Spirit of the Revolution (39 page)

“I just didn’t expect it.” She wiped away the tears with the palm of her hand. “I’m sorry. I know this is silly. I’m happy, truly happy Jedediah is reuniting with the woman he loves. He deserves to find happiness with Rachel. Yet, I’m going to miss having him around.” She sniffed. At once Mathias stood behind her. She could feel him.

“I know,” he said.

He wrapped his arms around her and drew her close to his heart. And it occurred to her then that she could feel him as she did inside the mine. She wouldn’t question the gift, for right now she needed the comfort he offered. After a moment, he led her to the settee, and once they sat down, he settled her against his chest. Comfort and warmth enveloped her as her thoughts wandered to Jedediah and the experience he would have come the morning.

As a thousand questions tangled themselves up inside her mind she finally said, “I have so many things I need to ask and I’ve yet to tell you everything that happened inside the mine. I have questions about that incident and I hope you can answer some of them for me as perhaps you experienced something similar.”

A very long silence followed the request, and just as she drew away to discover the reason, he kissed the top of her head.

“It’s very late, Jolena. You can hardly keep your eyes open now. Why don’t we wait until the morning? Perhaps we can go for a ride and we’ll talk about everything you want to talk about then, all right?”

Jo’s eyelids grew heavier as each second ticked off the clock. Mathias’s suggestion seemed reasonable enough, and she nodded in agreement. She could ask him about his reluctance to answer her questions tomorrow. “Okay, just don’t keep me waiting—”

Once in bed, dreams overtook all sense of logic and reason. Strange dreams. She walked outside in the darkness of night, in her pajamas and barefoot, heading toward the barn. Nothing seemed more important at that moment, than brushing Lacy. But why, she couldn’t say. She stopped at the barn doors and picked up her grooming bag before going inside. Lacy nickered in greeting. She scooped up a handful of oats and let her eat them from her hand. Afterward, she took hold of the brush.

“Hello, sweetheart,” she said, as she began grooming her coat. Lacy nuzzled her head against her chest in return. Suddenly then and without warning, William and Alex appeared in the stall next to Lacy’s. She couldn’t imagine why they would do such a bizarre thing. Why did they choose to appear in Beadurinc’s stall? And—where did Beadurinc go?

“Oh! You scared me there for a minute. What are you doing out here? Did you come looking for me?” she asked as she looked from one to the other.

They shot each other a look of dread. Once again, she could feel her throat tighten in anticipation of their words. She lowered her hand, yet still clung to the brush she held.

“I have to tell you, that for all the world, you look just like Jedediah did when he told me goodbye,” she said.

William cast his eyes downward and nodded. “We’re finding it’s not an easy thing to say, nor an easy decision to make,” he admitted. “In point of fact, we’ve just now made the decision, or we would’ve told you in person, just as Jedediah did. But the time for that is past, I’m afraid.”

A sorrowful smile tugged at Alexander’s mouth as he placed a hand against her cheek. “You see, dear friend, here of late we’ve come to feel we’ve accomplished all we need to accomplish. We’ve seen everything we need to see. There’s no longer a reason or purpose for us to remain on this side.”

“You know, since you’ve graced this household with your presence, we haven’t even had the desire to do any serious haunting. So what’s left for a self-respecting ghost to do, huh?” asked William, in a sweet attempt to tease.

Jo nodded because she understood their feelings on the matter. Although she tried very hard not to cry, the tears fell anyway.

“Seriously, Jolena,” William said as he brushed away the first of her tears. “We wouldn’t have arrived at this moment, if not for you. We can’t thank you enough for giving us this sense of freedom. At long last, we’re ready to join our families and take on whatever comes next.”

First Jedediah, now William, and Alex. Did Sam lurk somewhere in the shadows waiting to pounce? If so, her heart just might break.

Escape
!

The word swirled around inside her mind.

Run away
—

“Jolena—”

They called to her repeatedly, but she needed to escape this pain—run away from it. How could she bear it? All at once, she clung to Lacy’s neck and without aid of bridle or bareback pad, raced for the hills, clinging to her mane. The hills morphed into the beach she shared with Mathias and she turned her mount toward the curve, knowing he’d be there. Right now, she needed him. She needed his arms around her. She needed his strength and his comfort. Nothing else mattered.

He stood waiting for her by the rock. As she approached him, she slid off Lacy’s back and ran toward him. At once, he gathered her into his arms, and she clung to him with all the fierceness she could muster.

“Mathias,” she cried. “Everyone is leaving me, and it just hurts.”

“I know, shh—don’t cry,” he whispered into her ear. “I promise you, everything is going to be all right, you’ll see.” His lips crashed down on hers. Within those kisses, she sensed not only the power of his love, but also a feeling of—of—
desperation!
And then, as he drew away, she stepped back. That same desperation filled his eyes. The now familiar look of intense pain and suffering marred his features. What did that mean? She struggled to make sense of it.

Understanding arrived very slowly. No, her heart screamed. No, surely not. He wouldn’t leave her. He wouldn’t. He promised. She shook her head as her hands flew to her face, covering her mouth. A pitiful wail escaped her lips. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“No! You promised,” she choked out the words as the tears began anew. “You promised to stay with me forever. Oh, you promised…”

“Circumstances beyond my control negated that promise,” he murmured as his arms encircled her waist, needing to feel her in his arms, needing to feel her body close to his one last time. She backed away from his embrace and shook her head. “Circumstances? What circumstances would nullify your promise? I need you, Mathias. Don’t you understand? I love you so much it hurts, and if you leave me, you’ll leave behind a pain that will never go away. Not ever.”

Mathias cursed under his breath and then shook his head. “No, you’ll find someone else, and you’ll love him and he’ll love you. How could he help it?” His hand grazed the length of her cheek. “You’re so very beautiful, inside and out. He’ll be so lucky to have you and to share your life. Together you’ll raise a houseful of kids and all the while, you’ll play your violin for those who need to hear it. You’ll live life as intended.”

“You’re wrong.” She shook her head and lifted her chin in defiance. “I will never love anyone but you. You can’t force that to happen just because you say so. Yes, you can leave me, but I will never give my heart to anyone else. Don’t you understand? You have already filled every corner of my heart and every particle of my soul. There’s no room, or desire for anyone else. If you leave me, you’ll leave only a mere shadow in your wake, and I’ll live out the rest of my days in pain and sorrow. The music inside my soul
will
die!”

He caught her into his arms and despite her struggle to free herself, he held her there until she finally gave in and buried her face against his chest. His eyes closed in anguish as she sobbed. How he wished he didn’t have to leave her.

“No, you won’t, because I won’t leave you suffering. Listen to me now, Jolena,” he crooned into her ear. “When you wake up, you won’t remember any of the dreams we’ve shared. You won’t remember anything that will give you pain. You’ll only remember the deep and abiding friendship of five ghosts, whom, through your tireless efforts, you gave peace and contentment after centuries of torment.”

She shook her head. “No.”

“I love you, Jolena Leigh Michaelsson, I’ve always loved you, and I will continue to love you for all time. When you cross the portal, leaving your mortality behind you, many, many years from now, should you find you still love me as much as you do this moment, I’ll be waiting for you. I promise,” he vowed.

He couldn’t bear the pained expression in her eyes. Yet, he couldn’t deny himself one final kiss either. He poured all his love and all of his passion into the kiss. She returned it in kind. And though he wished it could continue, he could feel the all-too familiar draw of his past taking him back through the centuries. A draw over which he had no control.

“I have to go now,” he murmured. “I’ll see you on the other side, my love. Somewhere, deep down inside, remember that I love you.”

Despair consumed her as Mathias faded from her view. His pain etched itself into her heart and settled beside her own. “No, Mathias,” she whispered with steely resolve when she could no longer see him. “You hold no power to make me forget. I will never forget—not ever.”

The words echoed in her mind as her eyelids fluttered open. Despite the intensity of the pain it caused, she committed this last dream to memory by reliving it many times over in the darkness of her bedroom. Yet, merely memorizing each moment didn’t seem good enough.

She tossed back the covers and slid out of bed. Dakota whimpered as he rose to his feet and followed her out of the room. Together, they made their way into the library. The house had an empty, eerie feeling. She ignored it. Right now, she needed to record each experience, so she would have them in her possession all the days of her life. Despite Mathias’s wishes, she would never allow herself to forget. She would create a journal of memories. All of her feelings, all of the dreams, her daily interactions, the wondrous moments inside the mine chamber—

She gasped as a wave of disjointed images stormed into her consciousness. The mine!

Suddenly, those little wisps of memory spread like liquid silver inside her mind. They filled every crack and crevice of the missing pieces. Before she walked through that magnificent door and over to the fountain, she could hear Mathias’s voice. He talked to someone. His words didn’t make sense at the time. What exactly did he say? Let’s see, she remembered him saying, “You can’t let her die, please—I’m willing—if you’ll just—you know I do—but I can’t—allow me time—done—”

And the other voice said, “Love her enough—let her go—sacrifice—June—”

Jo drew in a breath as pieces of the mystery fell neatly into place. Mathias made a deal with someone in the mine. Whom? His guardian angel—hers—the angel of death? Did it matter? That man, whoever he was, allowed her life to continue, but only if Mathias loved her enough to let her go in return. To sacrifice his desire to remain with her, so she could live life in the normal sense of the word.

No wonder he so desperately wanted to return to Scotland by the end of May. Their clock relentlessly ticked off the minutes they could share the moment she left the chamber. She could see now that he strived to fill each of those moments with an amazing array of beautiful memories.

Yet he made those memories for his own benefit, for he desired to leave her with none of them. Just so she wouldn’t grieve…

She placed her elbows on the desk, buried her head in her hands, and through a flood of tears, gave in to her sorrow. She sobbed as intense pain wracked her body while her bleeding heart ripped into a thousand tiny pieces.

Chapter 31

Then, a sudden rebellion overtook her grief. Mathias made a deal with someone. Perhaps she could make one herself. Just what would the possessor of the unknown voice think about that? Surely, she had a say in all of this. How dare they map out her life without asking her opinion or consent! How dare they act as if they had the right to control her decisions— Somehow, she needed to get to the forest and, and—

And do what, Jolena?
the voice inside her head mocked.

What made her think she could change anything at all? She glanced at her computer. The article—she didn’t finish reading the article. Perhaps she could find the help she needed if she finished reading it.

She activated the screen button. Since she didn’t shut the computer down last night, it remained right where she left it. She placed her focus on the final paragraph.

“Recent findings propose an alternative theory for such occurrences. It is believed by some in the paranormal field of science, ghosts who have chosen to remain behind are given yet another opportunity, each year, to escape this earthly sphere once the event of their death is replayed in full on the anniversary it transpired. That they are, in fact, aware of their surroundings and everyone in it, be they mortal or spirit. In a sense, they exist in two planes, simultaneously. They can see their environment as it was and as it is. Yet, they focus on the former. Evidence reveals that mortals, who are sensitive to ghosts, can break the vicious cycle by intervening before the moment of death occurs. Click on the following links to read supporting case studies, which detail—”

Jo glanced at the clock. Mathias told her he met with Elisabeth Weidmann about daybreak. Once her grandmother gave him the note, he gathered the boys and raced toward her grandfather’s home. She didn’t have time to read case studies, not if she wanted to intervene
before
the moment of his death. But how? The question nagged at her as she hurried into her bedroom, threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She didn’t have time for shoes. Dakota followed close at her heels as she raced barefoot down the stairs, and out the back door. In her haste, she left it wide open.

Lacy snorted and fussed inside her stall as she continually called out to Beadurinc and her other stall mates who didn’t answer. The barn stood empty, save the mare Mathias gave her. She grabbed her bridle and tossed it over the horse’s head. Her hands shook as she fed the chinstrap through the buckle. The task took twice as long as it should.