Soon (26 page)

Karen put the paper down. ‘What? Simon, we've been through this.'

Elke's face had gone blank, she opened her eyes wide. ‘Oh.'

‘It's lovely that they're so keen to have you,' Simon said.

‘She doesn't want to,' Karen said. ‘She wants to stay with us. Where she belongs.'

Simon got up and walked to the rail. He looked down at his hands; they were steady. ‘I don't know why you're so insistent about it, Karen. It seems like a good idea to me. She's going to travel with them, go to America. And Johnnie loves her, and their house is closer to the university than ours, so it's nice and convenient.'

Silence. The birds hopped and pecked. He looked at Karen, then quickly away. There wasn't only anger in her expression, but confusion, dismay.

‘I think we should be flexible,' he said.

Elke said, ‘So you want me to.'

‘I . . .' His throat closed over, he swallowed. ‘I think it's a nice idea. Spend some time with your mother.'

Karen made a sound. He didn't look.

Elke shrugged. ‘Whatever,' she said. ‘No problem, Dad. Anyway, I'm going to tennis.' She threw the rest of the crumbs onto the lawn, ran down the steps and away up the path.

Karen went to the edge of the deck, turned to Simon. ‘How could you say that?'

‘Listen—'

‘No.'

‘We have to let her go.'

‘She doesn't
want
to go. She thinks you're throwing her out, that you've rejected her.'

‘We should let her be with Roza. That was the deal when we got her.'

‘
No it wasn't
. Roza was nowhere around. She was completely abandoned. She's my daughter.'

‘She's Roza's too.'

‘No.'

‘Karen. If you want to have anything more to do with the Hallwrights, you should let Elke live with them. If you don't, they'll cut us off.'

‘Then
let
them cut us off. Let's have nothing more to do with them.'

Simon spread out his hands. ‘You'd give up the friendship? Give up . . . all this?'

‘All this? You value all this over Elke? Over
our daughter
?'

‘We don't have to give her up; we'll still see her if we stay friends with the Hallwrights. If we don't, we risk losing her
and
them.'

‘No.'

‘Just think about it. Don't do anything silly. Stay away from Roza today and try to put it in perspective. ‘

She stared. ‘I don't think I know you at all.'

He hardened his tone. ‘This isn't some . . . Victorian melodrama. Just promise me you'll think about it. And don't go near Roza or David until you have.'

She didn't say anything.

He said, ‘Do you really want to give it all up? Rotokauri? Everything we've shared with them? What are we losing really, if she swaps houses? It's a minor readjustment. The closer we stay to them, the closer we'll be to Elke. And vice versa.'

She started to say something, he cut her off. ‘Don't do or say anything that will make us all worse off.'

The birds had lined up on the veranda rail, fluffing out their feathers. Karen gave him a numb stare. He put his arms around her. ‘I'm trying to work out what's best.'

She said, ‘Perhaps you take after your father after all.'

He waited then said, ‘Sit down, darling. Just sit down for a minute.'

She allowed him to push her into a deck chair. He took her hand. ‘Elke's eighteen. She'll be wanting novelty, experience, travel, all that. The next thing she'll do is find a flat with one of her five thousand closest friends. On the other hand, if she moves in with the Hallwrights, we'll keep her close. All we have to do is maintain our friendship with them. And you don't really want to give them up, do you? There's a lot to look forward to. That ball you and Roza are working on, the fundraising thing with Trish Ellison. The other thing, for the children's hospital. All that work'll go to waste if you cut Roza off, the effort'll be for nothing. Roza can't do it, she's so disorganised, she barely pays attention — I know she swans about getting her nails done and leaves you lot to do the work, darling, everyone notices that. She needs you and Trish and Sharon and Juliet to carry out your plans. People are depending on you. You've got to think about that.'

She lifted her chin, stared off into the distance. ‘That's all true . . .'

‘Come on then. Let's go and have breakfast.' He squeezed her hand.

She pulled away. ‘You're talking about our daughter leaving us.'

‘She'll do that anyway.'

‘Claire hasn't.'

‘No, but she will. Kids grow up and leave. What you have to do is stay in touch.'

——

They crossed to the main lawn, where Saturday breakfast was being served under the pohutukawa. Ed Miles was dressed in khaki and shoes without socks. He seemed to be trying to get at something stuck between his teeth, his tongue working around his pale gums. Without joining in the conversation he glanced continually from one person to the next.

The Cock, wearing mirror sunglasses, was peeling an apple with a knife, his long, thin fingers working spiderishly, the twist of peel dangling and jerking above his plate. David laughed at something he'd just read in the newspaper, nudged the Cock and put his big blunt finger on the article. His guffaw was crude, blokey, too loud; his face looked rough with sunburn and faintly thuggish. The Cock gave a thin smile. The sun shone through a gap in the branches, playing a white lozenge of light on the Cock's big bald forehead. Simon suddenly felt he was looking at people he'd never seen before. There was something grotesque, venal, ugly about them.

David laughed again, a harsh sound. ‘All right, Simon?'

‘Morning.'

Roza and Sharon were eating fruit salad with long spoons and Juliet peered out at them from under a floppy hat.

Sharon inspected her reflection in the back of her spoon. ‘Juliet says there's a spike in UV today. Treble the risk of melanoma.'

‘Hi guys,' Karen said.

There was a silence. The spoons clinked on the glass bowls. Sharon and Roza glanced at each other.

Karen sat down, hesitant.

Simon gave Roza a cold look. She returned it with her usual coy and wicked smile but there was something behind the smile, a carelessness.

‘Coffee's preventative,' Juliet said to Simon. ‘I read it. Stops you getting skin cancer.'

‘I'd better have one then.' He looked at Trent, who appeared to be sending a text. ‘Trent?'

The young man put the phone in his pocket.

‘The only trouble is, coffee makes me so jumpy,' Juliet said. She tugged on her hat brim, looking unhappy.

‘Don't forget me, Trent,' Sharon said, touching her cup with her spoon, a light ping. Trent poured the coffee with a sly flourish. The Cock watched them.

A magpie burst out of the bushes, sudden flurry in the air, squawking.

‘Hello, and how's your wife?' the Cock said to Trent.

Sharon turned to him. ‘Eh? Who are you talking to?'

The Cock smiled around the company. ‘It's astonishing what my wife doesn't know. It's what you say, my dear, when you see a single magpie. It's bad luck to see a single one, good luck to see two. When you see
one, in order to ward off bad luck you say: hello, and how's your wife?'

The sarcastic ping of nails on glasses.

‘What a mine of information he is.'

‘He's a walking encyclopaedia.'

‘It's so useful, having him come out with things like that.'

Roza said sweetly, ‘And what are you planning to do today, Karen?'

Karen's smile faded. ‘I thought we were . . . tennis?'

‘Change of plan. Sorry, didn't we say? Juliet and I are having a session with Garth.'

‘Oh.'

Ed said, ‘You must be getting fit, Karen, playing all that tennis. Great for the figure.'

Karen twisted in her seat. It was painful to watch. Simon was keeping his anxiety at bay but a little flare of anger started up in him, threatening his control. All this was his fault; Karen's suffering was his fault.

‘We're going to miss you after this holiday, Colin,' Roza said, patting the Cock's sleeve.

‘But we won't be far away,' the Cock said, still eyeing Trent, who was busying himself with cutlery. ‘David and I will be back at work. Tackling the big problems.
Unemployment
,
for example. The tragedy of
job loss
.'

Trent glanced at the Cock, quickly looked away.

Sharon selected a grape, pincered it between finger and thumb. ‘Please don't talk about the economy while I'm eating.'

The Cock held up his hand. ‘You're right. It wouldn't do to strain my wife's brain so early in the morning.'

Sharon cackled.

‘We wouldn't want her to black out.'

Roza picked up a banana. ‘Would you like one of these?' she asked the Cock. He gave her a sideways, amused look, took it from her and weighed it in his hand. The effect was suggestive. David watched with a neutral expression.

Juliet fidgeted, clasping her freckly hands together. ‘You know what? It's going to be a great year.'

‘It is going to be an excellent year,' the Cock said to Juliet, who blushed. ‘Your husband's going to reduce the crime rate. Aren't you, Miles.'

‘I already have. If you'll just build me some new prisons.'

‘To me, it's one of the most important things,' Juliet said in a hushed voice. ‘Getting criminals off the streets. The violence . . . They give them bail and then they go out and just . . . kill people.'

‘Oh please,' Sharon said. ‘We said no politics at the table. Pass me that banana, darling. You look simian, clutching it in your paw like that.'

‘Simian. The year
is
beginning well. My wife has learned a new word.'

Ed Miles said, ‘We're going to get even tougher on crime.'

‘Great,' Karen said. ‘No excuses. Lock them up and throw away the key.'

Ed said, ‘I'm sure your husband agrees, Karen.'

They all looked at Simon.

Silence.

‘Violent criminals, Lampton. Lock them up and throw away the key?' Ed Miles said.

‘Oh, absolutely,' Simon said.

They walked over the dunes, down onto the beach. The heat made mirages, patches of blackness hovering over the sand, like holes torn in the mesh of the sky. The tide was high, the sea was vigorous, great walls of pure white foam rolling towards them over the shells, sighing back into the surge. Seagulls rode on the easterly, crying their sad cries.

Karen stumped over the sand, the wind whipping her hair around her face. ‘You see the way they're treating me. The way Roza's behaving now she's got her way.'

Simon shifted the heavy bag onto his other shoulder. His knee burned. ‘She'll change when the Cahanes leave. Sharon's a bad influence.'

‘It's nothing to do with Sharon. Roza's freezing me out because she knows she's getting Elke.'

‘No, it won't be like that.'

She rounded on him. ‘For once, why don't you tell the truth? If Roza freezes me off I'll never see Elke, she'll poison her against me. You've obviously never cared about Elke, you're made of ice.'

‘Keep your nerve,' Simon said. A wave surged up, cool water flooded around his ankles. The gulls screamed. ‘Stay friendly with the Hallwrights, maintain contact with Elke.'

‘I say we persuade Elke to come with us now. Just leave. Cut them off.'

‘You can't do that. It would be wrong. Roza is her mother. And anyway . . .' He hesitated.

‘What?'

He said, expressionless, ‘Even if you fall out with Roza, David and I are close.'

‘You care more about that than about Elke.'

‘That's not true.'

‘You never wanted her. You didn't want to adopt, remember? You thought it would be too much trouble.'

His mouth twitched. ‘Well. I was right.' Little Elke.
She was the ruin of
me
.

‘Are you actually smiling? You cold bastard.'

Little Elke Lampton. Oh, Karen, you will never know. How much I loved her then and still do now, how I searched for her in others, how that led me to the woman who doesn't resemble Elke when she's still yet mimics her exactly when she walks and smiles, how I lost my will to succeed and loved a young woman until my will returned and I hated her, how a young man came to call me to account and I was filled with rage and drove him . . .

Ahead was a sandy lump on the beach, the seagulls whirling around it. When they got closer they saw it was a dead seal. There was a red hole in the place that used to be its eye and one flipper was raised, as if in a last appeal to the void.

They walked past it in silence. The seagulls bombed and pecked and screamed. He looked at the merciless birds worrying the dead thing, swooping up with shreds of meat dangling from their beaks. The waves broke closer as the tide advanced, the water reaching the heavy corpse, running in foamy streams around it, hissing away again over the shells.

‘This is all there is.' He pointed. The wind blew the stink of decay at them.

‘What do you mean?'

He said, ‘This is all there is unless there's love.'

‘I think you've gone mad, Simon.'

‘It's my fault. Elke, Roza. All of it is my fault. I love you.'

She sat down on a dune, clasping her arms around her knees. He sat beside her. They looked at the sea where a rip had formed, the current washing out across the line of breakers, creating a channel between the waves. There was an object floating on the rip, rising high on the swells, disappearing in the troughs. Foam flew up, whirled in the air, broke into droplets.

‘I don't know what you care about, Simon. What do you care about, really?'