Starlight (18 page)

“This room will make a lovely nursery. What do you think, Rand?”

He stopped and became suddenly very still, his mouth drawn in a taut line. “I think there’s something you’d better understand right now. There will be no children as a result of our marriage.”

A shocked silence followed his announcement. Karen stared at him disbelievingly. “No children? But why?”

“For heaven’s sake, Karen, think about it,” he said bitterly. “I’m in no position to be any kind of father. Nor do I want children; they’re an encumbrance I can live without.”

“You’re being unfair.”

“Unfair?” He gave a short, derisive laugh. “You’re a fine one to talk. If it had been up to me, I wouldn’t have had a wife, either. If you want to talk about unfair, then we can talk about you and your father.”

The cruel words struck her harder than any blow. “But, Rand …” she pleaded, then halted. A brooding scowl darkened his face, and Karen knew him well enough to recognize that arguing was useless.

“You got what you wanted, Karen. We’re married, but from here on, I make the
decisions, and there will be no children. I don’t ever want to discuss the subject again. The matter is closed.” His tone was emphatic and hard as he strode away angrily, leaving her standing speechless in the hall.

An ache began to grow within her heart. She was married to Rand, a dream she believed would fulfill her every desire. But the deep womanly need to bear his child would be denied her. How easy it was to picture a dark-haired baby boy; Karen shook her head to cast the picture from her mind. Silently, she walked into their bedroom.

Rand was sitting at the end of their bed, bent forward, his face in his hands. He straightened when he heard her enter. “Karen, listen, it’s bad enough having a wife I’ll never see. I won’t endure the same agony with a child.” A hand moved wearily across his face. “Trust me in this. I know what you’re feeling, but give us a chance. Together we’ll build a good life; we don’t need anything else.”

Pictures of James and Carter flashed through her mind; she knew the love she felt for her two nephews was only a fraction of the emotion she would experience for her own child. She looked away; the searing, raw disappointment left an aching void in her heart. Gently, she went to him and traced the determined line of his jaw.

“Shall I take the precautions, or will you?” she asked in a tortured whisper.

“Karen?”

Faintly, she could hear Rand’s call and carefully rolled from the bed. But when she attempted to straighten, her muscles knotted in protest.

“I’m coming,” she called, stopping to rub the small of her back. When she limped down the hall from their bedroom, she could hear Carl’s worried voice.

“All day she was out there. Wouldn’t let me help; said I had enough to do without adding a garden to the list. Your missus is going to be real sore, mark my words. Real sore.”

“Hi, honey. How was your day?” She greeted Rand cheerfully, belying the discomfort of her aching muscles. Her eyes narrowed as they fell on Carl. She could tell Rand of her foolishness herself; Carl didn’t need to do it for her.

“I’m fine,” Rand answered shortly. “What’s this Carl is telling me about you working outside all day?”

“It wasn’t all day,” she denied, and winced from a shooting pain in her back. “It seems certain people are cursed with loose tongues around here. Isn’t that right, Carl?”

The older man shuffled his feet, avoiding her eyes. “I’ll be going home now.” He turned to leave, but not before Karen saw the smile that crinkled the crow’s-feet about his eyes.

Karen moved closer to Rand, wrapping her arms around his waist, then groaned softly. “Kiss me if you must, but please be gentle.”

Rand scowled. “You crazy little fool. What were you doing, shoveling hard dirt?” He was both bemused and angry. He released her, and instantly Karen missed the warmth of his touch.

“I thought I’d plant a garden,” she explained, flexing her overworked muscles, then flinching because even the slightest movement hurt. “My mother had a big garden every year. I don’t think I ever realized how much work she put into it. The most I did was pull weeds. Believe me, I appreciate her efforts more fully now.”

“If you wanted a garden, why didn’t you say something?” he questioned, the irritation leaving his face. “I could have had someone come and rototill for you.” He brought her back into the circle of his arms, his fingers gently rubbing the back of her neck.

His touch did insane things to her equilibrium, and she swayed against him. “I
don’t know,” she responded huskily, her eyes closed, savoring the gentle caress of his hands. “I forgot, I guess.” Clear thinking was almost impossible when Rand was holding her like this. His hands molded over her buttocks, lifting her pliant body against him. “Don’t stop,” she pleaded.

Rand’s voice was low and husky as he murmured against her skin. “I have no intention of stopping.”

Karen gave a sighing laugh. “I was referring to the massage. I could use a good rubdown.”

With soft kisses, Rand closed her eyes. Again, the pressure of his arms increased as he lifted and carried her into the bedroom.

His fingers were soothing and gentle as he manipulated the sore muscles. Her flesh responded to the overwhelming comfort of his touch. She was encompassed in warmth; a fury of sensation assaulted her, and she yearned to roll over and bring his mouth to hers. Anything to satisfy this aching void he was creating within her. A small cry of pleasure slipped from her parted lips. But if Rand knew what he was doing to her, he ignored her plea until she released another soft moan.

His hand settled over her shoulder to gently turn her. Karen stared for a moment at the intensity that burned from his eyes. “You know what I want,” he murmured thickly before lowering his mouth to hers.

A long time later, they rested, Karen’s head nestled in the crook of Rand’s arm. His fingers continued to explore her body by leisurely tracing an imaginary line around her breasts. The rounded flesh seemed to swell at his caress.

The meandering pattern followed down her abdomen. “I believe you’re gaining weight.”

“I know.” She smiled, leisurely reveling in the power of his touch to arouse her. “It’s Dorothy’s recipes, but if you notice it, too, then it’s time to go on a diet.”

“Just as long as you only abstain from food,” he whispered, claiming her mouth in a searing kiss that left her breathless.

Rand’s breathing wasn’t any more even, and when he spoke, there was a hoarse quality to his voice. “I have some news.”

“Good or bad?”

A smile lifted the corners of his full mouth. “I’ll let you decide. I’ve been asked to participate in a lecture series across the country. The schedule isn’t completed yet, but I imagine I’ll be gone two, possibly three weeks.”

The smile died on Karen’s face, and she closed her eyes to block the loneliness a long separation would bring. Tears burned for release, and she brushed them away, angry
with herself for being so emotional. “Will Cora be with you?” she questioned after a while.

“Of course Cora will be with me.” His voice held a mocking note. “We are partners, you know.”

“I thought we were partners, too? Remember me? I’m the wife you promised to love and cherish. I don’t exactly relish twiddling my thumbs for several weeks while you go gallivanting across the country with another woman.”

A scowl darkened Rand’s face. “Karen, this isn’t like you. Cora isn’t another woman in the sense you’re implying.”

“Not from lack of trying, I bet,” she snapped childishly, pulling herself from his arms and sitting upright.

“Karen?” Rand’s voice held a puzzled note. His hands slipped over her shoulders to bring her back. “As for us being partners, if you recall …”

Abruptly, Karen twisted away. “Are you going to throw the fact you didn’t want to marry me in my face every time we have an argument? You don’t need to tell me your feelings on the matter. Believe me, actions speak louder than words.”

“Karen, would you kindly listen to me?” he demanded, his mouth thinning angrily.

With her back facing him, she responded stiffly, “I’m listening.”

“You could have fooled me,” Rand murmured under his breath. Then he began again slowly. “Now, what I’ve been trying to say is this: Cora and I have been invited to participate in a lecture series. We have accepted the invitation. But there is no reason why you should stay here without me. I want you to accompany me on this trip.”

“Oh.” The anger drained from her all in one breath. “Oh,” she said again, feeling chagrined and stupid. What was the matter with her? Why was she acting like such a shrew? “In that case, I’d like to do two things,” she said softly, swallowing her pride. “First, I want to apologize for being so hotheaded, and second, I want you to know how very pleased I’d be to travel with you.”

“Good,” Rand said simply, holding her again.

Suddenly Karen came to the realization that Rand was trusting her now as he’d never done before.

Karen woke the next morning stiff and more than a little sore. When she started to get out of bed, she moaned as her stomach heaved unsteadily. Lying back against the pillow, she took deep breaths, afraid she would be sick.

“Rand,” she murmured tightly, “I think I really must have done too much yesterday. I feel awful.”

Tenderly, he brushed the hair from her face and kissed her forehead. “Stay in bed. I’ll phone later and see how you’re feeling.”

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Oh, if I’m not here, don’t worry. Judy and I are taking the boys to Point Defiance Zoo. I’d hate to disappoint them.”

“They can make the trip without you,” Rand said, tucking in his shirt. His brow was knit with concern.

“I won’t go unless I feel better,” she promised.

Rand’s kiss was gentle as he tucked the blankets over her shoulders.

Karen watched him go, her heart full of love. After several weeks of married life, she was beginning to discover the joys and benefits of being Rand’s wife. As he claimed, his hours were often long as he worked with Cora on a textbook they were compiling. Karen often waited up for him on the sofa, sometimes falling asleep. She’d been so tired lately. Rand woke her, rousing her by spreading tender kisses over her face. Drowsily, Karen would loop her arms around his neck and direct him to her moist lips. The evenings he was home, Karen would read aloud while they sat together, Rand’s arms securely wrapped around her. Their taste in literature was surprisingly similar, and they explored everything from Kipling to Tolkien. In bed, she desired him as much as he desired her. Rand was the perfect lover, patient, tender, coaxing. They never spoke of the reasons for their marriage, but it was almost as if their love and need for each other had brought them together.

After a two-hour tour of the zoo and park, they were all hungry and tired. Dark clouds began rolling in to threaten the picnic that had been planned and packed so carefully.

“I wanna stay,” Carter objected, ignoring the first drops of rain.

“We aren’t going to let a little rain stop us, are we?” James echoed his dissatisfaction.

A few intermittent drops quickly became a fierce downpour, and the four ran to the parking lot without further discussion.

“I still want to have a picnic.” Carter’s voice dripped with disappointment as he climbed into the backseat of the car.

“Let’s wait a few minutes; maybe it’ll stop,” Karen offered encouragingly. “If not, we’ll have a special picnic at my house.”

“All right!” both boys chimed.

“If we’re going to wait here, I’ll pour us some coffee.” Judy opened the top of the
thermos, and Karen’s stomach pitched at the aroma.

She shook her head dismissively. “None for me, thanks. I don’t know what it is, but coffee doesn’t agree with my stomach lately.”

Judy jerked her head up, and the liquid sloshed over the side of the cup and onto the seat. “Karen,” she whispered in disbelief, eyeing her sister intently, “the first few months I was pregnant with James, I couldn’t tolerate the taste or smell of coffee. I knew almost immediately when I was going to have Carter because the same thing happened. Even before the doctor confirmed my condition.”

Karen gave a low laugh. “Well, I’m not pregnant. In fact, I’m sure I’m not,” she said, more to assure herself than Judy. “Oh, heavens! Rand would be furious.”

“What’s pregnant?” Carter questioned, leaning over from the backseat.

“I’ll explain later,” Judy promised, studying Karen’s worried expression.

A half-hour later, the four were positioned under Karen’s dining-room table, eating their lunch, when Rand entered through the front door.

“Karen, I’m home,” he announced, shaking the rain off his umbrella.

Normally, Karen was there to greet Rand, but James and Carter were intent on playing a game of hide-and-seek.

“I’m here,” squeaked James in an attempt to imitate Karen.

“James? Carter? Okay, boys, what tricks are you up to now? I suppose you’ve got your aunt tied up outside somewhere.” He arched an amused brow toward the sound of their voices.

“Rand’s certainly got my boys pegged,” Judy whispered.