Spark (25 page)

Some Things You Just Don’t Admit
on Your First Date

W
HILE
Kevin lit the grill and pulled out the badminton net for the kids, Hugo gathered all the food in the kitchen. He made himself at home, digging through the fridge to find condiments, pickles, and olives as well as gathering several kinds of fruit to cut up.

He was taking a few moments to try to process everything Kevin had told him and the sheer unbelievability of this entire situation. What were the odds, not just that they ran into each other at a random lake in the middle of the state, but that they were both single when they had? Was it possible they could really and truly come back together after all these years? From how Kevin talked, how Kevin had shared his entire history and asked about Hugo’s own, it sounded like he was thinking there could be something. Maybe they could have a future together; maybe they could try to start again.

When Hugo had gone off to college, he became a new man, for all intents and purposes.
That
, more than anything else, had probably been what kept him from pursuing time with Kevin those first months away. Hugo wasn’t so sure Kevin would’ve accepted the new, freer Hugo who started loosening up on the restraints he’d had to keep on while living in Austin.

Not only had he grown his hair, but he dressed differently, wearing skintight jeans while everyone else around him on campus seemed to wear their pants lower and looser. He wore scarves around his neck, fingerless gloves, Docs, and studded leather belts topped off with shirts that were so much tighter than anything anyone else wore. Nearly all of it was meant to draw attention and announce a bold declaration—almost like a neon sign—that would repel those unaccepting people before they ever had a chance to speak a mean word. He’d hidden who he was for far too long, and the snugly fitting clothes were just one more way he was exposing himself to the world.

He’d met a very flamboyant gay man who was also cast in Hugo’s first play, Gilbert, and they became good friends almost overnight. It was Gilbert who really helped Hugo get past the remaining tension he couldn’t seem to shake, helping shape Hugo into who he was today. Nothing sexual ever happened between them, aside from some pretty intense dancing where Gilbert showed Hugo how to literally loosen up by standing behind him and fusing their hips together until Hugo was able to move like Gilbert did.

“You dance like a white boy,” Gilbert had teased, but Hugo shot back that he actually was a white boy. Gilbert’s warm laugh was carefree, and he didn’t care if it drew the attention of everyone nearby, something else that was new to Hugo. “Let my Afro-Asian hips teach your white boy hips how to move. Close your eyes and feel me,” he’d said their first night out at the Gay 90s, opting to dance rather than attend the drag show upstairs. Hugo no longer moved like a white boy, thanks to Gilbert.

Gilbert had also been the man who introduced Hugo to drag. They’d initially gone to a Halloween party dressed as women, more for a gag than anything serious. Somehow, Gilbert found it freeing and started to delve deep into learning about the art of drag, developing tentative friendships with some of the girls he met at the Gay 90s and eventually finding his drag mother. He’d tell Hugo about new techniques he learned or new products he wanted to try, and together they’d go shopping. He felt more at ease talking to Hugo about this than the experienced girls from the club because Hugo was just as naïve about everything, and Gilbert never felt stupid when they tried to solve a new problem, especially after Gilbert’s drag mama had told him to go home and practice in front of someone. Hugo’s acting background and his greater experience in the theater was an added bonus.

Eventually, Hugo started helping Gilbert get dressed for the evenings he went out. Stories Gilbert told about what happened after a night out made Hugo curious, and when Gilbert found Hugo fingering some of the silky fabric on one of his dresses, he asked Hugo if he’d like to try it on.

It had been nerve-racking, but Hugo admitted that yes, he did want to try. He was curious. Slipping the liquid feeling fabric over his nearly naked body had felt good, even if it did look lurid with his bulge distorting the clean line of the simple shift dress.

Soon, Gilbert was showing Hugo everything he knew, and before their freshman year of college was done, they had formed a ragtag group of like-minded girls who would head to 18+ friendly clubs to dance in drag. Many of those same people were still in touch, and Gilbert had turned his beloved Miss Ginger Tail into a local favorite, performing at clubs all around the metro area. She was hired to emcee events and had even moved on to develop a drag queen troupe, The Soda Pop Girls, which would put on shows a few times a year. Hugo was included with those girls, becoming Miss Cherrie Pop! when he had time, and he loved the freedom he found when dressed in drag.

How would he tell something like that to Kevin? Hugo in drag was so far from the tightly held, reserved kid Kevin knew and liked in Austin. Hugo knew he was jumping the gun, thinking about sharing his deepest secrets with Kevin already, and for some reason, he didn’t want to put Kevin off, to quickly warn him away with this totally
queer
part of himself. Not yet. They’d slept together once, and Kevin was obviously still embroiled in his divorce and dealing with reconnecting with his kids. Telling Kevin how Hugo felt when he was in drag wasn’t something that needed to be addressed for a very long time, if ever. There were friends in his life who still didn’t know about this part of him, and Kevin could easily be one of those people.

He’d quit telling boyfriends about drag early in a relationship after a close-minded guy named Doug had used the information to manipulate Hugo into always bottoming, saying Hugo wasn’t man enough to top. Hugo eventually put together that Doug believed the rumor, “all queens are tops,” and that apparently freaked him out enough to feel like he had to
teach Hugo a lesson
. Whatever that meant. It didn’t take Hugo long to realize the relationship wasn’t worth keeping, but when he told Doug he didn’t want to see him, Doug backhanded him, telling him he was sick in the head and a fraud who had misrepresented himself. The guy obviously had some issues he was dealing with beyond his belief in a simple assumption he’d made. After that, Hugo waited until he was sure if he really liked a guy before revealing his secret, and when he finally shared, he did so out of arm’s reach.

Michael knew about Miss Cherrie because they’d been together so long. He didn’t understand why Hugo had to
play dress-up
and pretty much tried to ignore that Hugo even did it, leaving the apartment so he wouldn’t have to see Hugo in makeup. “If I wanted to date a woman, I wouldn’t be gay,” Michael would say, but never with any heat in his voice.

Hugo had no idea why his mind had gone there. Probably fear. Sharing how he enjoyed the art of drag was just one of those things he worried about. Somehow, he knew if he and Kevin had any chance at a future, he’d eventually have to come clean. It certainly wasn’t something he looked forward to doing, and he’d avoid it for as long as he could.

Hugo rinsed a variety of berries in a sleek colander that looked like it had been purchased from the Walker Art Center. From the fridge, he pulled together a few ingredients to make a light glaze and looked out the window to see Kevin bent over, pounding the supports for the badminton net into the ground.

The strength in his back and legs and arms was evident. Kevin was so all-American. The broad shoulders from high school were still there, but now his chest had thick pads of muscle. His waist was trim, leading Hugo’s gaze down to his amazing ass. He’d grown into his frame. And he was taller now, most likely having the growth spurt in college every other guy around Hugo seemed to have but him.

Kevin was like the boy next door everyone wanted to be. He could be in ads for Ralph Lauren wearing red, white, and blue, standing on a yacht somewhere with a rope in his hands, unfurling a sail while his beautiful children ran from stem to stern. They fit in this stunning modern home on the lake with all its sleek lines and glass walls that looked out over the gorgeous water.

How could Hugo fit into this world? He was a mess in comparison. He lived in a crowded apartment filled with so many eclectic things, and nothing fit with anything else. He didn’t even have dishes that matched. And he looked nothing like someone he imagined would be Kevin’s type. Hugo was still so skinny despite his workouts, which were getting harder and harder to fit into his burgeoning schedule. His life was messy. Sometimes he’d work nonstop for two months or more on a play, not getting home until well past midnight most nights.

That had been another of Michael’s complaints when they were together. It was also one of the reasons Michael gave about why he cheated in the first place.

“You’re never home. Did you think I’d wait forever? So blame yourself for the cheating.”

Hugo knew that was bullshit now. Hugo’s crazy schedule was just an excuse, a way for Michael to shove blame back at Hugo for the failure of their relationship rather than step up like a man. But parts of the accusation seemed to leave several sharp barbs behind, which would occasionally sting.

Like right then.

Even if Kevin was ready to try something with Hugo, how would they make it work? It was probably too much to even dream about.

Hugo spun around quickly, shaking his head to rid it of his hopeless thoughts, and opened cupboards to find dishes. He finally found the right cupboard and studied the large Fiesta plates in nearly every color that was made. The fact that there were no two plates of the same color made him smile. He spent a few minutes sorting through the plates, trying to match the color with the personality of his friends, guessing on what the kids would like.

Then Hugo made several trips out to the large multi-tiered deck, hauling bowls and plates, cups and wine glasses, flatware and condiments to the long teak table. There were a few candles in rustic Mason jars, so he used Kevin’s BBQ lighter and lit them.

“Wow,” Kevin said as he headed toward the grill to check on the foil packets of vegetables, eyeing the table on the way. “It looks great. I’m glad you felt at home enough to dig around. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Hugo said with a smile as he placed the heavy cloth napkins he’d found that wouldn’t easily fly away in the lake breeze. “Do you want some help?”

“I think I’m good. It’ll only be a few more minutes before I put the meat on. The vegetables always take so much longer to cook. Why don’t you go relax a bit?” Kevin gestured toward the beach where Summer and the kids were randomly hitting a birdie back and forth nowhere near the net Kevin had taken the time and effort to set up.

“Okay. Just holler if you need help.”

“I am grill master. I no need help cooking meat over fire,” Kevin said in a horrible approximation of a stilted caveman, and then he laughed.

Hugo smiled, watching as Kevin turned his back to him to tend the shiny grill. He took a deep, calming breath before making his way toward the water to get to know Kevin’s kids.

The Same, But Very Different

K
EVIN
gently laid the marinated tenderloin on the grill and took a minute to appreciate the sizzle before he turned to watch Hugo walk toward the beach and greet Brooke, Finn, and Summer. Hugo picked up a badminton racket with his long, slender fingers, and they quickly started a game, Hugo’s laugh soaring over the beach and back toward the house.

Hugo was different than he’d been in high school. He was so much more relaxed and seemed to be really comfortable in his own skin. All the tension and those overpracticed, stiff movements he’d perfected as a teen were gone, and he moved in a much more fluid way, hips easily shifting and arms gesturing in ways which could almost be considered delicate by some. But he was very masculine too.

Stripping off his shirt and shucking his jeans before he headed into the surf, Hugo encouraged the kids to hit the birdie into the water. It was a good thing Kevin had brought out the floating birdies he’d recently found in town.

Hugo was pale all over, but beautifully so. Kevin had always liked men and women with pale skin, being immediately attracted to Erin because of her nearly luminescent complexion. It was so much different from Kevin’s own skin, which seemed to tan to a golden color within an hour of being exposed to sun. Erin had never tanned, only burned, and he suspected the same thing about Hugo’s beautiful skin.

His arms were long and lean, but when Hugo bent at the elbow, the full curve of a bicep formed. There was something amazing about his neck and shoulders too, a strength that played as he moved and flexed to hit the birdie. His chest wasn’t largely built up with thick muscle, but it had certainly developed from the flat chest of a teen to one where his dark nipples made Kevin want to look at all the shadowing the muscles underneath created. His silver necklace, which hit mid-chest, didn’t break Kevin’s perusal either. Nor his stomach, lean and tight.

Hugo wore a navy-blue swimsuit much shorter than something Kevin would wear, stopping higher than mid-thigh, but it wasn’t so short as to be called anything other than swim trunks. Kevin always wore board shorts that came down to his knees at the lake. Though, at that point, he was still wearing his chinos. He thought about changing. At the fly of Hugo’s suit were white laces like on football pants. The laces kept drawing Kevin’s attention, and he had to force himself to keep his mind from going to the night they’d spent together.

Finn charged into the water to turn the game into a boys-against-girls challenge, but Finn kept getting frustrated when he couldn’t keep up with the drag of water on his thin legs. Hugo easily lifted him over his head and put Finn on his shoulders so they looked like a tall, four-armed, racket-wielding totem pole.

As Kevin continued to man the grill, he listened to the fun everyone was having behind him. Despite Hugo’s reservations about how he would be with the kids, he was helping Finn with his racket technique and encouraging Brooke with gentle words and loud cheers.