Speed Cleaning (8 page)

Be careful. Vacuuming fabric with the beater brush can catch certain loose fabrics, can catch tassels or strings, can damage certain delicate fabrics, or may accelerate the wear and tear of your couch. If you prefer to avoid any risk, use the small vacuum.

If the amount of pet hair on the couch demands that the
entire
couch be vacuumed, then don’t whisk it at all. It can be vacuumed with the small vacuum after the dusting. The signal to remind yourself or a
partner to vacuum the
entire
couch is to stand one cushion straight up.

To signal the vacuumer to clean
under
the couch, move one corner of the couch forward. If the couch is the sort that sits flush to the floor, it doesn’t need to be moved often, since it’s almost impossible for dirt to get under it.

Continuing top to bottom and left to right, you come upon a large potted plant in the corner. Dust the plant with the feather duster top to bottom. On broad-leaf plants, support a leaf with one open hand while you dust with the other so the stem doesn’t snap. Pick up the dead leaves, which often clog the vacuum, and put them in the apron trash pocket. Our sample plant is close to the wall and too heavy to move easily, so, with a cleaning cloth, dust the hardwood floor around and behind it where the vacuum can’t reach—once again, saving the vacuumer time.

Next is a wall with windows. With your feather duster, dust the top of the drapes and curtain rods for cobwebs. Working from top to bottom, dust all the window frames. Don’t use a feather duster on wet windows unless you want to ruin your day. (A wet feather duster is a pitiful sight.) Often in the winter you’ll have to wipe with a cloth because the frames are wet. Then dust the windowsill.

Particles of dust, sand, and grit work their way into leather and wreak havoc with the finish and stitching. The whisk broom is excellent for dusting leather furniture, especially if the upholstery is tufted and has buttons or piping. And use your toothbrush if the cracks and crevices are dirty: keep both in hand, because with the whisk broom you can brush away particles the toothbrush dredges up. (Brush/swipe, brush/swipe, brush/swipe.…)

Next is the fireplace wall with bookshelves on each side. Dust the top of the books if there is room, and dust the exposed edges of the shelves with long wiping motions of the feather duster. Remember to shake the dust out of the feather duster at regular intervals near floor level by whacking it against your ankle.

Dust very ornate objects (e.g., candlesticks) with small squiggly motions of the feather duster so the feathers get into all the little places.

Do not dust the hearth, because you will get soot on your feather duster and ruin it. Leave it for the small vacuum. If the room had wall-to-wall carpeting, you would wipe the hearth with a cloth so the vacuumer wouldn’t have to bring in the small vacuum just for the hearth. (See
Chapter 6
, Vacuuming.)

You’ve worked your way to the entrance to the dining room. Before leaving the living room, dust the molding on the small section of wall between the door to the entry hall and the door to the dining room. Move to the center of the room and dust the chandelier with the feather duster (squiggly motions).

On the carpet in front of the fireplace is a card table with four chairs that have been well used. Moving around the table, first pull each of the chairs away from the table and dust each one in turn. Do this with your polishing cloth in one hand and a feather duster in the other. Use the polishing cloth on the tops and arms of the chairs and the feather duster on the frame and slats. Leave the chairs away from the table to make it easier for the vacuumer to maneuver.

To polish a small tabletop, spray on polish in a thin and even coat. Begin to wipe immediately, because polish left in place even for a minute or so begins to eat into the finish. (If that starts to happen, spray on more and wipe like mad.)
Wipe in the direction of the wood grain.
This is more shrewd than superstitious: Streaks left by imperfect polishing will be camouflaged by blending in with the wood grain if you rub in that direction. Wipe with your polishing cloth folded into an area as large as your hand—not mushed into a ball—so you make maximum
use of each swipe.
(Saves time.)
As you rub, the polish will spread out evenly and begin to dry. When it is almost finished drying, flip the cloth onto its back—which should be kept
dry
—and buff the finish to a shine. Make big sweeping movements to save time. When the table exceeds your arm length, spray half at a time. (The table, that is, not your arm.) Don’t press down hard as you buff: It’s harder work and you can scratch the surface even with polish. Finally, check for streaks and missed spots, and deal with them with the driest part of the cloth.

Enter the dining room from the living room and begin dusting above the doorway, working from top to bottom as always. In the first corner is a plant: Use your feather duster as you did earlier.

Across the back wall is a mirror-top buffet with liquor bottles on top. Move the bottles to the right side and spray and wipe the vacated area. Use a Blue-Juice-sprayed cloth to clean the bottles as you replace them. If you encounter cigarette butts or other debris, remember to deposit same in your apron trash pocket.
Do not
walk around looking for a trash can! Clean the other side of the mirror top and continue. Our
buffet sits on the hardwood floor on short legs. The vacuum can get underneath, but use the feather duster around the legs to prevent dust rings.

Polish the dining-room table each time unless it hasn’t been used at all. It saves the most time to polish half of the table, dust the chairs closest to you, polish the other half of the table, and then finish the chairs. The point is to minimize retracing your steps. A good brushing is all most chair seats need. Don’t forget to dust the chair rungs or the legs themselves if they curve outward near the tip. While you’re down there, check to see if either the pedestal or crossbeams of the table need dusting too.

Go into the entry hall and dust in the same way, beginning above the door and working from top to bottom around the entry. Our table is unused and requires only the feather duster for the objects and the polishing cloth for the table. Use the feather duster around the legs of the table again.

Enter the hall and continue in the same top-to-bottom manner but alternately dust and wipe sections of
both walls
as you move down the
hall. Don’t do one side and then the other; you waste time retracing your route.

Enter the first bedroom off the hall. Begin in the same manner, above the door, moving to the right. Pull the foot of the bed away from the wall to indicate that the vacuumer should clean under it this time. As the Duster, you are in charge of knowing which chores are to be rotated—and which rotation is to be done this time. An example is vacuuming under the bed, which may not need to be done every week but can’t be ignored forever either. The same applies to heavy furniture (like the couch), and some high molding and other difficult areas to vacuum.

The desk in our sample room is so close to the corner that the head of the vacuum won’t fit, so use the whisk broom to dust and fluff that section of carpet next to the desk. (Remember, this is wall-to-wall carpet.) This will keep the carpet pile from looking dusty. You can vacuum this spot every few months when you move the desk to vacuum behind it. Also, set any trash cans as close to the doorway as you can without interrupting your trip around the room.

Only rarely can a phone be just dusted, as it is one of the most frequently used objects in the house. Clean it with the already-wet furniture polishing cloth. It’s a mess to spray the phone directly, as there are all sorts of nooks and crannies. Only if the phone is extraordinarily dirty should you spray it directly with furniture polish and use your toothbrush to dislodge dirt from crevices. Unravel a tangled cord by unplugging one end and uncoiling it. To avoid leaving fingerprints, polish the body of the phone first and then the handset. Likewise, replace the handset not with your bare hand but with the polishing cloth wrapped around it. (It takes time for the polish to dry on such nonporous surfaces, during which time objects fall prey to fingerprints.)

On the window are dusty miniature blinds. Lower them to their full length and turn the slats to the closed position so the blinds curve
away
from you. By grasping the string that runs through them, pull them away from the window so you can reach behind them with your feather duster. Dust them using long
downward only
strokes at a slow speed so the feather duster can do more dust-catching than dust-storming. Remember, stop the feather duster dead still at the end of each stroke. Remove the dust collected after each stroke by tapping the duster against your ankle near the floor. Now turn the slats forward so the
blind curves
toward
you. Dust the front in the same long, slow
downward
motions.

This room is often full and well used. This makes it doubly important that you follow the Speed Cleaning method exactly.

The TV is cleaned by using a feather duster on the back and Blue Juice on the body and screen. Use your feather duster on the VCR. To remove fingerprints, spray Red Juice on your cloth and wipe them off. Make sure you don’t get Red (or any other kind of) Juice anywhere near videotapes or the inner machinery of the VCR. Also use your feather duster on the stereo, being careful not to snag the tone arm or needle and thereby destroy the cartridge you just paid a day’s salary for. Use your already damp furniture polish cloth to remove fingerprints from the plastic dust cover. Or spray it directly if it’s very dusty to protect against scratching the soft plastic.

_______________YOU’RE FINISHED!

It’s not quite time for your nap yet—but it’s getting close. All that remains is the vacuuming!

In a fair world you are part of a team and therefore need two vacuums, since the opportunity to save even more time justifies the expense. In an unfair world you have to get by with one vacuum. Let’s assume it’s fair for now and ignore the accumulating evidence to the contrary.

Use the bigger, canister vacuum (“Big Vac”) on carpets, rugs, and some upholstery. Use the smaller, portable vacuum (“Little Vac”) on hardwood floors, the kitchen floor, and all types of upholstery. If you don’t have two vacuums, don’t worry when we tell you to use the Little Vac for one task or another. You can use the Big Vac with different attachments just about as easily.

The most important point in vacuuming is to follow
Rule 1
. Therefore, you plug the vacuum in once and then vacuum the entire house without ever replugging it. This little gem of an idea will save you 20 percent or more vacuuming time by itself. You’ll never backtrack (sound familiar?) to first unplug and then go looking in the next room for another plug—which is often behind the TV or couch or in some other infuriating spot.

To accomplish this feat we use a 50-foot extension cord. Fifty feet should do it unless your home is very large. The cord is stored on a cord caddy that keeps it from tangling and tying itself into knots.

The ideal outlet is also as close to your starting point as possible while still allowing you to vacuum the entire house without replugging. This also means that most of the cord will be
behind
you as you vacuum, which is faster than working toward the cord. Take the time to keep the cord behind you and untangled.

Take the vacuum and extension cord (on its caddy) to your starting point. Unwrap the vacuum cord and connect it to the extension cord only after tying them together in a simple knot. This is important because it will keep them from pulling apart the first time you give the cord a little tug. Next, unwrap most of the extension cord in a neat circular pile that won’t turn into a giant knot later. Unwrap and lay the
last section of cord in a straight line to the electrical outlet you selected. The cord in front of you is in a straight line and is much easier to maneuver out of your way, since you can move it from side to side a few inches with the beater head of the vacuum without bending to pick it up.

The above applies to wall-to-wall carpeting without modification. If you have any exposed hardwood flooring, put the extension-cord pile on the hardwood floor nearest to where you will start vacuuming the rug. Otherwise you’d have to pick the pile up to start vacuuming.

Start vacuuming in the room where the Duster started, and work toward the right. Vacuum systematically, so you don’t overlook an area or do it more than once. Usually you can do a living room in three fairly equal parts. Use furniture in the room as landmarks to divide up the room so you don’t overlap or skip areas. Vacuum with one hand, keeping the other hand available to move furniture or other items out of your way.