Spiritbound (20 page)

Grace took delight in touching him, running her fingers along his chest. With a groan, Declan lifted her so that she lay on top of him, which gave his hands free access.
I love to touch your skin, to have all of you surround me
.

His mind voice spoke intimately to her. She reached out, sending him a brainwave that would send him reeling. It was a little parcel filled with the sensations she was enveloped in, the sheer and utter bliss of having her skin on his, his heat radiating around her and his very impressive erection nestled between her thighs. Within a heartbeat, he’d flipped her over.

Grace. Oh, Grace. Do I really excite you that much?

Stay connected to me and find out
.

Declan was ready and Grace was so ready he slid inside before she took a breath. The electrical buzz of excitement went straight to her brain. He took another experimental lunge and received an even more impressive burst of ecstasy from Grace.

That could get addictive. It’s like being surrounded by endorphins. Exploding neurons
.

My thoughts exactly
. She smacked him lightly on the thigh. He’d stopped moving.
No time to smell the roses
.

The more they moved, the more open the connection between them became. Grace didn’t mean to pry but she couldn’t help but notice the dark mass of emotion that roiled like a thundercloud inside him. He shielded her from it the best he could as their bodies moved, a slow grind that had Grace gasping for breath and Declan growling as he caught the feedback from her. Declan was heaven on this earth, she thought idly. No wonder I love him so much.

She was very close to climax now and Declan’s ardour was dark and dangerous. Her organism hit her, fierce and fast. Then the flavour of his mind changed; he came, hard and drawn-out. While he held his weight, he didn’t move from on top of her. Grace sensed that he’d fallen asleep. He was utterly exhausted.

After about fifteen minutes he rolled to the side, bringing her with him. Grace let down all her defences and slept the sleep of the dead.

At the first whisper of dawn, grey light filtered into the room. The bed was empty.

It was still early when Declan hailed her and asked her to meet him in the garden. Why had he left her without waking her? She’d stayed abed wondering about it. The mass of confusion and pain she detected in him would be hard to negotiate. The business with his parents only made things worse. She chewed her lip, wondering if there was something else wrong. Was it her he didn’t want to be around? She shook her head. They’d had a magical evening together. Melancholy, yet beautiful in the degree of closeness they shared. As she slipped outside in the crisp morning air, she was going to find out.

Declan stood under a tree. A small bench seat was situated nearby. Currawong calls echoed in the trees and the grey-green leaves of Eucalypts overshadowed the bright pinks, whites and mauves of the daisies blossoming in the cottage garden.

Declan’s forehead was clouded with worry as he stood with his hands in the pockets of his black leather riding jacket, staring at the daises and scuffing the carefully manicured lawn. Her eyes dropped lower. Leather pants and his bad-arse boots. He was off for a ride somewhere. He had this air of travel, of leaving. Grace battened down the hatches on her emotions. The reason she woke up alone was becoming clear.

At the sound of her step, he looked up. A fleeting smile crossed his face, yet his dark eyes were sombre.

‘How is you mother this morning?’ she asked by way of greeting.

He kissed her cheek and a smile lit up his eyes for a moment. ‘Much better, thanks to you. Beatrice thinks she will be on the mend shortly. Last night, my father had the best sleep in a long time.’ He took her hands in his and rubbed at the tips of her fingers idly, not looking her in the eye.

‘That’s good. Look, Declan. You may as well spill. What’s troubling you? Why are you dressed like that this early?’ She wanted to add,
why did you leave me alone in bed?

He nodded once and then scooped her hair away from her face, cupping her chin. She looked him square in the eye.

‘Grace, I’m leaving for a while. I have to get away for a bit.’

‘How long?’ she asked softly. It was hard work keeping her voice neutral. They’d shared a magical night together, had touched minds as well as bodies. How could he walk away from that?

He shrugged. ‘I can’t say. Things are sorting themselves out with my parents but I’m confused inside. Even if my mother is cured, I know there are expectations about me settling down. It’s not just them; it’s the coven. This has been building for a while. I have to just make a break, establish myself so that it’s clear to everyone I’m my own man. That I call the shots in my life.’

‘I didn’t have any expectations about you settling down.’
Only hopes and dreams that I dared not share with anyone
.

Their gazes locked. ‘I know you’ve never put any expectations on me and I appreciate that more than you could know. But it’s like there is pressure building up inside me. I feel like it’s going to blow. I need time and space to sort it out before this confusion, this restlessness destroys me.’

Grace swallowed, bracing herself for what he was going to say next, bracing herself for the big goodbye.

‘I want you to know that if I were going to join with someone, it would have been you.’

Grace did her best to keep her face neutral. Now wasn’t the time to swoon or burst out wailing, even though he was ripping the very heart of out of her ‘The light inside you fills me up. We go so well together in many ways.’

Grace chewed her bottom lip. How was she supposed to react to this I-almost-love-you-but-I-can’t-settle-down speech? ‘You gave me a good first time.’ She smiled what she hoped was a convincing smile.

He chuckled lightly, yet was still overwhelmingly serious. ‘Yes, that was amazing—every time with you is.’

Grace folded her arms in front of her. ‘Look, Declan. You don’t owe me any explanation. It’s your life. You made no promises to me, not even hinting of anything more. I mean, anyone would think I was the last person on your list, given how much both your parents disliked me.’ She didn’t mean to sound waspish, but it was time to run somewhere. Hiding what she was feeling was taking a great deal of effort. There was no way she’d let him know of her heartbreak, her love.

His eyes widened. ‘But I want to explain myself to you. I care for you deeply, Grace. We have a connection, a special connection. We always have done. I turned my back on you when you needed me that day nine years ago and now it looks like I’m doing it again.’

‘That was different. You were a child. I was a child.’

‘Yet I remember, Grace. How close we were. What we shared. What a rare thing it was.’

‘You do?’ Grace was surprised that he admitted it, their childhood touching of the minds. It was brief, intense, and she’d begun to think she’d imagined it.

‘Of course I did. I’ve never had that with anyone else.’

‘Me neither.’

‘Last night too was the most intimate I have ever been. I know you care for me, Grace. At that moment when we touched our minds, you couldn’t hide it. I know how you feel.’

Grace widened her eyes. Had she let that slip? Was he that perceptive?

‘You love me.’ He studied her face.

‘I’ve always loved you,’ she blurted out, hoping to lessen the damage a stray thought had caused. ‘That’s just how it is between you and me. It’s part of the fabric of us. Yet, that doesn’t mean I’m in love with you.’

With a nod, he lifted his hand and brushed the hair out of her face. ‘You are very beautiful to me. I love your skin, your dark eyes and your hair. Most of all, I love your smile and your laugh.’

Grace studied his face, reached out with her witch sense and knew him to be speaking what he felt was truth. ‘I will miss you while you are gone.’

He angled his head to assess her. ‘You think I’m coming back?’

‘I know you are. Someone has to rescue me from Randy Roger.’

He burst out laughing and hugged her to him. ‘Oh, Grace. You really do fill my heart with such joy.’ He kissed her forehead.

‘I can’t promise I’ll be back. I have this urge to be free, to just drive and drive and not look back. These last few weeks seem like a thunderhead and I want to escape from it, from the negative emotion, the guilt, the sadness. It has been with me for a while now. Ever since we came back here. I thought it was the pressure I was under to do what my parents wanted. I thought maybe I was missing the UK and the potential to be the top battle mage in Europe. I thought I wanted to love. Then I thought I didn’t want love.’

‘Declan, you’ve been through a lot recently. It’s been tough on you, changing countries, covens, and I agree there was amazing pressure on you. You forget I met a few of your stalkers.’

He chuckled some more and then drew her closer so that they embraced lightly. ‘I’ll think of you.’

Grace closed her eyes and hoped she wouldn’t cry. She had to have faith that Declan would sort himself out. ‘Are you leaving right now?’ She stepped out of his hold, but still kept close.

‘Yes. I need to. I have to get away.’

‘Go on then. Take care of yourself.’

With a quick nod to her, he left the garden. A few minutes later she heard his bike start up, then the sound of him driving away reached her ears. With a heavy sigh, she slumped on the bench seat, listening but not really listening to the sound of insects buzzing past. If there was a Currawong doing its sing-song call nearby, she didn’t hear it. A numbing nothingness floated inside her. Declan cared for her but didn’t love her enough to make anything of it. That was the negative view, she supposed. The positive view was that he considered that if he had wanted to settle down it would have been with her. Well, that was as positive as she could make it. She let out a big sigh and sat back in the seat, then she frowned. ‘I guess that means I’m catching the train back to Sydney. Excellent. That must be two additional brooding hours I don’t need. What joy!’

After saying her goodbyes, Grace made enquires of Beatrice’s granddaughter, who offered her breakfast. Grace took some coffee and a fresh muffin and then left the hospice to walk up the hill to the Katoomba train station. She stood in the sunshine while she waited for the train. It was a long time arriving so she surreptitiously studied the other passengers. It wasn’t often she used public transport. A young couple doted on a small boy in a stroller. An Asian teenager listened to music while playing with his phone. Two older women gossiped about another woman, a mutual friend she presumed, and a couple of lanky teenage boys lounged against the wall in gunmetal-grey T-shirts and played games on little handhelds.

Eventually, the train pulled up and Grace hoped to secure a seat by herself somewhere. Unfortunately, the train was reasonably full. She had a seat to herself but not a carriage. Then she realised it was the slow train. Perhaps the study of teleporting was something she should aspire to. As her talents lay in a different area, she didn’t fancy her chances. It was unlikely she’d ever transport herself anywhere, except maybe to the other side of death, and she really didn’t want to do that.

Resting her head on the window, she watched unseeing as houses, parks and trees rolled past before the train slowed for the next stop and then jerked when it started again. Declan must have been pretty distracted. It wasn’t like him to forget he’d brought her to Katoomba and leave her there. It wouldn’t be like him to forget such a detail. That thought comforted her a bit, because it proved in her mind just how upset and confused he was.

***

Declan drove, caressing the speed limit liberally as he joined the freeway north. The kilometres helped him sort through things. It was awful being so confused, so conflicted. It was a new kind of torture. His parents would sort themselves out now. They had to because he wasn’t going to be there for them. He didn’t have to worry about them anymore. His choices were his own to make and his father had accepted that, although reluctantly. Making the break with them had been painful, but so liberating when the worst of the anguish was over. With his mother on the mend, his father was less clingy and more understanding of his need to be free.

But now that he was free to make a choice, he didn’t know what he wanted. The wind was a hard wall that buffeted him. A B-double truck overtook him and cut in way too close. Declan braked. The truck had snuck up on him.

He checked his mirror and swung out. He upped his speed and overtook a line of sleek sedans. Now he was free and he’d said his goodbye, he couldn’t get Grace out of his mind. She loved him; no matter what she said about ‘being in love with him’, he knew she was.

He was in love with her. That thought jolted him. He overtook a Ute and a rusty green minivan and ducked back into the left lane.

He checked his mirror and overtook the semi-trailer ahead of him. It was going so fast, Declan went thirty kilometres over the speed limit before nudging back into the left lane. The road looked clear ahead of him.

What was he doing driving away from her? He should be driving toward her, toward the future he was so afraid of. Oh goddess, he’d left her stranded in Katoomba. What an ass he was. Yet, he knew she’d forgive him. She understood. They were kindred spirits.

Something changed within. Driving had helped clear his head and the temporary freedom allowed his worries to unravel. Clearing the air with his father had eased that tangled nest of emotions he’d been wrestling with. He could see clearer now. Life with Grace would be amazing. She gave him room to do what he must. Then he knew that joining with her was what he wanted. It was something he needed to do straight away. He drove a few more kilometres and the certainty grew. He had to get back to her. Had to.

He heard the blare of a horn. He checked his mirror. The semi-trailer he’d passed was bearing down on him. He looked at his speedometer and realised the semi’s brakes must have failed. The horn blared again.

***

By the time they reached Penrith, Grace was searching for her phone. When she retrieved it from her handbag, she realised it was out of charge. Great. She was too far to hail Elena. As she hadn’t slept well she was rather fatigued. She must have dozed off because she was woken by a large body sitting next her. Startled, she gaped and realised that the carriage was nearly full. She sat up straight and moved her handbag so it sat on the side closest to the window. This train ride was as much of the human world as she wanted to experience for a while, seeing all she wanted to do was lock herself in her room and listen to music with lyrics about broken, bleeding and desperate hearts.