She’s having a hard time letting this go. The other night I tried to talk to her, but she was drunk and not hearing me. I told her that we’d discuss it later. She only heard what she wanted to. It wasn’t what it looked like.”

“So you still talk to her?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head and grabbing my hand. “I don’t. I’m sorry that you still have to deal with this, but I’m going to make her see that I’m only with you now. Just you, Marzy.”

Just me.
“I believe you,” I said and took his face in my hands, giving him a kiss. His parents came in just as we pulled apart. The remainder of the night was spent sitting around their television. It was after midnight when his parents went to sleep. We followed. Lucas assured me that it wasn’t a big deal for me to sleep in his bed, but I felt like a harlot and wouldn’t let him touch me.

He had just turned out his light and crawled under the covers next to me, his hand immediately going to my breast. “Stop it,” I said and swatted it away.

Lucas chuckled, and moved his hand to my stomach. “Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he said.

The next day was manic. Helen was busy trying to get William out of the house, but he kept dragging his feet, not wanting to go. Finally, Lucas convinced him to go to the liquor store with him. Not five minutes after they left, a parade of people arrived. I’d never met even one of them.

Helen tried to introduce me as they came pouring in, carrying presents, food, and beer, but it was hopeless. There were children and adults of all ages. Cousins. Aunts. Uncles. Family friends. I’d guess at least fifty people and all of them were there to make sure that William had a fantastic birthday. I felt privileged to be a part of it.

When William and Lucas finally came back, his father was red-faced and had tears in his eyes. He didn’t cry, but it was obvious that this gesture touched him. To let all of his family say their hello’s and catch up, I remained in the back of the living room up against a wall. Lucas spotted me, and came to give me a hug. “He never saw it coming,” he said. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’m so glad that you’re here,” he said.

“Me, too.”

“Did you get a chance to meet everyone?”

“More or less. But it’s been pretty crazy.”

“Well, I’ll make sure to show you off later.” He smiled and gave me a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose.

Everyone began filtering out into the large front yard. A bunch of men started unloading tables from a pickup truck in the driveway and Lucas was on his way to help them, but stopped in his tracks when a familiar SUV pulled up. Even I knew that car. Memories of Christmas came flooding back. He stopped at the window and watched the doors open. Sure enough, Candace’s head came out of the back. “Shit,” he muttered and walked into the kitchen where his mother was. I followed. For the moment, we were relatively alone with her. “Why did you invite her?” he asked forcefully. “You know I don’t want to see her.”

“I didn’t invite
her
,” Helen said. “I invited her parents. Which as you know are some of your father and I’s oldest friends. It’s not my fault if she makes you uncomfortable. You should think about who you fornicate with.” My mouth pulled in on suppressed laughter. Hearing the word out of her mouth was hilarious, and I had to agree. They both noticed my amusement and Lucas gave me a playful scowl. His mother smiled sweetly. “This is the price he has to pay for all his years of debauchery.”

“Mom. Jeez…”

“
Years!
” I repeated with a smile and wrapped my arms around stomach.

“Well, maybe not years,” Helen said. “But you finally got a good one. You better treat her right.”

Lucas gave me a kiss on the top of the head. “I will,” he whispered.

Over the next few hours, we made a point to stay as far away from Candace as possible. Lucas kept me glued to his side, his arm around me. If that didn’t tell her that he was through with her, I didn’t know what would. Occasionally, I would see her staring at us, a tearful scowl on her face. Mia had arrived shortly after she did and was trying to keep her busy, but she still managed to periodically sneak close to us. Each time she approached, Lucas found a reason to walk across the yard and talk to someone else. But I could tell that she was becoming fed up. It wouldn’t be long before she exploded.

We’d already eaten, and I was sitting in the yard playing with one of his cousins. Haley was her name. A cute, little, curly headed toddler with red hair and puffy cheeks. We were playing peek-a-boo and she would squeal with delight every time I moved my hands away from my face. “She likes you,” Lucas smiled.

“I like her, too,” I said.

While we grinned at one another, we didn’t realize that Haley had grabbed a bottle of ketchup from the table. As only a child would, she squirted the bottle right at Lucas and made a surprised face when the red glob shot out onto his shirt. To hide my amusement, I covered my mouth with my hand. Slowly, Lucas closed his eyes and let out a groan.

From across the yard, her mother saw and came over to us. While she scolded the child, Lucas wiped the ketchup from his shirt. Haley gave him a quiet apology and walked off. “I’m gonna go change shirts,” he said. “Be back in a second.”

Silently, I sat by myself watching his family walk around the yard. Groups of people were laughing, drinking, eating. Everyone was smiling and enjoying the beautiful day. This was something that I could get used to. A family again. A true family. People who cared about me and wanted me to be a part of their lives.

Mia saw me sitting alone and walked over to join me. “Hey you,” she smiled. “It’s been a while.”

“It has,” I said. “How was your vacation?”

She huffed as she sat down. “Long as hell. Mom kept asking me why I hadn’t settled down and given her a grandbaby yet.”

I chuckled, and wondered if my own mother would be asking the same thing of me if she was alive. “You’ve got plenty of time,” I said.

“Well, you better watch it. If you and Lucas keep all this lovey-dovey stuff up, she’ll be asking you next.”

I smiled and looked down to the ground. Helen would be thoroughly disappointed if she thought I’d be giving her a grandchild anytime soon. I watched Mia’s cute pink toenails bob up and down as they peaked out of her sandals. Hopefully, Helen wouldn’t ask that of me for a long while. Something about Mia’s foot threw me off, and then I realized what it was. “Hey, what happened to your…” I trailed off, already knowing the truth before it left my mouth.

Mia didn’t have a tattoo of a musical note on her foot. She never did. But I bet someone else had one. “Mia,” I said. The tone of my voice made her stop moving her foot and she looked at me with trepidation. “Was Candace at the lake with your family?”

With nervousness she ran her hands down her white shorts. “Um… maybe you should ask Lucas,” she said. “But if she was, and I’m not saying she was, maybe there was a reason. Maybe Lucas…”

I stopped listening as my eyes searched the yard for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Candace. With determination, I rose from my chair and walked towards the house. People were laughing and talking, but moved out of my way as I walked through the living room. Every step towards his bedroom door made my pulse beat faster and faster. What would I find on the other side? I’d finally allowed myself to open up to him and this was my reward.

The door was opened a crack and I stood in the hallway, trying to gather my nerves. “I’m going to tell her,” Candace said, stilling my hand on the knob.

“Tell her what?” Lucas asked. “There’s nothing for you to tell.”

“She deserves to know what happened.”

“Nothing happened, Candace,” Lucas sighed. “Stop it.”

“Oh, so making out with you last Friday night and then sleeping in your bed is nothing?”

“Yes!” he said forcefully. “Look, I’m sorry, but it was a mistake. I was drunk and not thinking straight.”

“What about us?” she screeched. “You’re just going to throw everything aw-”

“God, Candace, there is no us,” Lucas said. I could hear him walking towards the door. Some part in my brain said
Walk away. Pretend that you didn’t hear it.
But I stayed where I was.

His door swung open and his eyes went wide as he took me in. Under his arm, I could see Candace sitting in a chair, her feet propped up against a dresser. The beautiful music note was on full display. “Wish you were here with me,” I whispered, remembering the picture he’d sent me.

“Let me explain,” Lucas said frantically. “I can explain everything.”

I didn’t look at him—only at Candace. She was wearing a smile that managed to be sad, triumphant, snotty, and bitchy all at the same time. A tear came out of my eye, and I quickly wiped it away. “Don’t worry about,” I said. “I have to go.”

Before he had time to say anything else, I stormed down the hallway. In the living room, I grabbed my purse from an end table and made my way outside. One of my bags was still in his room, but he could keep it.

As I walked through the house, I could hear him calling my name, but kept moving. There was nothing more for me to say to him. He’d ruined everything. Destroyed my trust and broken my heart. No, we weren’t committed to each other, but I had made the mistake of being committed to him, and believing that he wanted only me. Whether we’d admitted it or not, we were an item. A couple. And I’d put up with enough. The night before, he’d told me
Just you, Marzy.
A knot formed in my throat as I remembered the sincerity in his face.
Don’t cry
I told myself.
Hold it in.