Stand-In Father (Intimate Moments) (27 page)

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Authors: Pat Warren

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“Maybe?”
His jaw clenched. “All right, I wasn’t honest about my reasons for coming here. But I didn’t pity you. I never felt that. I’ve been honest about my feelings for both of you. I just wanted to help and—”
“So you bought us a dryer and paid off my second mortgage, brought my first mortgage up-to-date. And you bedded the lonely little widow, even taught her a thing or two.” Heat moved into her face, whether from anger or a sensual memory, she wasn’t certain. “How you must have laughed up your sleeve at how eagerly I fell into your arms.”
“That’s not how I felt at all. Not then, not now.” He placed his hands on her upper arms, compelling her to listen. “You’ve got to believe me, Megan. I fell in love with you. And you must know how crazy I am about Ryan. I want to make a home together with the two of you. I want us to get married, to be a family.”
Eyes swimming with a myriad of emotions, with unshed tears, Megan just stared at him. Disappointment, anger, shock, feelings of betrayal—all had her reeling. “I wanted that, too, and that’s what hurts the most. I
trusted
you and you betrayed that trust as surely as Neal did with his infidelities. A love based on deception can’t last. You’d always look on Ryan and me as atonement, payback for getting the transplant Neal should have had.”
“I was afraid you’d blame me, and you do.” Wearily, Alex dropped his hands, tasting defeat.
“Not for the organ switch. That wasn’t your fault. But I blame you for building a relationship with me and with my son based on a lie. How could I ever trust you or believe you again?” Tears flowing down her cheeks, she was trembling now, scarcely aware of them.
No, this
couldn’t be happening
. “I never meant to hurt you, Megan. I wanted to tell you, I really did. I...I just couldn’t find the words.”
Gripping the counter with one hand, Megan stepped back. “This is what your father wanted you to tell me the day he dropped in, isn’t it? Yes, I overheard the two of you talking. Well, now I know. And now, you can go. Go back to your friends, the high-living, heavy-drinking good fellows you enjoy traveling the globe with. Take them out on your sailboat, pick up a bunch of women and have fun. Go find another playmate, like the blonde the three of you reminisced about yesterday. Good-time girls who won’t make demands on you, who don’t want love or commitment or those other mundane family things you’ve always run away from. Go find a woman who doesn’t have a little boy who hands you his heart, which you so carelessly break. Go to them, go anywhere, but just go.” Turning aside, she groped for a tissue.
“Don’t do this, Megan.” He wasn’t a man who asked, who pleaded easily, but he was doing both now. “Don’t throw away what we have. It isn’t easy to come by.”
Through her tears, she stared out the window and noticed the lone rosebush she’d been nursing back to health. It was drooping again because she’d been too busy to water it daily. She was like that rosebush, alone and struggling to survive. She’d gotten along before Alex Shephard and she’d get along after he went back to his privileged life. She needed no man or woman feeling sorry for her or her son. She and Ryan would be fine.
Megan turned to look at him. “No, something real isn’t easy to come by. Something fake often looks just as appealing on the outside, but when you peel back the layers, there’s nothing there but duplicity.”
“I never lied to you.”
“Lying by omission is still lying.” She rubbed a hand over her burning eyes. “But there’s no use debating this anymore. We never would have worked out together. You’re very rich, Alex, raised in a household of servants, probably more money at your beck and call than you can spend in one lifetime. Why, your father can even buy body parts for you.” She saw him flinch at that, but she was too hurt to stop now. “I’m a simple person, living a simple life in a simple little town. Whatever made me think we could live together happily? The only place we’re compatible is in bed, sad to say.”
A muscle in Alex’s jaw twitched from the tense way he was holding himself. She had a right to her anger, but she’d gone over the line and aroused his. “Don’t cheapen what we shared in bed. And don’t judge my father by that one deed. He’s a fine man, hardworking, honorable. And I’d venture to say he came from pretty much the same background as you. His father walked out on his family, too, which made Dad determined to make good, pretty much the same as you feel.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “I kind of feel the two of you would like one another.”
“We’ll never know, will we?”
Alex took two steps back and thrust his hands into his pants pockets because they itched to touch her, to hold her, to make her see somehow that this whole thing was a travesty. “I’ll go, Megan, but don’t think that things are over between us. I think we both need a cooling-off period, time to think things through.”
“I’ve already thought things through.” Her throat hurt and her chest was heavy and tight. She wanted him gone so she could mourn the loss of her future in private. “Please, just go.”
“I’m not a quitter. I’m not giving up on us. I’ll be back.”
“No, please. Let’s just make it a clean break.” She glanced at the clock, saw that it was getting late. Grace would be coming back with Ryan soon. She wanted Alex gone before that. She wasn’t sure yet what she’d tell Ryan, but it would be far easier after he’d left. “Please, Alex.”
There was no point arguing with her right now, no way to reason with her in this frame of mind. He wasn’t sure just how, but he’d find a way to win her back. “All right. I’ll go. Please prepare my bill and I’ll check out.” With angry strides, he took the stairs two at a time to pack his bag.
 
Alex was writing a check at the registration desk, trying not to look at Megan standing there waiting, when he heard a car turn into the driveway. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Grace and Ryan jump out chattering, then head for the door. He did look at Megan then and saw she wore a pained look.
So she hadn’t wanted her son to see her throw him out, eh? Did she think he was so depraved that he’d say something to upset that boy? He ripped off the check and handed it to her.
Megan gave him his receipt without meeting his eyes. “Have a nice trip home.” With that, she hurried from the room through the back hall leading to the kitchen before she burst into tears in front of everyone.
“Hi, Alex,” Ryan called out, running over. Noticing the suitcase beside him, he looked up. “Where you going?”
Turning, Alex saw Grace watch Megan disappear, then swing her measuring gaze back to him. He slipped on his sunglasses and crouched down. “Got to go back to San Diego, sport. I’ve got a lot of work waiting for me at the office.”
“Oh. When will you be back?” Innocent blue eyes searched Alex’s face.
“I’m not sure.” He ruffled the boy’s thick hair. “You keep up your batting practice like I showed you, tossing the ball up and then swinging, okay? And read a chapter in
Goosebumps
every night.”
“Okay, but Alex, don’t you have any idea when you’ll be back?” There was just the slightest tremor to the voice as Ryan picked up on the tension in the air.
In many ways, this was harder than leaving Megan, Alex thought. Megan was a grown woman, one he’d hurt, who needed time and space to consider her options. But Ryan was a little boy who’d already had one father check out on him, and now, here was a man he’d begun to depend on, saying he, too, was leaving. He had to choose his words very carefully.
“Ryan, remember earlier when I told you that I wouldn’t promise something unless I really was going to do it?” He waited for the boy’s solemn nod. “Well, I can’t tell you exactly when I’ll be back, but I will promise you this—I will see you again. That’s the best I can do for now, okay?”
Alex hurled himself into Alex’s arms, nearly knocking him over. “I don’t want you to go. My next game’s tomorrow night.”
Behind his sunglasses, Alex blinked rapidly. “How about if I call you tomorrow after your game, see how it went?”
“It’s not the same.”
“I know.” He hugged the solid little body, kissed the top of his head. “You be good, you hear?”
Releasing him, Ryan nodded, but he looked miserable.
Alex looked into Grace’s dark eyes and found them cool and contemplative as she hustled Ryan inside. He picked up his suitcase, then remembered something. “I left my briefcase up in the room.” He turned and moved to the stairs, wondering why life had to be so damn hard.
Ryan slammed through the swinging doors and found his mother at the table, just staring into space. He hardly noticed. “Mom, Alex is leaving. Do something.”
Slowly, she turned to look into the anxious eyes of her son. “What do you want me to do, Ryan? He has to go.”
“No, no, he doesn’t.” He nearly stuttered getting out the words. “He’ll listen to you. He loves you. He told me so. Go ask him to stay with us, Mom. Please?”
Pressing her lips together, Megan shook her head. “I can’t, Ryan. Let him go. We’ll be fine.” She reached to gather him close.
But he slipped away from her, his face turning angry. “No, I don’t want to let him go. Why won’t you go ask him? What did you do to make him leave?”
Megan had never heard such an angry outburst from her son. The shock of it had her sitting up, wide-eyed.
“Don’t talk that way to your mother, Ryan,” Grace told him, her tone sharp. “Apologize this minute.”
He swung his irate glance to Grace, then back to his mother. “No, I won’t. Why do you want Alex to leave? Why’d you chase him away?”
Again, Megan reached out, the pain in her chest squeezing harder. “Ryan, listen. I wish I could explain. Maybe when you’re older—”
“I don’t want to listen.” The first tear fell, followed by another. “I asked you to help and you wouldn’t.” Quivering with frustration and roiling emotions, he turned and darted out the side door.
Rising, Grace saw him streak past the window. “I’ll get him.”
“No,” Megan said, “let him be. He has to cry it out. Like I do.” Getting up, as if sleepwalking, she climbed the steps to her room and fell facedown on her bed.
 
Alex tossed his suitcase into the small trunk, then his briefcase. His face was fixed into an angry frown, his eyes slits, his hands clammy with nerves. He wouldn’t repeat the past hour of his life for all the tea in China. Repositioning his suit coat on the passenger seat where he’d tossed it after his morning meeting, he climbed behind the wheel.
What he needed for now was to get miles away from this place. He needed time to review all he’d done and left undone, time in his own place among his own things. Time to reassess his life, to renew his purpose. Time to think of a way to persuade a very stubborn woman that she was wrong.
Turning on the powerful engine, Alex listened to the hum absently, his gaze going to the vine-covered, three-story structure. He remembered the first day he’d seen it, how nervous he’d been. His glance moved up to the third-floor windows, especially the middle one. The room where he’d spent last night wrapped in Megan’s arms.
He’d been wrong, and now he was paying the price. But he didn’t intend to go on paying it for the rest of his life. He’d find a way to convince Megan that his intentions had been good, even honorable, even though his methods were poorly thought out.
And the boy, God how he hated to leave Ryan. Remembering the pain he’d put on that small, innocent face tore him up. He’d make it up to Ryan and to his mother, Alex vowed as he shifted gears. As he drove out of the parking lot, he glanced again at Delaney’s Bed & Breakfast
“I’ll be back,” he said over the roar of his engine. “Just you wait and see.”
Chapter 12
I
t wasn’t Alex’s habit to talk to himself. But there were exceptions and today was one of them.
“Damn stubborn woman,” he muttered as he swung onto Highway 5 South. “It’s her pride. I know it is. She refuses to listen because of her pride.”
Suddenly aware that he had the wheel in a white-knuckle grip, he forced himself to relax and to ease up on the gas pedal, as well. He didn’t need a speeding ticket right now to complicate his life.
Sitting back, he relived his last conversation with Megan, trying to see if he could have said something, done something differently, to make her understand. He could think of nothing, short of throwing her over his shoulder and hauling her off upstairs to her room. Maybe that’s what he should have done. Despite her anger and her hurt feelings, even she admitted they were compatible in bed. Maybe after a bout of good sex, she’d have listened.
He dismissed the thought almost as soon as it formed. That wouldn’t work with Megan, and they’d both feel cheap afterward. He needed to let her be, to allow her to look at their situation from all angles. She was a fair-minded person. She’d see in time that he’d been well-intentioned if a bit misguided. She’d give him a second chance. She wouldn’t throw away their future happiness for the sake of wounded pride.
Would she?
Alex signaled, then pulled into the left lane to pass a lumbering eighteen-wheeler. How could he convince her that he loved her, wanted to marry her? She’d wanted that, too, she’d said. Perhaps her love wasn’t really that strong after all.
No, he was certain it was. Megan was just too wounded to see the big picture right now. She’d come around in time. He’d see to it, even if he did have to resort to caveman tactics.
Grim-faced, Alex pressed down on the gas, anxious to get home.
 
Grace gave a short knock on Megan’s bedroom door, then walked in. “Honey, are you all right?”
Sitting in the rocker and staring into space, Megan nodded. Her tears had dried up, leaving her feeling numb.
Walking into the dim room with the blinds slanted nearly closed, Grace was at least relieved that her friend wasn’t crying. She sat down on the edge of Megan’s bed. “I thought you might want to talk it out.”
Her voice sounding as if it belonged to a stranger, Megar told Grace about the list and what Alex’s father had done. And about Alex’s deception. “The surgery switch wasn’t his fault. But how could he stay here with us, make us care for him, get me involved, and even worse, get Ryan to open up to him, all based on a lie? He doesn’t want us. He wants to ease his conscience.”
Grace leaned forward. “Are you sure about that? I mean, it’s hard to fake things for as long as Alex did. Maybe writing those checks and buying a dryer was atoning some. But reading books with Ryan, going to ball games, building model cars. That’s a little above and beyond, don’t you think?”
Megan wasn’t buying. “He looked on himself as a stand-in father because he feels he got the transplant that belonged to Ryan’s dad. He took it a step further and became a replacement husband, helping the poor widow woman to cope. Instead of tea and sympathy, he offered sex and household repairs. The savior of the nineties.”
“You’re sounding very bitter, and maybe you have a right to be,” Grace told her. “But we have to look at his intentions here. Do you think he set out to hurt you or Ryan?”
“Doesn’t matter. Results are the same. A man driving maniacally doesn’t set out to hurt anyone, but he usually does. Same thing.”
“I think you’re wrong, Megan, and I seldom disagree with you.”
“You have a right to your opinion. He’s charming. He won you over. But he didn’t betray you.” With both hands, Megan pushed back her hair. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Alex Shephard is the wrong man for me.”
“Maybe not. I think Alex is the right man for you. If not for your sake, then for Ryan’s.”
Megan raised her head. “You want me to marry Alex to make Ryan happy?”
“No. I want you to make yourself happy, and I have a feeling that involves being with Alex.” Crossing her legs, she propped an elbow on one knee. “Listen for a minute. Alex didn’t have to come back here. Once he found out about Neal spending all the insurance money, he could have just paid those mortgages off, then sent a check every month to ease his conscience. As we discovered, he can well afford it. He didn’t have to help you when you were laid up with that ankle. He didn’t have to sit on those hard bleachers game after game to watch a boy who isn’t his because Ryan asked him to. He didn’t have to build model cars or read stories or spend three days building a tree house. Or work crossword puzzles with a little old lady, which I think also shows his compassionate nature. Usually, men like him, with fat bank accounts, let their checks do their talking. Why do you suppose Alex kept coming back?”
Megan sat unmoving, thoughtful, silent.
“I’ll tell you why. Because he loves you and he’s nuts about your son. No other reason fits.” Grace thought of something else. “Do you remember yesterday when Alex talked to Ryan about his fight with Bobby? This is the same as his advice was to the child. Alex did a terrible thing, not telling you sooner about the switch. But Alex isn’t a terrible person. He didn’t think things through. He made a mistake. Don’t we all, occasionally?”
“When did you become his champion?”
“When I realized he cared a whole bunch for both of you.”
If only she could believe all that. Megan leaned her head back. “You know what hurts the most, Grace? He...he was magic. Just being with him was magical.”
Grace stood, touching the top of her friend’s head gently. “Magic’s powerful stuff. Hurts like hell when it disappears. I know because I’ve been there. But I have a strong hunch you can get that magic back, Megan. Think about it.”
She drew in a shuddering breath. “I will. Is Ryan back yet? I imagine he’s up in that tree house nursing his own wounds. Would you call him in, Grace? I’ll be down in a minute to talk with him and get some dinner going.”
“Sure, honey. Take your time.”
 
Alex took the bypass through San Clemente and put the Porsche on cruise control, stretching his long legs. It was tension, he knew, causing his muscles to ache. He’d been holding himself as tight as a drum since leaving Twin Oaks. He needed to relax, to take some deep breaths. The doctors had warned him that too much stress could take its toll on his recovery, perhaps even cause a setback, which was the last thing he needed. He’d been doing so well that he didn’t want to mess things up now.
He really wasn’t hungry, yet he wondered if he should stop to eat before getting home. There probably wouldn’t be anything in the fridge since no one knew he’d be there tonight. Still, he didn’t want to take the time now. He’d pop into a store near his condo and pick up a few things.
Maybe some music would help his mood, Alex decided. But as he reached toward the knob, he heard a sound from behind him. Pausing, he listened hard. Damn if that hadn’t sounded like a sneeze. And there it was again.
Something wrong here. Disengaging the cruise control with the brake, he slowed the Porsche and headed for the shoulder.
 
“I’ve looked everywhere,” Grace told Megan, her usually unflappable demeanor registering a frightened concern. “Ryan’s not in the tree house, not anywhere on the grounds, and not at Bobby’s. Nowhere in the house. His bike’s still out front.” She threw up her hands. “I just don’t know.”
Her heart pounding, Megan tried desperately to stay calm. “He never goes off without asking permission or telling me where he’ll be.” But he’d been so upset about Alex’s leaving, more upset than she’d ever seen him.
“Mrs. K’s in the lounge, said he hasn’t been in there the whole day.”
“All right, we have to think. You drive around, head over to the park in case he ran back there. Call out his name as you go. I’m going to check on the hillside, see if he’s brooding up there somewhere. Meet me back here in twenty minutes, okay?” Outwardly, she was the picture of organized serenity. Inside, she was quietly screaming.
As Grace rushed out front to her car, Megan ran to the footpath leading up the hill. She knew that Ryan went there occasionally to look at the ocean in the distance and to daydream. He was probably there, maybe even hiding from both her and Grace, not wanting to come out until he was over his crying jag.
That was it, sure. Ryan was at the stage where tears embarrassed him, especially his own. He blamed her for Alex’s leaving, so not only was he sad, he was angry, too, she thought as she climbed, stepping around the rocks. He might have to be coaxed down, reassured.
But how was she going to reassure him when she had no words to soothe herself?
“Ryan,” she called out, her voice more shaky than she’d have wished. “Ryan, please come out. I’m sorry you’re hurt. Let me try to explain, please.” She walked on, checking behind the larger bushes, glancing around trees. “Ryan, Ryan.”
Dear God, he had to be here somewhere!
 
Stepping out of the Porsche, Alex whipped up the leather cover he always kept over his tiny back seat. There, huddled in the small space, was Ryan, curled up into a ball. His face tear-streaked, he looked up at Alex nervously.
“Don’t be mad at me, please.” Straightening from his cramped position, Ryan squirmed upright.
“Oh, Ryan.” Alex didn’t know whether to hug the boy or scold him. “Whatever were you thinking, climbing in there?” Offering a hand, he helped the child to climb out.
Looking alternately dejected and hopeful, Ryan stood his ground. “I didn’t want you to leave. Mom wouldn’t help. She wouldn’t ask you to stay. So I thought if I went with you, I could talk you into going back. I mean, we
need
you at our place, Alex. It’s no fun when you’re not there. Mom just mopes around and...and...well, you gotta come back!”
Alex checked his watch. He’d been on the road just over an hour. Knowing Megan, she’d probably notified the police already. “You realize your mom must be frantic by now, not being able to find you?”
Ryan brightened. “We can call her when we get to your place and tell her that I got you to come back.”
Hugging the boy to him, holding him close, Alex shook his head. “It’s not that simple, Ryan. She’s undoubtedly very worried and she’s going to be mighty angry when she finds out you’re with me.”
“But why? She knows I’m safe with you.” Innocent blue eyes questioned his.
“That’s not it. You left without permission.” Or would Megan think he’d taken her son to make his point? No, surely she wouldn’t.
“If I’d asked permission, she wouldn’t have let me come. And I wanted to come with you. I wanted to talk you into going back. You can’t leave us, Alex.
You can’t!”
Alex sat down at an angle on the bucket seat, his feet on the ground, face-to-face with the boy. “Your mom doesn’t want me there right now. She’s got some thinking to do and...” Damn if that didn’t sound lame, especially to a small boy. “We have some things to work out.”
“What things? You love her. You told me so. And I know she loves you. I never saw her act like she does with anyone but you. She’s happy when you’re around and sad when you’re not.” Something occurred to him and a frown appeared on his small face. “Is it me? Don’t you want me?”
Almost roughly, Alex pulled the boy into a fierce hug. “Never, never think that. I want you all right. And I want your mom, too.”
Easing back, his eyes questioning, Ryan looked at him. “Then why can’t we all be together?”
Why, indeed? Boiled down in a child’s simplistic terms, if they all loved one another, why couldn’t they be together? Because two stubborn adults were allowing pride to stand in their way.
Alex reached for his car phone. “I have to call your mother and let her know you’re all right”
“Are you going to take me back? Please, Alex, I want to be with you.”
He could see that Ryan was upset, probably hungry, certainly hot and tired after hiding under that heavy leather cover for over an hour. And maybe scared. Definitely confused. It would take some time to make him understand, to calm his fears. Then tomorrow, after some dinner and a good night’s rest, maybe he and Megan could talk like two reasonable adults.
“I have to take you back, but not tonight.” Alex dialed the inn’s number.
The phone was snatched up on the first ring. “Hello?” The voice belonged to Megan but was barely recognizable.
“Megan, it’s Alex.” Static from the airwaves over a busy highway squawked into his ear, but he felt she could hear him well enough. “Ryan is with me.”
At the front desk where she’d grabbed the phone, thinking it was the sheriff since she’d finally given in and placed a distraught call to his office, Megan’s heart leaped into her throat. “With you? How... ?”
“He hid under the cover of my back seat. I didn’t know he was there until a few minutes ago when he sneezed. I know you must be worried—”
“Worried? I’ve been frantic. Is he all right?”

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