Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1) (24 page)

“Don’t do this, Sares. Please don’t do this.”

His bottom lip trembled.

My heart once again shattered. It had been repairing itself all day. I’d sticky taped the fractured pieces back together and then bandaged them tight, but it hadn’t been enough protection, not against him.

“We’ve got something good, Sarah, you know we do. Don’t let Olivia turning up here ruin that.”

“She didn’t, don’t you see that? You ruined it by not being honest with me.”

Shit. I’d been so determined not to cry, but traitorous tears were trekking down my cheeks. “You ruined what we had by not being honest with me, don’t you see that? Don’t you get it?”

“No. I don’t fucking get it. I’m not a liar. I’m not a bad person Sarah. I fucking love you, and I was scared. I panicked. I should have told you sooner that I was married. I fucked up. I didn’t tell you about what happened with Olivia before I left Sydney because I didn’t want you to think badly of me. I fucked my wife out of pure revenge, pay back for what she’d done to me. I didn’t want you knowing that.”

“I told you stay away.”

Great, my brother appeared around the corner leading from the hallway.

“Please don’t start fighting,” I begged through my tears.

Luke walked around the breakfast bar to stand beside me.

“You all right?” I shook my head and almost collapsed into his arms.

“Please make him go. Make him understand I need him to go.”

“Is that really what you want, Sarah? You really want us done? For me to go?”

I turned my face towards him and nodded my head, he did the same in acknowledgment.

“Okay. I’ll go. I’ll go because I love you and I hate seeing you this upset. I love you. Just remember that.”

He turned and left, my heart went with him.

Missing him came
in waves. At times, it lapped at the edge of my consciousness, a small tickle against my skin that I barely noticed. Other times, it would be like a tsunami, potent and destructive, washing away every resolve I made to be strong. But I stayed afloat. The moments of feeling like I was drowning, being sucked further and further under, were gradually replaced with the knowledge that each and every day, I was somehow managing to keep my head above water.

I was surviving. I would survive, but in the beginning it was hard.

The day after he walked out the door with my heart, he moved in across the road. I’d called in sick and told work I would be taking the rest of the week off for some personal time.

Dripping wet from a shower, I was standing in my bedroom with a towel wrapped around myself when I realised his car was parked in its designated spot. How had I let it slip my mind that he’d rented a place directly opposite mine? Probably because I’d honestly assumed he’d either go back to Australia with Olivia or move in somewhere with her.

I stood and imagined a million scenarios in which he would walk across the road, knock at my door, and tell me it was all a big mistake.

But he didn’t. Because it wasn’t.

I spent the day like a sad and lonely stalker, watching from my bedroom window as delivery after delivery of furniture and the larger electrical items we’d gone out and purchased together on Sunday arrived.

Sunday.

Today was only Tuesday, but oh so much had changed.

I didn’t see him once. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to. I thought I did, but I didn’t want to experience the reaction seeing him might cause.

He was going to be living opposite me for at least the next six months. I was going to have to get used to it. And then an awful thought occurred to me, what if she was moving in with him? What if the pair of them were going to be shacked up over the road? Sleeping in the bedroom that faced mine.
Our
bedroom. In
our
bed.

I didn’t cry.

I just felt sick and had a headache, then my phone buzzed from where it was lying on my bed.

Will:
Hey, heard ur not feeling 2 fresh. Want me 2 bring you anything? W x

I hadn’t seen him since all the commotion Sunday night. I’d ignored his texts about needing to talk. I didn’t really want to talk to him then, but I also didn’t want things to be awkward between us. Sasha had Pilates that night, and she usually went for a drink afterwards. Without thinking too much about it, I text him back.

Me:
There’s nothing that I need, thanks. Maybe we need to talk tho?

I cringed as I sent the message. I was happy that I’d been brave enough to do it but absolutely dreading his response.

Will:
Shit, Sunshine, u obvs know what was said on Sunday. I didn’t want it 2 b like this. I wanted 2 talk face 2 face.

I felt bad then. I shouldn’t have, though. He was the one who had admitted to everyone but me how he felt, and I was a little pissed off about that.

I decided to take the bull by the horns. Confronting Will had to be a lot healthier than hiding behind my bedroom window and watching the man who owned my heart construct a love nest across the road for him and his pregnant wife to share.

Me:
You wanna come over now?

I closed my eyes and tapped the phone against my chin a few times before finally hitting send.

Will:
On my way. X

His reply was instant.

I quickly dressed and put on some make-up. I wasn’t trying to impress Will, but I also didn’t want to terrify the poor man. I’d woken in the middle of the night having a moment. I think I cried for a solid half hour before falling back asleep, and despite my shower, my eyes were still a little puffy and my skin a tad blotchy. So, yeah, a little help was required.

I’d just flicked the kettle on when I heard Will call from the front.

“You decent, Sunshine?”

“No. totally naked, whatever you do, don’t come in.”

Both Will and Luke had keys to our place. My brother usually just walked in unannounced, but Will always made his presence known. I’d given him my usual response out of habit, but knowing what I now did about his feelings for me, I was blushing scarlet and wishing that I’d just kept my big mouth shut.

I put tea bags into the two mugs I’d just got out, knowing that he was behind me and watching my every move. Composing myself as best I could, I turned to face him.

“Hey.” He gave me a small smile, but his eyes looked sad.

“Hey,” I replied. “You wanna cup of tea?” I knew the answer would be yes without him replying. Will always wanted a cup of tea. Because of his job as a night club manager, Will wasn’t a big drinker. I wasn’t sure if it was because he needed a clear head to work nights or because he’d witnessed night after night the effects alcohol had on people and the choices they made.

“Yeah, I’d love one. Thanks.”

I turned and pulled a litre carton of milk from the fridge, wishing that the kettle would hurry up and boil so I had something to occupy myself with.

“I’m sorry, Sarah.”

My heart performed a little hopscotch manoeuvre in my chest. Will never called me Sarah. I was always “Sunshine”, with a very occasional “Sun” or “Sunny” but never just Sarah. I turned around. He’d moved from the far side of the breakfast bar to lean against the side nearest me, arms folded across his chest, legs crossed at the ankles. He was wearing jeans with a suit jacket, a scarf was wrapped around his neck, and a flat cap, the kind my grandad wore, was pulled down low on his head. His blue eyes looked out from beneath the peak.

Will had the most striking eyes, the blue stood out against his dark hair, lashes, and stubble. He wasn’t classically good-looking, his teeth weren’t completely straight and perfect and neither was his nose, but there was just something about him. Something definitely masculine and as sexy as fuck. Just one look from those blue eyes would have women removing their knickers and tossing them over their shoulder. Without a single word, he could tell the world, “I like to fuck, and I do it very well.”

I’d spent years wanting him to notice me. Years wanting him to look at me the way that I’d seen him look at other women, to be on the receiving end of that stealth-like, predatory gaze, but now? Now I didn’t know what I wanted.

My cheeks were on fire. I wasn’t sure if it was my lustful recollections of the way Will used to make me feel, or if it was the attention I was finally receiving from him.

My blood bubbled in my veins at about the same temperature as the water bubbling in the kettle behind me. It clicked, switching itself off, and the room fell quiet. I turned and poured hot water over the tea bags in each of our cups before turning back to him.

“What are you sorry for?” My mouth didn’t feel right. My lips stuck to my teeth, my tongue felt too fat. I was nervous. Why? This was the same Will Bennett I’d always known...

“Sunday night. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I should’ve spoken to you before saying anything in front of everyone else.”

He pulled off his hat and unwound the scarf encircling his neck. He had on a white V-necked T-shirt underneath his jacket, and I stared at the dark hair at the base of his throat. He swallowed, and I studied his Adam’s apple, watching it move. My eyes drifted up to meet his but then wandered back down to his mouth, which was just a bit more perfect then I remembered it being.

Sex.

Everything about this man was sexual.

But it was
Will
, my brother’s best friend. One of
my
best friends.

“Sarah,” he said on an exhale at the same time as he stepped towards me. I instantly put up my hand in a stop gesture. I would’ve stepped back so I could retreat further, but the kitchen cupboards were right behind me.

“Please stop calling me, Sarah. Stop being so formal. I can’t even remember the last time you ever called me Sarah.”

My words came out in a rush, I sounded panicked, mildly hysterical even. I turned back around and finished making our tea. Walking straight past him, I placed our cups on either side of the breakfast bar.

“You wanna biscuit? There should be some Hob Nobs in the cupboard.”

“Na, I’m good thanks. I think the Hob Nobs bit the dust Sunday night.”

“Oh. Well speaking of Sunday night—”

“I’d rather we didn’t.”

I sat down, he did the same.

“Will, you’ve been a part of my life for such a long time, I hate this tiptoeing around each other. Just be honest with me. Stop saying sorry. Stop calling me Sarah, and just tell me what’s going on.”

He smiled. A real genuine smile that reached his eyes.

“I fancy the fuck out of you. I have for a long time now. One minute you were running under the sprinkler in a navy-blue swimsuit with little red ladybirds on it and the next you were lying on a sunbed, asking me to rub cream into your back, all tits, arse, hips, and curves. I’ve watched you grow up. What I was—am feeling, it makes me uncomfortable, but I can’t
not
say something. I need you to know.”

He raked his hand through his hair and then sipped on his tea. I wrapped my hands around my mug and stared at him.

“I planned to say something at your brother’s party, but Blinky fucking Bill turned up and I didn’t get a look in.”

“Blinky Bills a koala,” I told him, trying not to smile.

“Bondi Bill then.”

“Liam, his name’s Liam.”

“I know his fucking name. I just can’t think of anything Aussie that begins with L.”

We stared at each other for a few moments before both cracking up with laughter. I wiped the tears from underneath my eyes. It felt good to laugh.

“So where do we go from here?”

“Bedroom?” His response was swift and equally as serious.

“Would you like to wear that tea?”

“I’d rather wear you. I think you’d look good wrapped around me.”

I had no response to that. We resumed our silent staring. Will spoke first.

“Give me a clue here. Anything.”

“A clue about what?”

“What I’ve said. What I’ve told you about fancying you. You’re giving me nothing.”

I didn’t know what to say. I had no clue how I felt about his admission. In all honesty, I was torn.

He was sexy, there was no doubt about that, and he was probably exceptionally good in bed. But did that make me want to sleep with him?

Maybe?

I think I wanted to want him, more than I actually wanted him.

I wanted to want to jump into bed with Will so that he could fuck Liam right out of my system. If I took Liam out of the equation, I had absolutely no desire to sleep with Will, or anyone else for that matter.

“I’m off the market right now, Will. I love you, you know that, but I’ve just had my heart broken. Literally, just a few days ago, so there’s no way that I’m ready to move on.”

He let out a deep sigh. “I should’ve acted sooner.”

“Maybe, but you didn’t, and now here we are.”

“At least you know now.”

“Yeah, there’s that.” Although for me, I wasn’t really sure that was such a good thing.

“D’you think there’s a chance? D’you think that further down the track, maybe in the New Year, once Christmas is out of the way, that I could take you out?”

“Will, you can take me out anytime. I don’t want this to change anything between us.”

“Let’s not fuck about here, Sarah—”

“Why’d you keep calling me Sarah?”

He lets out another deep sigh.

“Because
Sunshine
is Luke’s little sister. The three- or four-year-old I first met at your nan’s house. The little girl with freckles who I used to tickle torture. I feel like a dirty old man when I think about that little girl being you. That little kid is Sunshine. You, this”—he made an hour glass shape with his hands—“tits, arse, hips, you’re Sarah.” He paused for a moment. “And yeah, anyway, like I was saying, everything’s changed here, Sarah. There’s no way that it couldn’t.”