Soulmates (35 page)

Again, my head wrestled to digest the enormity of what she was saying. It all seemed so far-fetched on the one hand, but when I looked back on my time with Noah, coincidence didn’t cover everything. The way the town had blacked out when we first kissed, the storm that had erupted over our heads as we passionately made out in the field, walking out into a snowstorm after that intense sexual tension at the ballet…

My tears were causing me to choke. I could take no more. I needed to know what was going to happen to me.

“So me and Noah…?” I asked.

Anita looked me straight in the eye. “You can never see each other again,” she said, and each word ricocheted through me like a bullet. “We will take one of you away, give you a new life, and the other is allowed to stay. There will be no more contact. Ever again. It’s best if you forget the other ever existed.”

I zoned out then.

You can never see each other again.

For just a moment I tried to imagine a life without Noah, without ever seeing his smile, or having him tuck a stray piece of hair back behind my ear or tasting his mouth on mine.

Then there was a searing hole of pain in my chest where my heart should have been and I began screaming. The pain was intolerable, like I was being used as a rag in a giant tug of war, slowly being ripped into two pieces.

My heart writhed under my ribcage in agony.

It had broken.

It had been obliterated into thousands of pieces and could never be put back together.

I had blacked out again. When I woke up I was back in my cell, the huge gaping hole still in my chest. I willed myself to fall back asleep to escape the pain.

A cough, however, distracted me from this endeavour.

She was there. The doctor, seated patiently in the corner of my cell.

“Hello, Poppy,” she said, like she was my mother waking me for school. “You feeling any better?”

I turned my face back to the wall. It was cold. I shivered under my thin blanket.

Anita didn’t seem bothered by my ignoring her.

“You’re probably feeling a little drowsy,” she said to my back. “You gave us no choice but to sedate you.”

I wished they would sedate me again. I just wanted to sleep, for ever if possible. I thought of Romeo and Juliet and envied them. If only I had poison to stop this insatiable pain, instead of living a life where a massive hunk of me had been amputated.

“Poppy?”

I didn’t reply.

“There is another way, you know.”

Still no response.

“You didn’t let me finish before. There might be a way you can still see Noah…”

The pain evaporated instantly and I sprang up in bed.

“How?” I asked desperately. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll never touch him again, I promise. Just please, let us stay together.”

She looked ill at my enthusiasm.

“You and Noah have displayed some interesting characteristics. Things we haven’t seen before in a match. Your panic attacks and his depression, judging by our last experiments, should’ve got worse the more you spent time with each other. However…” She paused, searching for the right words. “…It appears somehow the two of you managed to build up a tolerance to each other and can control the electrical impulses coursing through your bodies.”

I remembered how sick I used to get around him, the way my heart would pound and my breath quicken. Then it had gone. It had only reoccurred when I imagined life without him.

“So this hasn’t happened before?”

She shook her head. “No. Not ever. I admit it was one of the reasons I left it so late before intervening. The readings were so unexpected that I let things roll. Usually we split matches up as soon as we locate them.”

“So you let Noah and me fall in love with each other?” I asked, anger lacing my voice. “You let things get this far just because it was good for your experiment?”

I began shaking with rage, and yet more tears were threatening to spill. I’d always cried when I was angry.

“I’m afraid I did.” There was no sign of remorse in Dr. Beaumont’s voice. “It was best for the company.”

“What about what’s best for me and Noah? Two innocent people you’ve just used and played with like puppets?”

“Come off it, Poppy. Like you wouldn’t do it all over again if you could.”

I shook my head. “No. Not if you’re going to take it all away. Not if I’m going to have to live my whole life without him. It’s going to be so much worse knowing…” And then the tears spilled and I snorted and spluttered while she watched me, not amused.

“If you would stop crying and listen, I’m telling you there might be another way.”

“Well, what is it then?” I sounded like a spoiled child but I didn’t care. Fresh tears kept replacing the spent ones.

“You’ll never be able to have a normal relationship together, you know that now. It’s too dangerous. But we – the company, I mean – can learn from you both. Your…resistance to each other needs to be studied further. If you agree to stay and live a life with us, you’ll be able to see him.”

“How?”

She shrugged her shoulders like the answer was simple. “You’ll be able to see him during the experiments we conduct.”

I snorted. “So we’ll be like guinea pigs, poked and prodded in a scientific lab? That will be the extent of our relationship?”

“Well, we may be able to arrange some kind of supervised visits, times you’ll have together to talk. There’ll always be someone with you, of course, in case your impulses get too strong and you act on them.”

I shook my head with disgust. “That’s not a relationship.”

“At least you’ll still get to see him.”

I looked at her then, really looked at her. And despite my eyes being fuzzy and full of salty tears, I felt I could finally see her clearly. She was soulless. There was something missing from this woman. Something significant.

“Why are you so horrible?” I whispered.

She bristled. “We’re not here to talk about me.” She smoothed down her lab coat.

But her reaction spurred me on.

“Seriously, what happened to you to make you like this? How can you be so heartless?”

She stood up. “I said, that’s enough.” Her voice was sharp now.

I saw a tiny flicker of pain cross her face. That was enough. I got it.

“This happened to you, didn’t it?” I said, proud of myself for working it out. “You have a match, don’t you? And you’ve been separated and that’s why you’re so nasty.”

Her lower lip trembled slightly. “Stop being silly, Poppy.”

I had hit on something.

“How does it feel?” I asked, refusing to let this go, tears ebbing. “To break up happy lovers for a living? What do you think your match would make of you now? If he knew you now actually
worked
for the people that split you up? Do you think he’d still love you? Or would he be so disgusted that it would destroy whatever electricity you shared? ’Cause that’s all love is to you, isn’t it? Electricity? Science?”

“I TOLD YOU THAT’S ENOUGH!”

She was standing now, her face red, furious. I smiled triumphantly.

“We are in the process of conditioning your boyfriend.” She used the mention of Noah like ammo. “By this afternoon the two of you need to make a decision. There are only two options. Help us or never see each other again. Have fun deciding.”

She stormed out of my cell, telling the guards to lock the door behind her.

I was left alone for several hours.

Once the tears and anger had subsided, I began to think about love.

I had never felt it was worth wasting much thought on the subject before Noah. But I’d been the odd one out. I thought about all the romantic novels Amanda devoured or the romcom films Ruth was so obsessed with. Even Lizzie had told me she was waiting for love. Yet, as I’d seen it, it wasn’t a concept that ever lived up to the expectation. We’d been conditioned into believing in happily ever after, but did it really exist? Dr. Beaumont had told me explicitly that, for most people, true love wasn’t real. It was just couples kidding themselves, smelling pheromones, trying to live out a Disney-inspired fantasy. Yet those couples supposedly living a lie still weren’t that happy. Mum and Dad were practically the only couple on our road that hadn’t divorced. It was so common these days – relationships seemed to break up as easily as thin sheets of ice. And here I was, with scientific proof that I’d actually managed to stumble across my one true love, and things were even worse. True love, make-believe love – it was all the same. It ended in misery. And that truth was so universally hard to accept that we’d made up fairy stories and happy endings to cushion the blow.

I thought about what Anita had said. Would I do it all again? Falling in love with Noah had left me with a dependence I’d never thought I could stand. He was now my other half. And we were going to be separated. For ever. I was going to feel incomplete for the rest of my life. I would be missing a part until I died. It was my burden. But if someone could wave a magic wand so I’d never meet him and erase the last few months, I wouldn’t let them.

I felt utterly blessed that I’d had that time.

That’s maybe why we do all hang onto love. Because matches or not, real or fantasy, those snippets of love are the only moments in life when you’re ever truly happy, when all the shit feels worthwhile. It’s like the world stops revolving just so it has time to look through your window and note your euphoria.

That’s worth the pain. Don’t you think?

Musings aside, I was terrified and I had no Noah to make me strong. The pool of light on the floor of my cell moved slowly towards the wall as the sun sank lower in the sky.

Evening was coming.

Decisions needed to be made and I didn’t know what the right answers were. I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling. My hands rested on my ribs as I felt my breath move in and out. Tears continued to flow silently and solemnly from the sides of my eyes and dripped down into my hair.

Soon it was dark.

My thoughts were interrupted by my cell door opening. That Rain chap was there. He gave me a little embarrassed half-wave.

I glared back in return.

“You hungry?”

I shook my head.

“You should eat.”

I didn’t reply.

“Suit yourself.”

He came and sat on the chair, man-style, turning it backwards and straddling it. It felt a bit too informal considering the circumstances.

He spoke softly and with much more empathy than his colleague. “I believe Dr. Beaumont ran through your options?”

I snorted. “I would hardly call them options.”

Rain gave me a sad smile. “Well, what do you suggest?”

“You let both of us go and trust us not to cause any more trouble?”

Rain shook his head. “You know that’s not possible. We’ve tried it before. The consequences have been…”

“Yes I know, dire, death, terrible. It would be different with Noah and me. We’re responsible.”

Another sad smile. “That’s what others have said in the past. Your attraction is too strong. You can’t help it. It’s not your fault.”

“Then why have you locked me up like a convict?”

Rain looked round the interior of my current bedroom. “Yes, the British facilities are a bit…prisony…I suppose.”

“No doubt in America I would have had an en-suite and my own parking space?”

Rain smiled again. “Not quite. But it’s a bit nicer.”

I looked back at the ceiling, wondering what was going to happen next.

“Why are you here?”

I heard him mumble something.

“What was that?”

He coughed. “I said, Anita’s given you your options and we were wondering if you’ve made a decision?”

I laughed. “Are you kidding? How am I ever supposed to make that decision? It’s unmakeable.”

“That’s what we figured,” Rain said. “Anyway, if you agree to help us with our studies we’ll need both of you. It needs to be a mutual decision.”

“And how do you expect us to work that out? With us cooped up in separate cells?”

“We’ve decided to let you talk it through with each other.”

I leaped up off the bed. “You mean I get to see Noah?”

My eyes were wide, a tidal wave of butterflies raced through my stomach, and a smile spread from ear to ear. I ran towards Rain, about to give him a hug of gratitude.

He raised his hands up. “Calm down, calm down.”

“When do I get to see him?”

“Calm down! Look, you’re not going to able to get close to each other. You get that?”

I nodded furiously.

“And just because we’re allowing you to see him doesn’t mean anything has changed.”

More nodding.

“And you’ve got to be careful,” he said, a slight quiver of fear in his voice. “Remember what you’re capable of, Poppy.” His eyes softened. “You don’t want to hurt any more people.”

I nodded once more in agreement, then waited patiently for him to speak again. When he didn’t, my words came flooding out. “So when can I see him? Now?”

Rain smiled, despite himself I think. He nodded.

I raked my hands through my hair and then jumped backwards.

“Oh no! I must look like hell! Do I look okay?” I hadn’t seen my reflection in two days. I hadn’t even washed.

Rain’s smile broadened. I decided he was sort of okay.

“You look lovely,” he said, like I was his daughter about to flounce off to a prom. “And Noah is your match, remember? He’s going to think you look fabulous even if you’re wearing a sack.”

Still, though, I ran over to the little sink and splashed my face with water.

“Okay. All done. Can we go now?” Desperation was raging through my skin so violently I almost wanted to scratch it out.

“Let’s go.”