Soul Fire (17 page)

‘I’ve been busy in my world. It’s just a phase, though. It doesn’t mean I love you any less, Danny.’

‘No?’ He looks up at the sky. ‘Are you having doubts? About us?’

‘Not about you. Sometimes I worry about what happens next. If Meggie . . . goes, will I go too?’

Danny shrugs. ‘I hate the idea, but I understand if you want to end this now, Alice. You have a life to live. Maybe I am stopping you from doing that.’

I look at those hands, that neck, those lips, and I know that I can’t turn my back on him.

‘I love you, though, Danny.’

‘And I love you too, Alice.
So
much. But the longer we spend together, the worse it will be if we’re separated forever. Logic says I should let you go.’

‘Logic?’

‘And fairness.’

‘You could
do
that? End it? For my sake?’

‘I . . .’

When I look into his eyes, they’re guarded. But the idea of never looking into them again . . .

‘Logic and fairness and common sense. They’re words, Danny. They can’t compete with how it feels to be here, with you. I don’t want to end this. I can’t.’

He doesn’t look up straight away but I can see he’s scowling. I freeze. Maybe an end to this is what he wants, after all. But then he stands up, and leans in to kiss me, and I see
his eyes are wet.

‘I was kidding myself too. I couldn’t have borne it if . . . No, I can’t even say it aloud. Just come here. Now.’

We fall into each other’s arms, a little unsteady. The sharp edge of the rock scrapes against my leg but I hardly feel it. We’re together again. This is how things are meant to
be.

‘Bar-ce-LONA, la, la, la, la, la. BAR-cel-ona, la, la, la, la, LA, LA, LAAAAA!’

I think Cara might be quite excited.

She’s staying over before Dad drives us to Gatwick tomorrow, but at this rate, neither of us will get any sleep.

‘I definitely think Ade’s noticed me already, don’t you, Alice?’

‘Probably.’

‘No, it’s not probably, it’s definitely.’

‘Then why ask me?’

‘Spoilsport!’

I’m beginning to wish she hadn’t come to stay.

‘You will be careful, though, won’t you?’ I say. ‘Just because you
could
have Ade, doesn’t mean you have to go through with it. You don’t always have
to be the kid in the sweetshop.’

‘Why else would I be going?’

I try not to snap back, but it’s hard. ‘Um, because you want to explore one of Europe’s most exciting capitals? To learn Spanish? To spend some quality time with your best
friend?’

I’m not in any position to lecture her; my own motives are hardly straightforward.

Cara goes silent and I wonder if she’s sulking. But after a couple of minutes her breathing changes, and I realise she’s finally fallen asleep.

It’s two fifteen a.m. We have to get up in two hours, but before that, there’s something I need to do. I could try going online under the duvet, but Cara’s a light sleeper. She
always says it’s so she knows if a guy is trying to sneak off in the night. Sometimes I wonder why my best friend acts so strangely and whether it might be because I’ve not been there
for her enough.

After Spain, it’ll be different. It has to be.

I carry my laptop downstairs. Since I’ve been allowed back online in my own room, visiting the Beach has felt less exciting. Being here in the dining room, where I could be found out,
brings some of the edginess back.

It’s darker on the Beach than it is outside. In my world, this weekend is the summer solstice, so it never seems to get completely dark. But there’s no moon on the Beach tonight, and
someone has laid out more of those Chinese lanterns across the sand, glowing pink and purple. In the distance, I hear singing: strange melodies, from unfamiliar instruments. It could be mermaid
music, the kind that brings sailors crashing onto the rocks.

I walk along the water’s edge, trying to pick out the shape of my sister or Danny from the strange silhouettes, but not daring to go closer to the Guests. Apparently they’re growing
restless because I haven’t responded to their notes and appeals. I
want
to, but events in real life seem more urgent right now.

It feels like a clock is ticking . . .

Then I spot the person I really need to speak to, on the pier.

‘Javier!’

He waves me over.

‘
Hola
, Alice. If you’re looking for Meggie, she’s in one of the huts with Tim.’

‘Actually, I’d like to talk to you.’ I sit down next to him. ‘You’ve been avoiding me. I’m worried.’

Javier kicks gently at the water. ‘Perhaps I enjoy being melancholy. It’s a Catalan thing.’

‘Catalan?’

‘Where I come from, we have our dark side.’

‘Ah. Is everyone in Barcelona like that then?’

‘The stories I could tell you, Alice. It is a place of high emotion.’

‘I’ll find out for myself, soon. Very soon. Tomorrow. Well, later today, really.’

He turns round to look at me. ‘That’s not a very funny joke.’

‘It’s not a joke. I’m going to Barcelona. That’s why I’m here now. I wanted to make sure I’m doing the right thing.’

Javier stares at the water. ‘Ha! The right thing? How would I know?’

I say nothing.

‘You are doing this for me, Alice?’

‘Mainly. I mean, my friends were going anyway. But I hadn’t decided, until Gretchen left and I saw how sad it made you. It’s a coincidence, but a good one.’

‘Coincidence? Or perhaps everything is connected, but we’re too blind to see. But Barcelona . . .’ He whistles. ‘It’s a beautiful city, Alice. I miss her. The beach
. . . well, it’s not like Soul Beach. Not Paradise. More raw, but more real. Well, it could hardly be
less
real than here, right?’

‘Tell me what I should do, Javier. Where I should go.’

There’s a long pause; all I can hear is fluttering like paper wings, as the breeze blows through the Chinese lanterns. ‘There is someone . . .’

I wait, but then he shakes his head. ‘Except, maybe it is better not to haunt the living.’

Perhaps I got it completely wrong, and he doesn’t want to leave the Beach at all. But the force field of sadness that surrounds him is
so
powerful.

‘It is up to you, Javier. I’m not pushing. It’s just that you’ve seemed so lonely and so hopeless, but perhaps things are better now.’

‘Better?’ He laughs. ‘I wish it were so. I fear making things worse, that’s all. I have no idea of what I left behind at home. Maybe it will pain me more to
know.’

‘It’s your choice.’

A lime green parakeet flies past us, screeching; in the lantern light, its feathers shimmer. ‘You know, sometimes I think
that
might be Gretchen,’ Javier murmurs. ‘Or
more likely Triti. She loved bling and bright colours. But then I think I am stupid because surely after this there is
nothingness
. It would be even more of a punishment to be here as a bird
than to be here as a Guest, right?’

He’s not expecting an answer. He follows the bird with his eyes, then looks back at me. ‘And then sometimes I am afraid of nothingness and sometimes I think it would be the best
thing ever. So I am trapped in my indecision. If I had a coin to flip, I could choose.’

‘I have a coin,’ I say, reaching behind me to the box where my father dumps his change every night after work. ‘Would you prefer to leave it to chance?’

A twisted smile appears on Javier’s face. ‘I think I do like that idea.
Que será , será
. It’s appropriate for a world where nothing is under our
control.’

‘Heads or tails?’

‘In Spain, we say
cara o cruz
. Face or cross. So let me see. Face, you do nothing. Cross, you do what I ask.’

It occurs to me that I could lie. Make it cross anyway, because I believe it’s the right thing for Javier.

I throw.

The coin lands on the table.

‘It’s tails . . . cross.’

Javier throws his head back and laughs. ‘Ah. There it is. And now I realise it
is
the right thing for me, Alice. Because if it had not been the cross, the tails, I would have asked
you to throw again until it was.’

I don’t have much time left before I have to leave this Beach for the one in Barcelona. ‘So what now?’

He smiles at me. ‘Let me see. I cannot send you to my city without some . . . traveller tips, right? The Sagrada Familia is better from the outside than the inside, so do not bother to
queue. The Ciutadella Park is very nice all year round. Very pretty. Oh. And do you like chocolate brownies?’

I feel impatient. There are guidebooks for this. I need to know how I can
help
him. ‘Yes, of course, but—’

‘Go to the Dulce café, on Carrer de Balboa. They have the best brownies in town, served warm, with ice cream on the side. Best waiters in town, too. Tell the cute one you know me.
But, beware, he might drop your plate.’

‘And that’s all?’

‘You’re a smart girl, Alice. I trust you will understand what is required once you are there.’

And then he reaches out to hug me, something he never does. I let him hold me, and I feel his heart beating against my chest. He wants this. I will do my best.

After Javier leaves me, I walk towards the huts that lie beyond the beach bar, taking careful steps in the dark. All I can hear is slow breathing; no one is awake. The
intensity of the blackness here is making my own eyelids heavy.

I peep through the door of the first hut. A single candle burns in a fisherman’s lantern, illuminating my sister’s face, and Tim’s next to her. Strange how two people who died
such awful deaths can look so peaceful. They’re holding hands in their sleep.

For a moment, I consider waking them up. This weekend could bring the breakthrough we all need, and if I manage to corner her killer, then it might possibly mean the end of her time on the
Beach. And my own.

My breathing quickens.
That would be too soon.

But she looks too sweet to wake, and anyway, what could I tell her without being banned? Plus, I can’t believe the journey will end in Spain. Surely it would be right for justice to be
done in London, where she died.

Or perhaps that’s just me trying to convince myself that I have any control over what happens to her or me or any of us.

‘Sweet dreams, Meggie. I will be back soon. Promise,’ I whisper. She smiles in her sleep and I think she might have heard me.

In the departure lounge Cara is still singing the Barcelona song.

I’m drinking Diet Coke, Sahara’s got a soya protein shake, and Ade is eating a breakfast panini. And we’re all wishing Cara would change the record. I was already on edge at
the thought that I’m going to be in Spain with three murder suspects
and
this huge responsibility towards Javier.

The tune is making me even edgier.

‘Does she have to announce where we’re going to the entire bar?’ Sahara mutters. Though she doesn’t seem to have the guts to tackle Cara directly. Perhaps she’s not
really scary at all.

The singing stops.

‘
Adrian?
’ says Cara, twisting a strand of newly dyed white hair round her finger. ‘Alice and I would love a tiny drink. Just to, you know, help us get in the holiday
mood.’

Sahara frowns. ‘We promised your parents we’d take care of you. And anyway, it’s not even half past nine yet.’

‘Mum always lets me have wine with dinner. She says it’s the reason why French children don’t turn into binge drinkers,’ Cara replies. Sure, her mum
does
let her
have a small glass in the evening, but that doesn’t stop Cara necking more in the pub afterwards.

‘I suppose they
are
on holiday,’ Ade says to Sahara. ‘And I quite fancy a beer myself.’

Sahara holds up her hands, and those long pointy fingers seem to have grown since I last saw her. ‘So what I think doesn’t matter to you?’

‘It’s not that, I just—’

‘Can I get anyone a drink?’

The voice is the last one I was expecting to hear. I turn round.

‘Lewis?’

He smiles at me. His face is red behind his designer specs, as though he’s been running. ‘What a coincidence, bumping into you guys!’

‘What are you doing here, Lewis?’ I’m surprised – he didn’t exactly jump at the idea of coming with me when I joked about it at his flat.

‘There’s a conference in Barcelona this weekend. Lots of potential contacts are going.’

‘You never said.’

‘Only confirmed my place at the last minute. Thought you’d be pleased. I’ll be busy during the day, but I was hoping to hang out with you guys at the fiesta!’

‘Great!’ I say. And it is great – he’s probably the only person here I really trust. It’s just a bit weird that he’s showed up like this without mentioning it
before.

Lewis parks his black leather trolley case under our table, then takes a step forward. ‘You must be Sahara?’ he surprises her with a quick, confident embrace, and then holds out his
hand to shake Ade’s hand, ‘and Adrian. Delighted to meet you. Alice has told me all about you. What you’ve done for her.’

‘Oh. Right. Well, we’ve tried our best,’ mumbles Sahara.

‘Don’t you recognise me, Bill Gates?’ Cara demands.

Lewis grins and gives her a hug. ‘How could I forget you, Cara? Now, where was I? Drinks, right? What can I get everyone?’

‘White wine and soda,’ says Cara.

‘I’m sticking with Coke,’ I say, pointedly, even though this situation is getting so odd that maybe it’ll only seem normal after an alcoholic drink.

When Lewis goes to the bar, Cara leans in close to me. ‘Romantic, or what? It’s like a Hugh Grant movie.’

‘Rubbish! He’s working.’

‘Looks good in a suit, too. Who’d have thought it?’

‘I didn’t notice.’ I was so surprised to see him that I hadn’t thought about what he was wearing till now. But his linen suit fits him so well it must be tailor-made.

‘Nice arse,’ she says, then giggles. ‘Don’t worry, I only have eyes for Ade. But you should have ordered wine. Soft drinks make you look like more of a kid in his eyes.
Not a woman.’

‘I don’t
want
him to see me as a woman,’ I hiss back. But then, I don’t want him to see me as a little kid, either.