Soulmates (17 page)

“He would have killed me, anyway. There was no getting out of that marriage. Jack wasn’t his.” Nelda felt a rush of heat.

“He wasn’t Harold’s son?” Bernice shook her head and sighed.

“I’ve never told a soul this, Nelda. What I did was simply unacceptable in our time. I got pregnant, and the father died. We were in love, too. I was working for Harold and he rescued me. Now I wonder if he didn’t have a plan all along to get his hands on Jack.”

“Do you mean to adopt him?”

“No, well yes, that too. But he abused the boys.” Bernice lifted her head and made eye contact with Nelda. “I’ve never said those words out loud. I’m hardly able to admit it to myself. He beat the boys, and I’m sure sexually abused them. I never saw, and they didn’t tattle, but now I know the signs. Today with everything out in the open, it’s much better. I allowed it though, even if I didn’t participate in it, I’m guilty because I didn’t protect my children.”

Curiosity satisfied to the point of nausea, Nelda didn’t need to hear any more about Jack and Harold. She reached her arms out to embrace Bernice. “It’s so over, why are we even talking about it? Today’s a new day, no regrets. We did the best we could at the time.”

“I’ve never had a friend until you, Nelda,” Bernice said.

“No, me either, Bernie. We have each other’s back. Age has given us that common denominator. Age and Pam.”

“Yes, poor Pam. I wasn’t very nice to your daughter for a long time,” she admitted.

“Well, neither was I,” Nelda said. “But I don’t think I can take any more confessions for now if that’s okay with you. Let’s just make a pact that we will be kind and loving to her from now on.”

“I think Pam has taken about all she can take, too,” Bernice said sadly. Nelda nodded.

“Let’s torture Annabelle for picking up the waiter and having sex with him in your bed. Where the hell is she, anyway?” Bernice wiped her eyes with her bathing suit cover-up and walked through the hall to Annabelle’s cabin.

“Annabelle, dry your eyes and come out here. We’re sorry we made fun of you,” Bernice said, rolling her eyes a la Annabelle. The door opened and a very contrite Annabelle, fully dressed this time, stepped out.

“I’ll change your sheets,” she said apologetically. “I have to call down to the desk for another set. I hope the same guy doesn’t deliver.”

“I hope he does!” Nelda shouted. They women laughed, tormenting Annabelle for more details, which she reluctantly gave. It wouldn’t be their last chance for fun.

Chapter 15

Going to the grocery store alone while Daniela and Gladys stayed with the children became Lisa’s most looked forward to adventure. Getting into the car without having to buckle a child into their car seat was pure joy. She’d turn the radio up loud and sing along, and when she glanced in the review mirror, was always surprised to realize she was smiling. When was the last time she smiled? The new expression was one of grim exasperation. Agreeing to take care of Miranda was an eager, pathetic attempt Lisa made trying to mollify Pam. Taking care of Dan Junior; well she didn’t have a choice. How could she allow strangers to take Dan’s baby? Life was one of the children spilling their drink, or needing a diaper change or the washer wasn’t working or Daniela called out sick or someone forgot to order diapers. There was always drama, confusion, headaches.

Pam and the grandmothers, Dan’s family and Gladys all said Lisa had the gift of motherhood and with an additional gift of organization. It was a smokescreen. The reality was that she felt as though she was twirling, doing ten different things at once, never completing a task.

Now going to the grocery store alone, that was something that she could accomplish with perfection. A two-page list itemized food according to where it was in the store. Taking her time, she went down each aisle, examining the merchandise, reading labels, placing the purchase precisely in the basket. Other shoppers and the music playing zoned out; it was Lisa and her list for an hour or two every week.

“Lisa?” The voice broke her inner silence and Lisa looked up to see Cara Ellison looking tired and worn standing in front of her basket, blocking the way. “Don’t get angry, please. I know I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”

“Why are you Cara? If I called the police right now, you’d be put back in jail.”

“I know, but I needed to connect. I need to tell you how much I appreciate what you are doing. Taking care of baby Dan as you are, it means a lot to me. It really does.” Lisa examined her face but couldn’t determine her sincerity. She’d been fooled by her once already in the past.

“Write it in a letter then, Cara. We have a time and place set up for you to see him next Friday. Why would you jeopardize it now?”

“I’m lonely! I need you in my life, Lisa. And I’m scared. I know there’s a chance my own baby will never live with me because I hit Dan over the head. But you have no idea how frustrating he can be.” Lisa bit her tongue.
On the contrary, Cara. I have every idea
. She looked over her shoulder at the Starbucks stand in the store. Taking a big chance, she knew she was making a potential disastrous decision.

“Do you want to have coffee with me? We can sit down and talk if you need to. I’m not sure it’s the wisest thing for you to be doing though.” Lisa knew that enabling Cara might void the restraining order they had against her, too. But she was willing to take the risk to hear what Cara had to say.

“I’d like that, very much,” she said. Lisa turned her basket around, waiting for Cara and they walked to the coffee stand together. “Do you want hot coffee?” Cara nodded her head. Lisa got iced, and then pointed to a table and two chairs in a corner, partially hidden from view by a flower kiosk.

“How’s it feel to be free?” she asked, sitting down across from a former adversary. Surprised that she didn’t feel uncomfortable or intimidated by her, Lisa wondered if it didn’t have something to do with baby Dan Junior. He was part Cara, too, and Lisa loved him as if he was her own baby.

“It’s a little unsettling,” Cara admitted. “Not having my house is bad. I’m grateful for the apartment and for my car. At least I can get around to job hunt.”

“I didn’t know you’d lost your house,” Lisa said, surprised. She wondered if Dan knew about it.

“It went into foreclosure when my legal expenses outweighed my available money. I had some saved, but not enough.” Something about Cara losing her house because she hit Dan over the head with a frying pan infuriated Lisa. It seemed like a severe punishment for a deed she’d wanted to commit herself several times since.

“I’m truly sorry about you losing your house, Cara,” Lisa said. “Is it final?”

“I’m not sure. I wasn’t allowed to go back inside, at least that’s what my slimy lawyer said.” The wheels of generosity were turning in Lisa’s head as she turned away to hide a smirk. Dan said Cara’s lawyer was oily.

“Look, we have to come to some kind of agreement, you and I. In the first place, I’m afraid of you. I’m afraid you’ll do something rash. I’m afraid you’ll sleep with my husband. I want to like you; I
did
like you, and then you….did what you did. Not even the frying pan bothers me as much as you getting pregnant on purpose. How am I supposed to come to terms with it?”

“I know my word is worth nothing to you right now, but I promise you, my only concern is getting to hold my son again. I would never hurt him and I’m sorry I hurt Dan. I just want to bond with him before it’s too late” Lisa didn’t doubt it.

“Cara, with Child Protective Services involved, needing to prove your fitness as a parent is out of my hands. If we work together, I’m sure everything will turn out in your favor.” She knew Dan was going to be furious with her after she’d fought so hard to keep Cara away from the baby. “I don’t even know how to tell you what I’m about to say. It’s about me taking care of Dan Junior.”

“I know you’re nursing him,” Cara said sadly. “But since I can’t, I’m truly grateful.” Not wanting to get maudlin, Lisa steered the topic away from the baby to Cara finding a job.
Would Dan be able to help her?
Before she knew it, they’d been talking for half an hour.

“I better finish up my shopping,” Lisa said finally. It was getting late and she had other errands to run as well.

“Are you coming to the visit next week?” Cara asked. “I hope to see you again.” Lisa thought about what it would mean to be at the safe house with a supervisor watching them.

“Let’s meet again next Thursday,” Lisa replied. “No one needs to know about it. It will be our secret. The next day you’ll get to see baby Dan.” Lisa’s heart went out to Cara, looking forward to the visit a week away.

“Okay, I’d like that very much,” Cara said. “Hopefully, I’ll have news about a job by then.” She doubted it, but was trying to stay positive. “My attorney tells me that if I don’t have a job, I’ll never get custody of the baby again.”

“That doesn’t seem right to me,” Lisa said, frowning. She didn’t work. Millions of women had children and didn’t work; some collecting public assistance or getting child support from their children’s father. Dan would certainly pay to take care of his child. She’d talk to him as soon as she could.

They said good-bye, parting ways. Lisa rushed to get her shopping done in the usual orderly way and was soon finished. Deciding to drive into Babylon before she went home and say hi to her mother, she might even stop by Dan’s office to surprise him.

Turning onto Sea View, the fountain came into view and she burst out laughing. “What was she thinking?” There was a big, expensive extended-cab pickup truck in the driveway along with construction debris piled up along the walkway. Having forgotten that Pam was redoing the kitchen, Lisa was excited to see the transformation.

“Knock knock,” she yelled from the open door. A short man in a welder’s mask stepped out into the hallway from the kitchen. “Oh! Is Mrs. Smith around?”

“Miss Pam, outside,” he said, motioning toward the door.

“Thank you,” Lisa said, walking toward the veranda. She paused before going in. All but the top of Pam’s head was hidden by an arm thrown across the back of the couch. “Mom?” Pam and her companion sat up and turned around, startled.

“Lisa! What a pleasant surprise,” she said, standing up and coming around the couch. She embraced her and kissed her cheek.

“Meet John Zapelli,” Pam said.

“Ah,” Lisa said. “Zapelli Construction.”

“That’s right,” John replied, extending his hand.

“So what’s with the fountain? I thought I was at Versailles.”

Pam burst out laughing. “Do you like it? It’s John’s addition to our front yard.”

“It’ll take some getting used to, but yes! I like it.” Lisa laughed, hoping she wasn’t too harsh. The fountain was so not her mother, all she could think of was that there was a new relationship building and she was happy for Pam.

“My decorating style is a little over the top,” John said, laughing.

“Your style is fine,” Pam replied. “Come and see the kitchen.” They went back into the house and Lisa raved about the new counters and refinished cabinets.

“Hopefully, it will be finished before the grandmothers return from their cruise.”

“Very nice,” Lisa said, thinking of her own fabulous kitchen, paid for by Pam. “You’ve had the same kitchen for twenty-years! It’s a much-needed improvement. You must be happy, Mom.”

“I like it! Even if I don’t cook much anymore, it was an eyesore to look at. Can I get you something to drink?”

“No thank you. I won’t keep you, just wanted to pop in and say hi. I think I’ll go to Dan’s office and surprise him. I have a car full of groceries rotting in the heat so I’d better make it snappy.”

They walked out to Lisa’s car with her, Pam giving her another kiss on the cheek and watched her back out of the driveway, John’s arm going back around Pam’s shoulders. Lisa was happy about it because it meant her mother might be able to put what Lisa had done with Dan behind her again now that Jason was out of the picture.

“Bye bye,” she called out the open window. “It was nice meeting you, John.”

Calling Dan first to let him know she was coming over hadn’t occurred to her until she pulled into the parking lot next to his office and realized his car wasn’t there. Leaving the motor running so the air conditioning would stay on for the food, she ran around to the front door.

“Hi, is Dan out to lunch?” she said.

“No, he hasn’t been in all day,” the receptionist said apologetically. “Do you want me to call him for you?” Lisa was holding on to the door, trying to stay calm. He’d called her that morning, and she assumed he was at work. Where else would he be?

“No, that’s okay, I’ll talk to him tonight. I was in the neighborhood so I thought I’d pop in. I have ice cream in the car, so… Have a great afternoon.” She gave a little smile and wave and ran through the parking lot. Where in the hell was Dan? At least she was sure he wasn’t with Cara, another positive thing about running into her today. What bothered her the most was that she wanted to catch him in something. Instead of calling him and asking him where he was, she would play possum and wait for the receptionist to tell him tomorrow
. Oh Dan, your wife stopped by yesterday, but you probably already know that.
She’d keep her mouth shut.

As she entered their neighborhood, the hope that his car would be in the driveway gave her a surge of relief, but it was premature. Daniela’s car was there, and Gladys’s was on the street. But no Dan.

Grabbing as many bags as she could handle out of the back of her car, Lisa was glad for the distraction of her family. Daniela would bring the rest of the groceries in. It was that chaotic time of day; babies up from naps and little girls, tired and ready for dinner, baths and bedtime. Glancing at the clock, it was four-thirty; the time Dan usually called her each day before he left the office for home. Preoccupied, her children responded to her detachment by being more demanding and whiny than usual. Needing to nurse the boys, she struggled to put imaginary concerns behind her

“I’ll finish putting this stuff away and feed the girls their dinner. Why don’t you hide out in the den?” Gladys suggested. Lisa walked to the kitchen windows in the front of the house and looked out over the yard and driveway. If she discovered he was cheating on her again, could she be able to stay with him? Wasn’t one, grave indiscretion enough? Selfishly impregnating Cara, who became so distraught that she hit with him a frying pan only to spend a year of her life behind bars? The unfairness; that Dan had been as guilty of the betrayal, yet he was off free while Cara suffered, separated from her baby screamed volumes to Lisa. She initially wanted Cara in jail because she got pregnant with Dan’s baby. But that wasn’t why she did prison time. Assault with the intent to do bodily harm seemed like an over exaggeration for hitting someone who deserved to be beaten with a frying pan. Cara was angry with Dan, just as Lisa was. Filled with regret, Lisa’s loyalties were switching from Dan to Cara.