Stalemate (27 page)

"No."

"Then I'll leave." He met and held her gaze. "But you know that you only have to tell me and it will be done."

She nodded jerkily. "I know that." Her glance shifted back to Joe and she found his narrowed eyes going from her to Montalvo and back again. "Joe and I will work out our own problems."

"Certainly. I only thought I'd offer." Montalvo turned and headed for the door. "Call me if you change your mind."

"Yes, I'm sure she will," Joe murmured as the door closed behind Montalvo. He moved toward the door. "I'll let you get back to work. I wouldn't want to disturb you."

"You did disturb me. How could I help but be disturbed? You scare me, Joe."

"Good. At least, you don't pity me. That would drive me nuts."

She flinched as the door slammed behind him. His response had been every bit as volatile as she'd known it would be. He was walking on the edge and might fall off at any step. She had ached to help him, soothe him, but the price was too high. She would have had to give up her chance for Bonnie.

She turned and went back to the dais. The only way she could help either one of them was to finish the reconstruction and move on. If she worked fast enough, she might be able to save them both before their relationship became tattered beyond repair.

"We're going to go for the big prize soon, Nalia," she whispered. "I'm getting ready for it and I hope you are. I'm going to need your help...."

"Need a shoulder to lean on?" Galen was standing at the bottom of the staircase when Joe came out of the library. "That's a lot of stairs for a crotchety bloke like--" He broke off and gave a low whistle. "Just joking, man."

"It wasn't funny," Joe said through his teeth. "I won't be helpless. I won't be weak." He started up the staircase, clinging to the banister with one hand. "And I can make it up by myself."

"Whatever." Galen was slowly climbing the stairs beside him. "But if you don't mind, I think I'll come along to pick up the pieces if your legs give out."

"They won't give out."

"I believe you. Whatever happened in that library gave you a massive shot of adrenaline."

"You bet it did."

"I saw Montalvo come out before you. Did you argue with him?"

"Hell, no. He's too clever to quarrel with an injured man." He didn't look at Galen as he said between his teeth, "Why didn't you tell me he was trying to get Eve into bed?"

"Is he?"

"Don't give me that bullshit. You notice everything. There's something going on between them that a blind man could see."

"I haven't seen them together very much."

And Joe wished he hadn't seen that last interchange of glances between Montalvo and Eve. It had not only been full of understanding but also intimacy. No, it was good that he had seen what was happening even if it hurt. Eve would never be unfaithful to him because of a sexual attraction. With Eve it would have to involve all the emotions and it hadn't reached that point with Montalvo yet.

But, my God, they were on their way.

She might not even realize that she was circling toward Montalvo like a moth to a flame. They shared a common tragedy and the desire to find a way to bring closure to their lives. It was a strong bond and would open other facets, other doors of a relationship. Christ, he thought with disgust, he had it all figured out. Except how to stop it.

He had reached the top of the stairs. As Galen had said, the adrenaline had been coursing and he'd scarcely paid attention to the weakness and pain. That's how he had to function from now on. Ignore the weakness. Ignore the pain. Montalvo was strong and well and Joe had to be on equal ground. Pity might temporarily hold Eve, but that wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't be able to go on patching a relationship with that kind of Band-Aid.

"Do you need help to get to bed?" Galen asked.

"No, I'll do it myself." He paused at the door. "But I might need help from you later. Can I count on you?"

Galen was silent a moment. "If you can prove to me that you have a plan that will work. I'm not into suicide missions."

"Neither am I." He opened the door. "I'm not trying to make a grandiose statement. I want to take Diaz out and not give Eve any reason to stay here one minute longer."

"I brought your dinner." Montalvo came into the library and set the tray down on the desk. "If you choose to take the time."

"I'll take the time." Eve wiped her hands on a damp alcohol towel. Choice. Joe would have dug in his heels and insisted she break for a meal. Montalvo had put the decision in her court. Perhaps because he really wanted her to continue to work and the meal was a token goodwill gesture. "I don't know long it will be until I get around to eating again."

He sat down across from her. "The reconstruction doesn't look much closer to completion than the last time I saw it."

"She's closer." Eve bit into her sandwich. "And what's even more important, I'm closer. I'm almost ready to begin."

He glanced away from her. "I was afraid that disturbing visit from Quinn might slow you down. Did I interrupt anything?"

"Nothing important. We weren't covering any new ground." She made a face. "I was almost glad you came."

"You wanted to get rid of him."

"No," she said instantly. "Never. I just had to get back to work and I was beginning to--" She sighed. "I can't get through to him. He thinks I've gone off the deep end and wants to save me from myself."

"Perfectly logical." He smiled. "You have gone off the deep end. I pushed you there. But I'll also be the one to save you if you need saving."

"Joe wouldn't like that."

"How regrettable. Try that lemon pastry. You'll need the sugar for energy. It may be a long night."

She chuckled as she took a bite of the pastry. "Lord, you and Joe are different. He'd tell me to eat a hearty meal and go off to bed. You want me wide awake and alert so that I can finish your reconstruction."

"That's right. I'm a selfish bastard." His smile faded. "But it's what you want too. Remember, I told you that when I look at you, it's like looking in a mirror? That hasn't changed. The only reason I can read you is that I've seen you shining in the darkness of my mind."

"Darkness?"

"We're both creatures of the dark right now. We come out into the sunlight occasionally but then we're drawn back."

She grimaced. "You talk as if we're a couple of vampires. Speak for yourself, Montalvo."

"Not vampires. But we're closer to the dead than the living. That's all we think about, all we care about. If that weren't true, you wouldn't be here." He paused. "And you wouldn't have wanted to send Quinn away from you."

"I didn't want to send Joe away."

"Yes, you did. He represents the sunlit, normal part of your life. But he has no role when you're involved with the darkness."

"You're wrong. Joe always has a role in my life."

"Think about it."

She didn't want to think about it. His words were striking a note that made her uneasy. "Screw your darkness. That's not what I want from my life."

"Yet that's what you chose. And I made the same choice. In the best of all possible worlds, it's not a choice I would have made." He shrugged. "Perhaps someday I'll be able to walk away from it."

"And yet you don't hold out the same hope for me."

"Oh, but I do. You have all my hopes for coming out of the dark." He was holding her gaze with mesmerizing intensity. "If I get there first, I'll hold out my hand and help you out."

"Thanks." She couldn't seem to look away from him. "But I don't need your help. I do very well on my own."

"On your own. I notice you don't mention Quinn."

"I'm an independent woman. Joe is not my keeper."

He didn't answer. He just sat there looking at her.

"Stop it. This conversation is absurd."

"Are you afraid I'm hitting too close?" He leaned forward. "Darkness doesn't have to be terrifying, Eve. There are all kinds of wonderful things that happen at night. It's the time when most births occur. Everything appears sharper, more exciting. Yet it blurs reality and makes it bearable." He paused. "And it's the time for passion."

He was sitting there relaxed in the easy chair with the light from the lamp pooling over him. He was talking about darkness yet the warm glow of life seemed to surround him. The intimacy in the room was almost unbearable in intensity. She had a sudden impulse to reach out and touch him.

"No." He was reading her expression. "I feel the same way but it's better that we wait. I want you, but I want you with no regrets."

Shock rippled through her. Jesus, she had been feeling, not thinking. She tore her gaze away from him. "It's not you. I'm always at an emotional high at this point in a reconstruction."

"I see." He smiled faintly. "Remind me to be sure to be around whenever you reach that point. It appears to be eminently rewarding."

"And there would be regrets. I don't do one-night stands."

"Do you think I don't know that? That's one of the problems. It would be much simpler if you could compartmentalize."

"As you seem to be doing."

"I only live in the past part of the time. Sometimes something so good comes along that you have to stop and let it happen." His smile faded. "And I don't mean sex. Sex can be had anywhere. The moment I started studying you I realized that you were going to be something special in my life."

She nodded. "I was going to be the woman who brought your wife home."

"Yes. Was that a slap on the knuckles? I loved my wife. I'll probably love her for the rest of my life. She was joy. The first love of my life. Before Nalia there were only sexual encounters. She taught me the difference. Nalia would be the first to tell me to find that joy wherever I could. What are you going to be in my life? I don't know. But I want to find out. I have an idea it could be earthshaking." He stood up. "I'll leave you now. You did quite a good job with that meal. Though I imagine you didn't even realize you were eating it. May I still come back while you're working on Nalia?"

"As I told you, I probably won't even know you're in the room."

"The ultimate insult for a man. Yet I wouldn't have it any other way." He headed for the door. "Bring her home and I might someday find that sunlight we were talking about."

"Montalvo." When he looked over his shoulder she said, "I love Joe. Whatever I feel for anyone else, that won't change."

"I know. But there are always degrees of feeling. Sometimes emotion changes from moment to moment, hour to hour, year to year. If I haven't learned anything else in these last years, I've acquired patience. We'll see how it goes." He left before she could reply.

Bizarre. Those last moments had been like something from an opium dream. Hazy, soft-focused, sensual, and yet with flashes of hard reality and truth. Darkness and sunlight.

Was he right? Could it be the reason she had been drifting away from Joe was because he wasn't part of the darkness? He lacked that final understanding that no one but someone who had experienced that loss would have.

She didn't know, she thought wearily, as she rose to her feet. Maybe she was just as damaged as she'd told Joe. Perhaps she was tired of having him suffer for her sake. Maybe she was looking for a way to free him.

And maybe she was lusting after that sexy son of a bitch who had all the appeal of the new and the mysterious. He was like the Phantom of the Opera with all his talk of darkness. He was the Beast who lured Beauty back to his castle. He was a challenge to be met. An experience to be tasted.