Soothing His Madness

Soothing His Madness

By

Debra Kayn

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places,
and incidents are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously
and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales,
organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Soothing His Madness

1st Digital release: Copyright© 2013 Debra Kayn

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used
or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in
the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

www.debrakayn.com

Dedication

Wheels

Only you can love me like I need to be loved, dream the
same wacky dreams, and join in on the madness. We've done some big things while
I wrote this book. We moved to a different state, traveled through five states
in hellish weather, and somehow survived going over the mountains with a tire
on fire, a cat loose in the truck, and absolutely no room to breathe. We survived
and reached our goals, and now it's time to put those wacky dreams to reality.

Miranda, Luke, Jake, Jimmy

May you always win at the pool table, be shifty at
poker, rock to the classics, and outdrink everyone. Most parents would tell
their kids how proud they are, and I am. But, life is about living and you're
no longer young kids in which I need to remind you to grow up and be good
people.

Ride fast and free, fight for your freedoms, protect
your family, and most of all…love. Don't ever stop loving.

CSC

It's a lifestyle. It's an attitude. It's badassery at
its best.

Chapter One

One beer bottle
after another smashed into the brick wall inside the bar of Cactus Cove,
landing in a sickening shower of glass. Taylor strained against Torque's hold,
trying to reach Slade before he hurt himself. The Bantorus Motorcycle Club member
holding her back was too strong, too big, and too stubborn to break away from.

Her heart shattered
along with the bottles over the pain etched on Slade's face. His brown hair wild
and free from the ponytail he'd worn to court stuck to the sides of his face.
The tie and jacket were gone, and his dress shirt hung tattered on his
shoulders from where he'd attempted to rip off the offending clothes he'd purchased
only for his appearance in court.

"Honey,
no," she screamed. "Stop, please."

The judge ruled in favor
of Slade's ex-wife. He lost full custody of his boys and everything he lived
for. Taylor had believed the outcome would be different. How could a stranger
decide the fate of Slade's life when the judge didn't understand how much he
loved his kids?

"Let the man
hate the world," Torque whispered in her ear. "Stopping him now is
only going to make him explode later when his clubs not around to save his
ass."

Slade bashed his
head against the brick. She sagged in Torque's hold, unable to watch, but
unwilling to look away in case Slade realized she was there for him. An ache
like nothing she'd ever experienced before squeezed her heart. She wanted to
change the outcome for him or make sure he never gave up trying to win custody.

He'd worried,
stressed, and agonized over the last two years, afraid Jodie would win custody
if he messed up, and she'd supported him every step of the way, because he was
the best father to his kids. He lived and breathed for his boys.

They'd kept their
relationship secret, because Slade was afraid Jodie would use Taylor against
Slade, so she'd taken every clandestine late night visit when the kids had a
babysitter and Slade snuck away to be with her. She'd cherished those stolen
moments, while he fought the good fight of trying to gain full custody of his
two boys, Lee and Kurt. She'd willingly accepted that their relationship would
never go beyond friendship in the eyes of the Bantorus MC or the outside world.

She loved Slade
more for putting his boys first in his life.

"Oh my God,
he's going to kill himself." She jerked in Torque's arms. "Stop
him."

Slade punched the
wall, the counter, yelling in agony. Taylor's legs collapsed, and Torque picked
her up as she buried her head in the biker's leather vest to muffle her scream.

She needed him.

The Children needed
their father.

How could the judge
give Slade's ex-wife, Jodie, custody and Slade end up with every other weekend
in his children's lives?

None of it made any
sense. He'd proven himself. He worked at Shift's garage in town and for the
club. Child support came first before beer, motorcycle parts, and living life.

"Sh,
sweetheart." Torque carried her into Rain Brookshire's office and sat her
down on the couch. "I'll bring you a drink."

She shook her head,
wrapping her arms around her waist. "Please, go stop him from hurting
himself more."

Torque looked at
his boots before meeting her gaze. "Bantorus members have his back. You
need to calm down, and then I'll have one of the other girls drive you
home."

"I can't
leave." She stood on shaky legs. "I need to stay with Slade. I just
need to talk with him."

"When a man's
whole world is stripped away from him, he needs space. Let him be, sweetheart. The
brothers will stick by him tonight." Torque waited until she nodded, and
then he slipped out of the room.

Hollow inside, she
only wanted to go out and comfort Slade. He needed someone, and keeping her
relationship with him secret was no longer her top priority. The judge had made
his decision, and now she'd help him accept the vicissitudes in his life.

Slade and his boys
meant everything to her. Even before she became involved with Slade, she'd
watched Lee and Kurt grow up within the Bantorus MC. Another sob wracked her
body. She mourned for the kids. They called Taylor their aunt, just like they
did with the other women in the club. That connection made her feel like part
of the MC, even though it was by association only.

The boys had no
idea she was romantically involved with their father, and the only time she
could have them all around her was when the MC came together. Then she used
every opportunity to get to know the boys. She even kid-sat them at her house
if Slade had a run.

What were those two
boys going to do without their father every day?

A masculine wounded
bellow rocked the building. Taylor ran out of the office and down the hall into
the bar. She stumbled at the sight of Rain swinging a fist at Slade's head.

"No." She
ran forward, pushing through the crowd. "Stop!"

Slade crumbled to
the floor, knocked out cold. She dropped to her knees beside him and glared at
Rain. "How could you hit him?"

"Putting him
out of his misery." Rain took the wet towel from Ronny and squatted down
on the other side of Slade.

"W-what?"
She stroked Slade's whiskered face. "You can't hurt him when he's already
in pain."

"You want to
do something for him? Clean his hands." Rain pushed the towel at her.
"Hurry before he wakes."

That's when she
noticed the blood running freely over Slade's knuckles and between his fingers.
She clamped her teeth, and went to work picking glass out of the wounds and
staunching the bleeding. Rain followed her actions, and bandaged Slade's hands
while he remained knocked out. She focused all her attention on fixing Slade,
because she hadn't a clue on how she was ever going to let him know how sorry
she was about today's outcome.

Slade groaned and
rolled his head. She leaned forward, stroking his face. Her chest hurt knowing
he was going through the turmoil of losing his kids.

Rain grabbed her
arm and stood her up. "Ronny, Torque, put Slade in my truck."

She stood a few
feet away and watched helplessly, knowing better than to argue with Rain. He
was the Bantorus president, and her boss. He owned the bar where she
waitressed, and half the town. That didn't mean she liked him pushing her away
from Slade.

"Please, can I
go with him." She squeezed Rain's arm. "He can't be alone tonight.
Look what he's doing to himself."

Rain turned and
blocked her from the others in the room. "A man loses his heart, he wants
to strike out and hurt everyone that means a shit to him. Slade's not thinking
with his head, but letting the pain take control. If he were thinking straight,
he'd protect you by staying away from you. Give him time."

"Slade would
never hurt me," she whispered.

"I'm not willing
to test your trust in him, sweetheart." Rain motioned to someone behind
her without breaking his gaze with Taylor. "Tori's going to drive you
home. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how he is."

"But—"

"No,
Taylor." Rain laid his hand on the back of her head and brought her
forward. "I promise you, I'll take care of your man."

Rain and his wife,
Tori, knew she loved Slade. She blinked the moisture out of her vision. They
were the only two people Slade was okay with talking to about personal
problems. Besides, Rain supported Slade's fight for his boys by being a
character witness in court.

"Okay,"
she said. "Tell him…tell him, if he needs me, I'll be at home. Swear that
you'll tell him. I need him to know I'm here for him."

Rain petted her
hair. "I will."

Tori slipped her
arm around Taylor's waist and pulled her tight against her side. "C'mon,
honey. Let's get you home."

On the five-minute
ride to Taylor's house, Tori stayed quiet. Taylor appreciated the gesture,
because she wasn't sure what to say or even what to think. Slade not getting
custody of his kids was not an option. He'd only discussed
when
he'd get
his kids out of their mother's house, because of neglect.

Tori pulled into the
driveway of Taylor's two-bedroom ranch style house and shut off the engine of
the truck. "I need to get back to Lilly and let the babysitter go home,
but do you want to pack a change of clothes and stay at our place
tonight?"

"No."
Taylor reached across the span of the seat and squeezed Tori's hand. "I
need to be here in case Slade calls or comes over."

Tori squeezed her
back. "Okay, honey. I understand."

She left the truck,
smooched an air kiss to Tori in thanks, and walked to the front door. After she
unlocked the handle, she waved back at Tori. She knew her friend worried, but
the person who needed everyone's attention was Slade.

Inside the house,
she dropped her purse and walked into the living room. The silence irritated
her. The lack of what her life represented was missing inside the room. If
anyone looked inside her house, they'd never be able to tell that her heart belonged
to Slade. There were no boots by the couch, no vest flung over the rocker, and
no beat-up motorcycle helmet from one of Slade's kids lying in the middle of
the room.

She had a soul full
of love and no one to share it with. She sank onto the edge of the couch, lost
in her lonely surroundings. She belonged to Slade. Only the truth was, she
didn't, and unable to breach the barrier into Slade's world hurt, it hurt a lot.

Chapter Two

The back of Slade's
eyes protested the light coming from above. He lifted his arm to shield the
pain and groaned. His fingers stiff and bandaged throbbed with the movement.

Cold, hard truth
punched him in the gut, recalling every fucking detail about yesterday. He
rolled off the bed and rushed to the bathroom where he hurled the contents of
his stomach.

He'd lost his kids.

Another person's
decision had ripped his kids out of his life and forced him to break his word to
them. He'd promised them he'd never leave their lives. He squeezed his eyes
shut, but blocking his sight did nothing to erase the fear in Lee's eyes at the
courthouse.

At nine years old,
Lee still wanted a constant parent in his life…Slade. Tears had run unchecked
down Lee's cheeks as Jodie ushered the boys out of the room. Then Kurt, more
mature than any thirteen-year-old boy should be, had lifted his chin in a
silent promise to Slade that he'd look after his brother. The dry eyes and defeat
on his oldest boy face hurt the most.

Fuck. That wasn't
his son's responsibility. It was Slade's job.

Then that
motherfucker Ray, the kids' stepfather, had fucking waved at Slade on his way
out of the building. Anger tightened his throat. First opportunity he had, he
was going to kill the bastard.

Not only did Ray
neglect the children and put them in questionable situations, he'd used Kurt's
big brother status against the courts, by agreeing to let Kurt go with Slade,
if Jodie could have full custody of Lee. Slade's head pounded. The asshole knew
Kurt would never leave his younger brother's side, no matter how much the boys
pleaded to live with Slade.

How was he going to
protect them? He braced his hand on the back of the toilet, gasping for breath.
He'd only see his kids four days out of the month. It wasn't enough.

"Fuck,"
he mumbled, wiping his forearm across his mouth. Fuck Jodie. Fuck the judge.
Fuck Ray…the motherfucker now had more time in his kids' life than he did.
"I'm going to kill him."

He stumbled out of
the bathroom and flung open his top dresser drawer. Anger soured his stomach,
and he swallowed the nausea down. He tossed the towel he used to cover the
contents in the drawer to the floor and frowned. Both his pistols were gone.

"They'll be at
the bar when you're ready," Rain said behind Slade.

He whirled,
regretting the movement instantly. "You can't take my guns."

Rain leaned against
the doorframe and crossed his arms "What I can't do is lose my vice president
because of a decision he made when his head wasn't straight."

"Bull
shit." Slade snapped his leather Bantorus vest off the end of the bed and
shoved his arms through the holes "I've stood beside you many times in
retaliation for different reason, which made no sense to me at the time, all in
the name of being a Bantorus member. The motherfucker has my kids—he lifted his
gaze to Rain—if it was Lilly taken away from you, what would you do?"

Rain pushed off the
wall and walked closer. "I'd kill anyone who touched her or my
woman."

"Damn right,
you'd—"

"And my vice
president would make sure my ass stayed out of prison, so even if I only had a
slim chance of seeing my kid again, I could." Rain walked over to the
dresser, removed the knife and boot shield, and tossed it to Slade. "We'll
come up with a way to get your kids back, but now is not the time. That fucking
judge is waiting for you to screw up, and he wants to make a name for himself
by bringing down one of the Bantorus members."

Slade attached the
knife to his boot. The weapon wasn't the same as carrying a loaded pistol, but
the tension eased somewhat. If he had to, he'd gut Ray and watch him die.

"Don't go
there," Rain said.

Slade wiped his
hand across his mouth. "Ain't making any promises. I get the opportunity…Ray's
a dead man. The longer my kids are with him, the more I'm afraid something is
going to happen. I can't take the chance of my boys getting hurt."

"I have Jim
working on getting all the information he can on Ray." Rain pulled out his
cell. "I'll make sure he devotes all his time to the case, and the club
will eat the cost."

"Your
investigator has been working on the case for two fucking years, and a lot of
good that did me," Slade muttered. "I got to get out of here.
Everywhere I look I see Lee and Kurt…"

Rain nodded.
"Why don't I take you to Taylor's place?"

"No." He
marched over to the closet, reached up on the shelf, and removed a bottle of
whiskey off the top shelf. He unscrewed the lid and took a healthy swallow.
"I'll hang out at the bar."

"Answers not
in drinking." Rain shrugged when Slade took another drink. "Your
life, man. I'll take you to Cactus Cove. Maybe one of the other brothers can
talk some sense into you."

Slade rode in
Rain's truck, wishing he had his motorcycle and could escape. No destination in
mind, just him and the open road. He tipped back the bottle, wanting to numb
the guilt from failing his kids. From failing Taylor. From failing to provide
for his family. He swigged another drink. He'd failed everyone.

Taylor deserved a
man who could hold his family together. She gave and gave, and all he ever gave
her was leftover shit he'd thrown at her the last couple of years. He treated
her like a bitch, unable to ask any more of her than sex when he couldn't stay
away. He sniffed and stuck the bottle between his knees. She was too good for
him.

He'd wanted to give
her everything. Himself. His kids. A life together.

The last year, he'd
waited and planned to make it official once he legally had his kids under his
roof and Jodie out of his life.

His thoughts grew
foggy and he shook his head. "Is she working tables tonight?"

Rain glanced at
him. "No. I gave her tonight off."

"Good,"
he replied, relieved Rain knew he was talking about Taylor because even saying
her name hurt.

He couldn't handle
seeing her yet. She'd want to know what happened, and he couldn’t deal with
everything right now. She'd also try to talk him out of his need for vengeance.
Women like her—too damn good for him—wouldn't understand that sometimes you had
to settle things the wrong way to make things right again. He took another
swallow of whiskey. The burn barely registered.

Despite Rain taking
his guns and obviously babysitting him, nobody was going to stop him from
getting his kids back. He lifted the bottle; frowned to find he'd consumed half
the whiskey.

At Cactus Cove, he hurried
inside in an attempt to keep his buzz on. He didn't want to sober up. Not
tonight.

Torque approached
him and clapped his hand down on his shoulder, and then backed away without
saying a word. Slade lifted the bottle to his lips again. The hell with pity,
he was going to get plastered.

Gladys caught his
eye. He sauntered over to the bar and handed her the almost empty bottle.
"Toss this one, and bring me tequila."

Gladys pressed her
lips together, and her soft green eyes watered. He glared, warning her off. He
had no room for a mother, and Gladys had a habit of trying to keep all the Bantorus
men in line as the unofficial momma of the club.

A few seconds
later, he found a corner table and sat down for the night with a bottle of Jose
and a shot glass. If Rain wanted to hover over him, he could damn well drive
him home after he passed out.

"Hey,
Slade." Linda, one of the bitches who hung around Ronny, slid into a chair
across from him at the table. "Sorry to hear about—"

He slammed his
glass against the table. "Move on, bitch."

Linda's lipstick
stained bottom lip came out in a pout and she leaned forward, undisturbed with
his outburst. "I can make you feel better, baby. Let me take you back to
my cabin."

He leaned back,
took in the short jean skirt, the tank straining over her double D's, and felt
nothing. Her green eyes flashed in excitement. The empty whole in his chest
grew bigger. He'd had her before, many times in fact, prior to hooking up with
Taylor, and sex was good. But it wasn't Taylor fucking good. "Go sniff out
someone else who can treat you right, sweetheart. I ain't got nothing for
you."

Linda stood and ran
her hand along Slade's jaw. "Okay, baby. You know where to find me,
yeah?"

He poured a shot of
tequila and slapped it back, enjoying the burn. "Right."

Linda sashayed away
from the table. He watched in hypnotic comfort, as the sway of her hips grew
dimmer and dimmer. Women never failed to amaze him.

Sex was their
answer to all their problems. He'd spent most of his teenage and adult life
solving first Jodie's troubles and then trying to fix most of the bitches that
hung around the club, ignoring where his behavior took him. Jodie, with her
tight little body and bubbly personality, had played him for a fool. He'd knocked
her up and made her his woman. Tried to do the best he could by his family,
even making another kid with her to try to turn her into a homebody.

A lot of good that
did him. She fucked around—trying to see if someone new could fix her head.
He'd left with the kids and never looked back. He rubbed his thumb against the
rim of the shot glass. Taylor was the only woman who came to him problem free.
He drank more tequila. Hell, she'd leave with his problems if he continued to
see her.

His madness
infected everyone who mattered to him. His kids. Taylor. The club.

The phone in his
pocket vibrated. He knocked over the opened bottle of Tequila in his scramble
to reach his cell. He blinked, clearing the fog in his vision, studying the
screen, hoping to see Kurt's name pop up.

Instead, a text
came from the garage. He needed to show up at work tomorrow morning. He shoved
the phone back in his pocket, and then cradled his head in his hand. The
alcohol numbed him enough he wasn't breaking anything, but he could still
think. Now he'd have to cut himself off for the rest of the night if he planned
to make it into work early.

He had to make a
living, because his kids needed the support. From experience, he knew Jodie
wouldn't spend any of Ray's money on the kids.

Not in the mood to
hang around the bar if he wasn't able to get plowed, he stood and walked toward
the door. He'd find someone outside to take him home.

He pushed through
the door and came to a complete stop. A rush of adrenaline sobered him and made
it impossible to tap down his emotions.

Taylor stood in
front of him, studying him, soaking up every damn detail he couldn't hide. The
pity etched in her hazel eyes pissed him off, and had him wishing he could walk
over and shake some sense into her.

And yet, she calmed
him like nobody could. The amount of his feelings scared him. He wasn't afraid
to admit that he feared breaking her. Her quiet acceptance of the MC lifestyle,
the crudeness she put up with at work and with him was not something a woman
like her was used to or deserved.

Before he could put
distance between them, she'd become his everything.

His heart raced,
and he fought laying everything on her shoulders, because it was his job to
take care of her. He was the man. He'd protect her from every nasty thing that
wanted to touch her, including himself.

"Come to my
house," she whispered, clearing her throat and speaking louder. "I
want to be with you.

Her softness, her
devotion, her understanding hurt him. He swallowed hard, not wanting to answer
her but continuing to stand, so he could be near her. He didn't deserve her
attention.

She held out her
hand, and he suspected she understood that he'd throw anything she had to say
back in her face. The temptation to lay his hand in hers and let her take care
of him was almost too hard to control. He had to fight against going to her for
comfort, because the last thing she needed was him.

He was sick,
because tonight he had an unexplained desire for her to experience the same
kind of hurt he was going through. His madness was out of control, and he
couldn't stop it. His life was fucked.

He shook his head.
"I'm heading home."

"How are you
getting there?" she asked.

The quietness and
strength in her voice caressed his soul. God, he needed her. "I'm gonna
see if one of the guys will give me a lift."

"I'll take
you." She turned and walked into the parking lot.

He watched her go
away, wanting to follow, but the last of his resolve held on tight to his word
that he wouldn't upset her life any more than he already had. She hesitated at
her car, and he continued to watch her. She understood him better than his
Bantorus brothers did. If he didn't follow her, she'd drive away and never look
back. It'd be the smartest thing she'd ever done.

But, she didn't
leave.

She stood there in
the opened car door and looked at him from fifty feet away. Her eyes, no less
penetrable from that distance, begged him to come with her. She saw through him
with the patience of a saint.