South Row (18 page)

What if he did?

So I kept the envelope, and every day it grew more and more difficult to send it to him, and then the sicker and sicker Aunt Addy got. Then Aunt Addy died and I just–

“
You love me?” he asks, interrupting my inner turmoil, staring at me with a twinkle in his eye.

I give him the only answer I can.

“I never stopped.”

As South unloads what could only be deemed as years and years of hurt, pain and anguish, my heart twists and bottoms out. She has been through so much, it’s a wonder she’s still standing; but my girl is strong. She’s a fighter. Her prick of a dad might have knocked her down but he didn’t knock her out.

If not for her mother’
s sacrifice, South would not be here today. I wish I could kiss the woman and thank her for giving South a fighting chance, for giving her an out. If I’d have known all those years ago what was going on, I would have gotten both South and her mom out of there before it came to her death.

When she says that I was her way out, it takes me a moment to remember that she had stolen from me. I was so pissed off when I found out what she did, because I had been saving to buy
that a car.

Hearing her say that she doesn’
t regret giving herself to me is a relief. As wrong as it was, I don’t regret sleeping with South that night. No matter how hard I tried to find a panacea for the memories throughout the years, that night was the best night of my life. And no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get her out of my head…my heart. There was…is just no replacement.

She reaches into her nightstand drawe
r and pulls out an envelope. It’s a little old with a few tattered edges. She’s had this envelope for years and she confirms it.

“
I wrote that letter five years ago the minute I made back the money I stole from you,” she tells me.

Opening the envelo
pe, my eyes widen as I see what’s in it. The money she owed me. That isn’t what I want, though. I could care less about the money. I want to see what’s in that letter.

Pulling out the little scrap of paper, I unfold it to see five lines, one in particular that bowls me over and has my heart beating triple time.

I love you and have been in love with you all these years.

This is how I should have felt when Kaylee first told me she loved me. My heart should have raced, should have swelled imperceptibly. I should ha
ve felt something except what I’d felt – obligation to say it back. And that’s what it was. I felt obligated to say I loved her; out of duty, out of a need to not hurt her feelings, but I never felt love for her, at least, not this much. Not this all-consuming thing I feel for South; a feeling that has spanned a decade and still hasn’t ever wavered. And to know that she felt the same, had always felt the same...wait,
does
she still feel the same?

“
You love me?” I ask, hopeful.

She gives me an answer that sets my heart ablaze and springs my cock to life.

“I never stopped.”

Oh, God.

Tossing the envelope and paper aside, I charge for her, knocking her backwards onto the bed. She gasps and I swoop in, taking her lips and shoving my tongue between them.

South moans and holds me tightly to her. I press my weight a little more on her and her legs automatically widen for me to settle between them. Desire is coursing through every part of me right now, erasing all sense of time and space from my mind. I just need
to get lost deep within her. I’m desperate for her. I need her like I need my next breath.

“
Red,” I rasp.

“
Please,” she whimpers, lifting her hips to meet my very hard erection. She rubs her mound into it and I hiss out a breath at the sweet friction it creates.

I pull away to divest myself of my shirt, but she protests by pulling me back down to her.

“Please, don’t stop,” she begs, kissing me voraciously.

Pulling away once more, I place a finger on her lips before she can say another word in edgewise.

“Not even a fucking zombie apocalypse can stop me from making love to you right now, Red,” I assure her.

Her eyes go all gooey and smoldering
– do girls smolder? – and her smile takes shape under my finger. With my finger still on her lips, I reach for her underwear the same time she reaches for my belt.

Slowly, we undress each other
with visibly shaking hands. It’s not nerves getting the better of us, it is excitement. The love and heat I see shining in South’s eyes is enough to undo me, but I need to be inside her before I come undone.

Her panties are utterly soaked, you would think she sat in water or peed herself. The heady scent of her arousal fries the remaining synapses in my brain and I snap.

I yank her legs, throwing her off balance as she hangs on to the lapels of my shirt. Throwing her down, her grip on my shirt tightens and she ends up ripping the shirt open the rest of the way, buttons flying everywhere...like in my eye.

Motherfucker!

“Baby, are you alright?” she asks getting up and meeting my forehead in a harsh thud.

Motherfucker!

“Shit, Red, are you okay?” I reach out in my partially blind state to feel her forehead and end up smacking her cheek.

“
Ow!” she cries out.

Motherfucker!

“Goddamn it! I’m sorry.” I sigh, rubbing my forehead and watery eye. “This is not going the way I thought it would.”

South reaches out and caresses my cheek and snuggles into my chest. I feel the rumble of her speech as she speaks.

“Hey, it wouldn’t be us if something didn’t happen,” she says, chuckling.

I look down at her, at the love radiating from her big, beautiful, enchanting blue eyes and everything just seems right. Everything is right.

Leaning down, I place a soft, teasing kiss to her lips that has her moaning for more. I deepen the kiss, stopping only to rip her shirt over her head and admiring her round, perky man handles – yeah, I’m talking about her breasts.

Explain man handles, you say? Okay, so what do men hold on t
o the most when they’re doing the horizontal mambo? Yeah, now you get it.

But, I digress.

As I pour my gaze over her flushed, smooth skin, the round globes of her breasts, heavy with arousal, I try my hardest not to blink, fearing this is all a dream.

Laying her gently on her back, I kiss my way from her neck down to the space between her breasts. She shivers with every touch of my lips to her heated body. She grips the strands of my hair tightly, causing a g
roan to erupt from my throat. I’ve never felt this animalistic desire with anyone before.

As I whisper kisses over her breasts, I inhale her skin, allowing the intoxicating scent to fill my senses. As usual, she smells of green apples.

Nuzzling my nose over her breasts then under the ample swells, I stick my tongue out to taste her skin. It’s like an electric charge to the tip of my tongue when it connects with her desire-heated skin. She shudders and moans, long and low, with the sound vibrating against her ribs.

I drag my tongue down the
center of her stomach, stopping only to dip my tongue into her navel and playing with her piercing.

I tug on the dangl
ing jewel and speak around it, “I love this.”

She squeaks out a moan above me as her hips begin to undulate beneath me. She is impatient, I can tell.

“Trying to tell me something, Red?” I tease with a quirked eyebrow.

“
Please, Collin,” she begs. “Oh, God, I’m gonna burst a blood vessel in my coochie if you don’t fuck me soon. Jesus…”

She continues to rambl
e on, unaware of my decent. She’s nervous, rattling off about her lack of dick to pussy action; something she’s missed all her life. I chuckle against her skin, nipping her inner thigh to shut her up. But all she does is shiver, widens her legs and grips my hair firmer as she presses me closer to where she wants me most…all while still yapping.

“I’
m just saying; I might be a little tight down there. Maybe not as impenetrable as Guantanamo Bay, but tight like Fort Knox, you know? It’s not that I never wanted to do it, I jus-oooohhh.”

Huh, wha’d’
ya know? Licking her pussy shut her up.

A sly Cheshire grin spreads across my face as I place open-mouthed
kisses to her leaking core. She’s writhing, keening, lifting her hips to meet my mouth. She’s enjoying this and, dammit, so am I.

Her taste is as sweet and as spicy a
s she is. Well, maybe spicy isn’t the word, but all I know is I’m drunk on her scent. I feel like a wino. And fuck, she tastes delicious.

Groaning, I press my mouth more firmly to her wet heat, swirling my tongue around her hyper-sensitive nub. She jerks above me, her legs drawing up and away from me. Grabbing her legs and settling them over my shoulders, I bury my face into her honeyed heat, latching on to her clit.

In a matter of milliseconds, South is coming apart above me, screaming, jerking, writhing, begging, grabbing, grinding; but I don’t let up. I suckle on her clit until she is incoherent and her orgasms are rolling into one another. Looking up through a haze of lust, I see the most beautiful sight: South in the throes of ecstasy. Her face glows, even as her features contort in passion. I want to keep that look on her face forever.

Forever.

I want to be with this girl forever.

“Guys, you need to–holy shit!”
Connor exclaims as he bursts through the bedroom door.

“One time!”
I roar, pounding the bed. “I just want to be able to fuck her without interruption, one fucking time!”

South jumps up and covers herself even as she locks my head in place between her legs.

I am hard as a rock. I could pound fucking nails with this thing. My heart is racing, desire scratching its way to the surface of my being. I need her. Jesus Christ, I need her.

“Five minutes, Connor,”
I say, my sanity and temper hanging on by a thread.

“
Bro–”

“
I swear to God, Connor. Five...fucking...minutes,” I ground out, my voice cracking. I don’t say anything further, fearing I might break down.

Yes, if I don’
t get inside her right now, I’m gonna cry. There’s a lump the size of Anna Nicole Smith’s – God rest her melons (soul, I meant soul) – boobs in my throat. Bite me if you think I’m a female, but, do you know how long I’ve waited for this? To be right here where I want, no,
need
to be? You’ll have no idea until you have to wait ten whole fucking years to be with the one you love. I’m like a dying man at an oasis at this point.

“Dude, I would leave, but I’m just warning you,” Connor says. “Kaylee is outside and she’s creating a shit storm.”

Motherfucker.

Kaylee. I’
m assuming she’s his fiancée. And I’m assuming by “shit storm” that Connor means she’s raising all kinds of hell out there. I should be concerned, but between about three toe-curling, tongues-speaking orgasms, I’m sorta discombobulated.

Collin is cursing,
with what seems to be, every expletive known to man. He slams his palm down repeatedly on the bed, startling me out of my sexual miasma. If there are any women out there against cunnilingus, trust me when I tell you, this shit will alter the very essence of your life.

The way his teeth latched on to my clit and sucked. The way he swirled his tongue around and into my scorching wet heat. The
way he speared in and out of my fucking pussy with that sinful tongue of his.
Holy hell!
My eyes roll back into my head in remembered bliss. I’d permanently attach his lips to my pussy if I could.

Hearing a soft chuckle from Collin has me opening my eyes and attempting to breathe through ragged breaths. As I look down at him, his eyes twinkle with mirth and so much heat that I swallow a need to flip him on his back and devour him. Hmm…sure sounds tempting.

“I see that look in your eyes, Red,” Collin says.  “You can’t look all hot and flushed and expect me not to want to fuck you raw.”

My throbbing center dips and clenches sweetly.
Yes, please!

A screeching voice echoes dimly through our closed doors and Collin groans, burying his face into my belly. He starts muttering incoherently into my navel, which tickles. Running my fingers through his luscious tresses, I try to comfort and encourage him.

“Babe, go handle this. I promise I’ll be waiting for you. You can do this, if this is really what you want,” I tell him.

His head snaps up and I tense as I behold the pique that I find in his eyes.

“
If this is really what I want?
” he clips. “What the fuck, South?” Collin eases away from me and I immediately feel his loss. He stands up, adjusting himself in his pants. My mouth waters at the sight of his very long, thick and bulging member.
I want it.

Tamping down the rising desire, I refocus. “I’m just saying, Collin, things can change. I’m not going to hold out for hope and wind up getting disappointed. I want you more than I can ever explain, but if this isn’t meant to be with us
–”

“Don’t,” he growls, pinning me with the angriest of stares. “Don’t you fucking say some shit like that.” He falls to his knees and grasps my ankles, dragging me to the edge of the bed and closer to him.

“I
need
you, Red. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you. Everything clicks into place with you. You fit, South. You fit me. Not just here,” he says, gesturing to his body. “But you fit here.” He pounds a fist to his chest. His heart. Tears well in my eyes.

“You ruined me that day, you know?” he rasps, resting his forehead against mine once more. He’s really pushing it with the super-sweet. How does he expect me to keep the waterworks at bay if he keeps saying stuff like that?

“You think I claimed you, but it was the other way around. You destroyed me for every woman that day, Red, and I’ve never been the same.” Every word he says confirms what I know is true: this man loves me.

Another screeching sound echoes and Collin closes his eyes in frustration. Sitting up, I caress his jawline as I stare adoringly at him.

“You need to go handle that,” I suggest, my eyes flicking to the door.

He sighs long and hard, but nods resignedly. He lifts himself up and over me, causing me to fall back on the bed. Hovering over my breasts, he swipes his tongue over one nipple and it puckers tightly from the moisture. I groan and grow slick at the apex of my thighs as Collin latches on to the same nipple. My hands fly up, fingers threading into his hair, as he suckles harder.
That feels good.

Collin is trying to distract himself from the task at hand. I’m enjoying this, don’t get me wrong, but he needs to handle his business. This won’t take a few minutes, or a few hours. He needs to get on it. So as much as it pains me to do so…

“Baby, stop,” I groan, while still clinging onto him.
Let go.
“Babe, go, handle this. I’ll be here, I promise.”

Collin growls low in his throat but releases my nipple with a pop. “Fine,” he snaps, standing. He grabs his shirt and throws it on as best as he can with a few buttons missing.

I realize now that this is not a good situation that we've found ourselves in. I can’t imagine how his fiancée will feel, not just seeing him in my apartment and coming out of my bedroom, but seeing him half-dressed, hair sexily mussed, hard-on begging for release, skin flushed, and me looking like I’ve just been worked over good and proper.

The thought has me in knots. I’m not a home-wrecker. My aunt would be ashamed of me.

“Red,” Collin’s voice is like a melody as it pulls me from my thoughts. “Look at me, babe.” I do. “I’m with you here.” He touches my temple with a feather-light touch that sends tingles through my spine. “And here.” He trails his long finger down the side of my face, my neck and settles his palm over my beating heart.

We stare at each other for what seems like hours, but is really only a few seconds.

“It’s going to be ugly,” he says. I know. I nod. “I probably won’t stay today.” I actually expect that. I nod again. “I’ll probably lose my job and have to mooch off you for a while.” I snort out a laugh, but nod. He’s such an idiot.
My idiot.

Collin places a soft kiss to my lips then straightens away from me. “Showtime,” he whispers, grasping the doorknob, opening it and heading out before me.

Not wanting to wait too long, needing to show my support of his decision, I quickly get dressed and step out of my room into the warzone.

Kaylee is standing a few inches inside my apartment, her body taut with anger. I thought I’d see her crying her eyes out, begging Collin to see reason; begging him to stay. This, I didn’t expect.

Even pissed off and ready to go on a killing spree, this blonde is stunning. The sunlight from outside illuminates her silhouette and I swear she looks like a pissed off angel with her platinum blonde hair glowing around her like a goddamn halo. Her green eyes are murky, mossy pools of ire, but I can see how a man could get entranced by them. She is dressed in skin tight designer jeans – jeans that could probably pay a month’s worth of my rent – a white lace cami, white heeled sandals and a designer purse tucked under her arm. She looks, smells – and I bet she even tastes – like money.

Her anger is palpable and the living room feels like a literal furnace with her in it. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly. She must have just been on a verbal tirade. Collin is trying to reign in his own temper as he stands in front of her, his fists clenching and unclenching. She is red-faced, her eyes throwing daggers at everyone in the room, until her eyes finally land on me in my grey sweat pants, ripped Pat Benatar
Heartbreaker
t-shirt and hair piled on top of my head. I forgot this chick is fucking Barbie. I should have taken pains in putting myself more together. I look like a hobo compared to this chick right now.

“This is the skank that has your dick confused?” the bitch sneers.
No, this bitch didn’t.

“Kaylee,” Collin warns.

“You want to leave me for
that
?” she scoffs. “Even the fag would have been a step up.” Scott gasps.

“This bitch has a death wish,” I hear someone
mutter under their breath.

I am having a serious case of tunnel vision right now. Everything else fades around me: bodies, faces, voices. All I can see is this prissy, blonde bitch, in my apartment, disrespecting me.
Oh, hell no.

“Kaylee, may I call you Kaylee? I don’t care,” I say dismissively as I advance on her slowly. My voice is controlled, but angry as fuck. “Kaylee, need I remind you that you are in
my
apartment, thus,
my
turf?” She isn’t backing away. Hm, the bitch has guts.

“Because I know you’re a vapid bitch,” I continue, “I’m going to let that little disrespect slide. But I’m giving you thirty seconds to get the fuck out of here before I take matters into my own hands. And trust me, honey, you don’t want that.”

“Are you threatening me?” she snarls, finally backing up as I close in on her. She hits the wall and I have her right where I want her.

“No, sweetie…” I stop right in front of her. She’s taller than I am, but I am by no means intimidated. “That’s a promise.” I pause and quirk an eyebrow. “Twenty seconds.”

A flash of fear passes over her face and in her eyes and she quickly covers it with her venom.

“You’re trash,” she spits. “If you think he’ll want you when he’s done with you, then you’re sadly mistaken.
You’re beneath him. You’re fucking target practice for him, bitch. After you, it’s on to the next one; but me? I’ll still be here.”

That
…hurt
.

But Kaylee’s time is up. I can’t let her think
she’s one-upping me. Time to teach Blondie a lesson in manners.

“Time’s up, princess,” is the only warning I give her before I take her head between my hands and bash it against the dry wall, denting it. I throw her thin ass down to the floor, and my fist connects with her jaw line. She shoves me off of her on a scream and crawls on top of me.
Silly girl.

Using the leg strength I’d acquired over my exotic dancing career, I lock her legs tightly with mine and grab her flailing arms, locking them behind her as well. Contorting them in a painful twist, she screams. I could break her stupid arms and legs like this, but this is just a warning. I don’t play nice-nice with bitches.

Finally someone intervenes, pulling Kaylee out of my grasp. They pull us apart and it’s then I note Collin holding Kaylee back as Connor restrains me. It breaks my heart. He will always go back to her.

Target practice.
Her words ring true, reverberating in my brain and heart like an off-sounding gong.

She was right.

And I’m an idiot.

Collin releases Kaylee the same time Connor lets go of me. I walk over to Scott, because if I don’t stay away from Barbie, she’s gonna have an even worse day.

Kaylee sucks in a breath as she tries to get her bearings. Bruises are already forming along her jaw and around her wrists. She stares at me, giving me all of her hate, and then
…
her face crumples.

O…kay.

Kaylee is crying; like gut-wrenching sobs. I know I didn’t hurt her that bad, did I? She’s crying like I told her that I killed her fucking Shipoo or something. Total whiplash. A minute ago she was raving mad and now…she’s bent over bawling. To say I’m a little uncomfortable and confused would be putting things mildly. I am completely thrown for a loop here.

“Collin,” she gasps out, folding her arms across her stomach. She straightens and looks at Collin through bloodshot eyes. Her lip quivers as she delivers the blow. “I’m pregnant.”

Audible gasps sound out around me. I must have faltered or staggered, because I feel Scott behind me, holding up my sagging body.

Pregnant? Please God, let this be a joke. I know You have a sense of humor.

But Kaylee is still crying, clutching her tummy. She fishes into her purse and out pops a pregnancy test with the pink plus sign thingy that signifies:
“Hey, you’re knocked up!”

I’m getting
Punk’d
, I’m sure of it. I close my eyes to try to wake up from this nightmare, but it doesn’t work. I want to tell her that she’s lying, but the test between her fingers tells a different story; not to mention her mood swings.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

How could I have put myself through this again? Just like ten years ago, I insinuated myself into his life and made him have sex with me, even knowing that he had a girlfriend. History is repeating itself with a vengeance right now. Maybe this is what I deserve after doing this vile thing, trying to break up a relationship.

I’m hyperventilating as Scott wraps me in his arms. I’m not crying, I know that much, but my vision blurs. My world tilts like I’m on a tilt-a-whirl. My stomach churns in sadness, anger and disgust. And the tears that I’ve been keeping at bay, threaten to build and spill over.

I feel sadness because I know I have lost Collin. No way am I going to come between a man and his child. No way am I going to ruin a family.

I feel anger toward Collin. Why did he have to want me now? Why couldn’t he continue hating me, treating me like a child? Why did he have to have someone, a fiancée?

I feel anger toward Kaylee. Why did this bitch have to come into my world and turn everything on its motherfucking axis? Why did she have to get pregnant? The fucking fertile slut.

I’m also angry with myself. How could I force my way into his life like this? Even after finding out that he was engaged, I still allowed myself to feel for him. I didn’t turn him away; I let him cheat on his fiancée...with me. I am a despicable human being, which makes me feel all kinds of disgusted with myself.