Spiraling (19 page)

I watched out the window as the car sped past the snow-covered fields. The landscape glistened in the twilight as if someone had poured glitter all over the world. In my periphery, I could see Devon adjusting the knobs on the radio. He turned the dial until he found a station he liked. Then he settled back in his seat and lit a cigarette.

“When are you supposed to be home?” he asked.

I turned to look at him. “I don’t know. Midnight, I think. Mom didn’t really say.”

“Where does she think you are right now?”

“Hanging out with Carter. I told her we were going to a movie.”

He took a drag from his cigarette. Then he put his foot on the brake and slowly turned the car off the road onto a drive marked by a sign that read “Turley and Sons Salvage.” Driving between the rows of old cars and broken appliances, we stopped next to a metal building. In the distance, I could see the faint glow of a fire and people walking around.

Devon turned the car off and removed the key from the ignition. The bright glow of the dome light filled the car, replacing the distance scene with my own reflection in the windshield. I unbuckled my seatbelt and looked at Devon. He took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he tossed them on the dash beside his cigarettes.

“Getting another headache?” I asked.

“I’m fine,” he answered, giving me a less-than-convincing smile.

“I think I’ve got some ibuprofen in my purse.” I retrieved my shiny purple purse from the floorboard and rummaged through it. The small bottle of ibuprofen was near the bottom. “Here you go.”

He twisted the cap off the bottle, poured a few pills into his palm, and stuck them in his mouth. Then he closed the bottle and gave it back to me. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied, dropping the ibuprofen in my purse.

I tucked my purse under the front of my seat and pulled the door latch. Stepping out of the car, I adjusted my coat to meet the waistband of my pants as I waited for Devon to join me. Without the sun’s warmth, the air had taken on a bitter chill.

Devon met me at the front of the car and took my hand. We walked through a maze of old appliances to a clearing. In the middle there was a circle of corrugated metal around a small fire. On the other side, Jeremiah’s truck was parked with the doors open and the radio on. The top forty countdown blasted from the speakers.

Sparks filled the air as Jeremiah tossed more wood on the dying fire. “Hey, guys,” he said. “The beer is in the back of my truck. Chase got some wine coolers for Carter and the girls, if you want one, Tori.”

“I’m okay,” I replied.

Devon and I walked to the back of the truck. He opened one of the two coolers, retrieving a brown longneck bottle. Then he looked at me. “You want something?"

“No, thanks.” I shook my head.

Closing the cooler, Devon turned to look at the fire. He twisted the cap off his beer and took a long drink before he tossed the cap in the back of Jeremiah’s truck.

“How’s your head?” I asked.

“Fine,” he answered.

I hopped up on the tailgate and sat beside him. Running my fingers through his hair, I kissed his cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered.

He put his hand on my thigh and stared at the fire. The growing flames twisted through the night air, illuminating the clearing.

Jeremiah added another pile of wood on top, stepped back, and announced, “Now,
that’s
a fire!”

“We’re going to start calling you Fire Starter, Jer.” Carter laughed.

“Works for me,” Jeremiah replied.

The song on the radio changed to an upbeat, hip hop tune. Maimy stood from where she’d been seated next to Jake on the back of a rusted sedan and shouted for someone to turn it up. A boy I didn’t know walked over to the cab of the truck. He adjusted the volume on the radio. Then he got a beer out of the cooler and watched as Maimy, Claire, and the mean girl, Lexie, danced.

“Not a bad view, is it?” the boy said.

“It’s all right,” Devon replied, taking a drink of his beer.

Carter walked up to the back of the truck. Reaching around me, he pulled one of the coolers closer and opened the lid. Inside were several cans of soda and some glass bottles filled with colored liquid.

“There’s some Pepsi in here if you want one, Tori.” Carter offered as he took out one of the glass bottles.

“Thanks.” I smiled.

Carter handed me a can of Pepsi, closed the cooler, and hopped up on the tailgate beside me. “So, why aren’t you dancing with the other girls?”

“Two left feet,” I said, swinging my legs.

“Come on, have some fun.”

“Like you?” I chuckled.

“I am having fun. You’re the one sitting here like a stick in the mud.” He nudged my arm playfully. “Loosen up a bit.”

“I’m fine.”

Opening my soda, I took a drink and glanced at Devon. He looked from me to Carter and his eyes narrowed.

“Hey.” I smiled as I put my hand on Devon’s shoulder. “Everything okay?”

He turned his attention back to me and nodded. “Yeah.”

His voice wasn’t convincing. I wondered if he was upset with Carter for some reason. As far as I knew nothing had happened, but neither one was known for being all that forthcoming with information. They could have had a huge argument earlier that day and I would have had no way of knowing.

“Hey, Carter,” Jake called from the other side of the fire. “Turn that shit off, will you?”

“Shut up, Jake,” Maimy yelled. “I like this song.”

I looked across the fire to where Jake and Maimy stood. Jake did an exaggerated impression of the way the girls had been dancing, singing a few lines of the song in a high-pitched voice. Everyone burst into laughter as Maimy stole the red baseball cap he wore and hit him with it.

“You’re not funny, Jake,” she snapped.

“That shit is hilarious,” Jeremiah said.

“How does that go again, Jake?” The unknown boy on the other side of Devon added.

Jake glanced at Maimy before he continued his parody, backing away and laughing when she attempted to hit him again. She threw his hat at him. Then she chased him around the fire. He only half-heartedly tried to get away from her, laughing too hard to make a proper escape.

Devon turned around and smiled at me as he set his empty beer bottle in the back of the truck. He got another bottle out of the cooler, offering one to the boy standing beside him. The boy took the bottle and opened it.

“You still working at the hardware store?” the boy asked.

“Yeah.” Devon nodded, taking a drink from his fresh beer.

“That pay pretty well?”

“Not really, but there’s not much out there.”

“I might have something, if you’re interested,” the boy said.

“Nah.” Devon shook his head. “I’m good.” He took a slow drink from his beer.

The boy turned back to the fire. The hubbub died down. Jake and Jeremiah stood next to the rusted sedan smoking cigarettes. I couldn’t hear what they said to one another and, from Jeremiah’s gestures, I guessed that was a good thing. He humped the air as his boisterous laugh rose above the sound of the fire.

I looked away from the obnoxious boys to the girls sitting atop an overturned refrigerator. Behind them, their shadows danced on a large white panel van. I found myself captivated by the dark figures. They were far more interesting than the girls they represented.

As the flames died down, the shadow dancers faded into the dark. The air recovered its icy chill and I slid off the tailgate to get closer to the fire. Devon stayed by the truck talking to his friend for a while before they joined me.

“Everything all right?” Devon asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“You want something to sit on? I can grab one of the coolers.” He pointed to the back of the truck.

“That’s okay.” I shook my head.

Devon finished the last of his beer. Then he tossed the empty bottle into the fire. Pulling me in front of himself, he put his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head.

“Are you cold?” Devon asked.

“A little,” I answered.

“You should try some of this,” his friend suggested, holding out a bottle.

“No, thanks.” I shook my head. I wasn’t about to accept an unknown substance from a guy I’d never met.

“It’ll warm you up.” The boy persisted.

“I’ll take it,” Devon said. He grabbed the bottle and took a drink. Then he coughed. “Shit, that’s strong.”

The boy laughed as he took back the bottle. “Sure you don’t want some, Babe?”

I scowled at him. “I’m fine, thanks. And don’t call me ‘Babe’.”

Devon chuckled.

“Well, what do you want me to call you?” the boy asked.

“My name. Tori,” I answered.

“Nice to meet you, Tori,” the boy said. “I’m Marshal.”

“Hi,” I replied.

Looking at the fire, I pulled Devon’s arms tighter around myself. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. The smell of alcohol on his breath wrinkled my nose. It was disgusting. I turned my head and pushed his face away from mine.

“You stink,” I complained.

“Gee, thanks.” He dropped his arms and stepped back.

I turned around. “I mean your breath. It reeks like beer.”

“I’m sorry,” he said sarcastically. “Would you rather snuggle up to Carter? I’m sure that strawberry shit he’s been drink—”

I furrowed my brow. “What on earth are you talking about?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just… You ready to get out of here?”

“Sure.” I nodded.

Starting toward the car, he waved back at Marshal. “I’ll catch you later, man.”

“Yeah, see you,” Marshal replied.

I followed Devon through the maze of appliances. He lit a cigarette and grumbled under his breath as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. I tried to catch up with him so that I could hear what he said, but his pace was too fast. My short legs couldn’t keep up without running.

“Are you all right?” I asked when we reached Lia’s car and he finally stopped.

“Just peachy,” he answered with a sarcastic half-smile.

“Devon, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine.”

I stared at him. His eyebrows were low and together, causing a bump to appear on the bridge of his nose. He turned away from me and pulled the door handle with more force than was necessary. Then he got in the car and slammed the door shut.

Walking around to the passenger side, I quietly entered the car. Devon started it and jerked the gear shift into position. When he hit the gas pedal, the car slid to the side for a second before it took off. We drove around the metal building and through the rows of cars to the road. I held tight to the shoulder strap on my seatbelt as we sped back into town. The trees were little more than a blur going by the window.

Pulling up to my house, Devon shoved the gear shift into park, lit another cigarette, and leaned back in his seat. I looked at him. His stony expression troubled me. I didn’t want to end the night with him angry.

“I love you,” I said softly.

He took a deep breath. “I love you, too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Tori.” He gripped the steering wheel with his free hand and pushed his back into the seat.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“I’m not.” He reset his jaw.

I stared at him for a minute. Then I set my hand on the center console, leaned over, and kissed his cheek. “I love you.”

His chest rose as he inhaled. “I love you, too.”

"Please, don't be mad."

"I'm not mad. It's okay. I get it." His voice was softer. “Goodnight, Baby Doll. I’ll see you tomorrow."

I smiled. “Goodnight, Sweetie.”

I gave him one last kiss. Then I opened the door and got out of the car. Devon waited until I was on the porch before he drove away. When I walked inside, the house was dark. I crept into the kitchen to get a drink before I went upstairs and doodled in my sketchpad until my eyes were too heavy to see the page.

“Are you coming this weekend?” Kennedy asked.

I looked at her. “Where?”

“To the ballet. We’re doing
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
. You said you would come.”

“I’m sorry, Kenn. I forgot all about it.”

“So, you’re not coming?” She scoffed. “It figures. You never do anything anymore.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. You spend all your time with
that
loser.” She lowered her voice and glared over my shoulder at Devon.

“Kenn, I’m coming to your ballet thing. I just forgot it was this weekend, that’s all.”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes.

I opened my mouth to beg her forgiveness when something that sounded like a timer went off behind me. Knitting my eyebrows, I turned around to see what it was. Devon pulled something out of his pocket and looked at it.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“A pager,” he answered off-handedly.

“When did you get a pager?”

“A couple weeks ago.” He glanced at me as he retrieved his jacket from his locker. “I’ve got to take off. I’ll see you up after school, okay?”

“Sure.”

Giving me a quick peck on the forehead, he pulled his jacket on and walked away. I watched him until he was out of the side hall. Then I looked at Kennedy.

“That was weird,” I said.

“You think?” She glanced in the direction Devon had gone before turning her attention back to me. “You know who has pagers, don’t you?”

“Doctors?” I knew it wasn’t the answered she wanted, but I also knew what she was about to say and I didn’t want to hear it.

“Drug dealers.” She said it anyway.

“How would you know?”

“I’ve seen it on TV. Drug dealers always carry pagers.”

“This isn’t TV, Kenn. It’s real life. He’s not a drug dealer. He probably just has it in case his sister needs to get a hold of him. His nephew’s been sick a lot lately.”

“Open your eyes, Tori.”

“My eyes
are
open.”

“Obviously not. That guy is bad news. I’ve been telling you that from the start. You need to get rid of him before something happens.”

“Nothing’s going to happen,” I said. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” she replied. “And the sad thing is, you don’t even see it.”

“Whatever, Kenn. I don’t really feel like arguing with you right now. I’m going to class and I’d appreciate if you kept all your bad opinions of my boyfriend to yourself.” I took my English book out of Devon’s locker and shut the door.

As I walked to class, I tried to calm my nerves. It annoyed me that Kennedy always thought the worst of Devon. By the end of the day, I knew she’d have half the school thinking my boyfriend was in a gang or something equally ridiculous.

Devon wasn’t there when I returned to his locker after seventh hour. I waited for a few minutes before I went to find the rest of the out-crowd gathered near the vending machines. When I asked if any of them had seen Devon, they shook their heads.

“No,” Jake said. “I think he took off this morning.”

“I know,” I replied. “He said he’d be back, though.”

“Not yet.” Carter shook his head. “And he still has my car, so I guess we’re footing it.”

I sighed.

“You got to stop letting him take it all the time,” Jake said. “This is like the fifth time he’s left you stranded, dude.”

“Yeah, Car.” Jeremiah nudged Carter’s shoulder. “Grow some balls and tell him to get his own fucking car.”

Carter slouched, stepped away from his friends, and looked at me. “You ready to go?”

“Sure.” I nodded.

As we trudged across the icy parking lot, neither of us spoke. My mind wandered through the past several days. Devon hadn’t been himself since the bonfire. He was moodier than usual and even less talkative. I wasn’t sure what was going on with him, but I hoped he’d get over it soon.

Carter and I were half a block past the school when I saw Carter’s enormous brown Oldsmobile drive by. We both stopped, turning around. The car whipped into the school parking lot and came out the other exit in front of an eighteen-wheeler without much more than a tap on the brakes.

I clasped my hand over my mouth at the same time that Carter yelled, “What the hell is he thinking?”

Appearing on the other side of the semi, the car fishtailed into the curb before racing in the direction from which it had come. Carter and I spun back around as it passed, watching as Devon jerked the car onto the side street. It slid from side to side before coming to a halt halfway down the block.

I hurried to the corner and waited for a car to pass. Then I raced to where Carter’s car had stopped. As soon as Devon stepped out, I threw my arms around him, thankful he hadn’t killed himself with his reckless stunt.

“Hey, Baby Doll,” he said with a slight chuckle in his voice.

“Don’t do stuff like that,” I scolded. “You scared me.”

“I’m fine,” he replied. “Don’t worry so much.”

“Don’t give me so much to worry about.”

He laughed, kissing my forehead before he pulled me into his chest and rocked me from side-to-side. I wasn’t sure what had gotten into him. He was almost giddy. It was a nice change from the constant bad mood he’d been in for weeks, but it concerned me a little. Even on good days, Devon had never been giddy.

“What the heck
was
that, man?” Carter asked, throwing his hand in the direction of the school parking lot. “Are you
trying
to kill yourself?”

“I had plenty of room,” Devon answered.

“Like hell you did,” Carter retorted.

I looked up at Devon. “It
was
pretty close.”

“It wasn’t
that
close.” Devon sighed. “Look, I’m fine. The car’s fine. Everything’s fine.”

“You’re lucky,” Carter growled. “Now, give me my keys.”

“They’re in the car.” Devon nodded toward the car.

“Good. Get out of the way.” Carter pushed Devon and I aside, slid into the driver’s seat, and slammed the door. “You coming, Tori, or you staying with this jackass?”

“I’m coming,” I grumbled, looking up at Devon again. “I’m sorry. It’s just, Kenn and Joy are probably waiting and if I don’t get this stupid essay done, my mom is going to freak out on me.” I stuck out my bottom lip. “I wish I could go with you, though.”

“Me, too,” he replied and turned his attention to Carter. “Do you think you could give me a ride over to Marshal’s really quick?”

“Don’t you have to work?” I asked.

Devon shook his head. “Not tonight. So, can you give me a ride or not, Car? I told him I’d be right back.”

“I’m not your taxi service,” Carter answered. “You can walk your happy ass over there.”

“Carter!” I snapped. “It’s freezing out here.”

“And?” Carter scowled at me. “He had no problem with
us
walking.”

“But—” I started to point out that Devon hadn’t meant to make us walk, but Devon stopped me.

“It’s okay, Baby Doll,” he said. “I’ll be fine. You go do your essay or whatever. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Okay,” I replied.

He walked me around the car to the passenger side and opened the front door. I stepped into the opening and turned toward him.

“I love you,” I said.

He smiled. Sliding his arm around me, he pulled me closer and kissed me. I rose onto my toes, slipped my arms around his neck, and kissed him back. He grabbed my hair in his fist as his embrace tightened. My chest pressed against his and my back popped.

Carter cleared his throat loudly. “You two about done? I’ve got places to be.”

Devon loosed his hold, and I settled onto my heels. Giving Devon a quick peck on the lips, I got in the car. He shut the door and waited for Carter to pull away from the curb before lighting a cigarette. In the side mirror, I watched him cross the street and walk back toward the school.

“You could have given him a ride,” I said, turning to the boy next to me.

“I
could
have,” Carter replied. “But I don’t really feel like being his errand boy right now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Carter shook his head.

He gripped the steering wheel as he turned onto my street. I’d never seen Carter angry. The furrowed brow, tight lips, and narrowed eyes made him look like a toddler about to throw a temper tantrum. If not for the tension in the car, I might have laughed. As it was, I sat in silence until we got to my house where Joy and Kennedy waited on the front porch.

“It’s about time,” Kennedy said as I walked across the frozen lawn.

“Sorry,” I replied. “We got held up.”

I unlocked the door and waited for my friends to enter.

“Is everything okay?” Joy asked quietly, pointing to Carter. “He looks mad.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “He’s mad at Devon for not bringing his car back before three.”

“Is that why you guys were late?” Kennedy didn’t bother to lower her voice.

Carter looked at us. “You guys want to do homework or stand around gossiping?”

“We’re going to do homework,” I answered, shooing my friends into the kitchen.

Despite Carter’s objections, Kennedy continued to talk. She wanted to know everything that had happened since she’d last seen me at school. When I told her it wasn’t important, she turned her inquisition on Carter.

“Come on, you guys have to tell me,” she said. “I know something happened. Where was he? Was he selling drugs? Is that why he was late? I heard he skipped school to meet up with one of his dealer friends.”

I glared at her. “You heard it because
you
made it up. I told you, he’s not a drug dealer.”

“How do you know?” Kennedy asked. “He
could
be. You’re always complaining that he never tells you where he is. Maybe he doesn’t tell you because he’s selling drugs.”

“He’s not a dealer,” I answered. “Devon wouldn’t do something like that. Ask Carter.”

Six eyes landed on the only boy at the table.

“Leave me out of it.” Carter shook his head. “I’m not here to reinforce any of the nonsense you girls come up with.”

“It’s not nonsense,” Kennedy said. “He has a pager. Only drug dealers have pagers.”

“And doctors, and lawyers, and construction workers,” Carter replied. “So what if he has a pager? I’ve got one and I’m not a dealer. I have it in case my parents need me to call for some reason.” He pulled the small, blue device out of his pocket and set it on the table. “Lots of people have pagers. Doesn’t make them drug dealers. That’s a logical fallacy.”

“What’s a logical faltsy?” I asked.

“A logical
fallacy
is an error in reasoning,” he explained. “It’s when you make a conclusion that isn’t necessarily true using bad logic. Like if I said, ‘This is a pen.’” He held up his pen. “‘It is green. Since it’s a pen and it’s green, all pens must be green.’”

“But all pens aren’t green,” I said, picking up my faux fur-covered pen. “Mine is pink.”

“Exactly,” Carter replied. “It’s a logical fallacy. Just because my pen is green doesn’t mean
all
pens are green. Just like saying that all people with pagers are dealers or that all dealers have pagers. It’s bad logic and it makes you sound stupid.”

“Whatever.” Kennedy rolled her eyes.

For the duration of our study time, Kennedy sat in angry silence and Joy read the book we’d been assigned in English. Carter and I finished my history essay before moving on to my algebra homework. I was amazed how much I could get done without Kennedy’s constant distractions. I didn’t have to stay up all night finishing the stuff Carter and I didn’t get done after I did my chores. Because I didn’t want to hurt Kennedy’s feelings, the next day I asked Carter to tell her she couldn’t study with us anymore. When she asked me to back her up, I made up a lie about Carter refusing to tutor me if she was around. She had a minor tantrum, but got over it as soon as Jason offered to study with her.