Spring Will Come (24 page)

             
Her father was simply doing what everyone else was doing - struggling to survive.  Carrie’s heart tightened at the agony her father must be feeling at the possibility of losing everything he had worked all his life to build.  His pain from her mother’s death might have kept him away from Cromwell Plantation for the last year and a half, but his heart was still firmly entrenched there.   The plantation was his home, his life.  Gradually, as fog retreats before the rising sun, her anger at her father dissipated as compassion took its place.  They didn’t have to agree with each other, but love demanded she at least try to understand him.   Suddenly she was eager to be back inside.  She hadn’t even told him about her encounter with Dr. Wild.   Smiling, she turned toward the door but stopped for a moment to study his anxious face as he sat talking quietly with Janie. 

             
“Carrie!”

             
A sudden shout from down the road arrested her in her tracks.  She turned slowly, then burst into laughter, and flew from the porch, her blue dress flying behind her.  “Robert!”

             
Robert pushed Granite into a fast gallop, vaulting off as soon as he reached the gate leading into the yard.  In an instant Carrie was in his arms, laughing and crying all at the same time.   Just to feel him, just to know he was alive, was enough.  There was no need for words.

             
“Robert.  You’re home safe!”  Thomas’ voice boomed out into the night. 

             
Carrie pulled away, stared up into Robert’s face, and then pulled him toward the house.  “Come inside.  You must be exhausted.”  Robert obeyed with no comment.  Not until Carrie reached the light of the house was she able to see him clearly.  The same haunted, pain-stricken look she had seen before was once more in his eyes.  Her heart constricted as she gently led him to the couch and sat down next to him.  He looked tired - and older than when she had seen him last.  Carrie knew she had no way to fully understand what he had endured the last week.  She’d heard ghastly stories from the soldiers she cared for, but hearing a story and being there, were two very different things. 

             
Thomas stared at him for a long minute.  “I was going to ask you questions.  They’ll keep.”

             
“I’m very glad you’re home, Robert,” Janie said softly.  “I’m going up to bed now.”

             
Carrie turned to Robert as Thomas nodded and followed Janie up the stairs.   His hands trembled slightly as she gathered them close in hers and gazed into his eyes.   Tortured dark eyes returned her look until with a moan Robert laid his head on her shoulder.  Quickly, Carrie wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him close.  She had no idea how long they sat there before a low rumble of thunder and a brisk wind blowing through the open windows caused him to draw back.   Still he did not speak.  Instead, he cradled Carrie’s head between his hands, devouring her with his eyes. 

             
Carrie wanted to cry at the anguish she saw stamped on every feature.  Instead, she poured all the love she could into her eyes.  Slowly, she saw some of the pain begin to diminish.  Only then did she speak.  “I love you, Lieutenant Robert Borden.”

             
“And I love you, Carrie Cromwell,” Robert said huskily, tears causing his eyes to shine.  “Knowing I have you is all that keeps me going sometimes,” he said softly.  The shadows in his eyes deepened. 

             
Carrie understood.  He was afraid she was going to ask him questions and he wasn’t ready to talk.  “Your friend, Cabby, is doing well.”

             
Robert stared at her.  “Cabby?  Cabby Marsh?  You’ve seen him?”

             
“Seen him?  Why, he’s one of my favorite patients,” Carrie said cheerfully. 

             
“Did he... I mean, does he…?”

             
“Still have his leg?  You bet he does!”  Carrie smiled at the look of relief on Robert’s face.  He needed some good news.  “His knee will never be the same, but the doctors managed to save his leg.  He’s already moving around on crutches.  At least he was when I last saw him two days ago.”

             
“You mean he was up the same day they brought him in?” Robert asked in amazement.

             
“Your friend Cabby is a remarkable man.  He said he wasn’t going to give the Yankees the satisfaction of keeping him down.”

             
Robert smiled at that.  “Sounds like Cabby all right.”  Then his eyes darkened again.  “It was terrible...” he said slowly.  “Every day when the fighting was over, every battlefield turned into a scene straight from the pits.  Bodies were writhing and convulsing as far as the eye could see.   Screams and cries could be heard all through the night...”

             
Carrie held his hands tightly and let him talk. 

             
“I don’t know why I’m still alive.  So many friends died...  I watched them die,” he muttered thickly. 

             
Carrie squeezed his hands even more tightly.  Robert looked up at her, but his eyes weren’t seeing her; they were seeing memories too awful for words.  “No more,” she said softly.  “You’re here with me now.”

             
Robert started slightly then his eyes seemed to focus on her again.  His breathing slowed, and his face regained some of its color.  “I’m sorry.”

             
“Don’t be sorry.  You’ll carry those memories all your life.  But when they reach up to grab you, you have to remember where you are.  Pain can pull you down so far that it will destroy your hope and your reason to live.”

             
Robert pulled back.  “And just where did you get such wisdom?” he demanded in a genuinely surprised voice. 

             
“From Aunt Sarah,” Carrie said.  “That lady carried more pain than most people.”

             
“One of your slaves?”

             
Carrie nodded, relieved to hear Robert’s tone of voice.  There was no anger; it was more a curious statement of fact.  She had determined to let God work on Robert’s heart when it came to the divisive issue of slavery.  She wouldn’t ask questions.   She decided to change the subject.  “I have wonderful news.”

             
“I could use some good news about now,” Robert said, smiling.

             
Carrie was thankful for his smile.  Trying not to leave out any details, she told him everything that had happened at the hospital the day before.  “I’m going to be working with Dr. Wild when I return tomorrow,” she finished. 

             
Robert stared at her with amazement and then shook his head.  “I knew you would make it as a doctor,” he said admiringly. 

             
“Well, I’m hardly a doctor yet!” Carrie protested.

             
“It’s the step you needed,” Robert said firmly.  “Now you’ll have the opportunity to show them what you know.”

             
“And the opportunity to learn even more,” Carrie agreed with a laugh, her heart suddenly light.  How she had wanted to share the good news with Robert.   Janie had been thrilled for her, but Carrie hadn’t even had a chance to tell her father. 

             
“I want to do something fun.”

             
Carrie was surprised by the sudden change of topic.  “What do you have in mind?” she asked, amused.

             
“There’s a party tomorrow night.  They’re calling them starvation dances.  Would you like to go?”

             
Carrie struggled with her answer.  The idea of a party in the midst of such suffering seemed a ludicrous thought.  Yet, Robert surely needed something to divert his mind.  “I’d love to,” she finally said. 

             
“Wonderful!”  Robert leaned forward and kissed her gently.  “Do you mind if I answer any questions tomorrow after I’ve had some sleep?”

             
“You don’t ever have to answer questions if you don’t want to,” Carrie said softly, remembering the haunted look in his eyes. 

             
Robert gazed down at her for a moment and then drew her into his arms.  “I’m not sure what I did to deserve you,” he said gruffly.   Then he lowered his lips to hers gently. 

             
Carrie was the one to draw back first even though she could have spent all night in his arms.  “Go get some rest, Lieutenant.  That’s an order.”

CHAPTER TEN

              Carrie was dressed and waiting when Robert arrived the next evening. 

             
“You look lovely,” Robert said, his eyes lighting with approval.  “Someone told me the ladies in Richmond no longer had party dresses.”

             
“It’s the only one I saved,” Carrie admitted.  “It’s the one...”

             
“You were wearing it the night we first danced.  At the Blackwell ball.  I remember. I’d never seen anyone look as lovely.  You were a beautiful queen.” 

             
Carrie blushed.  “I just couldn’t bring myself to have it turned into bandages.  It was too special.”  Her mind filled with memories of that magical evening.  She knew she had fallen in love with Robert then.

             
Robert leaned down to kiss her softly.  “I’m glad.”  Then he stepped back.  You don’t look as if you spent a long day at the hospital.”

             
“I’m glad I don’t look it.  Unfortunately, I
feel
very much like it.   But it’s a different kind of feeling,” Carrie said, a bright shine in her eyes.  “Now I actually feel as if I’m making a real difference.  Oh, I know the soldiers appreciated everything I did before, but ...,” She paused trying to think of the right words, “there’s just something about looking at a wounded soldier and knowing that because I did the right thing he probably is going to live.”  Then she laughed self-consciously.  “Not that I did any major life saving today.  It’s just knowing I have the freedom.”  Suddenly she laughed.  “I don’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words.  All I know is that I loved it.  Every single minute of this long, exhausting day.  I loved it!”  Abruptly, she slapped her hand to her mouth.

             
“What is it, Carrie?” Robert asked in an alarmed voice.

             
“Did you hear what I said?”  Carrie was horrified with herself.  “How can I say I loved it when every man I saw today was suffering terribly?   How completely selfish!”

             
“What rubbish!” Robert snorted.  “You didn’t love their suffering.  You were loving the ability to help them.  If it were up to you, this war would have ended yesterday.”

             
Carrie looked at him quickly.  “Does that bother you?”

             
“You mean, do I think you are disloyal?  No.  I know where you stand, Carrie.  You know where I stand.”  He paused.  “Only, I’m not really sure where I stand any more.  I still think the Southern cause is a just one, and I will fight this war with everything in me, but...”  Staring off into the distance, he paused for a long minute.  “Hindsight is always most clear, I guess.  I think if anyone could have seen what all of this was going to mean, there would have been much greater effort to assure it never happened in the first place.  I guess you don’t fully understand the horrors of something until you’re in the middle of it.  The sad thing is that too many times it’s too late to back out.”  Robert took a deep breath.  “No, I’m afraid the only way out of this is forward.  We must press on to victory, or we have indeed lost everything.  It is impossible to go backward and undo the past.  All you can do is live with the present and try to make the best of the future.”

             
Carrie watched him thoughtfully as he spoke.  “You have been doing a great deal of thinking,” she observed.

             
“There is little else to do when you’re lying in camp during the nights.  When there is nothing else distracting your thoughts, it is much easier to think clearly.  One thing I have decided - never again will I allow myself to be so caught up in the events of my world and my activities that I lose contact with my own heart and mind.  All my achievements mean nothing if I lose myself in the process.”  Robert looked at Carrie.  “What is that funny look on your face?”

             
“That funny look is my attempt to contain the swelling of my heart,” Carrie said softly.  “It is expanding with love right now.”

             
Robert’s response was to take her in his arms.  “I recognize that feeling,” he said tenderly.  He held her for a long minute then stepped back.  “Are you ready to go dancing?” he asked with a quick grin.

             
“Absolutely!”  She had decided for this one night to push back all thoughts of the men in the hospital.  She had a very much alive soldier here, right now, who needed some rest and relaxation before he headed back into battle.  “Father is going to be there as well.  Janie is accompanying one of the doctors from the hospital.  It seems that the whole town is in a celebrating mood now that McClellan is not camped outside our gates.”

             
Robert laid a finger on her lips.  “Not a word about the war,” he said firmly.  “Tonight I am simply a Southern gentleman escorting the most beautiful woman in Richmond to a dance.”

             
Carrie curtsied gracefully.  “And I am merely a demure Southern belle meekly accompanying my dashing Southern gentleman,” she responded sweetly.

             
Robert shouted with laughter.  “There is, I’m afraid, nothing either demure
or
meek about you, my dear.”

             
“Just so you’re not surprised,” Carrie said impishly.

             
Their laughter and banter continued all the way to the Hobson mansion where the party was being held.  Carrie was surprised at the number of people mounting the steps to the graceful home on Franklin Street.   Relieved smiles and cheerful talk rose as testimony to the vanquished Union Army while averted looks and muted laughter acknowledged the terrible cost of what they celebrated. 

             
Carrie had long admired the three story structure surrounded by oak and dogwood trees.  As if in defiance of the war, an explosion of flowers bordered the yard and the sidewalk leading up to the stately stairs framed with wrought iron.  She had been to a party there just after the war had started.   Sumptuous amounts of food and beverage had flowed as liberally as the music and dancing.

             
She and Robert murmured their greetings then wandered inside, pulled by the sound of the band into the large ballroom.  Robert nodded genially to several people as they passed through, but he didn’t stop.  Carrie gazed around as they eased through the crowd.  What she had heard about the starvation parties was true.  There was not a morsel of food in sight, and the only beverage looked to be very watered-down lemonade.  She could feel herself relax even more.  She could envision having a good time as long as valuable resources weren’t being lavishly wasted. 

             
“May I have this dance, beautiful lady?”

             
Carrie moved willingly into Robert’s arms.  “I thought you’d never ask.”  The old magic rose up to capture them as soon as they glided onto the dance floor.   Reality, along with faces, blurred as they waltzed gracefully around the room.  All she could see was Robert.  All she could feel were his arms.  All she could hear was the music carrying them, lifting them to heights she had been hungry for.  Everything else faded from her mind - the war, the hospital, the future.  There was just now - and Robert. 

             
They danced through several songs before Robert leaned down to talk softly.  “Now do you know why I wanted to come?  Why they have these parties?”

             
Carrie smiled up at him.  “Yes, sir.  I do.”  She grew thoughtful.  “When you can find no reason to celebrate, you find one anyway.  Every soul needs laughter and fun, no matter how awful the reality of the present.”

             
“You learn well, Carrie Cromwell,” Robert laughed. 

             
“I’ve always said my daughter was extremely bright,” an amused voice broke in.  “Might I have this dance, my dear?”

             
“I would be delighted, Father,” Carrie replied, stepping back from Robert and raising her arms to her father. 

             
“I do believe the Virginia reel is next,” he teased.  “Do you need a break?”

             
“Hardly!” she retorted.  “Unless, of course, you’re afraid you can’t handle it...”

             
Thomas winked over her shoulder at Robert and swept her onto the floor.  “Just try to keep up, my dear!” 

             
Carrie was laughing and out of breath when the music finally slowed and stopped.  “Drink!  I need something to drink,” she begged. 

             
“Not bad for an old man, eh?” 

             
“That was no old man I was dancing with,” she replied.  She was thrilled to see laughter and light in her father’s eyes again.   As he disappeared to get some lemonade, she glanced around for Robert.  She finally saw his dark hair rising above a knot of uniformed men standing near the fireplace.  Just then he looked up and caught her eye.  A thrill rushed through her at the look of love he shot her across the room.  She could still hardly believe this man loved her.   Suddenly she tensed.  There was something on his face that had not been there a few minutes ago. 

             
“Here you are, my dear.”

             
“Thank you,” Carrie murmured, tearing her eyes away from Robert as she reached for the drink.  They could talk later.  She searched her suddenly anxious mind for something to talk about with her father.  He saved her. 

             
“I hope you don’t mind if I join some of my colleagues on the porch.”

             
“Of course not.  I was just thinking I would like some time to engage in people watching,” Carrie replied quickly.  She was relieved when her father melted into the crowd. 

             
“Well, if it isn’t Carrie Cromwell.”

             
Carrie controlled her groan as she pasted on a smile and turned.  “Why, Louisa Blackwell.  What a surprise!”   She was sure her attempt at feigning pleasure was not extremely successful.  Why tonight of all nights?  Oh, she had known Louisa was in the city, pushed from her plantation by invading Union troops along with everyone else.   Their childhood pretense of friendship had faded long ago.  They would be cordial if protocol demanded, but they made no effort to seek out each other’s company.  Carrie didn’t know when Louisa had become so bitter and ill-tempered, but she
had
learned it was to her benefit to stay out of her way.

             
“I had heard you were in Richmond,” Louisa simpered, her blond hair immaculate as always.  “Whatever are you doing with yourself?”

             
Carrie was sure from the look in Louisa’s calculating blue eyes that she knew already.  “Just doing my part for the war effort,” she said casually, trying to figure out a way of escape.  A quick look over Louisa’s shoulder told her Robert was still engaged in deep conversation. 

             
“Why, I’m surprised to hear that!”  Louisa exclaimed.

             
Carrie regarded her evenly but didn’t respond. 

             
“Really, Carrie, how can you help the South when you’ve done so much to harm it already?”  Louisa’s tone sharpened.  “Don’t you know we need all the labor we can possibly obtain?  Setting your daddy’s slaves free was hardly a way to help the war effort!” 

             
Carrie could feel her temper rising along with Louisa’s voice. 

             
Louisa wasn’t done.  “I understand your daddy’s plantation has not been harmed.  Poor Edmund Ruffin has suffered such a terrible loss.  Imagine that.  Your daddy’s plantation is so close to his.”  She paused, letting the drama build; then she delivered her finale.  “I don’t suppose, though, that the North would hurt someone who was so helping their own cause.  Lucky for your poor daddy that he has a Yankee traitor in the family.”

             
“That is ridiculous!” Carrie gasped angrily, suddenly aware of people leaning forward to catch the conversation.  She was so furious she couldn’t think straight. 

             
“It certainly is ridiculous,” a stern voice boomed over her shoulder. 

             
Carrie felt a rush of relief as Robert’s hand settled on her shoulder. 

             
“I’m sorry, Miss Blackwell, that you have so little to do with your time that you find it necessary to spread erroneous propaganda.”  Robert’s voice was calm, but the edge in it made Carrie shiver.  “I’m sure your little sewing circles keep you busy and are very necessary, but I think you’ll need to find someone else to attack.  Carrie happens to spend all of her days and most of her evenings closed in at Chimborazo Hospital ministering to the needs of the wounded.  I hardly think those are the actions of a traitor.”