Starstruck (26 page)

“Well, look who it is,” he said, his voice booming. “Little Miss Hollywood.” He was thrilled to be in a room full of cameras—it couldn’t have been more obvious.

She stood up and hugged him, being careful not to hit his mike pack. “Oh my God, Ethan! It’s been a while!”

Ethan stepped back and looked at her. “And whose fault is that?” His voice was suddenly cool and his dark eyes glittered. “Certainly not mine.”

He had walked in, Kate realized, ready for a fight. She wondered if he was actually mad at her (which, okay, he might have a reason to be) or if his anger was Trevor’s idea. Not that it mattered: She wasn’t going to get into it with Ethan in front of the cameras. She’d had enough on-screen drama lately.

“Life has been soooo crazy,” she said, sinking back down in her chair and wiping her brow for effect. “I hardly know where I am or what day it is.”

“I can help you with both of those things. It’s Tuesday, and you’re in Ohio. Your humble roots.” Ethan narrowed his eyes. “Speaking of roots, did you dye your hair?”

Kate put a hand up to the crown of her head. “Just a little highlighting,” she said, flushing.

Ethan gazed at her for a moment. “I think I liked it better before,” he said finally.

She exhaled sharply. “Well, thanks for the input. I’m sure my colorist will care.”
Whoops
, she thought.
You’re not supposed to fight
.

“It’s more than that, though. Did you get it straightened, too, or just wash it?”

“So, Katie, dear, tell us about your new songs,” her mother interjected.

Kate turned to her gratefully. Why couldn’t she have had ten minutes alone with her mother before PopTV started bringing in the exes? She was going to complain to Trevor about this. “Well, I’ve been writing a lot, and it’s been going really well.”

“I’m sure it’s been going a lot better than your performances,” Ethan said. “So that’s good.”

Wow, was he going to just keep putting her down or what? She would have brought up her awesome El Rey show, but since it hadn’t aired yet, it hadn’t happened. “So anyway, Mom, I’ve got basically an album’s worth of stuff, and I’m going to see what can happen with it.”

“Oh, that’s so exciting!” Marlene said. “I hope you’ll play me some.”

“Of course.”

“Has Courtney Love been in touch lately?” Ethan asked.

Kate rolled her eyes. “No,” she said.

“Hmmm … probably off her meds …” he said.

At that point, Kate had had enough. She wasn’t going to play nice any longer. “What is your problem, Ethan? Are you just going to sit there and insult me? Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. But that song wasn’t about you, okay? And I just didn’t feel like dealing.”

Her mother stiffened on the couch. “Kate, that isn’t the way we talk to our guests.”

“Have you been listening to what he’s been saying to me?” she demanded. “I wasn’t the one who walked into the room with guns blazing.”

Marlene frowned. “No one said relationships were easy. There was a time you two were inseparable. And now look at you. Ethan may be a little prickly, but you, Katie, need to be polite.”

“Excuse me?” Kate said.

“You heard me,” her mother said. “Now sit tight. I’m going to go get the cookies I baked and we are all going to be a little better behaved.”

Ethan and Kate stared at each other from across the room. “I suppose you’re enjoying this,” Kate said.

Ethan’s posture softened. “Oh, Kate,” he said. “I’m sorry. I just—I don’t know. I miss you, I really do. But I guess I’m not doing a good job of showing it, am I?”

Kate’s eyes widened. Was he sincere? Was he acting? Was he bipolar?

She really had no idea. And frankly, at the moment, she didn’t want to know. She was jet-lagged and exhausted and, come to think of it, she actually was hungry. She stood up. “It was a long flight. I think I’ll go lie down for a little while,” she said. And carefully, so Trevor couldn’t accuse her of having a Madisonlike freak-out, she took off her mike pack and left the room, swiping two of her mom’s cookies on the way.

“It was awful,” Kate said, picking at the glow-in-the-dark star stickers that she’d put on her wall when she was ten. “First there was the whole thing with Ethan, and then they made me film at the Columbus Zoo.”

“I don’t know, zoos are all right, aren’t they?” Drew asked. The connection was bad, and his voice sounded strange and far away.

“They had me at the penguin exhibit, so a crowd of gaping Ohioans could watch me toss fish to the poor things. It’s because I used to work there, but I never even did anything with animals. I sold hot dogs and lemonade!”

“All right, that could have been better. What else?”

She finally got a star unstuck and she flicked it onto the floor. “They made me go back to my old high school and say hi to my choir teacher. And tomorrow I have to sing at some party my mom’s friend is throwing. I would rather cut off my left hand than do that.” She went back for another star; she didn’t want their little greenish glow over her head anymore. She was too old for that stuff.

Drew laughed. “But it must be nice to see your mom....”

Kate nodded, as if he could see her. “Of course. It’s great. When she isn’t accusing me of having changed.”

“Have you changed?” Drew wondered.

Kate gave up on the stars and flopped back onto her ancient comforter. “I don’t know! Probably? But I had to. And why is it that whenever someone says you’ve changed, they mean for the worse?”

Drew laughed. “I don’t know if that’s always the case.”

“But it usually is,” Kate insisted. “And okay, I get it. Everything’s so different than it used to be, and it’s all supposed to be better. But it’s also much more complicated.” Violet, her childhood teddy bear, was propped on her desk; she picked it up and turned it over in her hands. “People get really weird when fame is involved.”

“Yeah, like when your boyfriend wouldn’t be seen in public with you.” Drew’s voice had an edge to it.

Kate felt a pang of sorrow—but not for Luke. She was over him; she knew that now. The pang was for her own self, because she’d gone along with it. “That sucked,” she agreed. “More things suck than I would have imagined.”

“‘This is what I wished for / Just isn’t how I envisioned it,’” Drew said.

“Huh?”

“‘Famed to the point of imprisonment—’”

Kate was laughing now. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m quoting Eminem,” Drew said matter-of-factly. “His wisdom is underrated.”

“Wow. I’ve never heard you rap before.” She hugged Violet to her chest. There was a time in her life when she wouldn’t let the bear out of her sight. “I don’t know if I want to again, either.”

“Don’t worry. I bust it out on rare occasions. Like when my Kate needs cheering up.”

My Kate
, she thought, squeezing Violet harder.
What does he mean by that? He used to call Carmen “my Carm.” …

“So are you coming home soon?” Drew asked.

Home
, thought Kate.
Is L.A. really home now?
“In a couple of days.”

“Try to have more fun until then,” he urged. “Life isn’t as hard as you’re making it.”

“I know,” she said, sighing. “You’re right, as usual.”

She felt like she’d gotten off track somehow. Dazzled by the spotlights, she’d forgotten who she was and where she hoped to be going. Maybe being in Ohio was going to be better for her than she thought. Maybe she should thank Trevor instead of blaming him. Maybe she shouldn’t mind that her mom was so normal. Maybe she still had a lot to learn.

“‘So be careful what you wish for / ’Cause you just might get it …’”

“Oh my God, are you rapping again?”

“Sorry,” Drew said sheepishly. “It’s stuck in my head now.”

Kate slipped under the covers and cradled the phone against her ear. Yes, it was going to be good to be here. But she couldn’t deny the pull she felt back to L.A.

Back to Drew.

Carmen leaned over across the banquette table at Walrus, a new, slightly hipsterish bar that had opened earlier that week, and poked Fawn in the ribs. “My dress looks amazing on you.”

Fawn grinned. “Sooo amazing that you might let me keep it?”

“Guys,” Drew said. “We just finished with the is-Balenciaga’s-new-collection-the-greatest-thing-ever conversation. Can we move on to something, I don’t know, a little more gender-neutral?”

Carmen laughed and nodded. “Sorry.” It was time to change the subject anyway; PopTV was filming this night out and no one had hit their talking points yet. Sometimes it took a while to warm up, though. Plus, tonight’s crowd was kind of weird. Carmen, Gaby, and Sophia were the only ones on the shooting schedule, but at the last minute Carmen had begged Drew to come. “For moral support,” she’d said. “I need to be around at least one real friend tonight.”

Trevor was making the most of Carmen’s three-day break from shooting; he’d already had her film a brunch with Gaby and a shopping excursion with Sophia. She’d even gone out with Reeve Wilson and let the cameras come. Trevor obviously hadn’t gotten wind yet of the blowup with her mother (or where she was staying); otherwise he would have tried to make her film some tearful confrontation. Laurel knew about it, though, since they’d planned to have a quick shoot of Carmen and her mom in their breakfast nook, with Cassandra offering sage advice about the new wave of attention Carmen was getting. Carmen had told Laurel they had to scrap the scene … and then she asked if maybe there was an apartment for her, too, at Park Towers.

“I wish Kate could be here,” Carmen said brightly. “She loves this place.”

Sophia took her cue. “Where is she, anyway? I haven’t seen her around.”

“She’s back at home. In Ohio. She was basically suffering from exhaustion, so she decided to take a break. Rest up.”

Sophia nodded. “Totally. Rest is so essential to mental and physical well-being. I’m always telling Madison that, but I don’t think she listens to me.”

“How’s she doing?” Carmen asked.

Clearly they could hit their lines without any help from Gaby, who had disappeared somewhere with Jay. He hadn’t been on their schedule, but his being there was definitely no accident. He was already miked when Sophia, after receiving a text, had pointed him out across the room and said, “Gaby, isn’t that your man? Who’s that chick hanging on him?” Gaby had gone over to investigate (followed by two cameras) and had never returned.

“Oh,” Sophia said in reply to Carmen’s question. “She’s only got a few weeks of community service left, and then maybe she’ll be able to come out and play more.”

They talked about Kate’s upcoming shows and the fact that Carmen had booked her first monthly magazine cover for the following spring, when
The End of Love
would be coming out.

Drew wasn’t saying much—Trevor never gave him any talking points, even when he was on the schedule—but Carmen was glad to have him there. It had been so long since they’d hung out, and she missed him. He was so solid. So grounding.

That was why, after the cameras left (and Sophia had followed them out), she made him stay a little longer. “I’m your ride, remember,” she’d said teasingly. “You can either sit with me or you can walk.”

The DJ had started spinning bizarre mashups (Adele and the Wu-Tang Clan; LMFAO and the Ramones), and it was hard to hear. She scooted closer to Drew and said, “So—what’s up? Tell me everything.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Not much is going on, really.” He looked at her carefully. “But you know how I sort of like to keep tabs on you, right? So I know what’s up with you even when we don’t hang? Well, I saw something kind of crazy on the way here, and I’m sure it’s not true, but …”

“What?” Carmen asked. “Was there a picture of me walking in front of the doctor’s office with the caption
Carmen Curtis Deathly Ill?
or something?” She had stopped looking at anything that was printed about her, so who knew what the gossip sites were saying. She was trying hard not to care anymore.

He smiled wryly. “Basically. It was you, driving and looking sort of pissed, and it was like,
Cassandra Kicks Carmen to the Curb
. Which is crazy. I mean, you did look upset, but you always look pissed when you’re driving. Where do they come up with these stories?”

Carmen sighed. The secret was out. She had no idea how, but if Drew knew, then Trevor knew, and he was going to try to make something of it. But there was nothing she could do about that now. “Because it’s true,” she said.

Drew’s mouth fell open. “What?”

“We had a fight. She kicked me out.” She said it matter-of-factly, as if it were no big deal.

“What about your dad?”

Carmen shrugged. “He’s away on business. I guess he’ll find out when he comes back in a couple of days.”

Drew frowned. “You don’t seem that upset. Are you?”

Carmen leaned back against the leather booth. Thinking about it made her tired. “I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, maybe it’s time for me to get my own place. I’m an adult, after all.”

“Barely,” Drew said, and Carmen swatted him on the arm. “Ow,” he yelped.