Spice & Wolf III (35 page)

Yet Lawrence understood Amati’s despair all too well—up until not long ago, he too had felt every bit as low

In the end, Amati had been unable to meet the conditions of the contract that would’ve allowed him to propose marriage to Holo, and as for the margin sale of pyrite, that was completed when Lawrence handed over the bag, which was by that time essentially worthless.

He’d been worried about the possibility of Amati losing his temper, so Lawrence had asked the chief of the guild house to act as mediator. “This is your punishment for trying to take another man’s woman,” the guild master had said to Amati.

Whether or not Holo was in fact “Lawrence’s woman,” at least the proud Amati had learned a lesson.

As Lawrence briefly explained all this, Holo, who was sitting on the bed, stopped grooming her tail and gave Lawrence an appraising look.

“Surely you do not think that this is all over and done with.”

She seemed to be trying to decide just how harsh his punishment should be.

Lawrence understood the mistake he had made.

He stood and raised both hands in a gesture of contrition. “I’m sorry.”

Holo was unmoved. “Do you truly know where you went wrong?”

It was a pathetic way for a grown man to be scolded, but Lawrence had no choice but to endure it.

“I know.”

Holo’s wolf ears pricked up.

“At least...I think I know.”

Holo exhaled through her nose and folded her arms in expectant displeasure.

A mere “I’m sorry” was not going to suffice.

Lawrence screwed up his courage and apologized as best he knew how.

“When I started doing things on my own after the contract with Amati, I was being utterly self-centered.”

Despite the all-consuming panic he’d felt, not only had all his frantic efforts to stop Amati come to nothing, he had been—just as he said—completely self-centered.

“The point is...my biggest mistake was not trusting you.”

Holo looked away, turning only a single ear toward Lawrence.

“I shall hear you out,” she seemed to be saying.

Her unpleasant attitude was of course frustrating, but Lawrence had to admit he didn’t have a foot to stand on.

He looked up at the ceiling before he continued.

“The feathers you attached to your hood—those were to let me know you’d bought pyrite from Diana.”

Holo nodded, irritated.

“Yet when Amati sold his pyrite at the stall, trying to bluff me, I thought it was a trap you’d set for me.”

“Wha—,” Holo said in a small voice; Lawrence hastily shut his mouth.

He realized he’d said something he shouldn’t have said, but it was too late. Holo uncrossed her legs and hung one off the edge of the bed. “What exactly do you mean by that?” she asked.

Holo’s chestnut brown eyes shone dully.

“I thought it was a ruse to fool me into acting too soon. When I saw Amati make his move, I assumed you were completely on his side—the white feathers were the furthest thing from my mind. But—the truth was just the opposite...wasn’t it?”

It certainly was, Holo’s eyes seemed to say.

Of course,
now
he understood her intention.

“You wanted to tell me that Amati had fully enough pyrite on hand and that I should move quickly to sell mine off. Right?”

Lawrence had not trusted Holo, but Holo had trusted Lawrence.

That was the crux of the matter.

Holo had made Amati take an action that Lawrence could make no sense of, and for his part, Lawrence had decided it was not just Amati trying to destroy his confidence, but that Holo had also turned hostile and was trying to force him into a trap.

The only part Lawrence had been correct about was in assuming that Holo knew what he planned to do.

If Lawrence had but noticed the white feathers and made eye contact with Holo, she would have sold her pyrite with him right there on the spot.

“Honestly...” muttered Holo.

She gestured with her chin for Lawrence to continue.

“And before that, the fact that you would sign the marriage certificate with Amati, that was...”

It was humiliating, but he had to keep going.

“...It was to make it easy for me to be angry...Wasn’t it?”

Holo’s ears twitched, and she took a deep breath.

It seemed likely that she was becoming increasingly angrier as the memories came back to her.

She must have been waiting for Lawrence to come running up to the second floor at any moment, marriage certificate in hand.

And yet no matter how long she waited, he had not come—she might have waited until dawn.

Lawrence counted himself lucky that she hadn’t torn his throat out.

“Didn’t I tell you in Ruvinheigen? Don’t be clever and subtle all the time—tell me what you’re thinking! If we can just yell at each other, problems get solved a lot faster.”

Holo scratched the base of her ears, as though she could not possibly become any angrier.

She’d purposely been unperturbed when Lawrence saw Amati walking out of the inn and even had a marriage certificate ready, all to make Lawrence angry, all to make it easier for him to speak his mind.

And Lawrence had thought she was notifying him of her intentions.

And now that he thought about it, Lawrence realized that the situation there in the inn had been a perfect one—perfect for him to pour out his heart and admit to Holo that he did not want her to accept Amati’s proposal.

If he’d only said as much—it would’ve been enough.

“So I was wrong from the start.”

Holo drew in her chin and gave Lawrence a look that went past displeasure right on into resentment.

That was how far wrong he’d gone.

“When...when you lost control because of the business of Yoitsu...that last apology you gave me, that was—”

...I
am sorry,
she had said that night, her voice hoarse.

“—That was because you’d come to your senses...wasn’t it?”

Holo glared at Lawrence. She glared, and her fangs showed.

After her onslaught of verbal abuse, filled with ill intent and distortions, Holo had realized how awful she was being.

Yet she had not continued to be stubborn.

She had apologized immediately with all sincerity.

But Lawrence had only made things worse by taking her apology as the final word that sealed away her heart.

He had been reaching out to her but stopped short.

If he’d managed to say something then, Lawrence thought, he might have been able to salvage the situation.

Holo must have been stunned.

She had truly apologized for the terrible things she said after losing her temper, but instead of accepting the apology, Lawrence had backed out of the room and run.

She was no fool; Holo must have seen that Lawrence misunderstood her.

Yet having realized this, Holo thought that chasing Lawrence down just to explain how he was mistaken would have been ridiculous.

She must have assumed he would realize his mistake much sooner.

Her eyes were now full of anger at Lawrence’s failure to see this.

“You—you fool!” she shouted, standing up from the bed. “They say, ‘A fool’s errand is worse than sloth,’ it is even so! Not only did you render useless my efforts, but you thought I was your enemy? And then for some reason, you go and pursue that contract with the boy! Do you have any notion how difficult that made things for me? We may have only met recently, you and I, but I’m of the feeling that we share an uncommon bond! Am I deluding myself? Or do you really—”

“I wish to continue traveling with you.”

There were only a few steps between the desk and the bed. Human and wolf, merchant and nonmerchant—separated by only a few steps.

If Lawrence but reached his hand out, it would soon reach her. “My life has been naught but business from dawn to dusk, and I plan to keep it that way. Just think of me as a little slow when it comes to anything
besides
business.”

Holo’s expression turned sulky.

“And yet—I do wish to travel with you.”

“Well...what
am
I to you?”

It was the question he’d been unable to answer.

Now, however, he was completely certain.

“It cannot be explained in words.”

Holo’s eyes widened, her ears pricked up, and then—

And then she laughed, so frustrated with Lawrence she was fit to cry. “What sort of dried-up old line is that?”

“Ah, but I thought dried jerky was your favorite!”

Holo chuckled, her fangs bared, her mouth very near Lawrence’s hand. “I hate it!”

Lawrence felt pain shoot through his palm, but he quietly accepted it as his punishment.

“Though I do have one question for you,” said Lawrence finally. “Oh?” said Holo. She looked up after biting Lawrence’s hand with considerable anger.

“How did you know there was pyrite in the alchemists’ quarter—wait, no, Amati probably told you. What I want to know is, how did you get Diana to sell it to you? I just can’t see it.”

Holo looked out the window as if to say, “Oh, that?”

Dusk had arrived, and the second evening’s festivities were about to begin.

It seemed that the same giant puppets from the first night were being used, though they were much the worse for wear. Half of the large lupine shapes had lost their heads. The participants’ fatigue was obvious, even from a distance, as they tottered along. Some even fell on their bottoms—and not in jest.

Yet the column marched on, pulled forward by the sounds of flutes and drums.

Holo looked back to Lawrence; her eyes beckoned him to join her at the window.

Having no reason to refuse, he did so.

“The boy Amati told me everything he knew, so I was able to make a fair guess at what you were planning. But your plan was, well—I should compliment you.”

Holo looked out on the festival as she leaned back into Lawrence.

He was unable to see her expression, but having been complimented, he felt he should accept it as gracefully as he could manage.

“Yes, so—Diana, was it? I went to see her for a different reason truthfully.”

“A different reason?”

“I suppose you could call it a favor. I tracked down the location from the scent on the letter. The place stank like the worst hot springs—it was far from enjoyable.”

While Lawrence was impressed at Holo’s keen sense of smell, he had to admit the alchemists’ quarter must have been quite an ordeal for her.