Southern Seduction (111 page)

“Sawyer, you know I had to get out of there. I couldn’t be around her any longer without exploding. It’s not like it was exactly easy for me, you know.”

“And what about me? Were you that desperate to get away from me, Cheyenne? That you couldn’t even bother to say goodbye to my face? I had to find out you were gone in a fucking letter?” he asks, seething. So much for keeping this strictly business.

The last thing I want to talk about is what happened back then. I can admit that the way I left Shiloh Grove was completely messed up. I’ve been berating myself for it for years, but rehashing it isn’t going to change anything.

“Sawyer, this isn’t the time or the place to talk about this. I made some mistakes in my past, and I can own up to them, but I’m not going to sit here in your office, as your employee, and discuss my previous love life. If you don’t think we can work together without having our history constantly coming up, then you need to tell me so I can find alternate means of employment.” I’m terrified of having to find another job since I just completely uprooted my life for this one. But more than that I’m terrified of the constant reminders of that summer. It’s hard enough sitting here and trying not to be affected by him. To not be able to reach out and mess up his hair. To not throw my arms around him and tell him how much I’ve missed him this entire time we’ve been apart.

He clears his throat and picks up an overturned picture frame off his desk, fingering the wood on the frame. “You’re right. I apologize, Cheyenne. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s just…” he trails off, leaving me to wonder what he was going to say. He stands up and rounds the desk. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. If you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting across town that I need to get to. You can see my secretary to get the files for the project I was telling you about. Take the afternoon to get acquainted with it and we can discuss it further in the morning.”

Nodding, I stand, thankful I got out of that conversation unscathed. “It’s fine, Sawyer. This will probably take some getting used to. I’m sure we’ll be fine. We’ve always been able to get along. I don’t see why now should be any different. And yes, I’ll look over the files and jot down any notes I have for tomorrow.”

I’m about to leave when he stops me, handing me the picture frame. When I look down, I’m surprised to find a photo of us, one I’ve never seen. Despite my mocking grin, I can see how happy I was in the photo, and my eyes race to meet his, wondering where in the hell he got this and why in the hell it’s in his office.

“You’re not what I’ve been picturing all these years either. Keep it. Looking at it, all I feel is disappointment. Sorrow. For what I lost. How I lost it. And all the years spent searching for it, only to find that it was something that can’t be duplicated.” He lets out a small laugh, shaking his head. “A part of me always thought you’d come back. Or at least contact me somehow. I held on to that damn swallow legend with everything I had, believing that you’d find your way back to me. That you’d realize it wasn’t that big of a deal, that what we had was worth so much more than everything going on around us. Looking at you now, I realize that was a pipe dream. I guess those damn birds let us both down.”

Without saying another word, he turns and leaves the office. His words penetrate my heart, and I have to sit back down to catch my breath. I close my eyes tight, willing myself not to let the tears fall. He just went for the jugular on that comment and he hit his mark. That one hurt. Inadvertently bringing up my dad was an asshole move, but it was damn effective. He made his point, and now I’m sitting here wondering just how much I hurt him when I left.

“I still can’t believe this. It’s like fate or something,” Cori gushes, and I’m not surprised the romantic in her thinks that the universe is trying to tell me something by pushing Sawyer and me back together. If I’m not careful, I’m going to end up as a case study on her relationship blog, the one she runs even though she’s never been in a serious relationship in her life. It’s pretty damn successful, regardless, and women everywhere seem to flock to her site for relationship advice.

Unfortunately for Bryan, she’s too invested in everyone else’s love lives to notice that he’s been in love with her since they were on opposing sides on a debate in our ethics course freshman year at Berkeley. They continued their argument after the class ended, and to this day, they still argue about it from time to time. Sometimes I think Cori does it just to get him riled up, and he always falls for it. I have no idea if she’s really that oblivious or if she is just ignoring it. I want to shake her sometimes.

I want to shake Bryan sometimes too. Hell, I wish they’d just sleep together and get it over with. I know they’d be perfect as a couple, but Cori swears she has no plans on settling down until she’s at least thirty. I think that’s part of why the three of us have gotten along so well all this time. We were all completely focused on our studies and then our careers. Relationships were never a thing, and we had live-in study partners. It was a win-win all the way around.

“It wasn’t fate, Corinna,” I tell her, causing her to scowl when I use her full name. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that an economics major ended up working at a firm like Wellsley, especially one with his father’s connections. It just caught me off guard. That’s all.”

“You should’ve seen him running after her,” Bryan interjects, and he yelps when I kick him under the table. “Dammit, what the hell?”

“He wasn’t running after me. Seriously, you two are making a big deal out of nothing. Was I expecting to see Sawyer? Probably not so soon, but I knew I’d eventually run into him, especially if I go see my mother.”

When I got to Berkeley, I no longer felt like Mama was the appropriate term for the woman who gave birth to me, so I’ve only called her Mother since then. I’m not surprised that Sawyer picked up on it. I still have no idea if or when I’m going to tell her I’m in town, but I realize I might as well before he breaks the news for me.

Bryan shakes his head, and I groan, knowing he isn’t going to let this one go. “Keep telling yourself that. He looked shocked as shit when he saw that it was really you. And I saw the look on his face when you grabbed my hand? I’m pretty sure he was ready to commit murder. Yours or mine, I’m not sure, but he was not happy about that. You better not get me fired, Cheyenne,” he jokes.

“Sawyer’s not firing anyone. It’ll be fine. We’ll have a professional, platonic working relationship. He’s had plenty of time to move on, and with how damn attractive he is, I’m sure he has plenty of women waiting in the wings.” I try to ignore the pang in my heart at the thought of him with other women. It’s not like I expected him to sit around and wait for me, but I never let my mind wander to the place where it had to imagine him touching other women the way he touched me, with a sweet, gentle passion that I used to believe was only reserved for the person you love.

“Damn attractive, you say?” Cori asks, interrupting my thoughts about Sawyer’s hands all over my body. “Hmm. It’s been a while since you hooked up with anyone. Why not get back in the saddle with him? You already know he’s good in bed.”

“There’s no way I’m going there again. He’s my stepbrother, for crying out loud. Plus, I’m pretty sure he still hates me for what I did.”

Cori just shakes her head at me. “Cheyenne, think about it for a second. You guys barely qualify as stepsiblings. You were both adults when your parents got married. You never even lived in the same house. It’s not like you guys grew up together and used to take baths together when you were little. And come on, you know you thought it was hot in Cruel Intentions. If Sebastian was my stepbrother, I probably would’ve been sleeping with him too,” she says, getting all dreamy eyed at the thought of a naked Ryan Phillipe.

Bryan clears his throat and gets up from the table, claiming he’s going to get another round of beer for the table, but I know he’s just trying to get away from the sound of Cori talking about sleeping with another man, even if it is just a celebrity.

“What’s his deal?” she asks, nodding after him. “He’s been moody ever since we left California.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. He’s as broody as he’s ever been. You know how he gets.”

She taps her chin, trying to figure him out, and I just want to yell at her to open her damn eyes. I’m about to say something when she frowns. “Hmm. You don’t think he was seeing anyone before we left, do you? He did start going out a lot after work. Maybe he’s depressed and he misses her. That has to be it! He was excited about the job offer, so he should be thrilled right now. Instead, he seems miserable. Well, he better get over it because I can tell you right now, long-distance relationships don’t work.”

She really must just be oblivious, but I don’t mind watching her try to determine what Bryan’s deal is if it means she gets off the subject of Sawyer. “Cori, he wasn’t seeing anyone. I think we would’ve known that.”

“Yeah, but then why all the going out right after work without inviting us? That was weird. He always used to invite us.”

The truth is that Bryan joined a gym in an effort to get in shape and build muscle “for the ladies”—his words, not mine. I have no idea why he wanted to keep it a secret, but he didn’t want us to find out. I just so happened to be working on a marketing plan for the gym and spotted him one day when I was dropping off an invoice. He made me swear to secrecy, something I take seriously, even if it is something so silly.

“He was probably just networking, building his client base. He didn’t need the two of us goofing off and ruining his business vibe.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Still, he needs to get laid. Maybe that’ll make him feel better,” she says, causing me to nearly choke on my beer. “What? He does! It’s not like it’d be hard for him to find someone. He’s hot. He’s successful. He’s hilarious and a great listener. He really is quite the catch. Hell, maybe I should date him,” she jokes, and I wonder if her voicing the list of good qualities about Bryan has her thinking about him in a different light for once.

Grinning at her, I can’t help but egg her on. “That’s the best idea you’ve ever had! You two would be such a cute couple. And you’d make the most beautiful babies. Seriously, why didn’t we think of this before?”

Her eyes widen as she watches Bryan return to the table. “I was joking, Cheyenne. Don’t you fucking dare say a word to him,” she hisses, loud enough so only I can hear.

“Okay, are we done talking about banging dudes, or do I need to go away for a little while longer?” he asks, sitting down next Cori. They really would make the cutest couple, and I don’t miss the way she studies him like she’s seeing him this way for the first time before she turns her attention back to me.

“Oh, that’s right! We were talking about Sawyer. So you’re going to be working directly for him? Awkward City. Are you going to look for another job?”

“No, of course not. I ran away before, and it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I’m not going to do that this time. I’ll do my job, and I’ll do it well, regardless of who my boss is.”

“Do you really believe that you can work that closely with him without old feelings coming back?” Cori asks.

Sucking in a breath, I answer as honestly as I can. “I have no idea. I’m going to try my hardest, but in all seriousness, being around him today alone already has me reminiscing on the past. I know we need to talk about what happened, to find some sort of resolution, or else it’s always going to be hanging over us. I’m just not sure how to handle it though. Any excuse I give him will never be enough, and I don’t want to piss him off any more than I already have.”

“Who knows? Maybe once you talk it out, you’ll find that you still have unresolved feelings. There’s nothing wrong with exploring them if they’re still there, Cheyenne.”

“You’re forgetting that he’s my boss. I’m pretty sure they’ll frown upon my sleeping with him. Seriously, forget about anything romantic or sexual happening between us. That was a long time ago, and it’s going to stay in the past.”

She lifts her eyebrows up at me, shaking her head. “He’s your stepbrother. He’s your boss. Blah blah blah. All I’m hearing are weak excuses. I give it less than six months. And if he gets a load of your tattoo, I have a feeling he’ll be forgiving you much sooner than that.”

“Don’t get your romantic little hopes up. It’s not going to happen.” I look towards Bryan, hoping for a little support, but I don’t get it.

“Hey, I saw his face. He went from shock to pure elation to pissed off in five seconds flat. Whatever feelings they are, he still has them. And she’s the expert, so I’m with her on this one. Just be careful. Like you said, he is your boss.”

Shaking my head, I change the subject. There’s no way in hell I’m going back there again. Not that Sawyer would probably even let me. His words are still haunting me, and it’s a little unnerving that he likened me to a swallow. While I tried to tell myself that it was a summer fling and that he’d get over it, part of me knew that it was so much more than that. Instead of just breaking my own heart back then, I broke his as well. And after our encounter today, I have a feeling that neither of them has ever fully healed.