Standing in the Shadows (10 page)

And then he would do it all again.

Usually he finished himself off with the next logical step; clambering over her damp body and shoving himself into her quivering depths, sliding deeper and slicker with each thrust until his orgasm thundered through him. Tonight, he didn't get that far. He came along with her imagined orgasm, the pillow muffling his cry as he spurted into the washcloth. He pressed his face against the pillow, breath heaving.

When he lifted his head, he was startled to find his face wet with tears. That was weird. He wiped his cheek and stared at his wet hand for over a minute, but he was too tired to be overly freaked out about it.

He cleaned up in the back bathroom, dragged the blanket over himself and sank like a stone into real, honest-to-God sleep.

"Sure, I can drop by and take care of kitty. No problem," Tonia said. "I have to come by really early, though. That OK?"

"Sure. I always wake up at the crack of dawn anyway when I have to catch a plane. Thank you so much, Tonia. You're an angel."

"I know. Get some sleep,
chica
. You have to look gorgeous for the zillionaire. I'm so excited that you're finally meeting him. 'Night, then. See you bright and early tomorrow morning."

Erin hung up, crossed
Call Tonia to feed Edna
off the To Do list, and proceeded to pace around the room like a caged animal. Every dish was washed, every crumb wiped up, every doable item on the To Do list was crossed off, except for
Pack
, which rated its own separate list.

Her rolling carry-on was small, so she'd been forced to eliminate several items, the latest of which was the little black dress she'd thought to take in case Claude Mueller proved to be interesting. For some reason, the brief, devastating encounter with Connor had taken all the fizz out of that possibility. As long as she had this stupid crush on him, every man she met would suffer by comparison.

Not that she hadn't tried. With Bradley, years before.

Something tightened up inside at the thought of Bradley. Ouch. Cancel that thought. If there was a fancy meal, she would wear her black pants and her silk blouse. Neat and sensible, and no chance that anyone could think she was hoping to attract romantic attention. She had no stomach for it. Which left room for the sewing kit, which she hated to leave. You always needed a sewing kit when you didn't bring one.

She was climbing the walls. She needed to laugh, or cry, but if she started crying she might never stop. She needed sleep, so she could wow them with her professional fabulousness. She needed to stop thinking about the way Connor could melt her into a puddle of terrified yearning with one exquisitely gentle hug.

She needed distraction. Packing and neatening were not enough. She'd promised Mom that she would call Cindy tonight. Now there was a worthy problem. She had to save Cindy's future from being derailed.

She dialed the group house where Cindy lived with her college girlfriends in Endicott Falls. "Hello?" responded a breathy voice.

"Hi. Victoria, right? It's Erin, Cindy's sister. Is she there?"

"No, she's down in the city with Billy," Victoria told her.

"Billy?" Erin's stomach fluttered with unease. "Who's Billy?"

"Oh, he's her new boyfriend. He's a really cool guy, Erin. Don't worry, you'll like him. He's, like, totally hot."

"What's she doing in the city? Don't you guys have finals?"

Victoria hesitated. "Um, I don't know Cindy's exam schedule," she hedged, uncomfortable. "But I'll tell her to call you when she gets back. Or you could try her cell phone."

"Cell phone? Since when does Cindy have a cell phone?"

"Billy gave it to her," Victoria bubbled. "He's so cool. He gives her designer clothes, too. He drives a Jag, and Caitlin told me that Cindy told her that it's not the only awesome car he's got. Plus, he's got a—"

"Victoria. Would you please give me Cindy's cell phone number?"

"Sure. It's right here on the message board."

Erin wrote it down with white-knuckled fingers. She barely heard herself as she thanked Victoria and got off the phone. She sat there on the bed, trying to reason away the dread that sat inside her like a cold stone. She was just spooked, she told herself. This news about Novak, the strange scene with Mom, the unsettling episode with Connor, it had thrown her off balance, and she was seeing everything as sinister. There was no reason to panic yet. Maybe this Billy was a perfectly nice guy.

Uh-huh. Sure. A perfectly nice guy who happened to drive a Jaguar. Who showered a nineteen-year-old girl with expensive clothes and electronic toys and lured her away from school during finals week.

It was strange. It was scary. It stank.

Her parents' reasoning behind encouraging Cindy to go to a private college in the small town of Endicott Falls was in the hopes that she would have more guidance and supervision than she might find in a big, sprawling public university. The thoughtless, impressionable Cindy was so eager to be liked. Willing to be led anywhere, just to be cool. The opposite of her shy, cautious older sister. And so pretty, too. Much prettier than Erin. Walking bait. Erin already hated Billy and his Jag. She hated him more with every number she pressed.

She was startled when the phone actually rang.

"Hello?" said Cindy's bright voice.

"Hi, Cindy. It's Erin."

"Oh. Um… hi. How did you get this number?"

Erin gritted her teeth. "Victoria gave it to me."

"What a ditz. I'm gonna have to kill her."

Her breezy tone put Erin's nerves on edge. "Why wouldn't you want me to have it, Cindy?"

"Don't even start," Cindy said, giggling. "You're such a little old lady. I didn't want you to worry, that's all."

"Worry about what?" Erin's voice was getting sharper.

"About me staying in the city with Billy for a while."

"Staying where, Cin?"

Cindy ignored her question. "I was going nuts in that sleepy town. Nobody does anything but study during exam week, so I—"

"What about your exams?" Erin burst out. "Why aren't you studying, too? Your scholarship was contingent on keeping your GPA—"

"See? I told you. This is why I didn't call. I knew you'd get all self-righteous on me. Billy offered to take me—"

"Who is this Billy?" she demanded. "Where did you meet him?"

"Billy is great," Cindy snapped. "He's the best thing that's happened in my shitty life since Dad got thrown in jail. I'm just taking a break from that tight-ass place and having some fun—"

"Cin, what kind of fun?" Her voice was a nervous squeak.

Cindy giggled. It was a trilling, mindless sound, so unlike her normal laughter that it made Erin's flesh creep. "Like, please," she said. "As if you'd know what fun was if it pinched you on the butt. Take a chill pill, Erin. I'm with Billy. I'm safe, I'm fine. I'm over the moon."

Erin was bewildered by the wall that had suddenly risen up between her and her sister. "Cin, we have to talk. We've got to figure out how you can stay in school. Your scholarship—"

"Oh, don't worry." Cindy giggled again. "My financial problems are at an end. That scholarship is, like, so minor, Erin."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Panic was clutching at her chest, making her heart pound. "Cindy, you can't just—"

"Don't get your panties in a wad. There are lots of ways to make money. More than I ever thought, and Billy is showing me how to—huh? What? Oh… yeah, totally. Billy says to tell you that college is overrated. A big fat waste of time and money. Who cares about Chaucer or counterpoint or Freud or the Industrial Revolution, anyhow? I mean, like, get real. It's all just theory. Life is to be lived. In the moment."

"Cindy, you're scaring me to death."

"Relax already. I'm just trying my wings. It's so normal. Just because you never wanted to party doesn't mean I can't, does it? Don't say anything to Mom, though, OK? She'd go ballistic for sure."

"Listen, I need to talk to you about Mom, too—"

" 'Bye, Erin. Don't call me, I'll call you. And don't worry! Everything will be totally cool." The connection abruptly broke.

Erin redialed the number. The prerecorded message informed her that the party she was trying to call was unreachable.

Like she didn't already know.

She slammed the phone down and curled up on her bed. She fished the matchbook that had Connor's phone number written on it out of her pocket, and stared at it.

Anything happens, anything at all, call me
, he'd said.
Promise me
.

She was so tempted to call him and sob out all her problems to him. He was so warm and strong. He beckoned like a lighthouse in a storm. She wiped tears angrily away. Not an option. Connor was the last person she should turn to for help. No matter how terrified she felt.

Oh, Christ. There were at least a dozen big, scary-looking vitamin pills lying on the table next to a tall glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice when Connor stumbled out of the back bathroom in the morning. Davy had the imperturbable macho-zen act down to a high art, but he still insisted on treating his younger brother like a goddamned invalid.

Davy glanced at him, jerked his head toward the vitamins, and narrowed his eyes, as if to say, Don't even
think
of struggling.

"I start with coffee, not orange juice," Connor grumbled.

"This is my house. I am boss in my house. If you swallow them all down without giving me any shit, I will give you some coffee," Davy said. "And then we'll go over the Mueller stuff."

That snapped his mind to instant alertness. "Find anything interesting?"

Davy gave him an oblique look. "Want some breakfast?"

Connor yawned. "Hell, yes." His stomach was groaning.

Davy blinked. "I'll be damned. I'll go put on some eggs and ham for you. Two eggs or three?"

"Four," Connor said.

A grin split Davy's stern face. He vanished into the kitchen.

Connor was frowning at a weird transparent amber pill when Sean wandered out onto the porch. "What is this crap?" he asked plaintively. "It looks like a congealed glob of oil."

"It
is
a congealed glob of oil, you ignorant slob. Four hundred ECU of vitamin E in a gel capsule. Good for skin, nails, hair, and scar tissue. Take it. You need all the help you can get." Sean placed a mug of coffee in front of him. "Davy says if the pills are gone, you can drink this."

Connor studied his brother's sartorial splendor with wondering eyes. Sean always looked well-groomed, even when he just rolled out of bed. Some recessive gene that Connor had utterly failed to inherit.

Sean was decked out in a wine-red sweater that showed off all his muscles. Tight designer jeans. Hair mussed into perfect stylish disorder. A whiff of expensive aftershave drifted over and assailed Connor's nose.

He closed his eyes against Sean's blinding glory and swallowed down the gummy capsule. "What are you still doing here?"

Sean grimaced. "Woman trouble. Julia is camping out in her car in front of my condo. I told her from the start not to get all intense on me, that I'm not looking to commit right now. Didn't work. Never does. So I figured if I don't come home till morning for a few nights, she'll figure I'm boffing someone else and get a clue."