Space Rescue One (16 page)

      "What did you learn? Tell me everything. I do want to help him."

      Damon answered, "Well, he spoke to me about being responsible for the loss of twenty men and women. He didn't say how he was responsible, but he blames himself for their deaths."

      "Are you sure? That's awful."

      Damon answered, "I know it is. I asked him if he just froze, but he insisted that he didn't. For some reason, he didn't help those people. Apparently, that's why he became a rescue technician. He's trying to atone for his failure."

      "I guess that makes sense. Maybe that's why he never accepts thanks for saving someone's life."

      "Exactly. Maybe Richard doesn't believe he deserves it. Maybe he's trying to save as many as he lost. He even believes that he's a failure now in trying to atone for his failure. He said that if he had the guts, he'd commit suicide."

      "Suicide? Are you sure?" Shelly asked.

      Damon answered, "Yes, but he said that he wouldn't take the coward's way out of his punishment. He's deliberately punishing himself for not saving those people. He stated that he deserves punishment."

      "Poor man."

      "I know. Oh, one other thing. I once watched him step right into the middle of two men fighting each other while you were on a mission."

      "He didn't get hurt, did he?" Shelly asked.

      Damon replied, "No, they stopped fighting long enough for him to insult them. I was sure I was going to have my hands full with the three of them fighting, but when he began taking off his shirt to accommodate them, those men backed down. It was the strangest thing I ever saw. I'm almost positive that one man was going to punch him in the back, but he stopped suddenly for no reason. When Richard walked away, those two men were shaking each other's hands and sitting back down like buddies. Richard even bought them a round. I'm still not sure what happened or how."

      "That does sound strange. And they never hit him?" asked Shelly.

      Damon answered, "Not once. It sounds strange to me, but I think they recognized him from somewhere or another. They denied it and he denied knowing them. It's just that the way they talked to him as he put his shirt back in place was one of respect. I really couldn't hear everything they said. I seem to remember something about shipmates and survival, but I couldn't understand what they meant."

      "That's the golden rule. I know what that means."

      "You do? Would you mind enlightening me?" asked Damon.

      "Sure. You don't go out into space like we do. The golden rule is you look out for your buddies and they look out for you. No one is capable of being perfect all the time. The best and only way to prevent mistakes is to have more than one person check out something. If you're not willing to do it for your buddies, then why should they do it for you? You care about their lives and they'll care about yours."

      "I think I understand now. You can't survive without help."

      "That's it. In fact, that's something I remembered earlier tonight and put back into application. I hope I never forget that rule."

      "It sounds like a good rule."

      "It is. Believe me, it is. You break it out here, you might as well cut your throat and get the suffering over with."

      "Do you suppose that Richard broke the rule?" Damon asked.

      "I don't know. I might ask him the next time I see him if he's not in a foul mood."

***

Shelly retired to her cabin. Sleep didn't come easily as she pondered what she learned. Somehow, learning that Richard held himself to blame for the loss of twenty lives was more than she figured on. Perhaps he was right earlier when he said he didn't deserve her attention. If he was right about that, did he even belong on the team regardless of his reasons?

      Tossing and turning, Shelly wondered how to handle the problem. It was enough to make her feel sick to her stomach. Worse yet, she didn't know the answers to any of her own questions.

      Tired of wondering, she finally climbed out of her bed and slipped on a robe, not that she was easily embarrassed if seen naked. She remembered being embarrassed about it only when she was seen leaving Richard's cabin. She was surprised, though, to see Richard naked earlier while sleepwalking. She knew he usually wore nightclothes or slept in his uniform. It was so unlike Richard to see him that way. As she thought about it, she realized that it was probably a signal that he needed help even more than before. But, had he violated the code? Did he deserve help from his shipmates? Shelly knew only one way to find out and walked to Richard's cabin.

      Shelly pushed the door open and slipped inside. She found a penlight inside her robe and hoped it still worked. The beam was weak, barely strong enough to see Richard lying on his stomach. Already, his body was soaked in his sweat. He strained against the safety strap, pushing upward with his back. Then to her amazement, she heard him speak in a strained voice.

      "Hurry! I can't hold it! You've got to hurry! Trust me! Come on! That's right! Run past me! That's one! Come on, hurry. I can't last here long. That's two! Please, please hurry! You're safer on the bridge. No! Don't run for the engine room! You'll die there. You there! Come on now. Have I ever lied to you? Trust me and run for the bridge! This beam is giving way. I can't hold it much longer! Please, listen to me. Yes, that's the way! Run for the bridge!"

      Then she saw him finally stop straining against the strap. His body collapsed onto the bed as he breathed deeply and slowly for a while. What did it mean? Shelly sat down next to Richard and allowed her mind to run over what he said. What was the beam he mentioned? Was it part of a bridge? No, it had to be a ship's bridge. He mentioned an engine room. She knew ordinary bridges don't have engine rooms. What happened to Richard occurred in space. From the sounds of it, it was a level one disaster, but there weren't that many level ones ever recorded. It certainly wasn't the one he broke his ribs in. As far as she knew, he'd only been involved in two level ones just as she had after they both joined the team. Then she remembered that what happened to him took place before he joined the team. How many level ones were there before the teams were created? Shelly wondered if there was any record on those.

      The crying began once more, tearing into Shelly's heart with a vengeance. She moved closer to him, sat on the edge of his bed, and put her hands upon his scarred back. She said softly, "There, there. You're all right now. The danger is over. You're all safe."

      Amazingly, he talked back in his sleep. "No, I failed. I couldn't convince them. I couldn't hold the beam long enough. It's my fault. They trusted me. . . and I failed them. I don't deserve to live."

      "Yes, you do. You did all you could. I'm sure of it," she said without knowing whether she was right or not.

      His words turned back into sobs. Shelly continued to stroke his back gently, taking pride in touching his scars. Even without knowing the full story, she felt she knew enough to know that Isaac was right. There was a good man hiding inside Richard who wanted to be found and rescued. Shelly felt she'd found him finally. As she continued her gentle stroking, she wondered if she could figure out how to lead him out. He would remain locked in hiding unless she found the key. Without it, he'd eventually tear himself apart. He was worth saving. He was a shipmate and shipmates stick together to survive.

***

Richard opened his eyes to see Shelly sitting next to him with her head upon her chest while propped against the bulkhead. Her robe was open enough that he could see whatever he wished to see of her. He shifted a bit to reach the safety strap when she opened her eyes.

      She said softly, "Hi there, Richard. You went sleepwalking last night. Alex, Jimmy, and I put you to bed. I guess I fell asleep here while checking on you. Are you all right?"

      Richard growled, "You didn't need to bother. I'm a grown man."

      "I know that, but shipmates are each other's survival. Isn't that what we learned when we signed on?"

      "Yeah, what of it?" he asked.

      "Well, we're shipmates. I'm just doing my share."

      "All right, thanks."

      "You're welcome, Richard. How are your ribs coming along?"

      "Why? You want to barbecue them?" he asked.

      "I'm just concerned. You don't have to be so snappy with me."

      "Sorry. I just think you're carrying this shipmate thing too far."

      She replied, "Well, I don't. But, just to show that I'm not, I'll get out of your way now."

      "You're not in my way. I can get up without your help."

      Shelly exclaimed, "Ouch! Damn it! That's twice in less than ten hours that I stubbed my toe on that damn box. The same toe, too."

      Richard glanced down at his chest.

      Shelly asked, "Why do you keep it right there where people can hurt themselves?"

      He reached down and shoved it farther under the bed. "Well, I don't usually have visitors around to kick it. Anyway, I keep it under there in case we go into zero-gravity. That way nothing will float out of it."

      "I don't see how. It's got a magnetic bottom and a lock on the lid."

      "That lock? That's all that's holding the top to the bottom. The hinges are both broke. If I don't keep it under the bed, the lid will float open and scatter everything."

      "Really? I didn't know that. I guess you do have to keep it here under the bed then."

***

"Chief, you remember that chest I couldn't pick the lock to?" Shelly asked.

      Isaac replied, "Sure, I remember that, Shelly. What of it?"

      "You'll love hearing this one. The hinges are broke. The lock is all that holds the top in place. It's not really locked shut at all."

      "You're kidding? How'd you find that out? Have you been snooping in Richard's cabin, again?"

      "No, he told me himself after I stubbed my toe on it."

      Chief Dickson said, "I suppose this means I have to keep him busy again so you can go sleuthing."

      "Please? I also heard something last night that convinced me that Richard is worth saving. You were right about a good man being lost inside him. You and I, we have to help that good man get back out. I know we do."

      "How long are you going to need Richard kept busy?" Isaac asked.

      She answered, "Is two hours too much?"

      "Don't go in until I arrange everything and give you a time."

      "I won't."

***

"Attention all personnel.
Space Rescue One
is on scramble alert. Attention all personnel.
Space Rescue One
is on scramble alert."

      "Where's Richard?" asked Shelly.

      "He's reporting for station radio duty. I saw him leave already," said Isaac.

      "I guess we won't have to keep him busy then. I'm going to take a look now. You'll know where to find me when you need me."

      "Yeah, I guess we have the time before we have to suit up. I'm on my way to the briefing. Let me know what you find out."

      "I will."

      Shelly entered Richard's cabin, bent down, and slid the magnetized chest out from under the bed. She looked at the back of the chest and shook her head at her own stupidity in not checking the hinges before. Both were broken and the lid opened easily. Inside were numerous papers weighted down a bit by a small fancy box. She set the box aside and looked at the first sheet. Immediately, the name on the paper leaped out at her. Lieutenant Richard Saberhagen. With a start, she recognized the name. There was no need to read any further or dig any deeper.

      She reached for the box to place it back on top. It slipped from her grasp, fell into the chest, and opened. Inside it lay a gleaming United Nations medal for lifesaving. On the back, Richard's name was engraved. It was for the action she recognized his name from. Carefully, she closed the small box and placed it back inside to act as the guardian of Richard's papers. She closed the chest and slid it back under the bed. Then she sat back and cried.

***

Isaac entered Richard's room. He gazed down at Shelly for a moment before asking, "Are you all right?"

      She answered, "Yes, I am."

      "Then why are you crying?" he asked.

      "I know who Richard is. I mean, was. There's nothing evil about him to hide. It's his own personal monster causing him to be the way he is."

      "Well, aren't you going to tell me who he was?" asked Isaac.

      "Richard Saberhagen. Lieutenant Richard Saberhagen, Merchant Spacemarine."

      "I thought he was dead."

      "So did I. That's probably what he wanted people to think. He's ashamed of himself for failing to save the rest of the crew. He only got four others and himself onto the bridge with the three already there."

      Isaac said, "Yes, I remember the news stories about it. His ship was the last level one disaster before the Space Rescue Service was chartered by the United States with United Nations blessings. Even with that, it took several years to design the ships and build them."

      "And he spent that time learning rescue techniques so he could return and save lives to make up for his failure."