Spectacularly Broken (9 page)

“I told you, I don’t do sports. I don’t. Now fuck off.”

“Okay, okay.” Angie backed off with a placating hand gesture. “I’m sorry, Cai. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Whatever,” he snarled and tossed away his pen.

I could tell Angie was not pleased with the way this exercise was going.

“Why don’t we move on to the next part?” she suggested far too cheerfully. “Things you’d like to do, that you’re interested in. They can be new hobbies, but I’d like you to consider other things too, such as volunteering with animals or tutoring kids or visiting—”

She broke off as Cai jumped up off the floor in one fast motion and stormed out of the room like he was escaping a fire. He slammed the door behind him, leaving us all dumbfounded.

“I think he’s pissed,” Nicky said helpfully.

Jarett looked at the door and back to Angie. “Shouldn’t someone go after him?” He sounded honestly worried.

Angie looked doubtful. “Let’s leave him to calm down for a little while. He’ll be okay. I’ll check on him in a bit. Haze, let’s get back to your list.”

I really didn’t feel like rehashing this shit, especially after seeing Cai’s face when he’d left. He had looked like he was in pain. I had no idea what had caused it, but damn, I felt kinda bad.

“I still don’t know,” I griped, when something suddenly came to me. “I like fashion.”

Nicky looked me critically and meaningfully up and down. “Really?”

Shit. Damn it. Finn’s clothes.

“Just ’cause I don’t have the money to buy it doesn’t mean I don’t care,” I snapped. Nicky bit his lip and looked appropriately chastised.

Jarett tapped his finger at my sheet. “You’re supposed to write down something you want to know how to do.”

“Oh. Hmm.” I squinted at the paper. “I always kinda wanted to learn pole dancing.”

Judging by Angie’s exasperated sigh, that was not the kind of answer she’d had in mind.

* * * *

I went to find Finn immediately after lunch, which turned out to be a mistake, because I ran into his fan club instead. Of course I was fair game for invasive, stupid-ass questions, and I had the patience to answer exactly one of them before I’d had enough. As I tried to lose them and make my way to therapy, I ran into Cai. He seemed to have calmed down, I realized just as he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

“I have a question.”

“As long as it’s not about what it’s like to be related to Joel Shepherd, go right ahead,” I said warily.

“I don’t give a flying fuck what that’s like. I want to know if you can get on the roof from your window.”

“I have no idea. I haven’t tried.”

“Well, try. ’Cause that’s where I might be talked into sharing a smoke after supper tonight.” He gave me a wry half smile as he walked off, leaving me to feel as if my birthday were coming up.

But before that could happen, I had to brave yet another round of Dr. Pierce asking me questions she thought were insightful, and today her topic of choice was Finn’s brother.

“Yeah, I hate him,” I assured her, because
duh
. The guy had fucked Finn over and smiled doing it.

“Last time you talked to a therapist, you said you weren’t angry with him.”

Finn had said that? What the hell had he been smoking before that conversation?

“Yeah, well, I was confused,” I informed her brusquely. “And I most certainly am angry with him, and I hope he goes to hell, and I’d like to punch his stupid face in for everything—”

“Everything he put you through?”

I was lucky she said that, because I’d gotten so wound up I had been a second from referring to Finn in the third person.

“Yeah,” I finished lamely.

“Do you think your relationship with him can ever be fixed?”

“Fuck no. He’d have to be sorry first,” I fumed. “And that’s obviously not happening. I mean, he’s still parading that skanky bitch around and really enjoying it too, which is
so
goddamn fucked up. I mean, are you kidding me? Does he
want
a dead brother? Does he want that guilt? ’Cause he’s gonna feel responsible for that shit if it happens, I guarantee it.”

Worry flashed in Dr. Pierce’s eyes.

“Have you been having thoughts in that direction again?” she asked very carefully.

Shit. Not the way I’d meant for that to come across. I shook my head.

“I honestly haven’t,” I insisted. “I mean…you know, I wonder sometimes, what would happen if… But I don’t want to go down that path again.”

She nodded. “Imagining scenarios like that is actually not uncommon, Haze. It’s nothing to worry about, as long as you are honest with yourself about your feelings and pay attention to any possible warning signs.”

“Yeah, okay,” I said, shifting uncomfortably. That had been close. I really needed to pay better attention when I started rambling.

Chapter Ten

Turned out that it was possible to climb onto the roof from my window but not exactly easy. Jarett watched me worriedly as I twisted, one foot on the windowsill, to reach a handhold.

“You’re gonna fall.”

“No, I won’t. Just don’t rat me out.” I got my fingers around the base of the floodlight near the window and shifted my weight.

“Like I would.” Jarett sounded insulted.

“I’ll be back soon.”

Climbing the uneven stones of the facade was easier than I’d expected. I still got a couple of scratches, but it was a very short distance, and soon I had my elbows and upper body on the roof. A hand clasped mine and helped me the rest of the way up.

“Nice,” Cai said. “My window’s a lot easier. Fire escape.”

“Lucky bastard,” I grumbled and stuck my bleeding knuckle into my mouth after I’d found my balance. I was glad the roof wasn’t steep.

“I know.” With a smirk, he handed me a burning cigarette. I inhaled it like the gift of life.

“Oh fuck,” I moaned, tilting my head back and blowing smoke into the sky. “So good.”

“How come you didn’t bring your own?” Cai asked. “Were you actually gonna be a good boy and follow the rules?”

I laughed at that. “Didn’t get to pack my own stuff. Probably because I’d have tried to smuggle in all sorts of stuff. Plus I’m not a regular smoker, so I honestly didn’t think to buy a pack before I got here. Turns out I can’t cope without a couple vices.” I inhaled again and passed his cigarette back to him. Now that I wasn’t quite so desperate and jumpy, I actually got around to admiring the view from up here, and it was stunning. There was nothing but greenery in sight for miles and miles.

“What other vices you got?”

“Sex. Booze. Pills. Coke.”

I had no idea why I was that damn open and honest with him. Maybe because I knew he wouldn’t judge me for it, since he had his own issues. Maybe because I knew he’d needed those two blowjobs as desperately as I had.

“Is that why you’re here?” he asked, squinting at me.

I nodded. There was absolutely no sense in lying—Dr. Pierce had to maintain confidentiality, and she was the only one who knew what was in Finn’s file, apart from me and Finn himself.

Cai paused for a moment, evidently thinking, before he handed me back the cigarette. “Can you get me some?”

“Some what? Booze?”

“No.” He paused again, longer this time. “Coke.”

“Shit,” I cursed, though I hadn’t actually meant to say that part out loud. “Not here, no. Back home I can.”

“Right.” Cai shrugged.

“Not sure I would, though.” Even I had some morals, somewhere. Probably. “Why do you want it?”

“Need it,” Cai corrected me.

“Nobody
needs
blow unless they’re a fucking addict.”

“I do.” Cai looked at me openly. There was something very vulnerable in his eyes. “I need something way stronger than weed ’cause that’s not cutting it, even with alcohol.”

I had no idea what he was talking about. “Are you in pain or something?” I wanted to know. “’Cause, um, there’s legal drugs for that kind of stuff, you know.”

“Tried that,” he said dismissively. “And yes, I’m in pain.”

“What kind of pain? Where?”

He just shook his head and stretched out his arm for the cigarette once more. He
looked
like he was in pain, I realized—paler than usual, eyes watery, hands giving away small tremors. None of that had been there this morning. Well, shit.

“Want to get off?” I offered all I could give him.

“Yes.”

“Cool.” I demanded another hit of nicotine. Cai obliged, then dug in the pocket of his tight jeans—and hell, I was incredibly envious of how well they fit him, and it made me only too aware of how ridiculously high-waisted and unflattering my own pants were. Did that make me shallow? Or did that just mean I liked nice clothes?

Why was I suddenly so worried about being shallow?

Cai pulled a couple of small pouches from his pocket and held them up, raising an eyebrow my way. It took me a second to realize what he was holding.

Condom. Lube.

Hell. Yes.

He read the answer in my expression before I had a chance to say anything. With a grin that had
naughty
written all over it, he crooked his finger at me.

“I’ve never had sex on a roof before,” I thought out loud. I considered moving this elsewhere, but we really didn’t have a whole lot of options, and it was warm out here. So why the hell not?

“We could find a bathroom, I guess.” Cai didn’t sound particularly fond of the idea.

I whirled around to give him a narrow-eyed glare. “I am
not
having sex in a bathroom. I’ve got some standards.”

“Like a pantry?” He smirked.

“Like a pantry,” I confirmed and then I turned my attention to more pressing matters. “Top or bottom?”

“Both,” Cai said at once. “I prefer to top, though. You?”

“I never top.”

“Perfect.” He inhaled one last time before tossing his cigarette butt away. Then he kissed me, breathing smoke into my mouth. I’d only done that with weed before, but even without, it was hot as all hell. I relaxed into his kiss and opened myself up to his roaming hands. Soon both of them were under my T-shirt, warm and sure, smoothing over muscle and tracing patterns. His fingertips made me shiver in so many good ways.

I barely got his belt unbuckled before he was pulling my shirt over my head. As he returned to exploring me enthusiastically, I grabbed the edge of his long-sleeved shirt to raise it. He stiffened.

“Shirt stays on.”

“Why?”

He glared. “You want to fuck or not?”

It didn’t seem wise to push, so I left it alone. I regretted that as soon as I touched his hardened nipples through his shirt and felt the evidence of two more piercings.

“I can’t look at those?” I pouted.

Cai shook his head and busied himself with my belt, and I knew I had to drop it. The rest of his body wasn’t exactly a consolation prize. I could have touched him for days and not gotten bored.

As soon as I stepped out of my pants, Cai crouched and sucked me into his mouth in one fluid movement. I moaned because he felt just as good as I remembered, and I let him bring me to full hardness, thrusting into the wet heat several times before I pushed him away. He immediately ripped open the lube packet with his teeth and glanced up at me. “You want me to?”

“No, I’ll do it.” I stretched out my hand, and he carefully squeezed some of the slippery stuff on my fingers. I reached behind me and touched my hole, which was positively fluttering in anticipation. It had been well over a week since my last sexcapade back home, so I had to go quite slowly, starting with one finger, then pushing in two. The stretch felt so damn good that I couldn’t suppress a moan of longing.

“Ready?” Cai asked impatiently. He stood there, cock in hand, and was stroking it slowly while he watched me. A jolt of excitement raced through me as I realized that I’d get to feel those amazing piercings of his inside me. I couldn’t wait a second longer.

“Yeah,” I choked out. I positioned myself facing the roof’s ridge so I wouldn’t have to place my hands quite so low when I bent over. Cai was right behind me, grasping my hips as though testing out the angle, then letting go again as he prepared himself. I shook with need, willing him to hurry up. The snap of the rubber nearly had me screaming. He used up the rest of the lube and tossed the empty package aside, pushed me down, put his hands on my hips again, and let his fingertips dig into my skin.

“Hurry,” I moaned when I finally felt the slippery tip of his sheathed cock against my hole.

He sucked in a breath and pressed in. I opened for him, which I knew I could do beautifully, relaxing the muscle and letting him stretch me. The first of his piercings rubbed deliciously against the sensitive skin around my hole before it slipped in

“Oh my God, you feel good,” I breathed.

“Yeah, same,” he hissed. He was still maddeningly gentle on his way in, carefully feeding me one inch, one piercing at a time, and I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“More. Cai, please.”

“Don’t wanna hurt you,” he ground out.

I was very nearly hysterical with lust. “Goddamn you.”

He groaned and obliged. My nerve endings caught fire when he sank deep in one long, luxurious thrust, and I tossed my head back, wishing he could have pulled my hair. Instead his strong fingers gripped the back of my neck and held on, and he pushed down as he started to move in me, as though he’d read my mind and immediately latched on to the one thing I craved the most. His piercings felt fucking fantastic sliding in and out of me, and they drove me crazy in the best way possible. I loved sex, but this was in a league of its own with the extra sensations and the way Cai took control of me, not to mention the fact that we were on a rooftop. Jesus.

And then his grip on me tightened, and he sped up his thrusts to a punishing rhythm, skin slapping, and I was lost. I moved back against him, whimpering, begging for him with my entire body. In reaction, I heard a breathless chuckle.

“Like that, do you?”

“Yes…fuck…yes,” I forced out. “
Yes
.”

“You gonna come for me?”

Oh fuck. His dirty talk was gonna push me over the edge, and fast. I had no idea how he managed to push so many of my buttons all at once. It was like someone had given him the Lysander manual.