Spirit (5 page)

“I understand.” He
only shook his head at me like it was impossible for me to truly understand.

“The Light will
always search for you,” he said, and then with a crack of thunder, his wings
spread out behind him in a glorious fan of golden light.

“But you’re
letting me go. You said…”

“I am merely
your guide, your shepherd.” His feet lifted from the ground as a white light
began to shine around his body. “If the Light should find you and you are taken
alone, without my guiding hand, you will be lost in the Ether and may not find
Paradise.”

“I understand,”
I said again, and again he looked at me like a child beyond true comprehension.
“Oh, hey,” I said, stopping him from leaving. “Thanks, Ash.” He dipped forward
in the air, nodding at me before he flew off, leaving me alone with the horde.
I refused to turn around and look at them, not wanting them to steal what
courage I had found.

I stepped off
the curb and went in search of my brother.

Chapter 3

Anthony’s
building was a squat, grey block surrounded by overgrown ivy plants and palm
trees. You could drive by it a hundred times and never remember seeing it. In
short, you wouldn’t expect a bright light like Anthony to live that sort of
place. I walked around to the back and found Steven’s car in the guest parking.
I wanted to make sure he was actually there before I went inside.

I paused outside
of Anthony’s front door, staring at the tarnished gold numbers, feeling awkward
just barging in. It wasn’t as though I could knock, but what if I walked in on
them in a private situation? I scuffed my toe silently on the doorstep before I
steeled myself and stepped through the door. The lights were off, only the
blue-white flickering light of the television on. Steven and Anthony were
curled up on the couch, leaning into each other over a bowl of popcorn as they
watched a movie. I was more than a little relieved I hadn’t walked in on
anything embarrassing.

I heard the
movie before I saw it and smiled sadly when I walked around the edge of the
couch and saw
The Princess Bride.
It
was Steven’s favorite, and the movie he watched whenever he was sick or
heartbroken. They had a stack of DVDs next to the television, a mix of mine and
Steven’s favorites. I turned away from Inigo Montoya stalking the six-fingered
man to look around.

Anthony’s apartment
was modestly furnished, but looked very modern. He had a clever way of decorating
so that he didn’t look like he was struggling week to week while he worked and
went to school. An overflowing bookshelf stood in the corner and a two-seater
table in the eat-in kitchen. I always assumed Steven would move in after we
graduated high school, but already there were signs of how much time he spent there.
His messenger bag, full of school books, had been tossed in a corner and looked
as though it had been there the entire winter break. Nearly every surface held
pictures of them together. I even spotted some of his laundry in the folded
clothes forgotten on one of the kitchen chairs.

I heard a noise
behind me and turned to see Steven stand. He set the popcorn bowl on the coffee
table before he disappeared into the hall. He returned a moment later with a
blanket.

“Just making
yourself at home, huh?” I smirked, watching as he unfolded the blanket and
settled it over both of them before they cuddled close again. Seeing them so
normal together was nice. Watching Steven for the last four years, I wasn’t
sure he would ever find Mr. Right, but he did, and he’d done it much faster
than Jodi or me.

I shook my head,
trying to clear my thoughts. I needed to figure out a way to get Steven’s
attention, and mooning over their romance wouldn’t do it. If they had left even
one lamp on, I could’ve tried to get it to flicker, but they only had the
television on. Maybe I could turn the television off?

“Worth a shot.”
I shrugged and walked over to the stand holding it. I wasn’t really sure what I
was supposed to do. It wasn’t like any ghosts were hanging around, teaching the
tricks to a successful haunting. Though, that would’ve been helpful.

I tried to touch
the television, but as I expected, my hand went right through it. The screen
flickered a little where my fingers had touched it. Anthony made a face when he
saw the static in the corner before it corrected itself. He shook his head and
his face cleared, as if he had convinced himself he was seeing things.

“All right, so
if I want to turn the TV off, then I need to draw the power out of it,” I
mumbled, studying the flat black box as if it was some sort of portal into
another world. “Sort of like pulling energy up from the ground, I guess.”

I reached out my
hand again, holding it as close to the back of the television as I could
without going through it. I closed my eyes to concentrate and imagined that I
was trying to call up the Earth energy like I did in life. I imagined the power
washing up through my body, filling me, making my body shake.

“What the hell?”
I heard Anthony say, breaking my concentration. I opened my eyes, and the room
was pitch black. “Are you on the remote?”

“No,” Steven
said.

“Yes!” I jumped
in my excitement, but as soon as I pulled my hand away, the screen flashed back
to life, lighting the room again.

“Oh, there it
goes,” Anthony said, his voice sounding like a question. He hesitated for a
moment before leaning back into the cushions of the couch, but Steven remained
where he was, leaning forward and staring at the television with a furrowed
brow.

“Hey,” Anthony
said, his hand on Steven’s shoulder, “it’s okay, sit back.”

“Hmm? Oh.”
Steven blinked, his face clearing. “Yeah, right.” He leaned back next to Anthony,
making him slump sideways into him.

“Seriously?” I
demanded, glaring at the screen, watching as Princess Buttercup jumped out of
the window and landed in Fezzik’s arms. “Two seconds? Really?” I blew out a
breath, telling myself to calm down, remembering Ashriel’s warning about losing
control of my emotions. Once I was calm again, I set my hand close to the
television again and concentrated on taking its power. This time I tried to
focus on directing that power, using it to my advantage. I wanted Steven to see
me, to know it was me in the room with them.

I could feel the
heat of the television now. It was the first bit of heat I had felt since the
night in the fire and it was amazing. I imagined my body coming into focus and
when I heard Anthony curse again, I knew the television was off. I was so
excited to have Steven see me. I opened my eyes, feeling the grin spreading
wide on my face, only to have my shoulders slump forward.

“I am an idiot,”
I said, realizing with the television off, the entire apartment was in the dark
since they had turned off all of the lights. Of course Steven couldn’t see me.

“Just go turn on
a light and let’s see what’s wrong with it,” Steven’s voice said in the dark. I
heard Anthony grumbling as he pushed off of the couch and then swore when he
stubbed his toe on the coffee table. I waited, keeping my hand on the
television, still feeling the heat of it seeping into my arm. The longer I
stood there, pulling on its power, I started to feel the television itself, the
hard plastic of it, under my hand. I pushed against it and felt it move.

A rush of
excitement flooded through me and I pushed again, turning the flat screen until
I knew it was no longer facing the couch. When Anthony finally found the light
switch and flicked it on, Steven yelped in surprise, startling me so much that
I snatched my hand back from the television and the screen came back to life
just as the screen faded on the sight of Westley and Buttercup kissing and the
credits of the movie started to roll.

“Dios mío,”
Anthony whispered and then crossed himself.

“All right,
Steven,” I said, “time to figure it out.”

“Anthony,”
Steven said, holding his hand out for him, but Anthony remained rooted to the
spot.

“No fucking way,
you get up and get over here,” Anthony said, his brown eyes wide as saucers
staring at the television.

“Oh come on,
Steven!” I said, stamping my foot on the carpet. “You have dealt with way
scarier shit than this!”

“I hate you
right now,” Steven said as he inched toward the far end of the couch before
vaulting off of it and rushing to Anthony’s side. They intertwined their
fingers, gripping hard enough to make their knuckles run red and white.

“Whoever, or
whatever, is doing that,” Steven said, his voice loud and ringing through the
room, “you are not welcome here! We mean you no harm, but be gone from this
space.”

I rolled my eyes,
but then felt a pull just behind my belly button and an inexplicable desire to
leave. Remaining where I was took what little energy I had taken from the
television. My head spun for a moment, and that glorious heat I had felt faded
away as quickly as a wave washing away from shore.

“Damn it,
Steven!” I stomped my foot again, balling my hands into fists at my side.

“Did you hear
that?” Anthony whispered. He’d ducked half his body behind Steven’s, as if
using him as a shield.

“What did you
hear?”

“Your name.”

“Shut up!”
Steven said, his voice high and squeaky, as he stepped back, forcing Anthony
against the wall behind them.

“Seriously,
Steven?” I said. “Anthony can hear me, but you can’t?”

They stood,
staring in my general direction, their faces twin masks of fear and curiosity.
I hadn’t meant to scare them; it hadn’t even occurred to me that might happen.
Steven hadn’t freaked out over the flickering lamp in my room, though I supposed
watching a heavy television move on its own was a little more startling than a
light flickering on a desk.

“Do you think it
worked?” Anthony breathed, as if he was afraid of being heard over the sound of
the DVD’s menu screen.

“What?” Steven
finally remembered to blink. His voice was hardly more than a whisper as well.

“You told it to
leave; maybe it left?”

“Oh, right,”
Steven bobbed his head, “maybe it did.” He stood up a little taller and pulled
away from Anthony a few inches, lifting his chin in the air. I felt bad knowing
his power of persuasion hadn’t banished me, but I needed his help.

“All right,
Steven.” I moved away from the television and walked over to them. I twitched
my nose, trying to think of what to do. Taking power from electronics worked,
but it took longer than I wanted it to. I lifted my hand and reached out to
touch Steven, my hand going right through his arm.

“Sunnova…”
Steven’s curse was cut short by the shiver that ran through his body.

“What? What is
it?” Anthony sounded frantic.

“Look!” Steven
held out his forearm to show him the goose bumps.

“What is it?”

“Something cold
just touched me.”

“Not. Funny.
Steven,” Anthony said, but he took another step to the side, hiding fully behind
Steven.

“Steven,” I
said, trying to put some force into my voice, hoping he’d hear it this time.

Steven moved
away from Anthony’s gripping fingers. “Okay, I’m gonna try a trick Shayna
taught me.” He walked over to the front door and unlocked it. I looked around
frantically for something to keep me anchored, but before I could find anything,
he had the door open, and he turned to face the room. In a clear, demanding
voice, he said, “You are not welcome in this space. I command you to leave!
Now!”

“Oh crap,” I
said as a force seemed to hook my body and pull me toward the open door.
“Steven Ignacio Nolan, I am gonna kick your ass for this!” I yelled as I flew
through the air.

With my words
trailing behind me, I spun out the door in a confused bundle of limbs, and
Steven slammed the door shut behind me. Before I could get my bearings, I felt
the ground drop out from under me, and I was suddenly falling, tumbling end
over end, faster and faster with no end in sight. For a moment I was back on
that hillside, falling until I hit the ground, dislocating my shoulder.

Air rushed
around me, whipping my face and howling in my ears like a wounded pack of
wolves. I felt sharp and pointy branches scratch my skin and stab at my arms as
I fell. The nettles and leaves caught on my clothes, tearing holes in the
fabric. I didn’t have time to marvel at these familiar and nearly forgotten
feelings before I hit the ground hard enough to steal the breath from my lungs
and crack a rib. Pain blossomed, full and angry, throughout my body. I remained
on my back, staring up through the tree branches at a starless night sky,
reveling in the feeling. This was as close to feeling alive as I had felt since
before walking out of the rubble that fateful night. I felt two angry, sore
spots on either side of my spine where my wings once appeared.

Tears leaked out
of the corners of my eyes, trickling down the sides of my face and disappearing
into my hair. The tears stung and made me sniffle. A choked laugh burst out of
me when I realized I could feel the Earth, dry and dusty, under my fingers. I
clawed at it instinctively, wanting to give myself over to it and
sink,
but there was no swirling feeling
of power inside of me, and the ground didn’t tremble under my command. But it
was still the most amazing feeling having dirt under my fingernails.