Sophie Hartley and the Facts of Life (8 page)

“What's John doing?” Sophie asked when Nora came down.

“Dad's letting him brush his teeth in the bathtub,” said Nora.

“In the same water that he washed in? That was his surprise?”

“John thinks it's great.”

“I wonder how he got to be such a wacko,” Sophie said. She stood up. “I'm finished, if you want to use this.”

“Good.” Nora sat down in front of the computer.

“I think being Mr. Mom is getting to Dad, don't you?” said Sophie. “I mean, having to be nice at dinner and everything.”

“Ya think?” Nora said cheerfully. Sophie could tell she was still happy that Thad had said Ian was a good guy and that their dad had called it a date.

“Or, to follow Dad's rule,” Nora said. She stopped typing and looked at Sophie. “Maybe I should say, ‘My, what an interesting observation, sister dear.'”

“I like that.”

“Well, don't get too used to it.”

“Hey, Nora.” Thad stuck his head in the doorway on his way upstairs. “Tell Ian that if he tries any moves on Friday night, he'll have to answer to me.”

“Thad!” Nora cried.

Sophie had never heard her sister sound so happy to say their brother's name.

 

Luckily, Nora was in the shower later when Mr. Hartley shouted, “Who took the pile of Maura's clean clothes I left on the stairs?” Sophie ran up to the attic in her bare feet and brought them back down.

“I probably shouldn't ask why they were up there,” her dad said when she handed them to him.

“Probably not,” Sophie said.

“I should probably just be thankful none of you has done away with one of the others, at this point.”

“Definitely.”

“You know, Sophie,” Mr. Hartley said thoughtfully, “there's a lot more to this motherhood business than meets the eye. Don't rush into anything.”

“Dad, I'm only ten.”

“Right. Right.” Her dad turned and walked slowly down the hall. “Well, good night.”

On Thursday, the fifth-grade girls filed past Mrs. Stearns's room in the middle of the morning. Mrs. Stearns's class were writing in their journals. The door was open, but there wasn't a sound coming from the hall. Most of the girls walking past were looking straight ahead, as if they were going to something very serious. There was a kind of nervous, hushed feeling in the air.

Sophie looked across the aisle to see if Jenna had noticed them. Jenna pinched her nose, making Sophie giggle.

“How are you two coming with your stories?” Mrs. Stearns called.

“Good.” They both hunched over their journals again.

“Did you see them?” Alice said hurriedly when their class lined up for lunch. “How long do you think the movie will last?”

“Who cares?” said Sophie.

They were almost finished eating when the cafeteria doors flew open and the fifth-grade girls came in. They were making much more noise now, giggling and squealing, falling against one another and laughing. They moved toward tables in small packs.

“I can't believe what we have to do,” one of them squealed. She whispered something to another girl and they both shrieked.

“It was so embarrassing,” said another.

“What's Destiny up to now?” Jenna said as Destiny moved slowly down the table next to theirs, stopping behind each girl to say something and make a mark in her notebook.

“Knowing Destiny, she's checking her RSVPs,” Sophie said.

“What if you don't find Nora's book tonight?” Alice asked.

“I will,” Sophie said.

She didn't feel at all confident, however. Time was running out. She had to either find the book or ask Nora herself. The idea of Nora's reaction was excruciating, but Sophie was desperate. All she could hope was that Nora would be in a good mood because of her date. That would make it two nights in a row if she was, which was rare, but a miracle might happen.

Sophie really needed a miracle.

 

A miracle did happen. Two miracles. Well, one thing that made Sophie feel relieved, and one miracle.

The first was that Sophie talked to her mother on the phone.

“Did Dad tell you Mrs. Dubowski's coming to dinner tonight?” Sophie said.

“Yes. That was nice of Dad to invite her,” said Mrs. Hartley. “Her husband died when he was very young. She had to raise two children on her own and now she's raising her grandchild.”

“Grandchild?” said Sophie. “I thought she was the young, good-looking one.”

Mrs. Hartley laughed. “Leave it to your father,” she said. “Gina McFarley was the one we ran into at the mall. Mrs. Dubowski is a lovely woman. You'll enjoy her.”

“We were joking with Dad about it being a date,” Sophie said.

“Tell that to Mrs. Dubowski. She'll get a kick out of it.”

The second miracle was that when Nora got home from school, she was in great spirits. After Sophie handed the phone to their father, Nora reported that when she'd told Ian her brother was Thad from soccer camp, Ian had said that Thad was a really great guy.

That was all it had taken. One “really great guy” and Nora was floating on air.

“That means they like each other, so when Ian picks me up, Thad won't try to embarrass me,” she told Sophie. “At least, he better not.”

“Nora!” Mr. Hartley called from the kitchen. “Mom wants to talk to you.”

“It's probably about my date.” Nora rolled her eyes, but Sophie could tell she didn't mind. “I'm sure Mom wants to give me all sorts of advice.”

Nora came back with the phone pressed to her ear and wandered around the family room as she talked. Sophie worked on the computer and tried to act as if she weren't eavesdropping.

“Dad keeps calling it an
official
date,” Nora said. “Like there's an unofficial date.”

She seemed to like saying
date
—she'd been repeating it a lot. While Mrs. Hartley answered, Nora walked over to Mr. Hartley's favorite chair to inspect her face in the mirror above it. She smoothed first one eyebrow and then the other with the tip of her finger. “I know . . . I know . . . Did you tell him not to tell any corny jokes?” Nora gathered her hair on top of her head with one hand and smiled at herself in the mirror. She was practicing smiling at Ian. Sophie had watched her do that many times when they'd shared a bedroom.

Nora never smiled like that at anyone in the family. They all would have thought she was sick.

“Good,” Nora said. “And I don't have to worry about Thad. He's going on a date too.”

There it was again.

Then, “Mom! I already know that.”

Sophie looked up, alarmed. Nora sounded more like her old annoyed self.
Please please please,
Sophie pleaded silently.
Don't spoil things, Mom. Not now.

“Okay. I said I will, and I will.” Nora frowned.

Say
date,
say
date, Sophie urged.
That'll make Nora happy again.

“I wish you were too,” Nora said. “Except you'd probably want to take pictures and I'd die of embarrassment.”

Nora listened for another moment, and then her smile came back and she laughed. “Okay,” she said. “I love you, too.”

Sophie couldn't remember the last time she'd heard Nora tell their mother she loved her. This wonderful mood couldn't go on much longer.

It was now or never.

 

When Nora walked past Sophie's room before dinner as Sophie was lying on her bed reading, Sophie called, “Nora?”

She didn't have a clue as to what she was going to say.

There was a short silence and then Nora appeared in her doorway. “What?” she said. She glanced at her watch. “You have exactly ten seconds. I have to go up and try on the skirt I bought for Sammy's party.”

Sophie shut her book and sat up. “Do you remember the movie?” she asked.

Nora looked puzzled.

“Some girls say ‘the
movie.
'”

Nora's face cleared and she laughed. “Oh, the
movie,
” she drawled, sounding just like Destiny. “Don't tell me they make girls watch that in the fourth grade these days.”

“No, it's still the fifth grade,” Sophie said. “But the fifth graders saw it today, and now all the fourth-grade girls are dying to know what it's about.”

“The lead-up to that thing is so embarrassing.” Nora came in slowly and sat on the end of what had been her bed when they'd shared the room. “For a whole year before, everybody dreads it, but it's not so bad when you finally see it. Well, it's kind of weird when you're watching it, but you get over it.” She stopped. “You don't want me to tell you about it, do you?”

“Nonononono,” said Sophie.

“Whew.”

“It's just that there's this girl, Destiny . . .” Sophie told Nora about Destiny's meeting and Alice's invitation and what Destiny had said about the facts of life and being immature. “Now, whenever she and Hailey walk past us, they pretend they're crying like babies.”

“She sounds like Lisa Kellogg,” Nora said. “In the fifth grade, Lisa went around telling everyone that if she ever got a French poodle, she was going to name it Nora after my hair. She and all of her friends made barking noises when I walked by. I still can't stand her.”

“So you understand,” Sophie said. Then, sheepishly: “Oh, and it kind of ended up that I'm holding a meeting too.”

“You're holding a meeting when you're completely clueless?” Nora said. “I don't know how you get yourself into these things.”

“I don't know either,” Sophie said. “But there are going to be about ten girls and they'll all be looking at me and I don't know what to tell them. All I need are a few things I can say. Most girls my age don't want to know
every
thing. At least, the girls coming to my meeting don't. They just want to know a tiny bit. Two key words or something. That's all I need.”

Thad popped his head in the door and looked interested. “Two key words about what?” he said, with his uncanny older-brother knack of knowing exactly when his sisters didn't want him around.

“Don't say anything,” Sophie begged Nora.

“Poor Sophie,” Nora told him. “The fifth-grade girls went to see that movie today that we were all forced to watch. Don't you remember? The one about ‘the beauty of human development,' as they called it.” Nora snorted. “Who do they think they're kidding?”

“Yeah. They should come right out and call it
The Weird and Bizarre Things Your Body Is About to Go Through but Nobody Wants to Talk About,
” Thad said. “Then kids could laugh about it.”

“I'm so embarrassed.” Sophie fell backwards and put her pillow over her face.

“Hey, come on, Sophie, I'm your brother,” Thad said.

“That's why she's embarrassed.” Nora took Sophie by the arm and pulled her to a seated position. “Come on. Sit up.”

“It's not a big deal,” Thad said. “You'll be fine.”

“Everyone treats it like a big deal,” Sophie said glumly.

“A girl in her class named Destiny is giving her a hard time about it,” Nora said.

“All I need is two key words,” said Sophie.

“That's easy,” Thad said. “
Hormones
and
glands
.”

“
Hormones
and
glands,
” Sophie repeated.

“Thad, are you sure . . . ?” Nora said doubtfully.

“Relax.” Thad perched on the stool at Sophie's art table. “Sophie has the right to know. After all, she's . . . what are you now, Soph, eleven?”

“Ten.”

“Ten, then.”

“And you're going to be the one to tell her?” Nora slowly shook her head. “I'm not sure I can stick around for this.”

“Nora, please,” Sophie cried when Nora stood up. “Don't leave me.”

“Let me give you a simple analogy,” said Thad. He was preparing for the college PSATs and had been walking around the house spouting analogies for weeks. “Hormones are to a body as gas is to a car.”

“A car?” Nora slowly sat back down. “This I have to hear.”

“It's very simple, Soph.” Thad leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “When you're a baby, you're really happy, right? You don't have to worry about a thing. You crawl around all day, saying ‘goo-goo' and ‘ga-ga,' and when you're wet, someone changes your diaper, and when you're hungry, someone feeds you. You with me so far?”

All Sophie could do was nod. Even Nora was silent.

“Little kids are happy too. They get to dig in the sandbox and make up weird superhero or princess games, and someone cooks for them and tucks them into bed at night. The toughest job they have is learning how to tie their shoes.” Thad was really getting into this. “So, you've got all these little kids running around, having a good time, waving sticks, pretending to be heroes and playing on the jungle gym and the swings, without a care in the world. But what's going to happen if they don't grow up?”

Thad paused, as if waiting for an answer. Sophie looked at him blankly.

“The world's going to be filled with five- and six-year olds, that's what,” Thad said. “They can't hold jobs . . . they can't drive . . . they've never heard of algebra . . . Who's going to run for president?”

Nora's mouth fell open.

“Big problem, right?” Thad shook his head. “So your brain says, ‘I've got to do something to rev up these kids or they're never going to grow up! They're going to want to stay young forever!'”

Sophie was mesmerized.

“It's the same thing with a car,” Thad said. “If it weren't for gas, a car would stand still. Sometimes, you've got to put your pedal to the metal and gun it or you're going to run into that ditch or hit the little old lady who's taking her sweet time in the crosswalk when you're late for school. That's what hormones are for.”