Starr Fated (23 page)

“Kind of,” I
sighed, wilting under the relentless questioning from my cousin.
I'd never been able to keep secrets from her, because she had this
way of wheedling things out of you before you even realised she’d
done it.

“I thought as
much. So what did he do? What happened?”

“It was a
terrible misunderstanding. I thought I liked him in…that way, but
it turned out I didn't.”

“He didn't hit
you did he? So help me God, I’ll send Sean over there to sort out
the fecking bastard if he did.”

“Things got a
bit heated, but he didn't mean to hurt me. It was an accident. It’s
no big deal.”

“Hmm. I don’t
like the sound of him. Is that why you ran away, to get away from
him?”

“Partly,” I
mumbled.

“So there’s
more?” she probed.

“Oh Aoife,
I’ve made such a fool of myself. Not just with Jamie…” I sighed, as
I realised it would be good to talk this through with someone.

“Go on. Let’s
have the whole story.”

“Jamie has an
older brother, Liam. It’s his company I had the internship with,
because Jamie put in a good word for me. I ended up working closely
with Liam, and…”

“Did he try it
on with you?” Aoife asked. “Is that what this is all about?”

“No! If
anything it’s the opposite. Despite the fact that we have
absolutely nothing in common, I felt this strong connection with
him, and I was really attracted to him physically. I don’t
understand why, because I don’t even really like him, he’s cold and
controlling and domineering, and isn’t interest in relationships
and romance. Cut a long story short – we ended up kissing, I read
all sorts of things into it, but I misread the signs. I thought he
felt what I felt, but he didn't. It was mortifying.”

I’ve never
spoken about wondering if I was gay to my family, and seeing as I’d
now ruled it out, I sure as hell wasn’t going to bring that up now
to explain why Liam had kissed me.

“Bastard,
messing about with you like that,” Aoife exclaimed.

“Trouble is, I
can't stop thinking about him, because when he kissed me it just
felt …different to anyone else. Typical, I finally find a fella who
does something for me, and he’s not interested. So I just wanted to
get away for a while to get my head straight, and decide where I go
from here.”

“I’ll tell you
what you need to put the smile back on your face,” Aoife said. “A
nice Irish fella. Speaking of which, Finny’s band is playing at the
pub for my birthday party. And you know he’s always liked you,” she
said with a gleam in her eye.

“Sean’s
brother Finbarr? Look, I know he’s a great guy, but I don’t think
that’s such a good idea.”

Right now, the
last thing I needed was any other kind of complication or
misunderstanding in my love life. Sure, Finny and I had hung out
together a few summers ago when we were teenagers. We’d messed
around and even shared a few kisses, but it hadn't been anything
serious. Finny had always been really into his music, so I’d been
flattered when he’d tried to persuade me to join his band as their
singer, but I always knew I wanted to go to art college in London.
I’m not sure that he’d been serious anyway, as my voice isn’t that
great.

“All I'm
saying is come to my party, and see what develops from there. Have
some fun, let your hair down, forget about that stupid English
gobshite. He doesn’t deserve you and it’s his loss,” she
pronounced.

And so against
my better judgement, I somehow found myself going with Finbarr to
the local pub a couple of evenings later.

Why Abbey was
being so helpful in assisting my efforts
to find Seraphina I wasn’t quite sure. I was suspicious that she
had some sort of hidden agenda.

“She’s my
friend. I care about her, and I just want to see her happy,” she
shrugged when I queried her motives. I’d got her to leave her
mobile number the first time she’d called in, so I’d contacted her
to ask if she would call into my office again, to try and glean
some more information from her before I went ahead and tried to
track down Seraphina in Ireland. “I saw how you two were together,
how she looked at you. Of course you were a complete idiot not to
act on it at the time. If someone looked at me like that….”

“You’re
bisexual aren’t you? You say you care about her - so are your
feelings for Seraphina more than just friendship?” I asked her
outright.

“I hate
convenient labels like ‘bisexual’ and the assumptions people make
about you because of them. For me it’s just a way of explaining
that I’m adventurous, I like to experiment and try out different
things. So I’ve been with women as well as men, but as Sera never
gave me even the slightest indication that she was interested in me
that way, we’ve never been anything other than ‘just good friends’,
as the saying goes. That’s all.”

“I see. But I
still don’t get exactly why you’re prepared to help me get in
contact with Seraphina.”

“Sera’s a
really lovely girl, inside and out, and she’s had a pretty hard
time of things, although you’d never know it because she just gets
on and deals with whatever shit life throws at her. So I’d like to
see her happy, and as I’ve always said she has an old head on young
shoulders, I’m beginning to think that maybe an older, more mature
guy like you might be right for her, rather than immature blokes
our own age like Jamie. Maybe what she needs is a proper man, not a
pretty boy, and I think perhaps you fit the bill. And don’t forget
I saw you together at the club, and there was undeniably incredible
sexual chemistry between you.” Abbey grinned as she pretended to
fan herself.

“I see. So
you’re sure that Seraphina is still with her grandmother in
Ireland, at the address I have on her internship paperwork? If I
alter all my travel plans to go and see her, I’d prefer it not to
be a wild goose chase.”

“She mentioned
being there for her cousin’s birthday this week in her email, so I
don’t think she’s got plans to go anywhere else, for the time being
anyway. But if you are going to go after Sera, you have to promise
me you aren’t going to mess her around again. I think you really
hurt her feelings before.”

“I honestly
thought I was acting in her best interests by holding back. I’m not
used to... I’m not the kind of man… I thought she’d be better off
without me,” I tried to explain, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.
I wasn’t used to discussing my personal feelings with anyone, let
alone a virtual stranger. But to my surprise I rather liked Abbey
and her forthright manner. At least I knew where I stood with her,
and at the moment she was a vital link with Seraphina.

“So what’s
made you change your mind?” Abbey stared at me.

“The way I
felt after I found out what had happened between her and Jamie. The
way I felt when I didn't know if she was safe. The way I just can’t
stop thinking about her,” I admitted.

“Hmm, sounds
like you’ve got it bad. Good. Look, Sera wouldn’t tell me exactly
what happened with Jamie, but I'm guessing she wouldn’t go through
with things and he didn't take it too well?”

“Something
like that. He certainly didn't cover himself with glory, put it
that way.” I gritted my teeth at the memory.

“Does he know
how you feel about Sera?”

“No, and I
don’t intend to tell him anything yet. Firstly, because Seraphina
may well want nothing to do with me. And secondly, because I want
him to concentrate on his finals. Once they’re out of the way, and
depending on the situation, I’ll take it from there.”

“Okay. Well, I
think you’ve just got to give it your best shot and try to convince
Sera of your feelings, which I know you strong silent types always
find hard. You’ve got my number and my email address now, so if you
think I can help in anyway, just let me know. Going after her like
this is so romantic, by the way,” Abbey sighed dramatically, as she
clutched her hands to her heart.

Romantic?
That’s was last word I would ever have used to describe myself.

~*~

“Wouldn’t it
be easier to do a separate trip to Ireland when you get back from
America, rather than trying to combine the two? Doing it this way
just doesn't seem to make the best use of your time, Mr. Starr,”
Joy queried.

My ever
efficient PA was clearly puzzled as to why on earth I wanted to
change all my travel arrangements at the last minute. She’d worked
out that stopping overnight in Cork on my way to New York would
mean a three hour drive the next day to Dublin airport, as no
airline flew direct to New York out of the tiny airport at
Cork.

“No, the
business I have to attend to is very urgent and can't be put off
that long. So I don’t care how complicated it is, just do as I ask
and make all the necessary arrangements,” I snapped at her.

I’d let her
assume I was meeting up with an important business contact in
Kinsale, because of course she had no idea it was Seraphina I was
desperate to see before I left for my trip to the States. I
couldn’t leave things unresolved with her any longer as I already
feared I’d missed my chance, but I was determined to try to
persuade her to at least talk to me. I even seriously considered
postponing my business trip, but it had taken so long to set up,
and so much work had gone into all the preparations that I really
couldn’t justify it, not as I thought I had found a way to see her
before I headed off Stateside.

I was leaving
a day earlier than originally planned in order to be able to stop
off in Ireland on the way. That had panicked Simon because it meant
the design work had to be signed off a day earlier. I'd already
clashed with him because he’d seen fit to order the removal
Seraphina’s angel wing trade mark from the designs without
consulting me. I suppose it was out of character for me, but I felt
the tiny subtle logo in the bottom corner added another unique
feature and I also liked the fact that it was a link with
Seraphina. I didn't tell Simon that of course, and he made a huge
song and dance over the effort involved when I insisted it had to
be reinstated. He was struggling to cope now that Rob had left, Tom
was away on paternity leave, and he was having to manage with just
the freelancer we’d brought in to complete the designs.

My plan once
I’d found Seraphina was to talk to her, and if she seemed
receptive, explain how I thought we could make it work between us.
I’d given this matter a lot of thought over the last couple of
days, especially in the early hours of the morning when I hadn’t
been able to sleep. I was hoping I could convince Sera to move back
to London while I was away, so that we could begin working things
out between us when I returned. Of course I realised there was a
very strong possibility that she wouldn’t even agree to see me, or
that she may very well tell me to get lost in no uncertain terms -
but I was determined to give it my best shot and use all my
persuasive skills to win her over.

Faint heart
never won fair lady.

~*~

I go away on
business frequently, usually to the States, and I always travel
first class. For me, the cost is money well spent, because the
extra space and facilities mean I can use the flight time for
either working or sleeping, minimising the time I waste
recuperating from jet lag.

However, none
of my favoured airlines flew into Cork, so I had slum it with the
hordes in cattle class as the flight which didn't offer first
class. But as it was only a short flight of about an hour, I wasn’t
too bothered.

As soon as I
arrived and collected my luggage, I went over and picked up my hire
car. I had to settle for an Audi rather than a BMW as I would have
preferred, but no doubt it would serve well enough to get me to
Kinsale, and then on to Dublin airport the next day. I entered the
address details into the sat nav, and drove the short twenty minute
route to Kinsale.

As I pulled
into the car park at the Perryville Hotel - supposedly one of the
better hotels in this village, I felt a gamut of unfamiliar
emotions running through me. Excitement, nervousness, apprehension.
I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to handle things if they didn't
pan out the way I wanted with Seraphina. I wasn’t used to being
rejected, or having my plans and wishes thwarted, and I found it
very frustrating not being able to control the outcome of this
trip.

It was already
early evening, so I didn't waste any time knowing I only had
limited window of opportunity to talk to Seraphina before I had to
drive up to Dublin to make my flight to New York in the morning.
Once I’d booked into the hotel and been shown to my room, which
seemed reasonable enough, I took a quick shower, and changed into a
clean T shirt and jeans. Then I headed off to find where Seraphina
was staying, which according to the map on my iPhone was only a
short five minute walk from the hotel. I’d taken Abbey’s advice
that it was best not to let her know in advance that I was coming,
that I should just catch her unawares by turning up in person,
which was all very well but I just had to hope that I'd find her at
home.

As I made my
way, I didn't spend much time taking in the surroundings, but
Kinsale seemed a pretty kind of place if you liked that sort of
thing. There certainly seemed to be a lot of tourist type of shops,
which would no doubt be very busy in the summer.

It didn't take
me long to reach the address, which was a small whitewashed cottage
with a yellow front door. I took a deep breath before I opened the
gate, walked up the path and knocked on the door. My heart rate
increased at the thought of hopefully seeing Seraphina as if I was
a young adolescent lad rather than a mature man in his
thirties.

The door was
opened by a small, elderly woman with thick white hair, and I
assumed this was Seraphina’s grandmother. She was wearing a brown
pleated skirt, a floral blouse, and a pink cardigan that she
gathered round herself, almost as a protective layer against this
unexpected visitor at her door. In her slippered feet she was tiny
- she barely came up to my arm pit.