Starlight (The Dragonian Series Book 5) (37 page)

I don’t know. All I knew was that I should’ve never trusted anything he said, this, this was who he was. These were the words of his soul, his dragon’s soul. It came from his heart. His dragon’s heart.
This, I should trust this.

I should’ve never read his journal again and hoped and prayed that it would stay that way. I grunted again and made myself fall asleep.

I FORCED MYSELF not to read his journal for two days and it was working. I was weaning myself from his words.

It was the day of Queen Margerite’s function for my birthday.

A part of me was actually looking forward to it, as Becky said we should just get snotters, aka horribly drunk. Sammy of course didn’t like this one bit, as there would be many cameras.

I didn’t care anymore. The campaign was a huge failure. The numbers were not near where they should be and I don’t have what it would take to get people to fight for this cause.

We were going to party straight through, celebrate, get drunk and blow out candles at the stroke of midnight, and then party more until we passed out.

Becky really missed George, she was depressed, but today she was excited. A part of me even wondered if she hadn’t gotten a hold of George. She was really looking forward to tonight.

We took ages to get ready, but we all looked the part in our designer jeans and leather jackets.

I wore boots without heels. My feet needed a break from all Jenna’s wardrobe choices.

The function started at seven, I didn’t do many interviews. I was just happy that it was my function and thanked everyone that had thrown this party for me.

We posed for many pictures—ones that were worthy of the front page.

I’m sure after tonight they would get just what they were looking for.

Everyone was there.

Even Arianna and Heico. They looked over the moon in love and I wished I were a fly on King Caleb’s wall at night just to hear him bitch and moan about how Heico wasn’t good enough for his princess. I had to admit, I was starting to like her more and more, giving her old man all the hell he deserved.

Emanual and Raymond came too.

I didn’t want to speak to him tonight. He was on Team Blake through and through. I hated that so much.

Queen Margerite gave the nicest speech and I received so many birthday presents I thought it must be Christmas.

It wasn’t so bad.

Becky kept bringing the shooters.

I kept drinking them.

Then Cheng showed up. I’d really missed him so much.

We all partied the night through.

At twelve it was a miracle that I was still aware of what was going on around me.

I blew out the candles and danced.

Everyone danced with me.

Emanual, Raymond, Cheng, Dean, Raymond, Cheng, Cheng and Emanual.

When the song was over I went to the bar.

Emanual followed me like a puppy.

“You enjoying your birthday?”

“Yes, I am. Thank you.”

“I’m glad that you are letting yourself have fun, Elena.”

I shrugged.

“Sir Robert is getting antsy.”

“About what?”

“Blake is about to break his record, he’s trying all sorts of tactics. He was begging me to speak to you tonight.”

“To do what?”

“To help him so Blake doesn’t break his record.”

“Wrong girl, Emanual.” I hated where this conversation was heading.

“Elena, you need to forgive him. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Oh and how do you know? Were you there?”

“No, I believe Blake. He said you did walk in on something awkward that he was trying to deal with, get out of his room actually ‘cause she was extremely drunk, but you didn’t give him the time to explain.”

“No, because he ran away, like always.”

“He didn’t run away, Elena.”

“Then why didn’t he fight with me?”

He smiled. “I told him that he should’ve stayed and fought, but how could he when you ordered him to leave you alone?”

“I never ordered him…wait, what?”

Emanual laughed. “Maybe not what you meant at that precise moment Elena, but your words bound him to stay away from you. It hurt every time he tried to get close to you. He didn’t run. He couldn’t come near you.”

“I hate you. Why did you tell me this?” I yelled at him. “You are ruining everything!”

“Elena!” Emanual yelled after me as I ran out of the function without Becky and Sammy. She could get drunk without me.

I had said those words. I’d ordered him to stay away from me. I remembered that now so clearly.

It’s why he left, because of what I said. Something I said I would never do.

I took a cab back to Lucille’s and thanked the heavens I had a key. I opened the door without waking Rosa and stumbled to my room.

I wanted to cry.

I was so stupid. Not because I wanted to believe him, but because of Emanual. He always found ways to make me feel so small, so stupid.

I picked up Blake’s journal again and paged to the last poem I read.

The next poem was dedicated to Lucian.

Tears already welled up. I knew he’d struggled with his death, he still did.

Lucian my dear friend

This is by no means the end

I will see you again one day

I still feel you here in a way

You never gave up on me

Even when I told you to let me be

A lot has happened since you've been gone

I'm sorry I couldn't save you, I was wrong.

Selfish, ignorant, aggressive sure

But you were not like that, you're so pure

So today I promise you, making a vow

I'll do what’s right, some way, somehow

I'll try to make everything again all right

I won't give into darkness, I'm keeping the fight

I'm making you proud until I see you again

With your guiding spirit that will always remain

I cried like an idiot as his words were just so sad. Even though this poem felt totally in the wrong place, I had an idea where he was in space.
Stop rhyming Elena.

I blew out some air. It explained why he was so deranged that day when he told me that he was going to fight, but he hadn’t written this with the other poems he’d written from that time. Why was it here, in this stage? It didn’t make any sense and I turned the page around. I read a couple of other poems.

Searching, seeking, sacred soul,

She has gone, leaving a hole

Fire burns within my heart.

I need you now, I’ve come apart.

You are now the best of me.

Please come back and you will see.

Lovers’ quarrel never last.

I’ll bring you back

It’s my forecast.

Searching, seeking, until I’m done.

Never resting until I’ve won.

I read a couple more. It was all melting my heart. He was so different here, and it must’ve been after he woke up and I was gone. I should’ve stopped reading these poems, as I knew what they were going to do. But I couldn’t. I kept reading them.

All of them were about how my leaving made him feel. How he never gave up that there was another dark one. How he would tear souls apart for ever doing that to me.

It scared me again, but this time it wasn’t directed at me, it was at Billy and Seymour. I really felt so sorry for them when he finally found those assholes.

The poems that followed were all sad. About how I ignored him and they made me cry again.

He wasn’t showing this to me, he was always somewhere in the background though, spying on me, making sure I was okay, that I was safe and secure. No wonder he called his creation that.

Even though I didn’t want him near me, he didn’t care, in a small creepy kind of way. It was all here, his words, coming from his heart.

Then I found the two last poems. One of them was dedicated to me, directly.

Love, come be still

Within my arms of lovers will

I need you more than you'll ever know

The light in me is sure to grow

I need you now,

I'll make things right

For your presence I’m sure to fight

You keep my dark demons at bay

Your purity, your innocence makes me stay

Oh my love, come be still

I'll keep you safe, always have, always will.

I couldn’t read anymore. I shouldn’t, I took a deep breath. It was already way too late. I knew nothing happened that night Tabitha was there, and I was doing this to him all over again. He was going to grow tired of this shit soon and then what? I would lose my poet with words that made not just old ladies cry, but young ones too. I should apologize to him, but how? I hadn’t spoken to him in almost eight weeks.

Not once.

I sniffed and read the last poem. I kept reading the words over and over. My entire body just succumbed with this poem.

Was this about what I thought it was? The Denting process….

What did his words meant? I knew what he was saying, but it must be symbolic, as none of this was making any sense whatsoever and he confirmed it still in the next line.

I closed his book as it was the last poem and just thought about those two lines for a long time.

It took me back to that day he couldn’t get a hold of me. It was after we freed the first ten from Etan.

He said that if he told me what the Dent means, I would have the same life I had with Jako. I didn’t know what he meant then, but now thinking about it, it made sense.

He knew. But how?

And then something inside of me just happened. It was hard to explain. There was no more doubt. Nothing.

It’s not a spell
, he’d told me this over and over again.

I took a huge breath and let it out fast…tears still welled up in my eyes.

It didn’t matter anymore. I knew what I was going to do. I’d always known it the minute I carried on reading all his poems.

I missed him so much now.

I didn’t care anymore and I fell asleep with the book cradled in my arms.

Emanual and Tabitha were right. I was a stupid, stupid idiot. No more.

WHEN I WORK up I couldn’t stop thinking about his poems and I didn’t want to part with them, but I knew I had to. I had no choice.

I could always ask him to write more poems, just for me.

It sounded like a Shakespeare story in the making, although Shakespeare did love his tragedies. Ours could still end in a tragedy.

I sighed. Who could’ve known that a poetry book could do that to someone?

I had breakfast and then I tried to phone Blake. My heart cringed, as there wasn’t even a ring tone.

So I phoned Sir Robert.

“Happy Birthday, Princess,” he spoke as his holograph appeared. He was sitting in some sort of an office.

“Thank you, Sir Robert. Is Blake there?”