Speechless (12 page)

Supper was delicious and Eva took joy in following the
family’s example of eating the fried chicken with her fingers. Marie had piled
extra paper napkins in the middle of the table for wiping fingers and mouths
and an empty plate for bones and she made her own contributions. The mashed
potatoes and green beans—cooked longer than Eva had ever seen before, but full
of flavor—rounded out the meal, which was followed by fresh baked apple crisp a
la mode. Most of the meal time conversation was Marie filling Stone in on all
the news he’d missed in the fifteen years he’d been gone—names Eva didn’t know,
places she’d never been. One or two girls’ names came up and at these, Stone
shot her a look, so Eva guessed they were old girlfriends. One was happily
married, the other divorced and pregnant.

“She’s never gotten over you, Jacob,” his mother said about
this latter woman. “The way you just left…”

“Do we have to talk about this now, Mom? And she was over me
long before I left, anyway.”

“How can you say that? She adored you!”

Stone put his spoon down deliberately on the edge of his
bowl, the last few bites of apple and melted ice cream forgotten. He gave Eva a
look of apology and regret.
I’m sorry you have to hear this.

Do I have to?

It’s the only way to stop her blaming me for this woman’s
problems
. He turned to his mother. “The only reason she fell for me was
because I was the EMT that pulled her from her car after she was in an
accident. She thought I was some kind of hero who had saved her life.
Eventually, she realized I wasn’t who she’d imagined me to be. Maybe she blamed
me for that, I don’t know. But she’d moved on by the time I left here.”

Eva felt vaguely sick, listening to his story. She
understood now why he’d initially resisted their attraction.
Why did you go
out with her, then?

Because she worshipped me. I won’t lie to you, Eva. I
took advantage of her vision of me. I was young and full of ego and without
remorse.

And me?

How can you ask me that? You’ve never worshipped a man in
your life, except maybe your father when you were three and certainly not me.
You were smart enough to be afraid of me.

“Jacob?” Marie looked back and forth between them. Stone
shook his head and broke eye contact with Eva.

“Sorry, Mom. If Missy has problems with men, it’s not my
fault. So you said something about David being engaged?”

It was a very effective subject change, as Marie started
chatting about Stone’s future sister-in-law, another teacher at the high school
and “a girl of good sense”.

Eventually, the conversation drifted out and as Marie
started to clear the table, Eva again offered to help and was again refused.
Stone led her outside and they stood under the wide sky speckled with stars.
Stone turned her to face him.

“I’m sorry about that. Of course Mom thinks every girl I
ever went out with adored me. A mother always thinks everyone should adore her
son. She never got over my leaving, so why should Missy have gotten over it?”

The story sounded familiar.

“I know. Eva, I have never pretended with you. Yes, I told a
few lies at the beginning—to protect both of us—but I’ve never pretended to be
someone to be worshiped, or even anyone you should necessarily trust.”

You’re right.

“Eva…” He scrubbed his hand down his face, then reached out
and pulled her close, wrapping her in a tight embrace. “I love you so much. I
would give anything for you.”

He’d said it again and Eva no more knew how to respond than
she knew how to fly. She just held on to him, hoping desperately that his
solidity would anchor her amid all her swirling emotions. She felt so adrift,
so far from solid ground, from everything she knew.

I don’t even know what to call you anymore. How can I know
if I love you?

You don’t need to know if you love me. It’s okay. I can
wait.
He tilted her head back so he could see her eyes
. You can call me
anything you want. I’ve used so many names, it hardly matters. Stone is as much
my name as Jacob or Leo or any of the others.

Nothing with you has ever been normal.

We might never have normal, Eva. At least not your
normal.

I don’t know if I can live that way.

That’s something you have to decide. Let’s get through
this, first. All right?

All right.
And she was on solid ground again, at
least for the next few steps. Her hands unfisted from his shirt bit by bit,
until she felt steady again.
I’m sorry that I don’t know if I love you
enough to give up my life.

“Oh, Love, that’s all right. If our roles were reversed, I don’t
know if I would know any more than you do. I won’t ask anything of you right
now except that you not ask me to stop caring for you.”

Eva smiled.
I can manage that.

“Good. Now, let’s go in and reassure my mother that you’re
not totally distraught about something she’s responsible for.”

Eva looked over at the house and saw Marie at the window,
holding the curtain back and looking out concernedly.
Oh, dear.

Stone chuckled. “She just wants everything to be perfect for
you. Come on.”

Later, Stone walked her up to her room and paused at the
door with gentlemanly attention.

I wish we could share a room,
Eva said.

Stone answered softly. “I know. My parents are
old-fashioned. You’ll have to be satisfied with a kiss goodnight.”

He bent down and brushed her lips softly with his, then
pressed them against her. He was hungry for more, she could tell. She was, too.
She needed to hold him tonight, needed his solidity, needed the safety he
brought.

Marie—strategically, Eva was sure—chose that precise moment
to walk by on her own way to bed.

“Now don’t be too forward, Jacob.”

He smiled against her lips
. I’ll try to sneak up later
for a few hours
.

I’d like that.

“Good night, Eva.”

Eva lay awake in bed—she’d slept so much during the day, the
best she could do now was doze. So she lay on her side, gazing out the window
as the moon rose, clouds scudding across it intermittently. When she heard the
door open softly, she smiled to herself.

Stone?

No answer. She heard footsteps across the room and she
turned her head to see him. It was so dark here, all she could see was a dark
shape moving stealthily toward the bed. But the silhouette seemed wrong,
somehow, too tall and skinny for Stone and clearly neither of his parents.

Stone, is that you?
she asked more out of desperation
than expectation of an answer, but no answer came. She was frozen—couldn’t
decide whether to move, to get his attention or try to get away, or stay very
still and hope he didn’t notice her. He sat on the edge of the bed, took off
his shoes and began to get undressed.

Stone?
She raised her mental voice, trying to get his
attention. When the invader had stripped to his briefs, he reached for the
covers and began to climb into bed.

Stone!
The mental scream shattered her paralysis and
she bolted out of bed. The man sat upright, startled by her movement and, Eva
guessed, the sound of someone pounding up the stairs. Before he could move
further, Stone burst in the door and flicked on the light. He held a gun in one
hand, arm straight out and panning the room, until he saw the man on the bed. A
flash of recognition crossed his face and he dropped the gun to his side.

“David—”

“What the hell—?”

The two men spoke at the same time. Stone spared a glance
for Eva.
Are you all right?

She nodded and he returned his gaze to his brother. Again,
the family resemblance was clear. David was lanky, with a rounder face than
Stone’s, but the features were the same. David was the more confused of the two
at the moment.

“What the hell are you doing, pointing a gun at me? Hell,
what are you doing in this house at all?”

“How was I supposed to know it was you? I just heard someone
sneaking around the house,” Stone said, shooting another glance at Eva. “You’re
supposed to be in town at your girlfriend’s place. I wonder that Mom lets you
get away with that, by the way.”

“Lucy still lives with her parents. And you’re changing the
subject. After fifteen years, you come busting into my room with a gun drawn.”

By this time, Marie and John had heard the noise and come to
investigate. They crowded in the doorway, Marie’s face pale, John’s ruddy, both
of them upset. David pulled his pants back on and while he was off the bed, Eva
grabbed the bedspread and wrapped it around her. Stone had loaned her one of
his t-shirts to sleep in, but it was insufficient cover for facing his parents.

“You were climbing into bed with Eva. What was I supposed to
do? Knock on the door and wait patiently for a response? You’re supposed to be
in town.”

“Lucy was having some sort of girl party. I got back from
poker with the guys and the party was still going, so I decided to spend the
night here. I’ve done it before.” David turned to Eva. “I’m sorry I scared you,
Miss. I honestly had no idea you were sleeping in here.”

Eva smiled and shrugged, which only served to confuse David
more.

Stone explained Eva’s speechlessness. She felt foolish for
her overreaction, for bringing Stone running. She supposed she was on edge,
waiting for their enemies to attack, but still—causing him to threaten to shoot
his own brother. Then her breath caught. Again she realized just how dangerous
a man he was. Somehow, she managed to forget his past, his training. Of course,
if she’d thought about it, she would have known that he had a gun with him,
more than one, since they’d brought with them the two guns confiscated in the
train station. But now, seeing him with it only reinforced the absence of
normalcy she’d experienced with him, and his words from earlier that evening, that
life with him might never be normal, came back to her with new force. She
rocked where she stood, the world tilting around her. Oh, no—this was not
happening. She was embarrassed enough as it was.

Stone
. Her mental voice sounded faint to her, but
Stone must have heard it, because his gaze snapped to her. He strode across the
room, leaving the gun on the dresser with a thunk as he passed it and reached
her just as her knees buckled. His arm wrapped around her, supported her,
anchored her both to him and to consciousness.

Don’t let go.

I won’t
. Then out loud, Stone said, “David, why don’t
you take the couch for tonight, if you don’t mind. It’s already made up. I’m
going to stay here with Eva.”

But your parents…

“Jacob,” his mother said with a voice dripping with
disapproval, “You know how I feel about unmarried people sharing a bed.”

“Yes, Mother, I do know. But we’re responsible adults and
we’ve shared a bed before tonight. Besides, it’s the obvious solution to our
current problem of too many people and not enough beds.”

“I raised a heathen!” Marie exclaimed.

“No you didn’t. I became one in spite of you. That’s one
reason I stayed away so long. I knew you wouldn’t approve of who I’ve become.”
Stone pulled Eva tighter against him and she turned to bury her face in his
shoulder.
You okay?
She nodded. “We’ll leave in the morning if you don’t
want us here.”

Eva heard Stone’s father mutter something to himself, but
she couldn’t distinguish anything more than a gruff “Fine”.

“No,” his mother said. “I’m not going to let you run away
again. It’s clear that the two of you have something special. And even if you
are a heathen, you’re still part of this family. David, it looks like you’re on
the couch for a while.”

Stone’s brother nodded. “That works for me. We’ll talk tomorrow,
little brother. Eva, I’m sorry I frightened you and I’m very pleased to meet
you. Any woman who can get such attention from my brother must be someone
special.”

Eva turned away from Stone’s shoulder and smiled her thanks.
After the rest of the family had left them alone, Stone loosened his hold on
her just enough to let them move to the bed together. “What happened?”

Your brother almost got into bed with me.

“No, I mean just now.”

Nothing, really.

“Eva.”

She couldn’t ignore the insistence in his voice.
It’s
embarrassing,
she said.

Tell me anyway
. He tugged gently at the bedspread Eva
still had wrapped tightly around her and she let it fall away so Stone could
replace it on the bed.

You’ve told me who you are, what you did for a living,
but when you burst into the room, gun drawn and pointing it at your brother… I
don’t know. I guess it was a little shock and I started feeling faint.

“What about at the cabin? That was as real as tonight.” He
pulled back the covers and they slid in together.

No. That’s still a dream. I never had a chance to process
it. It happened so fast then I passed out as soon as I got the plane on the
ground. It’s like a scene from a movie in my memory.

Stone was silent, just wrapped his arms around her and held
on while Eva silently replayed her words in her head, realizing more each time
just how stupid she must have sounded to him. She’d as good as said that she
hadn’t taken him seriously until this moment, which was as far from the truth
as she could imagine. But she didn’t know how else to explain it to him. Then
she felt a pressure on her mind, a pushing back against her cycle of thoughts,
a non-vocal “Stop”, almost as if Stone had put out a hand to stop her from
pacing. A moment later, the hand became arms, embracing her.

I don’t understand.