Soul Surrender (27 page)

New Jersey, December 26, 1776

 

“W
hat do you mean there's still hope for me? I'm a sex demon . . . How can you even say that?”

Lucien tilted his head, a half smile lifting one corner of his lips. He tucked a frizzy curl behind my ear. “Trust your master and commander.”

I shook my head. “I don't believe you. I can't. Even when I tried to do this in the most Heavenly way I knew how, good people still died.” My chest quivered as I looked down at Jack and Tom, bloody with gaping angry holes in their bodies. “I really fancied Tom,” I whispered.

Lucien nodded, curling his hand around the back of my neck and pulling me in for a tighter hug. “I know,” he answered. “And you're right. No matter what we do, good people will die. That's a part of life.”

“Then what's the point!?” I sobbed, clinging to his jacket.

His sigh lifted my cheek, and I rose and fell with his exhalation. “I don't know. All I know is, you are a good woman. You deserve better than this, and I hate that this life is so miserable for you.”

“If good people die. And bad people die . . .” I faded off, pulling back from Lucien's embrace and staring into his eyes.
“. . .
then why am I even attempting to be good? Why am I sacrificing my energy and happiness to spare them?”

Lucien swallowed. “Because that's what you do, Monica. That's who you are.”

I shook my head and stepped over Jack's body. “Not anymore,” I whispered. “Hell wants souls? I'll give them souls.”

“This is a normal feeling you're having.” The snow crunched beneath Lucien's boots. “And while you are in your rebellious phase, I will make a promise to you. I will not take the souls of any Heaven-bound women while you are acting out. That way, the balance is still right.”

My stomach fluttered and relief filled my chest, though I didn't want to admit it. “Do as you wish,” was all I could say in response.

“And Monica . . .” He stopped, grabbing my elbow and turning me to him once more. “There is hope for you. Always. Your angels aren't the ones who forgive sins—remember that. There's only one who can pardon your indiscretions. And that is yourself. Learn to forgive yourself and you'll never be more than a stone's throw away from redemption.”

I sniffed and wiped my arm across my nose. “Then how come you say there is no hope for you?”

Lucien's face fell and grew very serious. He looked down at Jack's body.

“Because I don't want forgiveness. Not from Heaven.”

He tilted his gaze to the sky, closing his eyes.

“I have no desire to join their ranks again—though I never stopped loving God.”

T
he stone slid in easier than I thought it would, and my eyes widened as Michel's blood flowed down my forearm to my elbow. “Oh, God,” I whispered to no one but myself. I had not taken the Lord's name in vain for as long as I could remember. But if ever a time warranted it . . .

The entire battle had frozen, with everyone staring at the sight of the dying angel at my feet. A trickle of blood dripped from the corner of his mouth as he wheezed a breath.

The sunstone fell from my trembling hand, and red dust billowed as it hit the ground. Lucien was beside me within seconds, limping and wheezing. He pocketed the sunstone and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. The smell of his blistered flesh brought bile to the back of my throat and I gagged, bending at the waist and losing what little I had eaten that day.

“What have I done? Mia—” My Queen's name strangled in my throat, and when I lifted my gaze to Lucien's, all he could do was shake his head.

I heard a
crack
from directly beside me and a low growl from Grayson. The redheaded man from Hell towered above.

Every muscle in my body trembled at the sight of the man again, and Lucien held me tighter. “Levi.” Lucien nodded in his direction.

The redheaded man—Levi, it seemed—nodded as well. “Brother Grigori.” His eyes trailed down Lucien's various wounds. “I'm glad to see you are well—of sorts.” He scanned the crowd, resting his gaze on Grayson. “He was of help to you, I see?”

I nodded, somehow managing to find my voice. “Y-yes. He was.”

“Nor did he run.”

Grayson choked a bitter laugh out. “Who'm I gonna run to, now? The angels?” He curled a lip, looking to San Michel, still gasping for breath at my feet. “Even if they would have me, that's not a family I want to be a part of anymore.”

“You and me both,” I whispered.

Levi's eyes widened at my comment. “Lucien—was it this angel that was responsible for your capture?”

Lucien nodded. “Yes. San Michel.” His eyes landed briefly on Adrienne, and she stiffened. “To my knowledge, that was all.”

Levi sauntered to San Michel, towering above the dying angel. His singed wings sat lopsided beneath his body, crushed on the ground. “I make no apologies,” Michel rasped, licking his parched lips. “Lucien was caught in a crossfire battle. But it was the succubus we wanted.”

Levi nodded, slowing to a stop in front of the angel. “So I heard. And in the battle, my Succubus Queen was murdered.”

“An accident.”

“Seems to me you've been having an awful lot of accidents lately.”

The two were silent as they stared with hard, lined faces. Michel's chest heaved violently with each pained breath.

“We cannot have a demon with the ability to give life.”

“And I cannot have you terrorizing my subjects whenever you damn well please.” Levi's voice darkened and left a coldness in the pit of my gut. “A bounty on my succubus will create a battle between the Heavens and Hell. Is that what you want?”

There was no answer from the angel.

“Very well,” Levi continued. “Kayce Cheng—”

Kayce lifted her gaze, still with bowed head, her way of respecting her boss.

“Ever killed an angel before?”

Levi raised a hand, and before his mouth could open, I ripped my arms free from Lucien's embrace. “No!” I shouted. All heads turned to me. I ran to where they stood, and Kayce's eyes met mine with a panicked tenseness.

“If I promise to use my powers to give life only in extreme cases, can we end this? Can we all walk away if I make the promise not to go around intentionally giving life to people?” I swallowed, darting a glance between Levi and Michel. “Please!”

Levi's head dropped to a tilt. “This angel will likely not live as it is. . . .”

Michel grunted, speaking as quickly as he could manage. “If you can hold that promise and confer with the counsel before using the power to give life, then yes. I—Heaven—will submit to that.”

“I want permission to use it on one person—for me to gain life force. One person—whom I am in a relationship with.” I glanced to Levi, adding with a whisper. “And he works for you, so you will be happy with the arrangement as well. If he'll have me, that is.”

I ignored Damien's sharp breath from beside me. Levi didn't smile, but held a palm out to me, which I took firmly with one shake. “You are also still responsible for the wolf,” he reminded.

“I agree to these terms as well.” He held a hand out. I hesitated before taking it as well in another handshake. Using my weight as leverage, Michel pulled himself to his feet, still curled in pain.

With one final look at each of us, he nodded to Adrienne and disappeared with a
crack.

Levi leaned into my ear. “We will have a discussion soon about the open position of Queen.” And with another
crack
he, too, was gone.

Kayce and George rushed me, crashing into my body with a hug, and I squeezed them both tighter. “Holy shit!” Kayce squealed. “It's over! It's over . . . I mean, it is over, right?”

“I-I think so,” George whispered.

Lucien limped over, cupping my face in his large, calloused hands. “Thanks for saving me, kid.”

I swallowed, my throat feeling thicker than usual, and looked to where Michel's blood stained the dirt.

“You did what you had to do. Redemption begins when one forgives themselves,” said Lucien.

I nodded. “I know . . .” My voice trailed off as I found Damien, Drew, and Jules standing side by side—each lost in their own way. “I need a minute.” I met Damien's eyes first, and he immediately dropped his gaze down to the ground, shuffling his shoe into the dirt.

“I'm sorry, again—the giving life thing was secret, and I wasn't sure—”

Damien shook his head with pursed lips. “Please stop,” he said, and there was a catch in his voice. “Just stop apologizing. Please.”

I nodded, saying nothing more. He pinched his nose between his thumb and knuckle.

“I'm glad you're safe again,” he added quietly. Looking over to Drew, he chewed the side of his cheek. “You be good to her.” Then with one resolute sigh, he turned for the parking lot, pausing as his shoulder brushed Drew's. “And—I expect my espresso in a to-go cup tomorrow morning.” The tiniest smile twitched at his lips before he continued walking away.

Kayce grabbed my keys. “George and I will give him and Grayson a ride home.” She turned to Lucien. “C'mon, you. You should wait until you feel better before teleporting.”

The four limped toward the car, and I was left with Drew and Jules. Julian's crystal gaze locked on mine; every muscle in his face tensed with a sadness—no, a hopelessness—I had never seen before in him. Well, maybe once—long ago, when I fell.

“Julian,” I whispered. He walked over to me, grasping my upper arms with a firm grip. He pressed his lips into my forehead. “Your side—it's still . . .” It's still what? Good? I couldn't finish the sentence.

“Don't say it.” He shook his head, and his voice scraped me in a way that left me on edge. There was a sad lilt that broke my heart with each syllable. “We will both know what a lie it is.”

Julian turned, walking into the night. “Jules!” I cried. “Where are you going?”

He stopped, pausing before turning to face me once more. His hands were stuffed deep into his pockets, and he shrugged. “I don't know. I just need to leave here.” His eyes fell to the blood staining the dirt, and he swallowed, blinking rapidly. “I never would've guessed it. . . .” he said, fading off.

“What's that?” I managed to choke out despite the knot in my throat and the tears blurring my vision.

A sob heaved in Jules's chest, and his face twisted as he looked to the sky. “All this time, I was trying to teach you to be angelic. But even as a demon, you're still twice as good as everyone I put my faith in.” Jules pressed his thumbs to his leaking eyes. In the space of a breath, I crossed the distance between us, throwing my arms around his neck. He lifted me off the ground in a crushing hug. My salty tears flowed into his hair, and his large palm cradled the back of my head.

He kissed my temple once more before pulling away. “You be good, which I know won't be hard for you.” He sniffed and then jerked a nod toward Drew. “And don't let that guy corrupt you too much.” I clutched his hands in mine, not wanting to let go. Never wanting to let go. “Close your eyes, Monica.”

I shook my head. “No,” I whispered through a ragged breath. I felt shattered; undone.

He ran his fingertips down my face, beginning at my hairline and brushed over the tops of my eyelids as they shut with his movement. A light brush of lips skimmed mine and then I heard a
crack
. And just like that, my angel, my Jules, was gone.

“Jules?” I shouted into the desert, with no answer. “Julian!”

“Monica.” Drew's voice caused me to whirl around, nearly crashing my nose into his massive chest.

“Drew—he's gone! Julian, he—why—”

“He'll be back, baby.” Drew curled his body around mine, his tender arms a wild change from the man I saw battling to save my life. “We all know these guys can't stay away from you.” His lips curved into a grin.

I huffed a laugh, blowing my side-swept bangs into the air. “You say that like it's a good thing.”

Drew chuckled, too, wrapping his arms around my waist and tucking his hands into my back pocket. He flashed me one of those amused half smiles I loved so much, and his dimples deepened with the grin. “So this whole ‘giving life' thing . . .”

“I'm all yours. For as long as you want me.” I ran my thumb over Drew's scar along his top lip, and his eyes wandered the landscape of my face. I felt the weight of the world with that one simple look.

“Is forever an option?”

I laughed and tugged the hair at the nape of his neck. “That is an awfully long time, Romeo.”

“And yet, it's not long enough.”

Drew's fingertips traced a path up my neck, stopping at my jaw. His breath was hot as he sloped his lips across mine. At first, the pressure was so light, I barely felt it. I opened my mouth to him as he increased the pressure and delved his tongue into my mouth, stroking mine with a soft, smooth motion. His strong arm curved entirely around my waist, crushing me, deepening the kiss. His mouth was cool and tingled across my lips despite the desert heat.

Desire, passion, love, and anticipation swelled within me. I didn't need to see a flash of his life to know that it would include me.

My body clenched as heat flared in every area, and despite my best efforts, my moan buzzed at his lips. He smiled against my mouth and I pulled back, ending the kiss, daring a look upward into his eyes.

“I love you, Drew.”

His inhale expanded his chest and he closed his eyes, a serene smile splayed on his lips. “I've waited years to hear you say that.”

There was a pause. “And?”

He blinked open, grin widening. “And I love you, too, Monica Lamb.” He tilted my head back, hands clasping either side of my jaw, and kissed me again. I fell into his lips, hoisting myself onto his waist and wrapping my legs around him. The kiss ended with several more peppered onto the end.

I panted as his hands cupped my ass. “Well? Now what do we do?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “If you have to ask, you're not much of a succubus.”

“Awfully presumptuous, wouldn't you say?”

He closed his eyes, a smile lifting his lips to his eyes. “Woman, I've waited years for this night. You're coming home with me whether you like it or not.” With my legs still wrapped around his midsection, he began to clomp toward the parking lot, tightening his hold around my waist.

I laughed and nuzzled into his neck; the smell of coffee and soap was overwhelming and yet I thought that I could never get enough of it. “I require at least a date before I go home with you, you know.”

“Lucky for you, I know the owner of a café near the city. He's pretty handsome, too, you know.” He winked, dropping a kiss on my nose.

A rare Nevada breeze caught my hair, flinging it around us, and I shivered. I had Drew. A lifetime—shit, with my newfound powers, we had as many lifetimes as we wanted. I felt my face turn serious, and I ran my fingers across his features, along those chiseled cheeks and sharp chin. His stubble rasped along my fingertips as I brushed over his dimples.

He stopped walking, lowering me back to a standing position in front of him. “Monica?” Concern filled his voice.

“I never thought I'd find love. Not in a way that I could attain.” I swallowed as tears sprung again, and I glanced behind him to where the battle took place. “So many lives were lost and . . . and for what? For
me?
” Despite immortality, life—existence felt so short. When I looked back up at Drew, his green eyes twinkled in the moonlight.

“I don't want to wait. Ever—not with you.”

Drew glanced around the valley, a chagrined smirk on his face. “So . . . coffee? Or sex?”

I smirked and shook my head. “If you have to ask, you don't know me well enough.” I leaned into him, my nipples piercing through my tank top.

Drew claimed my mouth with his, and his palm found my heavy breast. As his lips trailed my throat, I looked to the sky. I had found my soul—my life.

“Right,” he said against my lips. “Coffee it is.”